Chapter 20

When Selene woke the next morning, she wanted nothing more than to hide in her sleeping bag. The light coming through the tent meant the sun had risen, but the air was damp and cold. She had slept terribly, plagued by dreams of bloody Lycahs and vampiric smiles. Rubbing at her gritty eyes, she rolled to her side.

Her limbs felt heavy, and her stomach knotted with regret. She had been a fool. An idiot whose hormones told her sleeping with a demon was a good idea. What was wrong with her? She was romanticizing a creature known for evil, mainly because he was hot and smelled good.

As both a demon and a royal guard to Queen Thema, Selene knew Sam wouldn't be a stranger to violence, but she hadn't imagined him capable of such brutality. The gleam of viciousness in his eyes, the unholy strength of his body—it was a sight she wouldn't forget.

She stretched her arms up above her head, then quickly pulled them back, remembering the snap of Sam breaking the Lycah's bones. A bout of nausea welled up in her throat, but she held it back. She suddenly felt grateful that despite all the drama in her house growing up, there was never physical violence. There was yelling, door slamming, and the occasional silent treatment, but her parents had never hurt each other. Their faces swam in her mind, filling her with a deep sense of homesickness. Her nose began to burn with the prick of tears, but she wouldn't allow them.

Focus on the positive.She was alive. Whole and unhurt. No one had actually died. She had seen a disturbing new facet of Sam, but nothing had changed in her mission. They had made a lot of progress on the road, and she was proud of the way she had adapted to her strange circumstances. Her physical stamina had increased, and she couldn't let her mental fortitude slip now. It wouldn't be long until she could file away this whole experience as a bad dream.

She rubbed her forehead. Enough stewing. She would only work herself into more of a fizz if she stayed in bed. It was time to pull herself together and get dressed.

When she stepped out of her tent, Sam was still in his hammock, snoring softly. The sight was so unusual it made her pause. She had always been the first to go to bed, and the last to get up. And when they were awake, Sam was always busy—fixing this, adjusting that—she had rarely seen him still.

His hair was disheveled around his horns, and black eyelashes cast spiky shadows against his cheeks. He still wore his regular trousers but had shed his leather vest and black tunic, leaving his top half covered by a thin white shirt. One muscled arm dangled out of the hammock, while the other rested on his chest. Selene was surprised to see a web of light-colored scars hatch-marked up and down his skin. They were old injuries, long healed. But they made her very curious, especially the jagged marks around his wrists.

In the morning light, he looked more like a huge, dark angel than a murderous demon. He seemed so peaceful it made her feel a flicker of resentment that he should sleep so soundly when she had tossed all night.

Tearing her eyes from him, she began to pack up for the day. A renewed sense of determination burned within her. She was on this trip to get home—back to worrying only about wonderfully boring things like paying bills, doing laundry, and keeping her phone charged. She wasn't in Aurelia to sightsee, mix with the locals, or have a vacation fling. It was time to stop acting like a clueless tourist and get on with it. After gathering her things, she set her tent to deflate. The noise roused Sam.

"What time is it?" he said. Those were the first words spoken between them since leaving Iriswood. He scrubbed a hand over his face and peered up at the sky. "I must have overslept."

"No, I just got up early," Selene said, shoving last night's dirty clothes into her backpack. "I couldn't sleep."

When their eyes met, she was surprised to see him look away. Reaching down for his blanket, he pulled it up around his shoulders, seeming to shrink under her gaze. The serenity sleep had brought to his face was gone, replaced with a deep weariness. It showed in the dark circles under his eyes and the way he clenched his jaw. He was obviously uncomfortable, but Selene wasn't sure if it was due to her being awake before him, or regret about last night.

With hands on hips, she asked, "So what's the plan for today?"

"Plan?"

"Where are we going? When will we get there? How long before we reach Zaybris?"

Sam responded by pulling a map from his pack and thrusting it toward her. She took it, stupidly realizing it was the first time she had actually looked at it. It was a hand-drawn map, but well detailed. Pointing at a small dot on the rough parchment, he said, "This is where we were in Iriswood. We continue north until we enter the town of Snowmelt, where we will stay for one or two nights. After that, we should be able to reach Zaybris in about a week."

"A week? Can't we get there any sooner?" Selene asked. The question came out as a whine, but she refused to care.

"Doubtful."

"That town, Snowmelt—can't we just pass through and camp in the woods?" The thought of spending time in another town, with more people, made her stomach churn.

He pulled the blanket tighter to his body. "No. I have two friends there I must see. I've sent word that we are coming, and they invited us to stay at their home."

Selene stiffened. What kind of friends did demons keep? Krampus and the Grim Reaper? The prospect of staying with two unknown entities made her feel very vulnerable. "What are your friends like?"

"Trustworthy."

"Okaaay." When he didn't expand his answer, she said, "Anything else?"

"They are honorable."

"Any other details you'd like to share? How do you know them? Are they Malkina? Dragos? Vowa? What is their home like?"

He pulled on his tunic with clipped movements. "None of that matters."

Selene slipped the map back into Sam's pack without comment. It was another classic Sam non-answer, but she was tired of begging for scraps of information. She resolved if she didn't like Sam's "trustworthy and honorable" friends, she didn't have to keep traveling with him. She could take the map and set out on her own to find Zaybris. Theoretically.

Wringing her hands, she considered the idea further. Sam was only with her because Queen Thema had ordered him to do so. What if she told him he was free to go so she could carry on alone? He would probably relish the chance to return to his normal life, instead of playing babysitter.

Sam asked, "Do you want me to start a fire for breakfast? Or did you already eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

His features grew apprehensive as he watched her twirl her hair into a bun. "We have a long day ahead," he said.

Selene shrugged.

"You need sustenance. At least a cup of tea and some fruit." He took a step forward to loom over her.

Involuntarily, she cowered. "I said I'm not hungry!"

Sam blinked at the heat in her voice, then his shoulders slumped. He withdrew from her and began to disassemble his hammock. Selene kneeled to roll up her tent. A cold drizzle of rain began to fall. She wiped droplets of water from her face and pulled out the thick cloak Hollen had placed in her pack. As she stood to shake it out, Sam's voice rang through the quiet of the forest. The tone was sad, almost defeated.

"I've frightened you."

The words felt as though they came from far away, though he stood across from her. She looked over to see him staring at his feet, an expression of mute anguish on his face. A cold breeze blew tendrils of his long hair against his cheek.

"Yes," she admitted.

Sam gave her a searing look. The vulnerability in his dark eyes was so stark it made her throat tighten.

"I am sorry," he said.

Selene opened her mouth, then paused. She pressed her lips together, struggling for a response. Normally when someone apologized, her automatic reply was a cheerful "That's okay!" as she charged ahead like nothing had happened. Someone could interrupt her during a meeting, step on her foot at the movies, or even rear-end her car, and she would act as if everything was fine. But this time, she would not say that. Because it was not okay.

"Why did you do it?" she asked. "Attack that Lycah like that."

"He touched you," Sam said as if that were explanation enough.

"He didn't hurt me."

"But he grabbed you. Without your permission."

"I know, but—"

"Is it acceptable for males of your world to grope unwilling females?" he asked.

"Well, no, but… stuff like that happens all the time."

"I can't let behavior like that go unpunished when I see it. Especially toward you," he said in a tone edged with menace. And possessiveness. Selene remembered how he had referred to her as "my female" yesterday. What did that mean? She was a female under his protection? Or something more? She filed away the thought for later.

"What do you mean by unpunished?" she asked.

A muscle ticked in his jaw. She could tell he was fighting some internal battle in the way he struggled to find his words. "I'm a Vengeance demon," he said.

When he failed to elaborate, Selene asked, "Am I supposed to know what that is?"

"No, of course not. A human wouldn't know," he said. "I was born to live among the souls of the dead and exact vengeance upon those that deserve it. Punish cruelties."

He picked at a twig on a nearby tree. "Sometimes it… it can be hard for me to judge the actions of the living. If I focus very hard, I can see into their pasts and seek vengeance for those they have wronged. But it isn't fair to judge those who may still atone. So I try very hard to not punish them without just cause. Do you understand?"

"Not really, but go on."

"My father would have taught me more about my Vengeance instincts when I turned thirteen, but since I was taken before that, I never learned to properly control them. In Aurelia, I was taught to manage my drives based on the rules of this land. I was taught to practice compassion and forgiveness. But there are times when I cannot suppress my nature. Last night was one of them."

"So that's happened before? You ‘punishing' someone?"

He tilted his head back. There seemed to be so much going on within him. "Yes."

"Would you have killed him? If I hadn't stopped you?" she asked, even though she wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer.

"Demons aren't supposed to kill, but if you had wanted me to, I would have. For your vengeance."

She swallowed. "Have you ever killed anyone?"

It was as if her question had scalded him. Claws shot out of his fingertips before quickly retracting.

Raising his chin, he said defiantly, "As a guard for Queen Thema, I have not."

Selene narrowed her eyes. "That wasn't what I asked."

Sam let out a small growl, then quickly silenced it. "Before I met the queen, I was put in situations—against my will—where… sometimes death was the outcome." Then he gave her a pleading look. "But please understand I would never hurt you. Ever."

Death was the outcome.

Selene stared down at the cloak bunched in her arms as she absorbed his words. She noticed that water beaded on the surface instead of soaking into the fabric. The droplets were small, like hundreds of tiny shimmering diamonds. She smoothed her palm against the moisture, feeling the cold wetness seep into her skin. The falling raindrops patted softly against the tree leaves around them.

"Selene, please say something," he begged after a moment.

The racing pulse in her ears made her voice sound tinny as she said, "Watching you back there, what you did, it was… it was horrible."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Maybe it would be best if I continue on alone."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, maybe our time together should end."

His chest began to rise and fall rapidly. "Why? You don't fear I would attack you like that, do you?"

"Well, it did cross my mind."

"I wouldn't! You must understand that my feelings for you are… different. Maybe its because you're human, but being with you brings me—" He paused, regret and pain evident on his face. Then he released a ragged breath. "I hate seeing fear in your eyes. It shatters me. Please don't be afraid of me. I won't lose control like that again. Just let me stay at your side until we get to Zaybris. I won't do anything violent again. I'll only protect you."

A terrible urge to go hug him rose, but she pushed it back. She couldn't get caught up in feelings. She had to be practical about this. He certainly seemed sincere. And repentant. But wasn't that how all violent men acted after an episode? She wasn't about to be one of those people that swept behaviors like that under the rug.

Selene hugged the bundle of fabric to her chest. What were the facts? She was stuck in a strange dimension. The only way to get home was by asking a vampire. This demon knew where that vampire lived and how to get there. She didn't. Even if she took the map and set out on her own, she was vulnerable—both physically and intellectually. She didn't know the rules and customs of this world. Sam did.

He had behaved horribly. Carried out violence like she had never seen, but she didn't believe he was innately cruel. He thought he was protecting her. Giving her "vengeance," as he had said, like it was a gift. His mention of losing control was a surprise, almost as if he had acted outside of his own volition. And he was obviously deeply regretful. Deep down, she didn't believe he would hurt her.

Selene swung the cloak out around her shoulders and snapped it shut. Yes, things had gotten more complicated. But at the end of the day, Sam was still the best chance she had to get home. More time spent pondering or planning was a waste of energy.

"All right," she said. "Let's go to Snowmelt."