Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Stace

"Okay, give me a big smile," I said.

The parents and the little boy who wouldn't let go of the puppy he'd just adopted all grinned at me as I took a picture for the shelter's social media page.

"Perfect."

Everyone laughed when the puppy started excitedly licking the little boy's face as he giggled.

I said goodbye to the happy family and went to check on the volunteers while they cleaned the cages. There was never a dull moment here. Any second someone could show up with a trunk full of bunnies, we would get a call from Animal Control about a puppy mill, or a box of newborn kittens would be on our doorstep when we arrived in the morning.

As hard as it was, as much of an emotional toll it took on me, I loved my job. I had to stop myself from taking so many animals home with me, but my apartment had a one-pet limit and I already had Buck, my dog. Lucky for him, he was allowed to come to work with me and spend most of his days napping by the front desk and getting up only to greet people before going back to sleep again.

After supervising the cleaning volunteers, I checked on the cages full of bunnies, a few hamsters, and the cockatiel that we'd gotten in last week when her owner passed away.

"Everything good?" Beth, my coworker asked as she minded the front desk.

"Yup, no fires," I said, and she rolled her eyes.

"If there were, I'm sure you would put them out," she said. I'd made the same joke about five hundred times already.

"Hey, that food shipment just came in. I forgot to tell you," she said, giving me a sheepish smile. Everyone knew around here that if there was something heavy that needed lifting, I was the one to call.

I was just picking up the last bag when I heard someone say my name.

"Need a hand?" Torrin took up all the room in the doorway and grinned at me. He was wearing one of the shelter volunteer T-shirts and it was practically painted on. If he was trying to get attention, it was working. Tor could be a shameless flirt sometimes and he was currently single.

I set the bag down so I wasn't standing there holding it and scowled at him. "Wish you'd gotten here fifteen minutes ago."

Setting my hands on my hips, I took a few deep breaths.

"Anything else I can do?" On his days off, Tor sometimes swung by and lent a hand where he could. He was a good guy like that.

"You wanna walk some dogs? One of our volunteers called out sick."

Tor's eyes lit up. "Hell yeah I'll walk some dogs. Which ones?"

I told him and he gave me a little salute before going off to get leashes and probably to harass the other employees and volunteers. They didn't mind, because everyone pretty much fell in love with Torrin, once they got over how physically intimidating he was.

I went back to work and Tor took two of our unruliest dogs out to get some exercise. They were sweeties, but they were going to need families who had the time, energy, and patience to love them.

Torrin hung around until my shift ended and asked if I wanted to eat at his place.

"I've got leftover lasagna," he said, leaning over the front desk as I filed paperwork.

"Is it Nonna's recipe?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes. "You know it is."

"Then I'm in."

"What are you doing tomorrow?" I asked later that night after we'd demolished the last of the lasagna. I was on call, but I had a million things to do, so hopefully it wouldn't be busy. Which probably meant that it would be.

Buck sighed from his bed in the corner. He was very picky about what kind of bed he'd lay on, so I'd gotten multiple versions of the same one and they lived at Tor's, the shelter, and at my parents' house. I also had an extra in my car.

"Chores, probably and then I'm doing a yoga class in the evening."

I raised my eyebrows. "Since when have you been into yoga?"

"I'm into all kinds of things, Stace," he said, but I knew there was something else behind this new interest.

I sat back, crossing my arms and waiting.

"Okay, fine, I bumped into a new yoga teacher at the gym and she's kind of cute. But that's not the only reason!"

"Yeah, okay. I'm sure. You're just there to balance your chakras." My tone was laced with heavy sarcasm.

"I'm not going to hit on my yoga teacher. Besides, the only reason I met her was because another guy was being a dick and I kind of stepped in to see if she was okay. I don't want to be like that guy." He frowned and I felt bad for assuming.

"I know. You're not that guy, Tor. You're one of the best guys I know."

He gave me a small smile, but I could see that he was still bothered. "I feel like I've been in a rut lately. With work, with everything, you know? I wanted to try something different and then I had this idea. I don't know."

For a guy who was built kind of like a Viking, he sometimes had a confidence problem.

"Hey, it sounds cool. Let me know how it is. I've never really done that kind of thing, but maybe I should add it to my workout?"

He seemed to perk up and nodded. "I'll let you know."

I got home late after hanging with Tor and crashed on the couch with Buck while I tried to convince myself I needed to get ready for bed.

Buck was a warm weight on my legs as I held my ereader and reread one of my favorite books. Some days it felt like I was going so hard that I needed a hobby like reading to really force me to slow down and stay in one place.

If I read on the couch, I was going to pass out on the couch and then have to drag myself to bed and I hated that. It took some effort to get Buck to climb off me, but I eventually did and changed into my sleep shorts and tank before brushing my teeth and doing the rest of my nightly routine.

Buck was already hogging the bed when I climbed in with my ereader again. When my eyelids started to feel like I couldn't keep them open, I set my ereader aside to charge and let myself drop into sleep.

Since I had a bunch of things to do the next day, we of course got paged to a call. First was an elderly woman who'd fallen in her bathroom. She was fine, but we took her to the hospital to get checked out anyway. Second call an hour later was a small car accident that we had cleared up in a few hours. After that there were regular duties at the station, so I was a little grumpy when I finally got home. Buck was thrilled to see me, as usual, which helped.

I was sweaty and tired, so I showered first and pulled some leftovers out of the freezer. I didn't have the energy for anything else. Our firehouse didn't do meals, since it was so small. The city had a larger full-time department, but I'd wanted to keep my job at the shelter, so volunteering was my best option. That meant our station didn't get all the shiny perks, but I wasn't complaining. The crew was good, and I'd made some amazing friends. This weekend one of the guys was having a cookout for everyone and there were nights out and other events all the time.

Tor sent me a sweaty picture of himself smiling.

Yoga is no joke .

That's right. He'd had his yoga class today.

How was it? I asked.

Different than I thought. Really intense. I liked it. Definitely going to keep coming. He responded.

Maybe I'd have to join him next time.

Hunter

Much to my surprise, Torrin did show up at my next class. I really hadn't expected him to. Sometimes men got weird about yoga. They thought it wasn't masculine enough or something. Torrin hadn't seemed like that kind of guy, no matter if he looked like one.

He'd arrived early and found me while I was mentally going over the flow I'd planned.

"Remember me?" he asked.

I snorted. "You're a little hard to forget."

He smiled and it was too bad I was a lesbian, because he was incredibly good looking. I knew that objectively. He looked like he was training to play a superhero in the next franchise movie.

I hadn't noticed his eyes the last time, but they were a lovely shade of deep blue and his smile was beautiful.

"Yeah, I know," he said, rubbing the back of his neck as if he was embarrassed. It couldn't be easy to be that big. I wondered if he'd always been the tallest kid in his class. Probably.

"Is this your first yoga class ever?" I asked, feeling like I wanted to be extra nice to this guy for some reason.

"Yeah, is it that obvious?" He had what looked like a brand-new mat slung across his shoulder and a bottle of water with him.

"Hey, you're not wearing jeans or sneakers, so you're already doing better than some people."

He laughed softly. "Okay, so is there anything else I need? They told me this mat was the best at the store, but I have no idea what makes a good mat."

They'd probably sold him the most expensive one.

"Why don't you choose a spot and roll it out and we'll see," I told him.

The store had sold him an extra-long mat, which was good given his height.

"So you're probably going to want a mat towel, and a regular towel. Be right back." I grabbed both for him, along with a yoga strap.

Torrin listened intently while I explained the yoga towel that would cover his mat, absorb sweat, and give him a better grip. I also got him a yoga strap from the basket in the corner and explained what it could be used for.

By the time I was done, it was almost time to start class.

"You've got this," I told him.

He gave me a weak thumbs up as I sat on his mat with his legs crossed.

I was going to keep my eye on him, but I had the feeling he was going to be fine.

Torrin did survive his first class, and I could see it on his face that he'd had a little bit of a revelation. He waited for me after and told me how much he'd loved it and that he would be back. I gave him my schedule and told him to try other teachers and styles too. He thanked me with so much enthusiasm that I found myself blushing. It was nice to have someone appreciate what you did.

I came back down to earth when I got home and had a message from my mother that we needed to talk. I knew what that meant. She was probably going to start in on me about law school. Again. I didn't think death would even stop her. I'd still get ghost messages to take the LSAT. A few times in the past I had agreed to sit for the test, but then never showed up. Oh the fights we had after I did that. Memorable.

I kept ignoring her for the rest of the week as I adjusted to my new schedule. Another local studio had taken on some of the other teachers from mine, but the slots they had for me were so early that they wouldn't work for me, so I decided to stick with the gym for now.

On Saturday, Cade had a small party at Eloise's house. I showed up with cookies and a bottle of nice wine. Reid also came, even though she was coming off a shift at Sapph, but she brought one of our other friends, Jo. Eloise's best friend Camille and her family were there as well. The three kids were cute as could be, but high energy. Cade was also high energy, though, so she ended up chasing them in the yard, playing tag, and teaching them jump rope tricks.

Camille's husband John was quiet but nice, and he did know his way around a grill. The food and company were both excellent. Better than expected.

At one point, Eloise approached me while I was sitting and sipping some wine. Reid was talking to John and Camille, and Jo had joined Cade to play with the kids.

"Enjoying your afternoon?" she asked me, and I could tell she'd been waiting to have a moment alone with me. I'd been expecting it.

"I am."

She took the chair next to mine and let out a little sigh. Eloise was a beautiful woman. Cade had excellent taste.

She seemed content to sit in silence as we both watched Cade chase the kids around. Eloise smiled softly and laughed when Cade lifted the youngest boy and swung him around in a circle.

"I didn't want to fall in love with her, you know. I fought it," she said.

I knew this. Cade had told me all about it.

"But Cadence is a force of nature. And I think when she decided she wanted me, she made it so. An inevitability."

Well, that did sound like Cade. I couldn't argue with her there.

I nodded.

"I'd like us to be friends. If you're open to that. I know you're skeptical of me. Of my intentions. I know that Cadence and I don't seem like we fit. But I love her. I love her more than I've ever loved anything."

Now was my time to speak. "More than your career?"

Eloise's eyes snapped to mine. Hers were a strange shade of blue that almost looked violet in certain lights. Stunning and unusual. Hypnotic.

"Tell me what you mean," she said, and it wasn't a question.

"You're going on a book tour, and you're bringing Cade. Are you going to make her pretend to be your assistant again to explain why she's with you? If someone asks a question about her during an interview, are you going to lie? Are you going to make her tell lies about the two of you?"

All of those questions had been knocking around in my brain ever since Cade told me about her feelings for Eloise. I'd been supportive of my best friend when things had seemed like they were one-sided. I hadn't wanted to tell her that her crush on Eloise wasn't likely to be reciprocated. And then it had been, and I'd been completely and totally thrown.

Cade was wonderful. Amazing. I would sing her praises all day, But I never thought that Eloise would reciprocate her feelings. Never in a hundred years.

I'd thought that the relationship would flame out after its initial heat. So far, it hadn't, but I wasn't holding my breath. Eloise would have to prove she was in this for the long haul.

"This isn't easy for me, you know," she said, defensive. I expected that.

"I do know. I'm queer too. Do you think my parents were jumping for joy when I told them that their only daughter wasn't going to be marrying a nice boy they picked out for me?"

To this day, my parents would still ask me if I was very sure I was a lesbian. If there wasn't any wiggle room for me to fall for a man that they would approve of.

Eloise looked away. "I'm sorry for that. That your parents didn't support you."

I brushed that aside. It didn't matter right now. We were talking about Cade.

"I'm going to claim her. Publicly. The reason I haven't done it already is because I don't want it to hurt Cade. There won't be photographers hiding in the bushes to talk pictures of us, but people will say things. She's going to be put under a spotlight that isn't always kind. I've built my armor up over years of dealing with it. But Cade hasn't. I don't—" she broke off, emotion choking her voice.

"I don't want who I am to hurt her. I'd do anything to protect her." She hurriedly swiped at her eyes. Tears. Another surprise.

"She's strong," I said, and Eloise nodded.

"Oh, I know. It's one of the things I love about her. I just wish I could change the world for her. I've done my best, but I don't know what's going to happen on the tour."

There was genuine fear in her eyes.

"You could tell her not to go," I said.

Eloise snorted. "Have you ever told Cade not to do something? That's the quickest way to get her to want to do whatever it is."

A laugh escaped me. That was true. She knew Cade well.

"I know," I said.

"I'm hoping that all my fears are just paranoia. There's a chance that no one cares or will notice."

That was a possibility. A small one. Eloise was used to her level of fame.

"Will you protect her?" I asked. Cade was the only thing I cared about. Eloise and her career were irrelevant.

"Yes, I will," she said. "I need you to believe that I will do whatever I can to protect her from anything that tries to hurt her."

Eloise reached out and gripped my wrist. "Do you believe me?"

Her fingers dug into my skin and her eyes were desperate.

I believed that she was sincere. But I didn't believe she had the power to stop people from attacking Cade.

At least that was something that wouldn't happen to me. After seeing every single member of my close and extended family be wrecked by love in one way or another, I was staying far away from it altogether. People might think that just because a couple didn't get divorced, that meant everyone was happy, and that the marriage was successful. Not so. Every single married couple in my family was miserable, bitter, and hated each other. Some more so than others. But most couldn't stand to be in the same room for longer than ten minutes, my parents included. Love was a poison that ruined everyone. All I had heard growing up were arguments and snide comments and diatribes on how awful wives were, how terrible husbands could be.

No way was I signing up for that.

I had other things in my life to fill my time and to satisfy me. I didn't need someone living in my house that was going to end up resenting and hating me for the rest of our lives. Sure, divorce was an option, but I'd still be left with a broken heart. Not giving it a chance to get broken in the first place was a better option.

Before she'd married my father, my mother had been an amazing artist. I'd found some of her paintings once and asked her about it. She said she gave up art to have her family, but I knew the real reason. My dad had come into the picture and she'd given it up. He sucked all the joy out of her and left her with nothing. And she'd done the same to him. I couldn't remember the last time my dad had laughed or smiled or enjoyed anything.

Growing up with them I'd dreamed about finding out that I was adopted and my real family would come and take me away. I'd have siblings and a mom who hugged me and read books and baked cookies and a dad who never missed my school events and taught me how to drive.

That wish never came true.

Now I was an adult and none of that mattered anymore. Only that I avoided everything my parents did so I don't end up like them.

Eloise was waiting for an answer and I didn't have one for her.

"I believe that you believe it. That's all I can give you right now," I said.

She sighed. "I understand."

Her fingers gripped her glass and she opened her mouth to say something else, but Cade ran over, her face flushed and her smile bright.

"El, come on! I want to show you how to do a double under." The way Eloise's face softened when she looked up at Cade made me look away as something uncomfortable twisted in my gut.

"Cadence, I don't think I'm in the right outfit for jumping rope," Eloise said, but Cade just rolled her eyes.

"Go put on your yoga pants and your workout shoes on. Please? It'll be fun."

I expected Eloise to refuse again, but she just shook her head as if she was trying to hide a smile.

"The things I do for you," she said as she stood up.

Cade used Eloise's shirt to pull her closer, resting her arms on Eloise's shoulders and grinning.

"You'd do anything for me because you love me," Cade said.

Eloise leaned in and I could just hear her saying "I suppose I do" in Cade's ear before kissing her cheek gently and going into the house.

Cade looked after Eloise with stars in her eyes before flopping down on the chair Eloise had vacated.

"So. How did it go interrogating Eloise?" Cade asked.

"I wasn't interrogating her," I said. "I was being a friend, there's a difference."

Cade's sunny demeanor dropped. "Listen. I know you are my best friend and I love you, and I love you looking out for me. But you've got to stop treating Eloise like this. She's not making me do anything. She takes care of me, and she loves me. I know you have a hard time trusting people, but I need you to trust me . Trust that I know what I'm doing. And that I know the woman I love."

My immediate reaction was to argue. To say that wasn't what I was doing. That I just wanted to make sure that Cade wasn't making a mistake.

But she was right. Eloise was her mistake to make. And I had been kind of a bitch about it. I was a bitch about a lot of things, but I might have taken this a little too far.

Fuck.

Shame and guilt curdled in my stomach and I looked at Cade.

"I'm sorry, Cade. You're right. I'm sorry."

She just smiled and came over to give me a hug. "It's okay. Your heart was in the right place. You just got a little carried away."

I hugged her back. Hugging wasn't something that I did very often, and I always felt awkward about it. That was what happened when your parents didn't give you enough physical affection as a child. You struggled with it as an adult and now here I was.

Cade let me go and Eloise returned wearing yoga pants and sneakers.

"Okay, show me how to jump. I'm ready." There was a light in her eyes and she seemed excited.

Cade handed her a rope. "Let's do this."