Chapter Sixty-One

Danica

T he next few days pass by in an uneventful blur. After waiting for Theo to leave for the airport, Darrion and Jayce walked up to me on either side, letting me know that Tony had to leave but they would be taking me back home. Of course, by taking me home, they meant back to Theo’s, but there was a small part of me that was disappointed I couldn’t return to my old apartment. Without Theo here, the penthouse is too empty, too elegant for little old me.

It was quiet when we arrived. Muscles went ahead to do a sweep of the place and disarm the security system while Dimples and I waited below for the all-clear. The days since then followed much the same pattern. I get up each morning, and breakfast is waiting for me along with a fresh bouquet of blue and black roses from Theo, hand delivered by Muscles. Afterward, I’m escorted to Jonathan’s, to check in on my friend who happens to be healing up quite nicely, before being shuffled off to work. I finish my day with a hard practice to try and distract myself from the quiet before I am once again chauffeured back to Theo’s.

The only highlight of this whole monotonous routine has been the random texts that I get sporadically throughout my day and my goodnight call each evening. The Sabretooths have won their last three away games, with two more to go. But rather than going out to celebrate his big win, Theo has chosen instead to stay in and video chat with me. The first one was a bit rough, finally getting around to discussing all the things that have been left unsaid, but we have had our fun with it too, taking this as an opportunity to get to explore one another and relearn our. . . interests .

“How have things been since I left? Anything out of the ordinary? New notes, any signs of a break in?”

I sit up, leaning back against the massive headboard on Theo’s luxurious bed. Tucking a stray curl behind my ear, I shake my head. “Nope. Nothing weird or suspicious since you left. I promise I would tell you if there was.”

It’s hard to decipher his look, but I would almost say he was skeptical.

“Would you though?”

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t mean it in a bad way. It’s just, like, you didn’t want to tell me when you ran into the Oakley’s at the game. And I get it. But that’s the sort of shit I need to know about, diavoletta.”

Blowing out a breath, I hold the screen up closer to my face. “Theo. I was going to tell you. The only reason I hesitated was because I didn’t want you stressing out like this the whole time you are gone. You’ve got a full week of games ahead of you and you need to be able to focus on what’s important.”

He glowers at my words. “I am focusing on what’s important. Screw the games. You are the only thing that matters to me, Danica.”

Now I’m the skeptical one. He must notice, because he continues. “I mean it. Look at me. I pushed you away before because I was afraid of losing you. I’m still afraid of losing you, but after being apart for so long, fuck it. I have to try. The game means nothing to me if I can’t have you. It was too painful watching from the sidelines and shadows for all those years. I need you , Danica. Not the game, or my. . .” he swallows nervously, “family’s wishes for me. It all is worthless to me if I don’t have you to share it with.”

Oh, Theo. My heart aches at his words.

“Theo,” I choke on my words. Swallowing thickly, I try again. “You don’t have to be afraid either, you know? To talk to me about things. You were afraid of your past, and of being open with me about. . . well, about everything. And who knows? I was younger, and I was definitely not in good head space at the time. So maybe you were right to be afraid. Maybe I wouldn’t have reacted well. I would like to think that we could have worked through it. That our love for each other was strong enough back then to figure things out. But we were both a little bit broken. I don’t know. Maybe we needed that time apart to let ourselves heal and grow.”

Theo’s face is tense at my words, I can see it even through the screen on my phone. I reach out to touch the screen, as if I could magically reach through to touch his face, and I see him close his eyes .

“I have to tell you, Theo. I know. . . well, more than you realize. I tried to tell you the other night, and then, well, everything else happened. But-”

“Dani-”

“No, please. Just let me get this out.” I swallow nervously. “I need to say this. So please just listen, okay?”

His silence is the confirmation I need. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath before I continue.

“When we broke up, when everything happened. . . it messed with my head. I was already struggling more than I was willing to admit at the time. Honestly, I probably should have been in therapy after all the shit I went through. But that is beside the point. After we broke up, after I saw those pictures that I was tagged in all over social media, a part of me snapped.”

I open my eyes, staring intently at Theo, now. This was a conversation we should have had a long time ago, and I need to make sure I get it right.

“I lost the broken pieces of myself that I had been trying to put back together. I guess, at the time, I hadn’t realized that I was so broken, so desperate for a quick fix, that I put a lot of that on you, which really wasn’t fair. It was not your responsibility to tape my jagged edges back together, and I’m sorry for that.”

He goes to speak, but I cut him off, shooting him a warning look. He smiles apologetically, backing off once more to let me continue.

“Anyway, I finally had the mental breakdown that was probably long overdue. My roommate couldn’t stand to be around me; Sierra tried, but she was at a loss with what to do with someone in my mental state. She ended up calling Caleb, who flew out to come and get me. I had to leave school for a while, took a medical leave of absence thanks to his quick thinking, so I didn’t end up losing my scholarships or my place on the gymnastics team. But even Caleb couldn’t help me get out of my bad headspace. Finn tried, and Bash.” I shake my head at the memory, grimacing at the thought of how low I let myself get.

“If I am being completely honest, I was so far past any of their help. Everything that had happened before, with my parents and with Brad? I was dealing with severe PTSD and anxiety and then spiraled down into a dark hole of depression. I honestly don’t know how I would have pulled myself out of it if it weren’t for your mother.”

Theo’s jaw drops. “I’m sorry. Did you say, my mother? What? How? I don’t-” He splutters in shock.

“Caleb didn’t know what else to do for me. I’m pretty sure he was about ready to have me admitted to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation because I was to the point where I wouldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t bring myself to eat. The times I was able to sleep were filled with horrific night terrors about the things that had happened to me, and about your leaving.”

He cringes at my words, but I rush to continue.

“Please understand, I’m not saying any of this to place blame or make you feel guilty. I am just saying that I was already struggling and it was essentially the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. Everything just became too much all at once and I stopped functioning. So yeah, Caleb called your mother because he didn’t know what else to do. He flew her out overnight and she came to take care of me. I’m not saying she fixed everything all at once. Nothing like that. But she got me out of bed, got me to take a shower and eat some food, and then she talked. Didn’t demand anything of me, didn’t ask me to share all the horrific details of my past. But she just talked to me, and by listening to her, hearing her story? Well, it was the step I needed to push myself forward.”

Theo swallows, blinking as he tries to process what I’m saying. “I- I don’t understand. What exactly did Ma tell you?”

My smile is sad as I look at him through the phone, wishing I could touch his face. Wishing we could be having this conversation in person. It’s certainly not ideal, but then, nothing about our history has ever been ideal or conventional.

“She told me about herself. About your father. What happened to her. How you saved her, like you saved me.”

Theo sucks in a sharp breath, surprised at my words. I doubt he thought that information was something his mother would ever share, let alone with the girl he had just broken up with at the time.

“Theo, I know. I know who you are; who your father was and what he made you do.” A tear slips down my cheek, mourning the innocence of the boy Theo had never been allowed to be. “I know that your dad was a lot like Bradley, how he used to hurt you, hurt your mom, and make you watch. About how he was trying to raise you in his image.”

I pause for a moment, letting my words sink in. “I also know that you did what you did to Brad to save me, to protect me from a life that would have been so much like the one your mother had to raise you in. And while I can’t say I will ever be able to understand the horrific things you had to live through, I know you did what you did to protect the people you love. Both for your mother, and for me. And I’m sorry for all the shit you went through as a little boy. No child should have to grow up living like that. And I am sorry for the position I put you in, for making you feel like you needed to save me the way you saved your mother. And thank you, for doing it anyway. For being who you are and for loving every broken part of me.”

This last part comes out rushed, as I am desperate to be done with the words I have held back for so long. The tears are falling freely down my cheeks now, and as I blink them away, I see tears streaming down my Hoodie Guy’s face as well.

“You knew? All this time, you knew?” He swallows thickly, not bothering to wipe away his tears.

“I’ve known this whole time; known you were watching me in the darkness even after you pushed me away; even after you haunted me no matter where I ran to in this city. And I’ve loved you, and I’ve waited for you to come out of the shadows. Waited for you to come back to me. And there is nothing that you can say or do that will make me love you any less. Because I have seen the man underneath the hood, I know the man that waits in the shadows. I know the boy your father raised and the man you chose to become in spite of him; you’re my silent protector; my stubborn hooded ghost. I love you, you idiot. Always have, and I always will.”

Slowly, the shock fades from his eyes, and a smile breaks across his damp face. And we both laugh through the tears, talking until neither one of us can keep our eyes open any longer.