Chapter 30

Selene woke to a sharp rap at the door. How did she end up in such a huge bed? And why was everything so bright? She squinted against the rays of sun pouring through the windows and remembered she was in Brunie and Eldridge's attic. In Sam's bed. Alone. And it was morning. Sunlight meant safety. They were free from the vampire threat, at least until nightfall.

The knock sounded again, more forceful this time.

"Selene?" came Sam's urgent voice.

"I'm awake! Just a minute," she called back. Scrambling out of bed, she cinched her robe before opening the attic door. Sam stood in the doorway.

"Good morning," she drawled, leaning a hip against the doorframe.

His expression was tense, but when his gaze flickered down over her body, it softened. "Good morning," he murmured. Then he leaned forward, as if he were about to kiss her, then abruptly straightened, seeming to think better of it. "We need to leave to take advantage of the sunlight. There could still be vampires around."

Selene smoothed her hair. "Yes, of course. Do I have time to wash up?"

"If you do so quickly. We'll be outside."

"Okay. I'll be down soon."

He nodded and walked away without another word, leaving Selene a little unnerved by his sudden businesslike tone. As she hurried to the bathroom, she wondered why he hadn't rejoined her in bed last night. Were Brunie and Eldridge all right, or had something gone wrong? After what they had shared last night, she wished he would have just come in to wake her, preferably with a kiss…

Her body flushed, remembering the feel of his hands on her body and the heat of his mouth on her skin. Last night had been more intense than their kiss in the kitchen, even though she was certain he had been holding back. Did he regret what they had done? Or worse, was there something about her that had put him off? Her mother's voice rang in her ear as she pulled on her jeans, asking if she was exfoliating regularly or doing enough cardio. She pushed it aside.

She was not going to fall back into old habits. That was old Ordinary Selene territory, she chided herself. Aurelian Selene took her joy where she found it. She didn't tie herself in knots wondering what other people thought or entertain useless feelings like regret.

What happens in Aurelia stays in Aurelia. Or, more precisely, what Aurelian Selene does is her own business. She was tired of existing in the land of what-if worries and why-didn't-I regrets. What if she just lived in the present?

After packing her things, Selene found everyone in the front yard. The air seemed charged with a feeling she couldn't name. Sam's head was bent and Eldridge stared up at the sky. Brunie was grooming her feathers. The screen door snapped shut behind Selene as she came outside.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," she said.

"Samael insisted you should go as soon as the sun rose, and I can't say I blame him. How do you feel this morning?" Brunie asked.

"No lasting damage. Is everything all right with you both?"

"We're fine," Brunie said. "I've packed you a breakfast."

"More like breakfast, morning tea, lunch, and dinner," Eldridge said, pointing at the bulging switch pouch hanging from Sam's shoulder.

A gust of wind ruffled Selene's hair, causing Brunie to motion to the sky. "My Harpy senses tell me a storm's coming, but not tonight. Maybe tomorrow or the next day. It's going to be a big one. You and Sam will need to make preparations."

"Thanks for the heads-up. I'm sure we'll figure something out," Selene said. "Are you sure everything is okay?"

"We're just sorry to see you both go," Eldridge said. "And that your visit had to end the way it has. We would have liked to show you more of Snowmelt and the wonders of our world before you return home."

Then Brunie was in front of Selene, extending her arms. "I guess it's that time then," she said before pulling her into a tight hug. "Safe travels, lovely girl. Farewell."

Selene hugged her back. "It's been wonderful to meet you both. I can't thank you enough for last night."

Brunie peered at her with her owl-like eyes. She cocked her head and made a little coo before patting Selene's cheek affectionately. The gesture was sincere, so heartfelt it made Selene's chest constrict. How often had she craved a simple touch like that from her father? Or wished her mother would look at her in a way that made her felt seen, instead of assessed? She wished they could stay longer, but Sam seemed anxious to go.

Stepping away from Selene, Brunie moved toward Sam then gestured for him to bend down. Playfully tugging on a lock of his hair, she said, "I have a strange feeling that it will be a long time before you visit again. Take care of yourself, demon. And your Selene. We'll always be here for you." Her hug for him was strong but brief as if she couldn't bear to stretch their goodbye out further. Sam mumbled something Selene couldn't make out.

Next, Eldridge approached, and Sam knelt to the ground. Putting both palms on Sam's shoulders, Eldridge said, "I'm proud of you, lad. I know you will make me proud too. You've always done the right thing when given a choice." Then the Goblyn hugged him.

"Thank you for… everything," Sam whispered as he gently held the Goblyn.

"Ah, come now, we'll see you again soon, eh?"

Abruptly Sam pulled away and stood. He ran a hand through his hair in that way Selene knew meant he was struggling to control his emotions. "Brunie's right, it may not be for a long time."

Eldridge looked suspicious, but he didn"t push further. Turning to Selene with arms extended, he said, "You"ll take care of our lad, won"t you? Don"t let him frighten you with that temper of his."

Selene bent to meet his embrace. "That temper saved my life last night."

"I suppose it did," Eldridge chuckled, then squeezed her hard. "Be careful. But also be bold, and be brave, my girl."

"I will," Selene said, squeezing back. When they broke apart, she looked up at Sam, but he had already turned away. Taking one last look at Azuresong Pastures, Selene waved goodbye.

As Selene followed Sam over the green hills surrounding Azuresong Pastures, he walked so fast she had to practically jog to keep pace. It was obvious that he was feeling down about leaving Brunie and Eldridge, but that didn't stop her insecurity from rising up. Again, she wondered if she had done something wrong last night. He had seemed pretty damn into it, but maybe it wasn't the same toe-curling, world-rocking experience for him as it was for her. Was he now trying to put some distance between them? She wasn't sure how to broach the subject, so she decided to start light.

"That's quite a lot of muffins Brunie gave you," she said, pointing to the switch pouch. "Do I see honey tarts in there too? How do we know they won"t all end up in Queen Thema"s kitchen by mistake?"

Sam didn't reply at first, only handed her a muffin. Then he said, "Yes, there are honey tarts. And one muffin did end up at Queen Thema"s. Until I turned the switch pouch inside out so nothing could travel in or out of it."

"I see," she said, feeling silly for trying to engage him to talk about muffins. She chewed as they walked. "Brunie and Eldridge are such wonderful people. I'm so glad I got to meet them."

"As am I."

"It must be hard to leave them. I'm guessing that's why you seem sort of… off this morning," she said carefully.

He didn't respond for a moment then said, "Saying goodbye was difficult. Especially when I don't know when our paths will cross again."

"Why don't you stop by on your way back to Queen Thema's? After you've gotten rid of me," she said. Since he was acting so ambivalent about what they did last night, she didn't want to seem clingy.

"After I've gotten rid of you?" he repeated.

"Once I've gone home. You can do whatever you want once I'm out of the picture." She tried to use a light tone to hide the dread and confusion she now felt about leaving.

The curve of Sam's horns expanded slightly. "Are you that anxious to go back to Gaia?" he asked.

"Well, it's my home."

Sam's mouth tightened "What if you had other options?"

"What options?"

"You could live in… other places. Better places. With those who would appreciate you."

"What places? What are you talking about?"

"What sort of life do you dream of?" Sam demanded, stopping in the middle of the dirt path they followed. "If you could choose any life for yourself, what would it be?"

"I don't know."

"What about endless wealth, eternal comfort, power, and status? If you could live like royalty and be treated like a princess, would you choose that?"

Selene hoisted her backpack tighter to her shoulders. "I've never been the princess type. Why are you asking me this?"

"If you could live in a place where you would be treasured and adored with every whim met, wouldn't you want that? You'd never get sick, never feel sorrow. Instead of mundane routine, endless obligation, and tending to your Kevin P. Norton on Gaia?"

"This conversation has turned very weird. Can we keep walking?"

Sam didn"t move. "Just tell me, what sort of life do you desire?"

Selene averted her eyes. His question poked right into a tender spot—one she didn't even know she had. "I-I don't know. I've never thought about it, to be honest."

"You've never thought about what life you want?"

The answer thudded deep in her chest. No, I haven't. She hadn't allowed herself to think about her own wants since she was very young. It had always been pointless. Unless her desires were convenient or matched up with someone else"s, dwelling on what she wanted was a recipe for disappointment.

It was the reason Kevin believed his favorite restaurant was her favorite too, and why she had attended her father's alma mater instead of going to college out of state. It was why she had grown up with a bedroom painted with the same gray used in her mother's kitchen remodel instead of the lavender shade she had begged for. Not ever getting what she wanted had put her into a career she didn't love, living in a city she'd never left, spending all her free time doing favors for other people.

"I guess I want a life where I'm happy," she said vaguely.

"Happy, how?"

"Healthy. Safe. Normal things."

"Good health and protection, yes. What else?"

She gritted her teeth, annoyed at his questioning, but more annoyed at herself for not knowing how to answer. "Travel," she said, considering. "I'd like to travel more. I've never even been out of the country before. Well, I guess Aurelia counts. But I'd like to go to other places from my world. England, Japan, New Zealand, France, Peru."

"What else?" Sam asked, starting to walk again. She followed behind, ducking as she stepped under a tree branch.

"Not worrying about money would be nice."

"I see. What sort of surroundings would you like to live in?"

"Maybe somewhere with cooler weather since Nashville can get so humid. I don"t even know where that would be, though."

"Health, safety, travel, wealth, temperate climate," he said, as though he were compiling a list.

"That sounds weird when you say it like that. I don't crave wealth, I crave security. And… freedom. I guess I crave freedom. To just do whatever I wanted without having to worry."

"Worry about what?"

"Lots of things. What people think of me. What my family needs. Whether or not I can afford something."

"I see. What other things do you wish for?"

"I don't know! How about a new car, a lifetime supply of chocolate, and world peace," Selene said impatiently. "You seem very serious about this. Why are you so interested?"

"Just passing the time."

"Uh-huh. What about you, then? What's your ideal life like?"

"Very simple. I would have complete control over myself and my life's path."

"What do you mean?" Selene asked.

"Just what I said."

"You can't get off that easy. What about your ideal house, climate, job, and all that?"

"I care little for those things. I only wish to indulge in the rights and gifts owed to me by fate."

"How can you control all parts of your life, but also believe in fate?"

"It is the way of my people," he replied simply.

"What does fate owe you?"

He paused to look down at her. "Vengeance, then victory. To claim what's mine."

His dark eyes glimmered. And although she had no idea what he was talking about, she felt herself blush.