Chapter 14

FOURTEEN

It’s like my rebellion broke that last line between prisoner and captors. They are brutal with round-the-clock experiments. Father is almost frantic, his hair out of place and dark circles under his eyes. Is he feeling pressure or guilt?

I almost laugh at the idea.

Since I’m not a child, he’s not holding back, and the idea that he held back previously scares me—not that I will ever show him that. I slowly lose myself in planning how I will bring this place down. I go through many plans and ideas. I hear Louis’s voice in my head, making me discard ideas that won’t work. I can’t just outright escape because there are too many guards. I would be drugged or knocked out instantly, and then I would lose my shot. No, I need to let them relax again and think they have broken me. I need maps and schematics, and I need to hack into the cameras and alarm systems. Then and only then can I make a move. It seems insurmountable from my position, restrained to a table as they run electrodes across me. An armed guard points his gun at me, but all I have now is time.

Time and nothing else.

I bare my teeth at him like an animal and watch in satisfaction as his eyes widen in fear.

“Now, Novaleen, that is not very nice, is it?” my father calls through the two-way mirror.

“I was never the nice one. That was Annie. You know, the daughter you killed,” I retort, and his expression turns cold.

“Today we are going to be testing your mental fortitude and how it affects your body—”

I tune him out, imagining leaping across this table, taking that fucking tablet he holds, and shoving it up his ass.

Two hours later, I find out what he really meant—mental torture to see how my body reacts and if my emotions heighten my strength and speed.

Snarling, I lunge at him, but the chains hold me down. He makes a tutting noise. “It seems your past is a trigger and heightens your skills. I wonder what else is? It’s evident your emotions are tightly tied to it. Would speaking about Ana be one as well?”

I freeze, my heart slamming in my chest, and the machines note it for him. Not even my pain can be my own. I had been playing with him and winding him up for hours, but now I stare, begging him with my eyes not to go there.

Not to rip out whatever remains of my heart.

But of course, he does.

“How did her death make you feel?” he asks, sounding clinical and cold.

“Don’t,” I snarl, but even I hear the devastation in my tone.

“Did it bring up those instincts in you?” he continues, ignoring me completely, his eyes going to the machines. I see my heartbeat race on them, just like it pumps in my chest. Each breath is agony until I’m raggedly breathing, my hands shaking where they are chained to the table. I want to rip off the lines, smash the machines, and cover my ears like a child, but I cannot protect myself from this, just like I couldn’t protect her.

“Novaleen, we require your answer. When you felt her dying, what happened inside your body? Can you talk me through it?” When I just stare, fighting back my anger, he frowns. “It was almost too easy to kill her, you know?” He switches tactics. “She was so trusting and still expected her father to protect her. She never could understand the need in me to succeed no matter what. It never mattered how many degrees she got or how much she succeeded in our field, she could never turn her emotions off. She was soft. It got her killed. I felt nothing as she fell—”

“Stop,” I beg, whining like an injured animal.

“It was nothing to me, like watching the results of an experiment. I suppose I did expect to feel something, but I didn’t. She was useless to me. She was corrupted by you, and she outlived her purpose, but you loved her anyway, even when she hated you. Did she know you protected her all those years?”

My heart is exploding out of my chest, and my head aches and spins. “Did she understand how much of a martyr you were and how easy it was to get you to do what I wanted? I just had to threaten her. It’s why I kept her all those years. I knew you would never leave her, not really. Did you tell her, Nova? Or did you just let her hate you? Did you think you deserved it?”

I fight against my restraints but it’s useless. Baring my teeth, I feel my anger and pain explode as I yell at him wordlessly.

“Did she die hating you, Nova? Or did she forgive you? Did my bleeding-heart daughter die thinking you would save her?”

Closing my eyes, I try to block out his words, but it’s useless. They burrow into my brain, ripping every part of me to pieces. Ribbons of my heart and soul die from his sharp-edged prodding.

“I think she did. I think, even at the end, she expected you to save her and you couldn’t. At that moment, you wanted to kill me, so why didn’t you? I would like to understand.”

I try to breathe through it, choking on my blood and pain. For a moment, there’s silence as he watches the monitors.

“Interesting. That simply breaks you down. It’s a weakness. Let’s switch gears then, shall we, Novaleen?” My eyes flutter open, and even that small act hurts because he’s right.

She expected me to save her and I couldn’t.

I have to live with that, but not for long.

“What about the others? The failed experiments you had grown so attached to?” I become ice cold all over. “Maybe I should bring them here to be used as . . . incentives.”

I lift my head slowly to meet his knowing eyes.

“Do you think you are more inclined to love them because you are so desperate to be loved since you were not as a child? Or are you simply so desperate not to be alone, you convinced yourself to love those people like yourself?”

No, he does not get to ruin this.

He doesn’t get to taint them and what we have.

“Do you think you are more likely to keep losing all your hair because of stress from your experiments never working out? Or is it from the realisation that you will never again be able to accomplish anything?” His eye ticks, and I grin evilly. “Does it upset you that no one will ever remember you? That all of this will become nothing but a warning to those who come after you? That everything you have done is for . . . well, nothing? You’re old and weak, Father. You’re slower, your brain is not connecting like it used to, and your skin is wrinkled and sagging like cottage cheese. Who knows what lies in your future? Wouldn’t it be ironic if you lost all your memories or something as simple as a mortal disease killed you before anything could ever be finished?”

“Novaleen, let us get back on track,” he says, his voice tight.

“Oh, I am on track. Do they all know that you are legally dead and you are slowly losing money? Do they know that no one will ever support you and this vision you have? That’s why you are so desperate to finish this now and find the answers, isn’t it? Do they know it keeps you up at night, wondering if the scientific community will ever accept it?” I know I’m on target when his knuckles turn white on the tablet, gripping it tightly. The guards shift slightly. “Do they know you sold your soul to the devil only for it to mean nothing?”

“Enough! Punish her!” he yells and turns to depart.

“Do they know how weak you are, and that’s why you crave my strength?” I scream after him before descending into laughter. I even welcome the pain as the guards close in around me, needing it to forget his words, his truth.

“Hello, boys, ready to play?” I jangle the chains. “How about you take these off and we play fair?”

One sneers at me. There are two types of guards here—ones who are desperate for the money and look the other way and others who enjoy their orders and dish out pain. Luckily, I get the latter today. Their fists smack into my head on the left and then the right. Laughing, I spit my blood onto the table, watching in satisfaction as it drips across the brilliant white floor.

Let it stain it like it stains my soul.

They pummel my body, the temporary physical pain briefly driving back the heartache until it comes roaring back.

You couldn’t protect her.

I bare my teeth. “Is that all you got?” I demand, needing them to knock me out so I don’t have to think or remember for a little while.

“Oh, I’m going to enjoy this,” one spits, and then his hands wrap around my throat. He adds more and more pressure.

Black dots dance in my vision and my lungs scream. On the verge of death, of passing out, and I race towards it, needing oblivion.

“P-Pussy,” I croak out, and he grips tighter, then my vision fades out.

All I hear is the trapped fluttering of my heart and then nothing.

I go with a smile on my face.

* * *

When I wake, I know I’m not alone. I turn slightly to see Father sitting on a chair, watching me. Groaning, I flop onto my back. “I haven’t had enough sleep to deal with your fucking face,” I sneer.

“Does your hatred keep you happy?” he asks, observing me. I swallow, and he watches the movement. “You loved me once,” he declares as if it confuses him. “Even though you knew you shouldn’t, you loved me.”

“I was a kid,” I whisper, staring at him, “just a kid. You were supposed to love me.”

“I did in a way.”

“Someone who loves you wouldn’t have done what you did. I feel sorry for you. You’ll never know loyalty, love, or friendship.”

“No, just riches and great success. How horrible of me. Nova, think of the great things we could do together if you only helped me. When I get the information I need, I can let you go back to them if you wish.”

For a moment, I’m tempted to give in before the reason for his presence dawns on me, and then I laugh.

“You’re desperate. You can’t get what you need. Really, Father? A bargain? Pleading? It’s below you. Pathetic,” I spit.

“If I have to hurt them to get what I need, then I will, Nova,” he snarls.

“You will never find them.” I smile. “You will never get your hands on them. They are safe from you and so much fucking stronger than you could ever believe.” As I talk, my sore throat starts to fade back to normal thanks to my healing. I know by tomorrow, the only evidence of my brush with death will be the bruises on my neck.

“They were failures.” He frowns. “They didn’t meet the required—”

“That’s your problem, Father.” I force myself to sit up, not wanting to be lying down before him. “All you see is data and numbers, not the person. You failed them, not the other way around. They are stronger than I am and better too. They are the very things you have been working so hard for, and you let them go. Don’t worry, though, because I found what you never did—their souls, and they are mine. Rip me apart, burn me, cut me, or shoot me, but you will never have them. You can’t.” I bare my teeth.

“We shall see about that.” He stands, looking me over. “Rest. We need you to be strong, not weak like you are now. I shall allow you a day to recuperate.”

“How fucking kind,” I snap.

“You will remain here and sleep.” The door shuts and locks after him, and a plan starts to form, leaving me grinning.

I have a whole day. I can do a lot with a whole day.