Chapter 47

The drive home from Maynard's was tense, but Selene held firm to her decision. Kevin tried several tactics to get her to reconsider, but Selene never wavered. Eventually, she told Kevin his bargaining was useless since she was moving out of state.

"Where?" he had asked.

"I'm going to… " How to explain that she was going somewhere unreachable? A remote village in Alaska? A tiny island in the Pacific? Impulsively, an idea popped into her head. "An eco-village. I want to live off the grid."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. You know how important recycling is to me," Selene replied, chuckling to herself. Their ongoing fight about Kevin's habit of throwing paper into the trash instead of the recycle bin was paying off. She spouted a few platitudes about connecting with the earth and getting away from it all until they reached the apartment. Once inside, she told him he needed to sleep on the couch, and she closed the bedroom door.

The next morning, Kevin was gone when Selene woke so she started planning her departure. A few experiments using the stone to transport herself from room to room in the apartment had taught her it was best to visualize the physical space where she wanted to appear. She figured Sam had probably gone back to his life at Queen Thema"s, so that was where she needed to focus. She wished she had seen inside his bedroom so she could imagine herself there. Surprise! But she also didn"t want to scare him, so maybe she would just turn up outside the castle gates.

She hated to think how worried he must be about her. He had no idea where Zaybris had taken her or what he had done. He soon would, though. She would explain everything, including how his own mother was Lilith, the lost queen herself. He would be so relieved and happy. Queen Thema would finally have closure as well.

Selene considered Queen Thema while she cleaned out her closet.She hadn"t fully resolved her feelings about the Malkina ruler. On the one hand, she felt furious and betrayed to have been nothing but a means to an end. Bait to further the queen's own agenda.

Yet, Selene could sympathize with her motivations. If something had happened to Cass or Evan, wouldn"t she exploit every advantage to find them? The queen was definitely an opportunist, but Selene didn"t think she intentionally wanted her harmed. The whole thing was deeply wrong. However, she couldn"t shake the fact that if Thema hadn"t concocted her plan, she might have never met Sam.

Queen Thema was going to get a piece of her mind, Selene resolved. But she didn"t want to focus on her grievances at the moment. Right now, it was only Sam that she craved.

Tomorrow. I'm going to see him tomorrow!

Her excitement was cut short by a tide of guilt. The reality that she would soon be saying goodbye to Cass and Evan was excruciating. Would they hate her for this? She hoped the stone would allow her to check in periodically. Would they be okay without her?

While she pondered these questions, a family photo slipped out from between the pages of a book she was sorting. It was one her father had taken at Christmas when Selene was about fifteen and the twins were ten. Evan and Cass stood proudly next to two new bikes, and Selene modeled the plaid robe she had received. Her mother sat in an armchair behind the Christmas tree; her face deliberately turned away from the camera. In the corner of the photo, a sliver of her father's finger touched the lens.

There weren't many photos from her childhood, so Selene studied the picture for several minutes. When she realized how the image summed up the dynamics of their family, a lump rose in her throat.

It had taken her a long time to accept her family's dysfunction. She had an absent, workaholic father and a co-dependent mother with substance use disorder. They would never be like the families on TV or the families of anyone she knew. Selene had done her best to protect Cass and Evan, but now they were grown. It wasn't her job to nurture them anymore. It was never her job to begin with.

Selene placed the photo in the pile of things going to Aurelia, yet she kept coming back to the face of her fifteen-year-old self. She wished she could hug that sweet girl and tell her not to lose hope. She would tell her to stop trying to please everyone because it would never be enough. It was okay to disappoint people and let them go, if necessary. She wanted to tell her how one day she would find someone who only wanted her to be happy and would give her the freedom to discover what she wanted.

She would make young Selene understand the lesson it had taken her thirty years to uncover—she didn't have to be bound by anything but her own desires.

Selene decided it would be best to break the news of her upcoming "move" by taking her family out to dinner. If they were in a public place, she reasoned there would be no yelling, and there would be a clearly defined start and stop time to the whole experience.

She had reserved a private room at a Middle Eastern restaurant near her apartment. Selene was the first to arrive, and her nerves were humming. Get it together, she told herself. If I can kill a vampire, surely I can break this news.

Eventually, she heard the click-clack of high heels approaching. Then there was her mother, standing before her. She wore a sleeveless dress and had pinned her blonde hair up to show off the designer scarf around her neck. A frown pulled at her mouth. Still, Selene felt gratified to see her mother after so long.

"Hey, Mom," Selene said. She hugged her, breathing in the familiar scent of Chanel No. 5 perfume.

Vivian stiffened at the uncharacteristic affection. "You look different. Have you been using that serum with the green tea I gave you?"

Selene had no idea what product her mother was referring to. She had a drawer full of rejected skincare items her mother had given to her and Cass when they failed to achieve the desired results. "Yes," she lied.

"Well, it's working," Vivian said. "You look less defeated. Around the eyes."

Her father appeared a moment later, wearing a suit and tie. "Hi, Dad," Selene said. "Did you come from work?"

"The airport. I was at a conference in the Quad Cities."

"Robert likes any excuse to get away from me," Vivian said tartly. She sat down, then asked, "Seleney, where's Kevin?"

Here we go.On to the first in the series of bombshells she was about to drop. "Oh, um, we broke up."

Vivian gasped. "Why?"

"It wasn't working."

Her mother's eyebrows climbed toward her hairline. "What do you mean? Poor Kevin must be devastated!"

"You dumped Kevin?" Cass asked eagerly, interrupting Vivian as she entered the room with Evan. "I knew you'd wise up one day."

"Did he cheat on you? I'll kill him," Evan said after he sat down. Vivian reached out to smooth his shaggy brown hair, but he pushed her hand away.

"No. We just grew apart," Selene said. She took a deep breath. "Our breakup actually has to do with the reason I wanted to see everyone tonight."

Vivian glanced at the menu. "Couldn"t we have gone someplace less… foreign? Like a nice steakhouse?"

"Don't start," Selene's father said. "Isn"t it enough that our daughter wanted to take us out?"

"I was only making a suggestion—"

"Nothing is ever good enough."

"That's rich coming from you," Vivian replied.

Evan turned away from his sparring parents to grin at his twin. "So, Cass. Bigfoot versus Mothman. Who would win in a fight?"

The "versus" game was one that Selene had made up when they were children to distract them during arguments. Not missing a beat, Cass said, "It's a toss-up. Bigfoot has stealth, and Mothman can fly. Though of the two, Bigfoot seems stronger."

"Yes, but can he see in the dark?" Evan asked.

Selene wondered if she'd ever get to tell them the truth about Bigfoot, Mothman, and the other Aurelian queens, but her anxiety was too high to chime in. The splintered conversations continued until Selene blurted out, "Listen to me! I'm leaving Nashville. Tomorrow."

Silence fell over the table.

"Excuse me?" Cass said after a moment.

Selene smoothed her hands across her lap. "I'm moving away."

"Where?" Her father asked.

"To an eco-village. I"ve applied to join a community, and was accepted."

"What the hell is an eco-village?" Evan asked.

"It's an intentional community that works for ecological sustainability," Selene said.

"Like a cult?" Evan asked.

"No, but I'll be living off the grid. No computers, TV, or cell phones."

"Are you serious?" Cass cut in.

Selene looked at her sister then down at her hands. "I know it's… abrupt. And odd. But I've thought a lot about it, and this is what I want. I just need a change. A big one."

"Where is this place?" her father asked.

"The Pacific Northwest," Selene lied. She had chosen an area the furthest away from Nashville, well outside of driving distance. "I-I'm not allowed to say where specifically. It's a private community, and they don't want visitors."

Her father's mouth was open. Cass's face was hard and suspicious. Evan was running a hand across his forehead, looking confused. Her mother was deathly pale.

Cass crossed her arms. "If you're off the grid, how are we supposed to get in touch with you? What if there's an emergency?"

"I'll come home periodically to visit. To check in," Selene replied.

"So you're cutting yourself off from us completely? Why would you do this?" Her mother asked. Her lips were pressed together so tightly it made her lipstick bleed.

"I'll be back to visit," Selene repeated. "I'm not sure when, but you can count on it."

"What"s this secret eco-village called?" Cass asked.

"Azuresong Pastures," Selene replied, borrowing the name of Brunie and Eldridge"s farm.

Cass pulled out her phone and began typing the name into a search engine. The server brought their drinks, and Vivian quickly downed her cocktail.

"Why would you want to hurt us this way?" Vivian asked loudly.

Selene felt herself shrinking into the chair, reverting to childhood patterns. "I'm not trying to hurt anyone," she said. "I love you all, but this is something I have to do."

"I think it's kind of cool," Evan said. "I'll miss you, but you deserve to have an adventure."

Selene smiled. "Thank you."

Cass gestured with her phone. "Strange how I can"t find anything about it online."

"As I said, it"s very private."

Her sister gave her a long look then asked, "Selene, will you do me a favor before you go?"

"Of course. What is it?"

"See a psychiatrist." When Selene started to protest, Cass cut her off. "I'm serious. Ever since we went to Rugby, something is very off with you. I"m worried."

Her mother whined, "Doesn't anyone care about my feelings here?"

"Please don"t be upset, Mom. You're going to be okay," Selene said.

"Don't patronize me."

"Vivian… " her father warned.

"Why aren't you trying to stop her, Robert?"

Her dad shot Selene the same pleading look he always did when her mother's moods amplified. It was a look that said control her, will you?

Selene twisted her fingers together."I know this is hard, and I'm sorry. I'm not trying to abandon you. I just want to lead my own life."

"It sounds bizarre to me," her father said. "But I've never known you to do anything without good reason. If this is what you want, I'm sure you've thought it through."

"I have, Dad."

Vivian pointed a pink-nailed finger at her. "Selfish. You're a selfish, spoiled girl, and that's all there is to it."

Selene felt like she'd been slapped. Her mother's reaction was expected, but the pain of her accusation cut deeply. She thought about the girl in the photo. Why was it Selene's responsibility to fill the emotional needs of everyone but herself?

The ache of guilt burned away as a rush of anger filled the space. The feeling was so strong it frightened her at first, then she let it wash over her like baptismal water. A shadow moved toward her, and she dismissed it with a finger. Instead of feeling victimized by her mother"s manipulation, Selene felt a commanding sense of power.

She was done being needed.

Looking around the table, she said, "Dad, Evan, thank you for your support. Cass, I appreciate your concern. You're right, I haven't been the same since Rugby. I've realized I'm not happy with my life the way it is now. So I'm changing it."

She faced her mother. "Mom, I have spent my life catering to your needs. I am a grown woman, and if I want to move away, I can. You can't bully me anymore with guilt trips. I love all of you, and I will come back to visit when I can. But I am going. This is what I want."

She stood from the table and pulled two gift-wrapped boxes from her purse. She handed the first one to Cass. "I'm leaving you all of my jewelry and my laptop. There's also a large check in there; will you send it to Rugby's historic preservation fund? I'd really appreciate it." Cass accepted the box, nodding glumly.

Selene handed the other box to her brother. "Evan, I'm tired of seeing you drive around in that death trap of a car. I want you to have mine. Here are the keys and the title."

Evan stood to give her a big hug. Selene hugged him back, fighting the urge to sob. Quickly, she wiped her eyes and looked at her parents.

"Mom, Dad, I love you. Goodbye."

She left a wad of cash on the table to cover the meals and a generous tip. Then she walked out the door and didn't look back.

When she got back to the apartment, Selene took a moment to collect herself. All of her things were packed in boxes with a note asking Kevin to donate them, and she had tied up every loose end in her life she could think of. A mass email to her friends and colleagues broke the news of her major life change, but she still couldn"t shake how badly things had ended with her sister.

Briefly, she considered sending her a letter explaining the real story, but Selene knew that was a bad idea.What would she even say?

Dear Cass, Just wanted to let you know that while we were in Rugby I actually traveled into another dimension, fell in love with a demon, and now I"m leaving to see him. Love ya!

Ridiculous. There was nothing she could do to fix this rift. She simply had to accept it as a casualty of her decision. Maybe one day she would be able to tell her the truth.

Donning a backpack full of essentials, Selene took one last look around her apartment. This was it. Ordinary Selene was long gone. She was Aurelian Selene now, through and through. It was time to claim it. She stood in the middle of the room, then pulled the traveler"s stone from her pocket. Curling her fingers around it, she took a deep breath.

She pictured herself outside the gates of Queen Thema"s castle. She imagined the sparkling white stone and arched windows. The sound of water rushing below the castle's bridge and the feel of mist swirling around her hair. She could practically smell the mint growing in the garden and hear Queen Thema"s boisterous laugh.

And then with a tug deep in her belly… she was gone.