Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

Hunter

I was still shaky when I got back to my apartment after I got dropped off. It was so silly to pay for a ride when I could have driven, but Stace had been insistent. I sent her a message that I was home safe and then turned off my notifications.

It was late and I was tired, but I was also hungry again.

There was cookie dough in my freezer, so I preheated the oven and got out my cookie pan. My apartment felt too big and quiet, so I put on some music and tried to process everything that had happened.

Not only had Stace and I kissed, but she'd told me that she wouldn't fuck me, but that she would seduce me and that she basically wanted me to fall in love with her. No, she hadn't said that last part in so many words, but that had been the implication. She hadn't seemed defeated at all when I told her it wasn't going to happen. That if it came between choosing to start a relationship and choosing the life I had now, that I had built myself, I was going to choose me. No way was I sacrificing myself for someone else when I could get left with a busted heart anyway. It was like gambling in Vegas thinking you could outwit the casino. Could you? Sure. Was it likely? Not at all.

I didn't gamble with money, and I sure wasn't gambling with my heart and my future. Plus, think about how much money I could save on not having a wedding. Down the road I might want to have a baby. Maybe. I'd have to have two, though. So they'd have some company and could gang up on me when I had to be strict with them. As much as I didn't know what kind of mother I'd make, I knew what kind I would never be.

Things would really come to a head with my parents if grandchildren were going to be in the picture. I'd have to make some serious decisions about how much I wanted them in my life. But that was far, far down the line. When I had plenty of money to give them the best. Not a mansion and a nanny who saw them more than their parents, but a house with a yard. A swing set. Summer camp. Pool parties and trips to theme parks and college funds with no strings. If they wanted to use that money for something else, they could.

Why was I thinking about kids all of a sudden? The oven went off so I put the cookies in to bake and took a super-fast shower before putting on my pajamas. The ones I'd worn when Stace had come over were in the hamper.

What a strange night that had been. I couldn't have predicted that she'd literally tuck me into bed and read me a story. It was a Jane Austen novel, but still. All of it had been so unexpected, but I hadn't hated it.

No, I'd slept so well that when I woke up I actually smiled. I hadn't felt that good and ready to take on the day in a long time. I was strict about my sleep schedule, but something about the combination of the tea, the snack, and Stace's voice steadily narrating one of my favorite books was better than an edible combined with melatonin.

On the other hand, when she'd kissed me? That had been the exact opposite. So very opposite.

I touched my mouth, still remembering the demanding way she'd kissed me. As if she was asking a question and anticipated my answer.

No one had kissed me like they needed me more than oxygen in a long, long time. Maybe ever. Kissing had always been nice, but it was usually a pit stop on the way to other things. Given the choice between having someone's mouth on my lips or my pussy, I would choose the latter every time. If Stace could tear me apart so effectively with just a kiss, what could she do to the rest of my body? I was almost scared to think about it.

If only she could let us be casual. I'd be perfectly fine doing that with her. No expectations. Not owing each other anything.

I needed to go to bed and stop thinking about her. Instead, I shoved a cookie in my mouth and picked up my phone.

Heading to bed, but glad you're home. Well, not really. I wish you were here. I wish I was tucking you in my bed and watching until you fell asleep on my pillow next to me. Sweet dreams, princess.

Jesus fuck, she didn't give up, did she?

I was making breakfast for myself the next morning when Reid sent me a message asking if I wanted to go on a walk with her. Not a hike. I could handle a walk. She had to be exhausted from her shift last night, but she said she wanted to get out in the fresh air away from the city. I wanted to tell her that the city had an absolutely gorgeous park that had lots of fresh air, but I didn't. She said she'd pick me up and we'd head to one of her favorite nature trails. To sweeten the deal, she promised we could get coffee on the way.

Sold I responded.

Reid picked me up an hour later.

"No Cade?"

"No, she's at some book thing with Eloise this weekend. They went to see her agent in New York or something." Right, I'd seen that in the group chat. No doubt we'd shortly be inundated with pictures of everything they were doing.

Reid sighed and adjusted the air.

"How's work been?"

She lifted one shoulder. "Same old, same old."

"You know, you could always diversify. Do something else." I'd been bugging her about getting a side gig so she could work fewer hours at the bar, but she always got mad when I suggested it.

Today was no exception.

"I'm fine! Jesus, I didn't ask you to go on a walk with me so you could nitpick every single part of my life." Okay, she was in a mood today. I'd have to be gentle.

"You know that's not what I'm doing," I said.

Reid let out a frustrated sound as she merged onto the highway.

"Fuck, I know. I'm sorry. I really don't know how you and Cade put up with me. It's like I use up all my social skills at Sapph and then there's nothing in the tank when I have to be a regular person. And I'm not even that nice at Sapph!"

She banged her hand on the steering wheel and I was glad we were going for a little nature walk because she clearly needed it.

"Anyway, what's going on with you? I don't want to spend the whole day bitching." She made a face.

"Work. Parents. Never enough hours in the day."

Reid nodded. "Nothing else?"

"Not really," I said.

"See, you might not know this, but I can tell when you're lying, kid. So what's going on? You've been hiding something for a while."

Shit. I guess it was time to talk to someone about Stace. All of it was so confounding that I had to unload it on another person just to attempt to process it for myself.

"Okay. But I'm going to need you to stay quiet and promise you won't offer any kind of advice."

Reid raised her eyebrows and flicked me a look. "I don't know if I can promise that. The whole point of having friends is telling them things and then they give you advice. Like you just did when I was complaining about Sapph?"

She had me there.

"Fine. Just…hold most of your judgment." I knew there would be some. Maybe a lot.

The rest of the drive to the nature trail I gave Reid a short rundown of everything that happened with Stace. Not everything, of course. I left out the more salacious bits, but I gave her a general idea.

"Wow, she sounds hot. Has she ever come to Sapph?" I'd never asked her.

"That's irrelevant."

"Oh, I think it's relevant. If she's been one of my customers then I could tell you what she's like when she's at a bar. You can learn a lot about people when they have a drink in their hand." Wasn't that the truth?

"I'll find out. But that's not the point. She literally said that she wanted to seduce me, and I told her that wasn't going to happen. We want different things. I know I need to cut her off, but I just…" I trailed off.

"You like her," Reid said. "That's obvious. You really like her."

"I don't like her , like her, Reid."

She turned into the lot and found a parking space. The place was crowded with people walking their dogs and families with kids and backpacks and couples with matching walking sticks. The weather was surprisingly warm today. One of the last warm days we'd probably have this year until we fell face first into winter.

"What if you did like her? What's wrong with that?" she asked as we adjusted our bags. I had a backpack I brought with me just for trips like these that I didn't use any other time. I liked having enough snacks and water on hand, as well as a first aid kit and extra shoes and socks. Just in case.

"Liking leads to relationships and you know I don't do those," I said as we passed a woman and her dog. It was the same color as Buck and for a moment I froze, wondering if Stace ever brought him here for walks. I bet she had.

"Oh, right. Your relationship ban. I forgot that you've just…decided that's a thing you can do." Reid and Cade always scoffed when I said I had no interest in relationships. When I'd first told them about it, they'd wondered if I was asexual or aromantic or a combination of the two. I almost thought about telling them yes, I was, but that wasn't true. Instead I'd explained my reasoning and they'd been skeptical and had tried to tell me that I was going to change my mind when I met someone who knocked me off my feet. I'd told them that even if I did, I would simply choose not to let things get that far. Can't fall in love if you never open yourself up to someone else.

"It is. I'm not getting into a relationship with her. Other than a friendship, anyway." If only she hadn't said the seduction thing. I kept going back to that. Shocking thing to say to someone.

"Then just keep being her friend and control your feelings," she said as we walked along the leaf-strewn path. You had to be careful in the fall because the leaves were slippery and one minute you were stable and the next your feet were flying out from under you. I didn't need to hurt my ankle again. Although, I wouldn't mind that much if Stace had to come and rescue me again in her fire gear. If we were going to have a sexual relationship, I definitely would have asked her to role play with her turnouts and the rest of her uniform. That would be so hot. I hadn't done a lot of roleplay because that seemed like the kind of thing you did when you had known someone for longer than an hour, but the appeal was there.

Something told me that Stace would find taking role playing seriously difficult. She'd probably break character and laugh and show those dimples, but it wouldn't matter because she was so fucking cute.

"Hunter? You there?" Reid asked, and I realized I had completely drifted off into the fantasy and forgotten about Reid.

She grabbed my arm so I wouldn't trip over a branch.

"Yeah, thanks," I said, blushing.

"Would it be so bad to just see where things go with Stace instead of cutting things off before you even figure out if you could have a relationship? You don't have to jump into anything. No one is going to force you to fall in love with her."

I snorted. Stace would. She wanted to make me fall in love with her. It was almost hilarious how she thought that was something she could do. That she could just decide that for me.

"It doesn't matter. She's going to stay in the friend box. I'm not risking it."

My phone went off and I found a message from Stace. Speak of the devil.

It was a picture of Stace and her two little brothers. The younger one, Carson, was in her lap, and Eli sat beside her. All three were making funny faces and I couldn't help but smile.

I was dragged to the apple orchard for apple picking and a hayride. Cross your fingers I don't get paged and have to bail. LOL. Bail on the bales.

I choked on a laugh and Reid gave me a look. I ignored her and typed out a response to Stace.

That's one of the worst puns I've ever heard in my life. Congratulations.

Her answer made my entire body tingle. Thanks, baby.

We were going to have to talk about her calling me that.

My walk with Reid was more intense than she had prepared me for, but she took me for lunch after which included huge bowls of ramen before she took me to get some of my second-favorite cookies.

"Sorry for pushing you," she said through a mouthful of double chocolate chip cookie.

"It's okay. I need to do more cardio." I had a membership at the gym where I taught, and I should probably take advantage of it. Stace could definitely give me some pointers, probably in exchange for helping with her yoga.

"Fuck, I don't want to go to work," she said, rubbing her face.

"I'm sorry," I said, because she didn't want me nagging her. She just wanted sympathy. "Written anything new lately?"

It was an open secret that Reid wrote fanfiction in her spare time. She'd get grumpy when we mentioned it and she still hadn't told us what name she posted under or where she posted, so Cade and I had been speculating for ages about it.

"Not really. Inspiration hasn't been hitting me. I need a new show with a good ship." I was always on the lookout for her because I knew what she liked in fiction. Reid was an avid book lover and had recommended me some of my favorites. Every time I saw her, she'd found something new.

"I haven't been watching much TV lately. Sorry. Anything new to read, though?" Maybe instead of ruminating about Stace I could use that time and energy to read some really good romance. Since I wasn't going to have it in my life, I loved getting to lose myself in fictional love stories that always had happy endings.

"Mmm, yes. How do you feel about orcs?"

I nearly choked on my cookie. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Orcs. How do you feel about them?"

I got back after seeing Reid with a list of five new books I wanted to try. It had started drizzling just as I parked my car, which was perfect. All I wanted to do was spend the rest of my afternoon and evening reading.

After making a pot of tea, I settled in to chill the rest of the night, but just as I'd opened my first book, I got a message from Stace.

Fireworks are a menace. Just thought you should know.

Is there context? I asked. Or is this just a general sentiment?

It'll be in the local paper. Some genius was storing fireworks in his garage and dropped a lit cigarette. You can probably guess what happened next.

Oh no. That didn't sound good at all.

Was everyone okay? I asked.

By some miracle, no one was hurt and we managed to save most of the house. But I think his wife is going to make him sleep on the couch for a while if she doesn't outright divorce him.

Well, he probably deserved that.

Are you done for the night? I asked.

Yeah, that was a pain in the ass so I'm heading home. What are you up to?

I told her that I was spending my night reading.

Oh shit, that sounds really nice. Would you like some company? I always want to spend more time reading and then I get busy doing something else. I promise I won't distract you. I think reading in a room with someone else will actually help me focus.

That sounded ridiculous and I doubted our ability to ignore each other to read, but of course I told her that she should come over whenever she felt like it and that I'd make her dinner.

You don't have to cook for me. I can bring pizza. Freddies gives us a discount. What toppings do you want?

I told her that most anything was fine except for anchovy or mushroom. We agreed on pepperoni, olives, and green peppers for toppings. Stace said she'd grab some salads, drinks, and cake as well.

Not having to figure out what to do for dinner was a relief, so I made sure the apartment was spotless and grabbed an extra blanket from the chest in the corner so Stace could use it if she wanted to. I always liked being cozy when I was reading.

I buzzed her up less than an hour later and she burst in with two pizza boxes, several bags, and that smile that buckled my knees. Lucky for me, I could put my hand on the kitchen island to prop me up until Stace put everything down.

"No Buck?" I asked.

"My brothers dognapped him. They're having a little sleepover." Strange how I was going to miss his sweet little face begging for scraps and then laying on my knee. Petting his fur was so meditative in a way. No wonder they used dogs for therapy.

"Okay, I have paperbacks and ebooks just in case. I'm a big mood reader and I didn't know what I was going to want so I brought a bunch of things." She started unpacking her bag and she had everything from non-fiction books about specific subjects to romances to a few literary titles.

"I went a little overboard at the library last week. Oops?" she said as we both looked at the stack.

I always forgot about the library. I had a card to the city library, but I was always so busy that I forgot to go or check their catalog for ebooks. Usually I'd just buy the ebooks and if I didn't like them, I'd just delete them from my library. Books were one expense that I never limited myself on. Books and cookies.

"What are you in the mood for?" I asked her, spreading the books out.

"Hmmm," she said, tilting her head and tapping her chin with her forefinger as she pondered while I tried not to think about how adorable she was. "I think I want some romance. Romcom kind of romance."

I picked up one of the books that I'd already read myself and pushed it toward her. "This one. But you should show me your ebooks too just in case there's a better option."

She turned on her ereader and handed it to me. I paged through her library and I did have to say, she had excellent taste in books.

"Yeah, definitely this." I tapped the cover of the hardcover I'd picked out first.

"Perfect. What are you gonna read?" she asked, and I got my ereader to show her.

"Interesting. Is it any good?"

"My friend Reid recommended it, and she's almost never wrong about books, so we'll see."

"Cool. Let me know. Should we have pizza first?"

"Yes, please."

Stace and I ate sitting on the couch and I wasn't shocked at how much pizza Stace could put away with little effort. Her grocery budget must be astronomical.

"Should I have another piece?" she said to herself as she looked at her empty plate.

"Might as well. You brought plenty."

Stace nodded. "You're right. Do you need anything?"

"A refill?" Stace took my glass and came back with two more slices and a full glass of soda for me.

She let out a little sigh as she looked out my windows.

"I always feel like reading in the rain."

"Me too. I should do it more often. I always get so lost in the things I should be doing and forget about the things I want to be doing," I admitted.

"I think we all do that," Stace said, finishing another pizza slice with only a few bites.

Once we'd finished eating and each had a piece of cake, I put on some soft music that I listened to when I read and grabbed my ereader. Sitting on the couch with Stace while we read was going to be distracting, but I did enjoy having her here. Her presence was so bright and warm that it was like turning on an extra light after squinting in the darkness.

"Do you want a blanket?" I asked as I settled myself on the couch.

"Yeah, sure."

I pulled the extra out for her and she draped it on her lap. "Thanks."

For someone who had joked about loving to talk, I guess I expected Stace to make a lot of noise when she read, but she didn't. The only sounds that came from her were the turning of the pages and her gentle breathing.

If anyone was distracted, it was me. The book was interesting, but every few words my eyes would flick up to watch Stace. I couldn't help it: I liked looking at her.

She rested one elbow on the arm of the couch and rested her head against it as she held the book in her lap with the other hand. As I watched, I noted her reading speed by how fast she had to turn the pages.

It wasn't an exact science, but I think she was faster than me. How annoying and unfair.

My current speed was even slower due to all the Stace watching I kept doing. I was the one who'd wanted to read in the first place and here I was, not reading. Not reading my book, anyway. Reading Stace was better.

And of course, the longer I watched her, the more I thought about her and when we'd kissed and how she'd laid me on her couch and we'd been so close to having sex. If either one of us had removed even one piece of clothing, it would have been all over. For me, at least.

As I watched her, those feelings and desires reignited. Like they'd been waiting for me to think them and as soon as I did, they were all I could think about. I couldn't even pretend to be reading my book anymore.

"You know, I am reading, but I can feel you looking at me, princess," she said without taking her eyes off the book. She flipped to the next page and was still reading while I kept staring at her. Like a stalker.

"Sorry," I said, forcing my eyes back on my ereader. I'd been so distracted by Stace that it had gone to sleep, and I hadn't noticed. I turned it back on and wished I could hide my flaming face.

"You can look at me allllll you want, baby." That word. That one word undid me every single time. I hated how much I liked it. How much it seemed to dismantle all of my rules.

"Stop that," I said.

"What? Calling you baby?" She drew out the word.

Fuck .

I closed my eyes and I could feel her smiling. I could hear it. I hated how much I liked that too.

"Can we just go back to reading? Please?"

"I was reading. You were the one who wasn't," she said.

I blew out a frustrated breath and opened my eyes to find her smirking at me.

"Guess I'm just better at compartmentalizing my attraction than you are." Another page turn. I would accuse her of faking, but I could see her eyes scanning while she said it. I definitely couldn't carry on a conversation and read at the same time. Apparently, she was good at compartmentalizing.

There was only one solution.

I got up and went to sit in the reading chair that wasn't quite as comfortable as the couch, but it would have to work. I turned it so I'd be facing away from Stace and looking out my windows instead.

I could still hear her breathing and turning pages but cutting out the visual of her helped somewhat.

"Wow, okay," she said as I settled in.

"Sorry. You're distracting."

Stace laughed. "I know I am. It's one of the main parts of my charm. I'm like a song you get stuck in your head that somehow becomes your favorite."

No, she wasn't like that. She was like something that crawled under your skin and snuck into the spaces between your cells and before you knew it, she was there and she was a part of you and there was nothing you could do about it, but did you really want to?

She was more like that.

I ground my teeth together and tried to read my book. I did try. I truly did. It wasn't Stace's fault, even if I wanted to blame her. Closing my eyes, I did some deep breathing and counted to fifty. Stace turned a page. I heard it even over the music.

What was wrong with me? I never should have said she could come over. It was too soon. What I should have done was held her off for a few days and gotten my head together before seeing her in person. Hearing her voice on the phone was bad enough, but the combination of her body taking up space and air in my apartment and her voice when she spoke was more than I could take.

Mistakes, mistakes, I had made mistakes.

"Hunter?" Her voice was soft but made me turn and look at her over my shoulder.

"What?" I asked. She'd put one finger in her book to hold her place. I should have given her a bookmark. I had a beautiful collection, including a set of carved wooden bookmarks that I'd gotten from Reid for my last birthday.

"Are you okay? Do you need me to leave? I don't want you to be uncomfortable in your own home." Why did she have to say things like that? It would be so much easier to kick her out if she would just be an asshole. But no, she had to be sweet and kind and considerate. She had to bring me pizza and tuck me into bed and give me dozens of smiles and call me baby. She had to kiss me like it was the most important thing she'd ever done.

"No," I said, my voice rough. "I don't want you to leave. I mean, I do, but only because…" I couldn't finish.

Stace's smile was slow and dangerous. "Is my seduction working? I'm not even trying right now."

No, she didn't have to try anymore. Her very presence was doing it for me. Her presence and the memories of what we'd already done and the anticipation of what could come next.

"This is already hard enough, Stace."

"It's hard for me too. I know that you want me. And you know that I want you. So really, the only one standing in our way is you. So it's time to make a choice, Hunter. Because I'm not going anywhere." She leaned back on the couch and set the book aside. Slowly, she pulled the blanket from her lap and hung it on the back of the couch.

As I watched, she pulled her shirt over her head and set it on top of the blanket.

"Should I keep going?" At least this time she had a bra on. It was a simple black cotton bra with thin straps, but the sight of her shoulders and her toned stomach was more than enough to make my mouth water.

"Fuck," I breathed without meaning to.

That made her smile and tilt her head to the side. "Like what you see, baby?"

There was no point in denying it. "Yes."

"Want me to keep going?"

No. Yes.

I kept my eyes on her face.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

Her eyes were steady on mine. "If you tell me to stop, I'll stop. I promise."

I didn't want her to stop. I also didn't want to not want her to stop. It was all very complicated.

"I…" I trailed off.

"Okay," Stace said, reaching for her shirt.

"No, wait!" She paused with her shirt in her hand.

"I'm getting some mixed signals here, baby."

"Stop calling me that," I growled.

"Okay."

"Shit," I said again. "It's not that… I do want you, Stace. I do. So much that I sometimes can't even think about anything else. But we want different things. Very different things."

Stace put the shirt down and then got to her feet.

"Okay, Hunter. We'll do it your way."

She stopped when she was a few feet away from me.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that this has been building between us and if the only way I can have you is to keep things casual, then that's what we'll do."

I raised both my eyebrows. "Just like that? After the whole thing about seducing me and getting me to fall for you? You're just going to drop that and have casual sex? I find that hard to believe."

Stace nodded slowly. "It's true. I can compartmentalize, remember? If all you want to do is casual, then we'll do casual. Friends who have sex when we want to. People do that all the time."

I absolutely didn't believe her.

"But what if you develop feelings for me?" I asked. "What then?"

She nodded. "I'll tell you before it gets to that. And we'll decide. But it's a bridge we'll cross if we come to it. We may not. A lot of my past relationships started out hot and then we grew apart and parted on amicable terms." Oh. That was interesting. I wanted to know more about these past relationships.

"I've never really dated anyone seriously. In addition to my family relationships being disasters, I saw how everyone around me was pretty much falling apart after every breakup and it just confirmed everything I thought." I shrugged. "I think it can work out, but it's much more likely that it won't. And I'm not taking the chance."

Stace nodded and licked her lips, drawing my attention.

"I can appreciate your hesitancy. And your desire to keep things casual. So let's do it. Let's be casual."

I stared at her, waiting to see her flinch or blink. She didn't. For someone who was always smiling and showing emotion, she also had a hell of a poker face. At least she did right now.

I kept underestimating her and she kept turning the tables on me.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "You're not going to get all your feelings tangled up?"

Stace shook her head slowly, not taking her eyes from me.

"I'm sure." I didn't believe her, but she sure sounded confident.

This was a bad, bad idea. Possibly the worst idea that I'd ever had.

I should ask her to go home. I should tell her to go right now.

"Okay," I said.

"Okay?" she asked. "Not a ringing endorsement."

She raised one eyebrow as if in challenge.

This woman was going to be the death of me.

"Take off your bra," I said, my voice sounding much steadier than I felt. This was it. Our path was chosen and now we had to move forward.

"As you wish," she said, reaching back and flicking open the clasp before pulling the straps over her arms.

"Fuck. Your body is unbelievable." I could hear the awe in my voice.

Stace laughed and looked down at herself and then sat back down on the couch. "Thank you. It's an occupational benefit. Gotta be able to carry my gear and pretty girls when they require it. Come here."

As if she'd reeled me in, I stepped toward her until I was standing between her legs.

"Take your hair down?" she asked.

I'd just done a pretty simple high-volume ponytail after leaving my hair overnight in my heatless curlers.

Moving slowly, I released the elastic bands from my hair and let it fall on my shoulders.

"God, your hair ," Stace said. She rose to her feet and reached for me. I couldn't stop tracing her chest with my eyes, looking at all that skin and muscle and her high, tight breasts with sweet little nipples that were already stiff.

Her body was incredible and she worked hard for it.

"Mmmm," Stace said, running her fingers through my hair. "I've never thought I had a hair kink, but I'm reevaluating my stance on it right now."

I let out a little breathless laugh. She could do whatever the hell she wanted to with my hair, as long as I got to keep looking at her.

"Can I touch you?" I asked. It wasn't so much that I wanted to touch her. I needed it.

"Yeah, baby. You can touch me."

I'd planned to go slow. To torture and tease her until she was a complete begging mess. To give her just enough until she was screaming.

In practice, that wasn't what happened.

I kind of ended up tackling her. She let out a little grunt and caught me as I threw myself at her and the momentum took us back to the couch, with me on top.

"Shit, Hunter," Stace said, looking up at me her eyes wide.

"Sorry," I said, but I wasn't all that sorry. I ran my hands up her shoulders, almost whimpering at the feel of her skin.

"You're sooooo sexy. Fuck," I said, unable to stop touching her.

"Come here," she said, using her hand on my hair to bring my mouth down to hers. She kissed me hard and it was somehow even more intense than that first kiss we'd shared.

Then we both sort of lost it.