Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

“Freaking Blake,” Lucy mumbled for at least the hundredth time in the last month. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but she just knew that Jax was having doubts about them thanks to Blake. Sometimes it was his tone or how whenever she talked about her personal life, he just sort of…changed and zoned out. All she knew was that it all changed after their weekend in the Outer Banks.

The thing was, she had been honest with Jax. Her life was an open book. She definitely had regrets about her relationship with Blake, but for him to make it out like he was the wounded party was just wrong on every level.

Lucy also knew that there were practically zero similarities in her relationships with both of them. Blake had been the first guy who really paid attention to her and seemed to want the same things that she did. Looking back, she realized how superficial their relationship had been. There had never been any real depth or…heat between them. Their sex life had been fine, but it paled compared to how things were with Jax. Maybe because she’d known Jax for so long, she looked at things differently. With Blake, she had envisioned a future that would have been perfectly fine, but with Jax…

The sigh was long and loud. Where did she see things going with Jax? Was there a future, or were they just enjoying themselves in the moment?

Gemma’s words from last month came back to her and every time she tried to imagine where she and Jax would be in a month or two months down the road, there was always this lingering unease that her family was going to find out and force her to end things.

“Okay, so definitely living in the moment,” she murmured, and it made her sad. What if her family wasn’t an issue? What if Jax and Tyler weren’t lifelong friends and he was just a guy she had met? Would she still be okay with just taking things one day at a time, or would she be dreaming about more?

Visions of living with him in his house in Wichita came to mind. She loved that house and loved spending time with him there. They cooked together and enjoyed curling up on his couch and talking for hours. Jax was the kind of guy who was easy to talk with and someone who found joy in the mundane. She loved that about him.

That’s when she began to realize how many things about him she loved.

Including him.

Uh-oh…

“Hey, Luce? Your three o’clock is here,” Trish said, peeking her head into the breakroom.

“Thanks. I’ll be right out.”

Wearily, she got to her feet and forced herself to push all thoughts of Jax and love aside. Right now there were more important things to focus on—like a twelve-year-old girl recovering from shoulder surgery who adored playing softball. Smiling, Lucy made her way out to the waiting room.

“Hey, Marcy!” she said cheerily. “Are you ready to work with the rebounder today?”

The young girl shrugged with her good shoulder. “I guess.” Then she stood. “Wait, what’s a rebounder?”

Together, they walked back to the open clinic area and back toward the far corner of the room. “A rebounder is a trampoline that’s sort of on its side,” she explained. “We use it for patients to practice throwing balls and catching them. It’s a great way to ease back into the activity, and I think you’re ready for it.”

Marcy didn’t look convinced. “I’m not sure, Lucy. My…my shoulder still hurts and I’m weak and out of practice.”

It broke her heart to hear one of her kids sounding so dejected. “Let’s go to the table first and do some stretches. Once you’re feeling more relaxed, we can try it, and if you’re not ready, we’ll go back to doing some exercises, okay? No pressure.”

“Thanks, Lucy.”

So they did the stretches and then some exercises they’d been doing for almost six weeks. With only fifteen minutes left in their session, Lucy walked over and grabbed a small ball and bounced it against the rebounder and caught it. “What do you say, Marcy? Want to give it a try?”

“I don’t know…”

Another bounce. “I know you’re scared, but I promise it’s going to be okay. It’s okay to still be weak. It’s okay if you can’t catch the ball. No matter what, you need to know that you are doing great.”

It took another few minutes to convince her, but when she finally stepped up and took the ball from Lucy, it felt like a tremendous victory. The first few throws barely bounced because there was no actual strength behind them, but with a few encouraging words, Marcy seemed to gain some confidence. By the time they were done, she was laughing and smiling, and Lucy couldn’t help but hug her as they finished their session.

“I’m proud of you! We’ll do more of this next time.”

“Thanks, Lucy!”

Waving goodbye, she walked back to her station and entered some notes in Marcy’s file. She was Lucy’s last client of the day and as soon as she was done writing things up, she was going to head out and do some grocery shopping. Jax was coming in for barely twenty-four hours and she wanted to make dinner so they didn’t have to go anywhere. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing; he had called her two nights ago and mentioned flying in to see her because he had an extra day off. How could she say no? Especially with how strained things had been.

It wasn’t as if they hadn’t spoken on the phone or via video chat almost every night. She’d also gone to Wichita once since the beach trip, so…maybe she was just imagining that things were weird or that Blake had screwed things up for her. Maybe everything was fine and she was just overly paranoid.

Getting cheated on did that to a person. She had missed so many obvious clues before that she was perhaps just a little suspicious of every little thing.

Freaking Blake.

“Ugh, I really need to stop doing that,” she mumbled as she cleaned up her station.

An hour later, she pulled up to her house and realized Jax would arrive soon. Grabbing the groceries, she balanced them in one hand while trying to fish her keys out of her purse with the other.

“Need a hand?”

She screamed first before realizing Jax was standing on her porch. “Holy crap! You scared me!”

Carefully, he took the bags from her and leaned in and kissed her thoroughly before saying, “Sorry. I wanted to surprise you, not scare you.”

Grinning, she said, “You did both, but only because I wasn’t paying attention.”

That made him laugh as he followed her into the house and shut the door. “Sure, sure. The old ‘I wasn’t paying attention’ excuse.”

Shaking her head, Lucy couldn’t help but laugh. “Not an excuse. Fact. I was trying to find my keys and I was thinking about you and dinner and…”

He moved in close. “What were you thinking about me? Naughty thoughts? Sexy thoughts?”

“Aren’t they the same thing?” she teased as she began unpacking the bags.

“Not all sexy things are naughty,” he reasoned. “So come on, tell me. Which was it?”

She could have playfully led him on, but she went for honesty. “I really was just thinking about how you would be here soon and I wanted to freshen up before you got here. I had a full schedule today that started with an early morning Zoom call with Maddie.”

“Everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah. We have those calls weekly just to make sure the clinic is running properly and to address any concerns.” She held up a package of chicken. “I’m making a stir fry. Is that okay?”

“Sounds good. What can I do to help?”

Together they cooked dinner while Lucy told him about some of today’s patients. Jax always asked questions about the therapy and whether the equipment she used was necessary for the camp and she loved having this in common with him.

And there’s that word again—love.

“Where’s your car?” she asked as she made their plates.

“I didn’t rent one because I know you were uncomfortable last time with having another car in the driveway.”

“I wasn’t uncomfortable, but you know how it is in a small town. People talk. And Gemma drove by and saw it and texted me almost immediately.”

“That’s why I didn’t rent one. I took an Uber and kept my hat and sunglasses on. I don’t think the driver recognized me.”

Rolling her eyes, she picked up their plates. “That’s a little dramatic.”

“I’m just trying to respect your boundaries, Luce. You’re not ready to tell your family about us, so…”

“Wait, and you are?” she asked incredulously. “Seriously?”

“Look, we already know that we’re going to catch some major grief from everyone, but…I’m tired of sneaking around,” he admitted, giving her a boyish grin. “I’m not ashamed of this relationship and I don’t want you to be either. We’re not doing anything wrong. And if our friends and family—well…my friends, your family—get angry, then that says more about them than us.”

Honestly, she was too stunned to speak, but the panic she felt threatened to choke her. That was probably why she blurted out…

“I don’t see why it even matters. We both know we’re just killing time here, thanks to Blake and his stupid freaking mouth.”

For a moment, Jax just stared at her like she’d lost her mind—and it sort of felt like she had.

“What are you talking about?” he carefully asked.

And since she’d opened that door, she had no choice but to explain herself. Sighing loudly, Lucy went and sat down at her little kitchen table. “Look, ever since our trip to the coast—and running into…you know… him —you’ve been a little different with me. And I get it, okay? He painted a terrible—and completely inaccurate—picture of me. So rather than pretending that everything’s just fine and wonderful, we should be honest about what we’re doing.”

There, she’d said it.

Slowly, Jax walked over and joined her at the table, letting out a long breath as he did. “You want honest, huh?”

Suddenly, she wasn’t so sure, but…

“I do,” she murmured with a curt nod.

Then he proceeded to take his time getting comfortable while—Lucy assumed—trying to find the words to tell her she was right without being a jerk about it.

Technically, she should be happy that he was being considerate, but she almost wished he would just be the bad guy so maybe the rejection wouldn’t hurt so bad.

And she knew it would.

Casual relationships never bothered her before, but she had a strong feeling that this one was going to really do a number on her. Even though she knew the score and knew there really wasn’t a way for them to be a serious couple…

Wait. Why can’t we be?

Oh, right. The long distance. Their careers. The fact that her family—her brothers—were all going to freak out.

“Let me start by saying that…you’re right. Running into Blake made me really think about things,” Jax began as he studied his hands instead of looking at her.

Well…crap. Here we go…

Jax looked up and saw Lucy pale and knew he was handling this all wrong.

Quickly, he reached across the table and took both her hands in his. “Okay, okay, that didn’t quite come out the way I meant,” he explained. “After we got off the elevator that day, I realized that I should have just punched him in his smug face right then and there. I should have protected you, and I didn’t. I’ve been kicking my own ass ever since because I feel so guilty. So…I’m sorry, Lucy. I’m really, really sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize and as much as I appreciate the sentiment, I don’t need you to protect me, Jax. I’m not weak. I can take care of myself.”

And yeah, she was definitely being defensive.

Sighing patiently, he gave her hands a gentle squeeze. “It’s not because I think you’re weak. It’s because you’re that important to me,” he said gruffly. “That asshole completely disrespected you, and I didn’t do a damn thing about it. It makes me feel like a coward.” Shaking his head, he muttered a curse before adding, “As much as I want to blame it on the fact that it was over in a matter of seconds, I think a small part of me was afraid someone like him would make it ugly and go to the press.”

“Oh.”

Another curse. “I panicked and I’m sorry. You mean everything to me. This isn’t casual and we’re not just like…killing time together. At least I’m not.” Jax knew he must sound a little needy, but…he was.

He’d been obsessing over that moment for nearly a month and, as much as he thought he was just being crazy, obviously it had hit a nerve with Lucy as well.

“I’m crazy about you, Lucy,” he told her. “And I don’t care who doesn’t like it. I want to be with you without having to sneak around. It feels wrong for it to be this way.”

“Jax, I…” Her laughter was nervous and there was a slight flush to her cheeks. “I don’t know what to say.”

What he wanted her to say was that she was crazy about him as well and that she wanted to see where this relationship went. But she was hesitating and he didn’t take it as a great sign. The urge to let go of her hand and wait for her to tell him she didn’t want more was almost as powerful as the urge to hold her tighter and beg her for a chance.

Ultimately, he simply held his breath and waited for her to say anything.

“You know Ty and Wyatt are going to freak out, right?” she asked with a soft giggle. “I mean, they never liked any of the guys I ever dated. But being that it’s you? I think it’s going to add a whole other level of awkwardness that I don’t even want to think about!”

That made him sit up a little straighter. “Are you saying…?”

The smile she gave him started out shy, but then blossomed beautifully. “I’m saying I’m crazy about you too, Jax. I don’t know how any of this is going to work because…”

He never let her finish. Kicking the chair out from under him, he hauled her up and into his arms, kissing her soundly. It was hard to believe how happy he felt. He’d won Super Bowls, had met almost every childhood hero he’d ever had, and was living his dream. But hearing Lucy Dawson say she was crazy about him beat all those moments.

This was real.

This was everything.

Wrapping herself around him, Lucy kissed him back with so much passion that he knew dinner—and anything else for that matter—could wait. He wanted to keep kissing her, he wanted to talk about the future, he wanted to make love to her…he wanted everything and he wanted it all right at that moment. With his arms banded around her waist, Jax lifted her up and carried her to the bedroom.

Making love would come first.

In her room, after laying her down on the bed and covering her body with his, he lifted up on his forearms and smiled down at her. “How did we get here?” he whispered in awe. “How did I get so lucky to have the most beautiful girl in the world looking up at me?”

Smiling shyly, Lucy shook her head. “We got here in those massive arms of yours. And as for the most beautiful girl in the world?” Another head shake. “Hardly.”

“It’s true, Luce. You don’t have to see it, but I do.” And suddenly, making love didn’t seem nearly as important as…this. Swallowing hard, Jax slowly lowered himself, resting his forehead against hers. “There are so many things I want to say, but…words don’t come easily to me. But I want you to know how I feel. I need you to know that I’m all in with us. I don’t know how we’re going to make it all work because the whole long-distance thing is definitely a drag.”

“Jax…”

“But if we can get through the rest of the Warriors’ season, I know we can figure something out. Just…be patient with me. Please. There are going to be times when I can’t come here or it won’t be convenient for you to come to Wichita, but…I was already thinking of retiring, so…maybe I just make the announcement now so I know this season will be my last.”

And even though his heart was racing like mad at that admission, he found it wasn’t out of fear, but out of excitement. He’d been on the fence about when the right time to retire was, but…now he had his answer.

“Promise you’ll be patient with me,” he whispered before placing a soft kiss on the tip of her nose.

Reaching up, Lucy caressed his jaw. “I do promise,” she said with equal softness. “But there’s still my…”

Jax quickly placed a finger over her lips. “Later. We’ll deal with that whole aspect later. Right now, I’d like to get back to the reason I carried you in here.”

Her smile grew. “I was hoping we’d get back to that.”

“That was always the plan. I just needed to tell you what I was feeling.” And before either could say anything else, he was kissing her and she was kissing him back.

And he showed her how he felt in a whole other way.

“I know it’s last minute, but any chance you can get Friday off and fly out?” Jax asked several hours later. They had eaten dinner and were now relaxing on the sofa.

“Believe it or not, I already took that day off,” she sweetly replied. “Granted, it wasn’t because I was planning on flying out to see you, but…”

“Oh, so you already have plans?” The disappointment he felt was strong, but he would deal with it.

“Not really. I’ve just been feeling scattered lately between not being home as much and then working longer hours to make up for the time I’ve been taking off. I feel like I’m neglecting some things around here and planned on doing some spring-cleaning.”

“It’s fall.”

She laughed softly. “You know what I mean. It just seems like I haven’t really been…like…present.” Shifting slightly, she looked at him. “How come? I know your game is on Thursday, so do you have the weekend off?”

Shaking his head, he said, “No, but I just have early practices and then a team meeting on Saturday.” Pausing, he considered just changing the subject, but then realized the decision about whether or not to come should be based on Lucy having all the facts. “My brothers are coming to visit along with Lily and Juliette. I just thought it would be cool if you were there too.”

His ears felt like they were on fire and it suddenly felt like he was asking a girl to his first school dance.

“So you mean like…a couples’ weekend?”

“Well…yeah.”

Her expression turned thoughtful. “And for the record, we’re really just going to put it out there that we’re a couple.”

“Lucy…”

“Is it weird then that your brothers know and mine don’t? Should we call Ty or Wyatt and invite them over?” Then she snort laughed and he knew she was just joking around. “Sorry! I got a little carried away.”

Hauling her into his lap, he wrapped her in a bear hug. “Yeah, you’re hysterical,” he told her with a laugh. “But if you want to make that call, I’m more than willing to calmly sit back and wait for them to show up.”

He barely felt the shove she gave him. “You’re no fun. Of course I don’t want to call them. You’re leaving first thing in the morning. Why on earth would I waste any of our time dealing with them?”

“I’m just saying…”

Another tiny shove as she climbed off his lap. “Well, stop saying!” she laughed. “There are much better ways for us to spend our time.”

“Yeah?” He was more than ready to take her back to bed, but the frown on her face said she wasn’t referring to that.

“Talking with you—you know, just sitting here and talking about our day or just random stuff—it’s one of my favorite things to do.” She shrugged. “And with the season still having at least another six to eight weeks, I want to soak up this face-to-face time. Is that weird?”

“Not at all.” Relaxing against the cushions, he didn’t even have to think of something to talk about. “I had a phone call with Maddie yesterday.”

“Really?”

Nodding, he explained. “I wanted to get her in the loop with the architect so they can work together on the plans for the clinic portion of the camp. It’s wild how fast things are moving along and I’ve had several more teammates asking about investing. Personally, I didn’t think so many people would be interested since I’m building it pretty much in the middle of nowhere instead of a big city or even near the Warriors’ stadium, but it was important to me to bring this back to my hometown.”

“I get why you feel that way, and after working here in the area for so long, I know there’s definitely a need for it. It’s just…I almost feel like the original idea you pitched sort of morphed into something much bigger. Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s almost like it’s become more about the clinic than the camp.” She paused. “Or am I looking at it the wrong way?”

“We can’t have a camp without the clinic,” he reasoned. “If we’re going to be helping kids with disabilities and physical restrictions, then having the best clinic available to them is very important. And if the camp is only seasonal, it seems like a waste for that facility to not get used. So the way I see it, the clinic isn’t taking anything away or overshadowing the camp. They’re both equally important. And I think the clinic is going to be a good selling feature when we open registration to the camp.”

“I guess.” Another pause. “And if the camp is only seasonal, then you won’t have to live here in South Creek year-round. I mean, I know we talked about this at some point, but…”

“This has always been home to me,” he admitted gruffly. “I know it’s not a great town and there isn’t really anything special about it to a lot of people, but…I have a lot of good memories of growing up here. My brothers don’t and I know you’ve mentioned how much you’d love to move away, but…” He shrugged. “South Creek is always going to be a part of me.”

She sighed. “This town…I guess it’s not so much the place itself that I have bad memories of, but situations that happened here. Obviously, the accident started it.”

All he could do was nod because that was a subject that would never go away. It was going to be a part of them and their history forever.

“But when I’m not bitching about wanting to move, I have to admit that I have a decent life. I lost my way for a while and that’s how the whole Blake thing happened.”

“I never want to hear that guy’s name ever again,” he groaned.

“Deal.” Reaching over, Lucy rested her hand on this thigh. “I have a great job and adore my patients. My family makes me crazy, but I love them. And South Creek just needs a little love and it wouldn’t totally suck.”

“No one says you have to stay here.”

“But…I kind of do,” she said quietly. “With us being us and the camp starting up, I’m going to want to be a part of that. I’m actually excited about being a part of it! There are worse things in the world than not living in a big city or someplace fabulous.”

That one statement made him sad.

However…

“Then I guess we’ll have to incorporate traveling to fabulous places after I retire, and the camp is up and running.”

“Jax…that wasn’t what I was fishing for.”

“Too late,” he said, pulling her back into his arms. “That’s what you’re getting, and you’re stuck with me.”

Her giggle was music to his ears. “Well, if I have to be stuck with someone, I’m glad it’s you.” Lifting her head, she kissed him and Jax was already psyched to plan all the places he was going to take her to.