Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

The next morning, Lucy was up early with Jax because he needed to be at the stadium for the meeting by nine. Her flight wasn’t until after lunch and the plan was to ride to the airport with Noah, Lily, Simon, and Juliette. She was packing up a few things in her weekender bag—she only brought a few things because she had been leaving stuff here every time she visited—when Jax brought out a suitcase and placed it beside her.

“What’s this?”

“Um…we need to talk,” he said quietly, motioning toward the bed for her to sit. There was definitely something ominous about his tone, but she figured he was just tense about the upcoming meeting.

“Is everything okay?”

Shaking his head, he didn’t sit beside her. Instead, he stood and leaned against the dresser. “We need to…hit pause on us,” he said, his voice almost void of emotion. Without looking at her, he went on. “Everything got real yesterday, Luce. I don’t want the career I’ve worked so hard for all these years to end on a weak and negative note. I owe it to myself and the entire Warriors organization to finish the season strong. So, if all the staff is asking for is my undivided attention, then…I have to give it to them.”

For a moment, she didn’t quite understand what he was saying. “So…wait. Hit pause? Jax, two days ago you said you loved me and now…what does hit pause mean? We already knew we were going to be seeing a little less of each other because of your schedule. Why does that have to change?” And maybe she was sleep-deprived, but she was feeling a little defensive.

“Because it does,” he countered, and she could tell he was trying really hard not to argue. “You’re a distraction, Lucy. The freaking best distraction and when we’re together, you’re all I see. And when we’re apart, you’re all I think about and how I can get to see you sooner. It’s just…” With a huff of frustration, he began to pace. “Everything is just…I need to compartmentalize things for a little while. I know it’s not fair to you and I get that you’re upset, but this is the way it has to be.”

Yeah, no.

Jumping off the bed, she moved in front of him. “Or…I move here for the rest of the season! I can go home and pack and be back here by next weekend! It’s perfect! I’ve got a lot of vacation time banked and a somewhat decent savings account, so I can take the time off.”

Nothing.

Honestly, she thought he’d be a bit more excited—hell, even appreciative. But right now, he was giving her nothing.

“Don’t you see? It’s the ideal solution! No pausing, no distractions. We can be like a normal couple!”

Still nothing.

And it didn’t take a genius to figure out that his solution was the only one that he was willing to accept. She just didn’t know why.

Swallowing hard, she asked him. “This all makes sense, Jax. I thought it would make you happy.”

“You have no idea how much I want to say yes,” he replied gruffly. “But I can’t ask that of you.”

“But you’re not. I’m offering.”

“If you did this—if you give up everything and move to Wichita—you’ll always have that niggling of doubt and worry that people are going to think you’re doing with me what you did with Blake.”

If he had slapped her, it would have hurt less.

“I don’t want that for you, and I know I’ll be worried about it for you, so…trust me. This is for the best. And once the season is over, we can…we can see where we’re at.”

Normally, speaking her mind and arguing were two of her favorite things, but right now, words simply escaped her. “And the suitcase?”

“For all your stuff that you’ve had here.” His words were barely audible. She saw him swallow hard before simply giving her a curt nod. “I’m sorry, but I have to go. I don’t want to be late.”

Lucy let him go all of three steps before she reached out and stopped him. And before he could say anything, she launched herself into his arms and kissed him like her life depended on it.

Thankfully, he kissed her back the exact same way.

In the end, though, he still left.

Alone in his bedroom, she refused to cry. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that she would later, when she was home, but for now, she’d focus on just…packing. After that, she’d focus on showering and getting dressed, then putting on makeup.

And facing his family.

Ugh…facing his family.

Did they know? Had he told them of his plan to hit pause on their relationship?

“Stupid pause,” she murmured. “Who even says that?”

An hour later, she dragged her new—and completely unwanted—suitcase out of the bedroom, along with her weekender bag, and found Simon and Juliette sitting and having coffee.

“Good morning!” Juliette called out. “Did Jax leave on time?”

She nodded, walking over and pouring herself a cup of coffee.

“Is everything okay, Lucy?” she asked. “You seem upset?”

Why deny it? With her mug in hand, she joined the two of them at the table and told them what had happened before Jax left earlier. “I don’t get it,” she said miserably. “Like…I understand that he needs to be fully present for the team and for the season, but that doesn’t mean he can’t have a life! We just did this whole big announcement about being a couple and sharing all those goofy pictures and reels and for what? I can’t imagine that anyone with the Warriors told him he wasn’t allowed to have a personal life for the next three months.”

“I can’t imagine that either,” Juliette agreed. “But maybe Jax just feels like he doesn’t know how to balance it all?”

“He doesn’t,” Simon chimed in. “Jax is…um…” He sighed. “Okay, please don’t take this the wrong way, but things come easy to him. They always have. Especially with his athletic career. From the time he started playing pee wee football, he was a natural and everyone praised him. He was always a reliable player, gifted and skilled too. I think this is possibly the first time in his entire career that things didn’t go his way and he got talked to like…you know…every other player on the team.”

“He can’t be that uptight, Simon,” Juliette reasoned. “No one enjoys getting yelled at by their boss, but we’re all mature enough to know that if we do our jobs properly, that’s all that typically matters. You know…to your boss. He doesn’t have to go to this kind of dramatic extreme.”

“Who’s going to a dramatic extreme?” Noah asked as he and Lily walked into the kitchen to join them.

Simon gave them the abbreviated version of this morning’s events, and Lucy hated the look of pity on their faces.

“It’s fine,” she murmured. “We’ll just…you know…pause.”

“That’s bullshit!” Lily declared as she poured herself some juice and sat down. “I get that this morning wasn’t the time to fight about it, but you can’t just go home and be okay with this. And that was really shitty of him to drop that on you knowing that he had to leave. Not cool. Definitely not cool.”

“But in his defense, he’s kind of in crisis mode and doing what he thinks he has to do,” Noah suggested. “Here’s the thing, Jax is sort of the glue for all of us—meaning me and Simon. We didn’t have a great relationship with him when we were growing up because he had this relationship with our father that we never had. It was messed up. But once we all got older, he’s just always there when we need him. Even when we don’t realize we need him.” He laughed softly. “And you know what sucks? We never get to do that for him because he never lets anyone know when he truly needs something.”

“Or someone,” Simon added. “It’s like he has this weird sixth sense about when something’s going wrong in our lives and just shows up. He may act like a goofball and sometimes he does things that totally rub people the wrong way…”

“He baits people a lot just to get an honest response from them,” Juliette clarified.

“But ultimately, he’s always there for us and we need to return the favor. So…what do we do?”

But Lucy knew. “He shouldn’t be alone and putting all this pressure on himself when what he needs is someone to be here for him the way he’s always there for everyone else,” she stated. As much as she wanted that person to be her, she was going to have to work on a few things first to make that happen.

They were all quiet for a moment before Noah spoke. “The last thing we want is to step on your toes or steal your thunder, Lucy. So if you’re thinking that this needs to be your thing, we’ll all step back and be the supporting players you want us to be.”

“Yeah,” Simon agreed. “Just tell us how you want to handle this, and we’ll help.”

Lily got up and found the box with yesterday's muffins in it. “If we’re going to plot and plan, we’re going to need more than just juice and coffee.” She placed it on the table before going back and grabbing napkins and plates. “Are those going to be enough or do we need to whip up some omelets or something?”

The thought of food wasn’t particularly appealing, but Lucy knew she needed to eat something. “The muffins are fine, but I think there’s some fruit in the fridge that maybe we can put out too?”

“On it!” Lily called out, and within minutes there were muffins, an assortment of fruit, and a variety of juices on the table as they all began tossing out ideas to help Jax over this hurdle.

Juliette tackled this in her best publicist mode. Everything she suggested seemed well thought out and methodical, but maybe just a little too…cold.

“Not that I don’t love some of those ideas,” Lucy commented. “We’re dealing with someone we all love and care about and I feel like maybe that was kind of…”

“You’re thinking like you’re dealing with a client,” Simon told her gently. “And while you have a brilliant mind, we need to maybe soften things a bit. We want him to feel loved and supported and not quite like a project.”

“Does anyone have an in with the Warriors’ staff?” Lily asked. “Maybe if we knew exactly what the team asked of him, we can work with it. What about his closest friends? Would they know anything?”

“No,” Lucy said, shaking her head. “Remember how they told Jax not to talk to his teammates about this whole situation? We’ve been the only ones with him since he left practice on Saturday, so we’re the only ones who know what’s going on.” Muttering a curse, she reached for a muffin.

And that’s when she knew where they genuinely needed to start, because ultimately, she finally knew how she wanted this all to go.

“Okay, what does everyone’s work schedule look like for the next week to ten days? The Warriors have a home game followed by one up in New York. We need to look at the calendar from now until when he gets home from that trip.”

“What are you thinking?” Noah asked.

Grinning, she said, “This is what we’re going to do…”

It was dark out when Jax got home that night and when he pulled up to his house, he hated the thought of going inside alone.

All day Declan and Travis had been talking his damn ear off because apparently word traveled around about the extortion plan and his reprimand by pretty much everyone in the Warriors’ organization. They had offered to take him to dinner or to get a pizza and come over to hang out with him, but he’d turned them down.

Misery did not love company in this instance.

Even though he’d be coming home to an empty house regardless of what happened this weekend, he was feeling haunted by how he ended things with Lucy this morning. All day he did his best to push those thoughts aside because he had to, but now that he was home with nothing else to do but sit around and think, he knew it would play in a constant loop in his head.

The garage door opened, and he pulled inside before dragging his tired ass into the house.

“Hey! You’re home!”

“What the…?” Sitting on the sofa in his living room was Simon. Tossing his duffel bag aside, he looked around in confusion. “Um…what’s going on? I thought you and Jules were flying out this morning.”

“That was the plan, but she got a call from her grandmother—her Nana, I think—that her grandfather had fallen and so she decided to fly up to New York to be with her.” Standing, he stretched. “I didn’t want to go home alone, so I figured I’d hang out with you for a few days. Won’t that be fun?”

His brother was the most annoying ray of sunshine and the most upbeat person on the planet.

Two things he wanted nothing to do with right now.

“Look, I’m sure you know what happened this morning, and I’m not really going to be the best company,” Jax told him. “So…”

“You don’t need to worry about me,” his brother assured him. “I am completely content to just hang out and maybe play video games with you. I’m sure after a long day of practice and meetings, you’re dying to decompress. I ordered dinner from that barbecue place you’re always raving about. It should be here any minute.”

“Simon…I really just wanted to…”

“Sit and pout. Yeah, that’s what I figured. But wouldn’t it be better to pout with a full stomach? And maybe while you kick my ass at some video game that I’ve probably never played?”

Laughing softly, he shook his head. “That sounds slightly more appealing…”

“Excellent! Then it’s a plan! Why don’t you go do whatever it is you’ve got to do—shower, change clothes, whatever—and I’ll let you know when the food gets here?”

“Okay. Great. Thanks.” He was barely to his bedroom when the doorbell rang.

“Food’s here!” Simon sang out happily.

Groaning, Jax trudged to his bedroom and changed into a pair of gray sweatpants and a t-shirt. By the time he came back out, Simon was calling out from the basement that he’d set up dinner down there.

“Holy crap, Simon,” he said with a laugh. “How hungry did you think I was?” There was enough food there for at least a half-dozen people.

“It all sounded so good that I couldn’t decide. Plus…leftovers, right?” He sat down and turned on the TV. “I also grabbed a couple of beers and several bottles of water. You’re home and not driving, so one beer won’t hurt.”

It was hard to argue with that, so he sat down and forced himself to relax. “Thanks, bro. I appreciate this.”

“Hey, my pleasure. I adore Juliette’s family, but she’s going to stay with them and if you thought her old place in the city was tiny, imagine that but more cluttered. Nana’s a bit of a hoarder.”

“Yikes.” Making himself a plate, he nodded with approval. “You picked all my favorites. Good job.”

“You talk about this place a lot, so I figured I couldn’t go wrong with whatever I chose.”

Once they were both a few forkfuls in, he asked, “So, how long are you planning on staying?”

“Three or four days tops. I hope that’s okay.”

It was actually more than okay. Now that he’d had a few minutes to think about it, this was probably the best thing for him. Turning his head, he smiled sadly at his brother. “It’s good,” he said gruffly. “And…thank you. I mean, I’m sorry that Juliette’s grandfather got hurt, but I’m thankful that you’re here.”

And he hated to have to admit that because he liked to be the one to come to the rescue of his brothers. This was brand new territory for him to realize that he needed them too.

“So, what are we playing? And remember, be nice. I don’t play video games as often as you do, but while you’re at practice tomorrow, I plan on learning everything I can so I can at least be a bit of a challenge when we have a rematch.”

And that’s how it went for the next several days. Simon stayed until Thursday afternoon, and they said goodbye when Jax had to head to the stadium for a game. The Warriors played their best game of the season, and he was riding high when he walked out of the locker room later that night and found Noah standing there waiting for him. “What is happening right now?” he asked excitedly. “What on earth are you doing here?”

Walking over, his brother hugged him. “I’m meeting with a client tomorrow over in Colwich and decided to fly in early and catch the game! And I’m totally crashing with you!”

“Hell yeah! Wow! This is a great surprise!”

“Come on, let’s go grab something to eat. You’ve got to be starving. I ate a bit during the game, but I was hoping we could hit someplace with proper food and silverware.”

That made Jax laugh. “Um…or we can pick up something on the way home and eat in peace and quiet,” he suggested. “I wish I had known you were coming. Simon just left this afternoon. We could’ve totally had a boys’ night. It’s been a while since it was just the three of us.”

“Hmm…that would’ve been awesome,” Noah agreed. “Hang on a sec. I just need to text Lily that I did indeed find you and I’m not roaming the stadium aimlessly.”

“Dude, seriously? Why do you guys have to tell each other everything?”

“Oh, leave him alone,” Simon called out as he came out of the shadows. “I think it’s precious.”

“Okay, reel it in,” Noah murmured. “And for the record, I was texting Simon.”

That only made Jax laugh harder. He needed this. “I don’t want to think too hard about what’s going on and why you’re both here, but…thank you.”

“Let’s get out of here,” Noah said, clapping him on the shoulder. “And we reserved a private room over at Ristorante Duomo because you deserve a freaking feast after that game!”

As if on cue, his stomach growled loudly. It was on the tip of his tongue to argue—mainly because this self-imposed exile he put himself on meant he shouldn’t get to go out and enjoy anything—but these were his brothers and they were here to support him.

“I’m guessing you have a car parked somewhere,” he said to Noah. “Why don’t I meet you guys over there?”

“No car. Simon met me at the airport and then the driver brought us here. We’ll all climb into that ridiculously large truck of yours…”

“Are you overcompensating for something?” Simon teased with a snicker.

“Grow up, and no,” he murmured. “And leave that truck alone. It’s a poor substitute for my old one, but it’s growing on me.”

“Anyway, we can all drive over to the restaurant together,” Noah finished.

“What about your client tomorrow?”

Laughing softly as they made their way down the corridor toward the exit. “I’m picking up a car in the morning. No worries.”

“Oh. Okay, cool.” They passed several of his teammates who were all in big-time celebration mode. Every single one of them asked if he was going to join them over at Bruno’s, but he turned them all down. “Celebrating with my brothers tonight!” No one questioned it, but he was more than a little relieved when they climbed into his truck.

“You know, if you wanted to invite a few of the guys, we wouldn’t have minded,” Simon told him. “We know you have friends, and this was a big win tonight. So if you want to call Declan or Travis or any of those guys, it’s totally cool.”

Did he?

“I’m going to be spending a lot of time with them when we’re on the road next week, so for tonight, it’s fine if we celebrate without them.”

So they drove across town talking about the game the entire time. He knew neither of his brothers really understood all the nuances of the game, but they were more than happy to sit and listen to him talk about all the little things—the actions that the casual observer probably never even noticed—with smiles on their faces.

And random questions that he knew were really just to prove they were listening.

When they got to Ristorante Duomo and were immediately whisked away to their private dining room, he had to admit this was significantly better than takeout and video games.

As if reading his mind, Simon glanced at the menu and grinned. “Not that I wasn’t enjoying all the eating on the couch back at your place, but I thought it might be nice to eat like grown-ups tonight.”

With a bark of laugher, Jax nodded. “I have to agree.”

Within minutes, there were drinks and baskets of bread on the table. Noah cleared his throat and raised his glass. “To our little brother. We might not say it often enough, but we are incredibly proud of you. Watching you play is seriously amazing and I’m glad it’s not me out there getting tackled by all those people.”

Grinning, he nodded, “Thanks.”

“And I’d like to add that Noah and I definitely don’t say this enough, but…we are incredibly thankful for you.” Simon’s tone was solemn. “There hasn’t been a time that I can remember in recent years when you weren’t there with an encouraging phone call and a promise to kick anyone’s ass who upset us. You just showed up so many times because you knew we needed you. Your schedule is just as busy as ours and yet you always make the time for us.” Pausing, he took a moment to compose himself before adding, “I swear we don’t take it for granted, and that’s why we’re here right now for you. It’s our turn to be the kind of brother that you’ve been to us.”

Honestly, he was speechless.

Before he could utter a word, Noah said, “To Jax!” And then they were all tapping glasses and drinking, but it took him a moment to collect his thoughts.

“Guys,” he began, “I never…I mean…I wasn’t keeping score. And you’ve both always been there for me, even when…like…you should have hated me.”

“We never hated you,” Simon clarified. “We hated Dad for the way he pitted us against one another. Big difference.”

“Still, I know I was really a punk about it for a while.”

“You were a kid, Jax. No one’s going to hold that against you. We were all punks over something at one point or another. The fact is, I spent a lot of time being extremely obsessive over my education and career,” Noah explained, “but you always called to check on me and reminded me to relax and enjoy life. You were always ready to just sit and listen when I was freaking out over trivial stuff.”

“You’re a worrier,” Jax replied. “And sometimes you just need someone to remind you it’s okay to take some time for yourself.”

“The thing is that you make time,” Simon clarified. “You’re so good at always making the time to check on us, even when we’re not great at doing the same. But I promise you we’re going to do better. From this point on, you can count on us to be there.”

“But…you’ve already been doing that. I don’t know why you both think that I’ve been doing something that you’re not because…that’s just wrong. Yeah, I do pick up the phone, but sometimes it’s because that’s what I need. I need to just talk to my brothers—my family. And if it happens to be at a time when you really needed someone to talk to, then that’s just a coincidence. I never looked at our relationships like I was doing more for you than you were doing for me, so…relax. We’re good.”

Their server came over and placed a bunch of appetizers on the table—antipasto, bruschetta, fried calamari, and mozzarella sticks. After thanking him, they each began serving themselves and for several minutes, the conversation was purely about the food they were eating.

“I think we should have paced ourselves,” Noah murmured halfway through his plate. “And maybe not ordered entrees too.”

“Nonsense. Whatever you don’t eat, we’ll bring home for leftovers. The Osso Buco and the Bolognese aren’t bad reheated, but the spaghetti carbonara is really best eaten fresh. And if you don’t finish it, chances are I will because this place is awesome. This was the first place I took Lucy too when she came here with Ty and…”

Shit.

He’d been having so much fun that he had completely forgotten about that and how he had fed her both of those things.

“And this is why we’re here,” Simon murmured.

“What? Why?”

“That look,” Noah said. “You said her name and you’re whole like…everything got sad.”

“That’s not…”

“Dude, it is, okay? And there’s no harm in admitting it. You care about her and things got complicated.”

Simon frowned. “What the hell kind of description was that?” Then he looked at Jax. “You’re in love with her and you threw yourself on the martyr sword because you got reprimanded. But here’s the thing—and pay close attention because I believe you’ve given us both this talk before.”

Inwardly, he groaned.

“It’s not all or nothing. You can have your career and the girl. Do you not remember when Noah broke up with Lily because things were going to be a little awkward for a little while with her family?”

“Um…her father gave me shit for three years leading up to all that, so…not a little awkward,” Noah corrected.

“So not helpful right now,” Simon chided him before focusing on Jax again. “And weren’t you the one who dragged my sorry ass out of a fleabag motel when I screwed things up with Juliette?”

“It was a very nice chain hotel,” Jax reminded him. “Totally beneath your standards, but…not terrible.”

“Jax…”

“Okay, okay, I get it. Yes. I pointed out how you screwed things up, but not irrevocably, but…this is different.”

“No, it’s not. You did a preemptive strike with Lucy because you somehow convinced yourself that things couldn’t work in the present,” Simon went on. “Even though you both already knew that you’d be spending less time together the closer the playoffs came. We went through all the trouble to make reels and take pictures to boost your social media image and your brain somehow thought that telling Lucy that you had to hit pause was the right thing to do? I thought you were smarter than that.”

Sighing loudly, he took a casual sip of water before responding. “I was caught up in the moment when we were doing all that on Saturday. It seemed like it was going to be the answer to everything and that if we did it, everyone would back off. Instead, I got lectured by everyone but the stadium janitor.” Raking his hand through his hair, he let out another huff. “And on top of that, it made me realize how selfish I was being. Lucy’s family—particularly her parents—gave her grief about our relationship. I thought if we just sort of…you know…slowed things down, it would take some of the heat off of her.”

“Man, that’s bullshit,” Noah said with more than a hint of disgust. “She set things right with her mother and she stood her ground against everyone else. You know what this is? This is about you not knowing what to do when things get hard for you. You. You’re the go-to guy when everyone else is struggling, but you’ve never had to deal with any of it on your own or in your own personal life. Things get hard, Jax. Not everything is wrapped up nicely and the crowd isn’t always cheering you on.”

“Yeah, sometimes life truly sucks,” Simon agreed. “But you have to pick yourself up and do what makes you happy. Hell, that’s what you need to practice because you’ve preached it to us enough times!”

“Okay, but…”

“No, no buts,” Noah stated firmly. “Do you love her?”

All he could do was nod.

“Then stop this nonsense and go and grab some happiness. No one in this world deserves it more than you.”

Of that, he wasn’t so sure.

“The thing is…Lucy deserves the world. Like…everything in the freaking world. She’s had kind of a hard life and has dreams and ambition and there isn’t anything she can’t do. That’s why I don’t want her standing still waiting for whatever crumbs I can give her for the next few months. It’s not fair to her.”

“Did she tell you that?” Simon asked.

“No, but…”

“Do you honestly think she’s going to sit in her house pining away for you instead of doing what she always does? In your mind, do you see her just not living because you two can’t see each other once or twice a month like you’ve been doing?”

“You’re oversimplifying things. I didn’t say…”

“Lucy’s a badass,” Noah interrupted. “She doesn’t seem the type who’s going to just stop being herself because of a schedule she already knew about. And wouldn’t you prefer to at least get to talk to her or video chat with her than be without her? When Lily went to audition for that dance squad down in Miami, I thought that was the end of us. She actually broke up with me over it. But after we both calmed down, we realized it’s not an all-or-nothing situation. You need to think about that too.”

Just then, their dinners arrived and after everything was served, Jax knew how he needed to respond.

“Can we just…not talk about this anymore tonight? I’d like to enjoy this meal with you guys and then go home and beat both of you at some video games.” He grinned. “And I promise to think about everything you’ve said, just…no more tonight.”

“That seems fair,” Noah agreed.

“And don’t be so cocky about beating me at anything,” Simon joked. “I played all afternoon in preparation to finally best you, so…be prepared!”

That made him snicker. “Great. Consider me warned. Now, pass the bread and dig in!”