Chapter 15

After two days of traveling along the road that would eventually take them into Harpy territory, Sam had them set up camp near the edge of Humbledew Lake. During their travels, Selene had told Sam more about her family and how she had learned to be adaptable from growing up in a state of constant unpredictability. Sam wondered if it was a normal human practice to mold one child to anticipate the needs of others, but he did not probe further. He understood what it was like to cope with inconstant circumstances.

Earlier that night, Sam told Selene about the time Queen Thema burned her mouth after mistaking a bud of heat-greens for a sweet cloudberry. Selene had laughed so heartily it made Sam feel as though he would burst with pride. Yet now, although Selene had gone to bed hours ago, Sam was troubled.

He swayed in his hammock, hoping the motion would lull him to sleep. He stared up at the moon, then closed his eyes. After directing his muscles to loosen, he commanded his mind to empty, or at least think of boring, innocuous things. Anything to keep his mind from weaving together a fantasy about something he could not have.

It was his own fault. He had trained his body to have certain expectations before falling asleep. To keep from reliving certain memories, he had learned to distract himself. Deep breathing and focusing on the present served him during the day, but at night he kept his mind occupied with elaborate fantasies, usually influenced by whatever erotic texts he had been reading.

Before drifting off, he would often imagine himself doing debauched, wicked things to an anonymous lover. One who reveled in his touch, desiring him so much she grew wet under his ministrations and moaned his name. He would satisfy her so thoroughly she would beg to reciprocate the pleasure she had received.

Formerly, his fantasy partner looked like a composite of the Aurelian features he found attractive—a generic female with emerald Malkina eyes, silvery Nereid skin, and the depraved hunger of a Lycah in season.

But as they traveled, he noticed his fantasy shifting. At first, he imagined a bedmate with glossy brown hair, the same shade as Selene's. Then he could picture delicate humanlike hands trailing over his body. One night, a familiar mouth with full lips smiled up at him, asking for a kiss. The next evening he ran his tongue over berry-scented skin.

It wasn't until last night when he saw himself staring into a pair of blue eyes that he knew. His fantasy wasn't faceless anymore. He had been imagining Selene. Kissing her, touching her, tasting her. His mind had at last found a face suitable for his perverse thoughts, and latched on for good.

His hammock creaked as he rolled over. He wondered what Selene wore to bed. Did she sleep in her clothes in case of attack as he did? Or did she change into nightwear? Did she languish in a shimmering swirl of lace like Malkina females favored? Or would she prefer something plain and discreet?

His shaft hardened as several possibilities progressed through his mind. It wasn't until he considered that she might not wear anything to bed that he had to suppress a groan. That thought led to a vision of Selene standing before him at their campsite, clad only in moonlight. She would look so beautiful, so ethereal, but her smile would be wicked. Wanton.

He imagined her beckoning him to come closer. And when he did, she would ask him to kiss and touch her. Take his scarred hands and place them on her body. He would knead her lush breasts until her head lolled back on her shoulder. Her moans would fill the forest as he caressed her hardened nipples, teasing and pinching the sensitive peaks just as he'd read about in his books.

Then he would take Selene's small hand and press it against the front of his breeches. Compel her to feel the way his cock strained toward her. Make her understand how able his body was to give her exactly what she needed so that she would ask him into the tent and beg him to pleasure her until sunrise.

The night air was brisk, but sweat dotted Sam's forehead. The imagined scenario made his erection pulse so hard against his pants he gasped. He kicked off his bedding and swung his legs out to plant his feet on the ground. Stop this. What started as a passing thought had turned into a carnal delusion—one that was making him crazed for relief.

At first, he decided to wade in the lake. Perhaps the cold water would quell the throbbing ache between his legs. He ran the heel of his hand down his erection and shuddered. No. The lake's chill wouldn"t be enough. There was only one option.

Sam slipped away from the campsite. He headed toward the lake, hoping the sound of water would disguise what he was about to do. Making sure he wasn't so far out that he couldn't see Selene's tent, he dropped to his knees on a patch of dirt.

Tearing at the fly of his pants with a shaky hand, Sam winced as his heavy cock sprung free. With a practiced grip, he curled his fingers around himself. Stroked once, twice. And then before he could think, he was coming. His climax ripped through him so hard and fast he bit his lip to keep from crying out. Hot seed jetted out of him onto the ground as his big body trembled.

When it was over, he slumped back on his heels, panting. The metallic tang of blood filled his mouth, and he realized his teeth had sunk into his lip. Wiping the blood away with the back of his hand, he stumbled toward the lake to clean up.

Staring up at the stars, he let out a curse. His body was spent, but he felt no closer to relief. He hated this lust-mad part of himself. Loathed the way his body's urges could dominate his mind, turning him into a mindless beast who sought only pleasure. With practice, he had learned to negotiate his drive for vengeance. Mostly. But the desire he felt for Selene? Its intensity scared him and made him fear for her safety. He even pitied her for being unlucky enough to attract his attention.

He had seen the cruelty that unrestrained lust could inflict. On days when the worst of his memories flooded back, the scars encircling his wrists would ache as if he were still enchained and powerless to stop the violations that had occurred in the blood wagons every night. He had sworn never to be that sort of male—one who used force to satisfy his needs. He would rather die than cross that line.

And yet… if Selene ever did ask him to her bed, he wasn't certain he could be gentle. She would prefer a tender lover, surely. A practiced hand who could woo her, tease her, and build their passion softly. Slowly. Not an inexperienced, volatile demon who nearly came when she touched his hand.

He gritted his teeth, wondering how Kevin P. Norton might tend to her. Was he a masterful lover? Surely not, judging by the way she failed to pine for him. Yet he probably knew how to control his lusts. The sense of shame that pervaded the human race would hold the man back from acting out his most depraved desires. But demons were born with very little qualms and a fierce disregard for propriety in the bedroom. Sam feared he would frighten Selene with his debauched needs, or worse, become brutish in his quest to satisfy them.

He righted his pants and began to head back to their camp. It was foolish and pointless, this infatuation he had. Yet he couldn't deny his feelings for her went beyond lust.

Mate…

The word floated on the edges of his mind like a whispered secret. She could be his fated mate. That would explain his reaction, his obsession. He was undoubtedly attracted to her, but mates also had the ability to calm each other and bring perspective and peace. The concept had been hammered into him since birth, and he had seen his mother provide that to his father countless times in the Underworld.

But she was human. He was meant for a demon to complement his nature, not to restrain it. The only thing Selene was to him was a distraction.

His stomach contracted at the word. Distraction. That's exactly what she had become. There were times when he looked at her and felt as if Zaybris himself could walk right up and he wouldn't notice.

It was at that moment that he realized Thema's plan simply wasn't going to work. Things had gotten too complicated. His attraction to Selene had turned into a diversion he could not afford to indulge. Not when he needed to be at full capacity to return home.

They had to part ways.

Sam woke up tense and agitated the next morning. The pre-dawn sky was gray and overcast, mottled as a bruise. Dread writhed in him over the decision he needed to make. He hoped a solution would come easier after sleep, but he rose feeling even more conflicted. How to best separate himself from Selene?

He could leave right now. He could quietly pack his things and set off without a word. Selene was clever; she could find her way back to Thema's castle. He could leave the map, the switch pouch, and a note to explain how Thema's delusions about finding her sister had made her desperate. He would urge Selene to forgive the queen for her deception and make a life among the Malkina, where she would be protected.

Sam began to pace, considering Selene's panic, and the devastation she would feel when she woke to find him gone. He sighed as that idea fizzled out. Leaving Selene without a word would be cruel. And cowardly. There had to be another way.

"Is everything all right?"

Sam spun around to see Selene standing outside her tent, her hair tousled by sleep. She was dressed in a long white nightgown with a row of buttons down the front. It was held up by thick straps that exposed her arms, shoulders, and collarbone. So that's what she wears to bed. Seeing her in such an intimate state made blood rush to his groin.

"Everything's fine," he answered, a little too quickly. "Why do you ask?"

"I just woke up suddenly. I had a feeling something was wrong."

"Nothing is amiss."

A sudden wind blew a lock of hair across Selene's cheek, and she looked up at the sky. "Is there a storm coming?"

"No. Go back to sleep. It's not quite dawn. We'll leave in a few hours."

"Nah, I'm up now." She stretched her arms. "We can get an early start. Aren't we going through a town today?"

"It's more of a village, but yes, we travel through Iriswood."

"I'll get dressed."

After Selene ducked into her tent, a flash of movement on the ground to the left caught his eye. Something had expanded the switch pouch slightly. He reached inside and found a note.

Samael, I am planning contact with Zaybris soon to tempt him with our prize. When do you expect to reach him? My impatience to find my sister grows with each day. Please tell us how you fare — Thema

He crushed the note in his hand. Damn the queen's timing. He didn't know precisely when he would connect with Zaybris, especially not now when things had become so complicated.

As Sam moved to disassemble his hammock, an idea took form. Although he had never been there, Iriswood lay at the crossroads between Malkina lands and Harpy country. It was the gateway to Queen Aello's territory, with travelers coming through to rest and trade at the local inn. Many of them were also looking for work. Perhaps he could hire a guide in Iriswood to take Selene back to Queen Thema.

He considered the thought. Selene would not be abandoned and he could reach Zaybris in a few weeks. Plus, with the amount of gold he carried, he wouldn't even have to haggle a price, once he found a guide who seemed trustworthy. A fierce Harpy or a protective Lycah wouldn't be hard to find in Iriswood.

It would probably take most of the day to get there, and they could stay the night at the inn. Then he could get an early start that morning before Selene even knew he was gone.

It would be a relief to have the matter closed.