Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Hunter

Torrin showed up for Thursday yoga and I couldn't stop myself from telling him that Micah had also signed up. His face lit up for a moment and then he smoothed everything into what he thought was a mask of indifference.

Just as he was setting up his mat, Micah walked in. He glanced around the room and went red when he saw Torrin. I did my best not to watch them as Micah walked over near where Torrin stood. Close, but not directly next to him.

What had gone down between the two of them? It was obvious, at least to me, that there was an attraction there. Maybe Micah wasn't out? Maybe he didn't even know he was attracted to Torrin. That was a solid possibility. I'd been out for years, but everyone had a different journey.

Throughout the class, I kept a fraction of attention on Torrin and Micah. They made eye contact a few times and Micah definitely blushed more than once. He was like Cade that way. Couldn't hide anything if he tried.

Torrin lingered after class and Micah seemed to be taking his time as he cleaned his mat for an unnecessarily long time.

"Go for it," I told Torrin in a low voice, my back to Micah so he couldn't see what I was saying.

"He doesn't… I mean he's not…" He fumbled and I got it. "I tried and he brushed me off and I got the vibe that I made him uncomfortable. But I didn't mean to do that."

"I'm sorry," I said.

Torrin gave me a sad smile that somehow reminded me of Stace.

"You can't win 'em all, right?"

"You'll get the next one," I said, feeling a little weird. He was my yoga student, but he was also Stace's brother. I wasn't exactly sure how to act around him.

"Thanks," he said, laughing and running a hand through his hair. "I'm going to go drown my sorrows in some ice cream. Early shift tomorrow."

He left and I turned around to find that Micah was gone. He'd snuck out while I was chatting with Torrin.

Poor Torrin. Having crushes on straight people was all part of the queer experience, but it wasn't a pleasant one.

Looks like Micah doesn't play for our team I sent to Stace. It felt a little weird to be sharing something like that, but I figured that Torrin was going to tell her anyway.

Really? I could have sworn. Damn. But maybe he hasn't figured it out yet? Can't do much about that. Poor Tor. He's probably at the grocery store right now buying out the ice cream section.

That made me laugh out loud and I got a few looks as I left the locker room.

I'm sure he'll bounce back, but he might need his sister to comfort him I sent.

Yeah, I'll wait for him to tell me, but I'll be here for him when he wants to wallow.

She really was a wonderful sister.

I'd just gotten home that night when my mother decided to call. She'd been leaving me alone for the most part lately and I'd relaxed too much. I should have known she'd lull me into a false sense of security and then pop back up like a nightmare.

I let her go to voicemail and then tortured myself a little bit by listening to it. More law school guilt. This time she was having lunch with so-and-so who could write me a recommendation or something. Then there was the reminder that the winter charity events would be coming up soon and she didn't want me to miss them.

That was too bad because I was definitely going to miss them. Every other year I'd been willing to go along to get along, but I was absolutely over it. No more. I'd see my family for Christmas, but not for anything else. I was done.

Would I let them know that I was done? Not unless they pushed me. I really hoped it wouldn't come to that. I could handle confrontation with anyone else, but not with my parents. Whenever we spoke I somehow reverted into an absolute child who couldn't speak for herself. Who got tongue-tied and couldn't find the right words and couldn't fight for myself. It was awful and ugly and I hated it, so the best way to cope was to avoid. Ignore. Hope they'd give up.

My apartment was too quiet again and I actually thought about showing up at Sapph and pestering Reid. She'd give me a free drink and let me sit at the end of the bar and come and talk to me when she had breaks. I didn't want to bother her though. Not when she was on the clock. Maybe this week I'd agree to go on a hike with her.

Cade was probably in bed with Eloise already. Keeping my circle small meant that when I needed to turn to someone, my options were limited.

I didn't know if Stace was on call or currently rescuing someone from a fire, but I gave it a shot.

Hey, are you busy? Or awake? I felt a little foolish typing a message like that, but I hit Send before I could second guess myself.

Stace responded almost immediately.

No, I'm not busy and yes, I'm awake. What's up?

I typed out three messages before I finally sent one that I still wasn't happy with.

Just needed someone to talk to and I remember you offering. Is that offer still good? I sent.

Again, she answered immediately. Hell yeah it is. Do you want to talk via message? Or I can call you.

I wasn't going to tell her, but I wanted to hear her voice. Before I could type out an answer, she was calling me.

"Hey. I figured I could just call you and you'll tell me if you don't want to talk this way."

The tension I'd been holding in my shoulders melted away when I heard her. I wasn't going to think about that too much.

"Hey, yeah, this is fine," I said.

"Everything okay?"

Now that we were talking, I felt foolish for needing to talk to her.

"I'm fine."

"You know, Hunter, you've said that to me a bunch of times and I haven't believed you once. If you don't want to tell me what's going on, that's okay. But don't lie and say you're fine."

Fuck.

"Parent stuff. That's what's going on."

"Okay. Anything specific?"

I decided to go lay in bed while I talked to her, curling on my side and propping myself up with my pillows so I was comfortable.

"No. Just the usual. It hits me hard randomly. And I didn't have anyone else to talk to." I hated admitting that so much. It made me sound pathetic. I should just hang up on her and forget all about this.

"You can talk to me, Hunter. I'm here."

Her voice was deep and soothing, and I wanted to ask her if she'd ever considered narrating audiobooks or doing a soothing podcast or something. Her voice just put me at ease.

"Maybe I don't want to talk. Maybe I want to listen to you talk. Tell me something. Anything."

I could hear the smile in her voice. "You're probably going to regret asking me that. You know I'm a yapper."

"Then go ahead. Yap away. I'm giving you carte blanche."

She laughed. "Ohhh, fancy."

"Seriously. You can talk about anything you want." I adjusted my pillow so my neck was supported.

"Wanna hear about some of my funniest fire calls?" I'd want to hear about her boring ones too. Anything. She could say anything.

"Absolutely."

Stace launched into her story and within a few minutes had me laughing so hard that tears were running down my face and I could barely breathe. I couldn't recall that last time that had happened to me.

"So then the cat escaped and ran up the tree again and refused to come down. It was like being in a cliché movie about firefighters that night. Finally, I got her down with a lot of begging and some treats. Someone took a video of it and I went a little viral online for that one." I could hear her rolling her eyes.

"Oh I bet you hated it," I said.

"Shut up," she said through a smile. I liked that I could hear her smiles now, even if I couldn't see them.

"Someone as social as you likes attention. There's nothing wrong with that. I wish more people would admit they crave attention when they do things to get it."

"People usually see it as a negative," Stace said.

"I know. But I feel like it's a need, like everything else. Sure, some people take it to an extreme, but what's wrong with wanting to be seen? To be acknowledged? That's a basic human impulse." I hadn't meant to get all philosophical on her, but I was feeling raw and vulnerable, and my filter was off. I braced myself for her to laugh, or to make fun of me for getting too deep.

"Huh. I guess I've never thought of it that way, but it's true."

Oh.

"Do you think about that when you make your hair tutorials?" she asked, and I heard a snuffling noise that had to be Buck. I imagined we were on her couch together with the dog laying half on each of us.

"I don't know. Maybe. It was just something I started doing ages ago on a whim. I'd always liked doing something fun with my hair and I think Cade asked me how I did it and I replicated the look on her while I talked her through it so she could do it herself. She told me I should film it, so I did. People liked it, so I continued."

I knew making hair tutorials wasn't a career, but as long as I enjoyed doing it and felt creative, then I'd keep going. When it started feeling like more of a burden and less fun, I'd move on to something else. Same thing with making my watercolor art.

"I wish I had something creative like that, but I feel like I'm so worn out from already having two jobs that there's nothing left over. I do art with my brothers sometimes. Eli is really talented. He's writing and drawing this graphic novel right now and it's incredible. I know he's my brother, but it's seriously cool. I hope he keeps his passion for it."

We talked more about art and life and how you can change from the person you imagined you'd turn into when you were younger.

"I guess I didn't care what I did, as long as it wasn't being a lawyer. I'd join the fucking circus before I'd do that. And I'm not very flexible, so I'd probably end up washing sweaty costumes or something. It would still be better than law school."

"You know, I've never met anyone with so many negative opinions on law school before," she said, chuckling.

"I mean, it's not law school, exactly. It's the fact that from the minute I was born, I was cast in a role that no one ever asked me if I wanted to play. It was assumed I would go, and I would do what my parents did. As if I wasn't my own person. Every time I did anything that they didn't approve of, they were absolutely shocked, and they'd say ‘this doesn't seem like you' but they had no idea who I even was. Who I am now. If you asked my mom what my favorite color is, she'd get it wrong. If you asked my dad where I'd want to go on vacation, he'd get it wrong. I've quizzed them before. They don't know me, and they don't even try ." The tears on my cheeks were a surprise.

"Fuck. I didn't call you to cry, Stace."

"Aw, baby. You can call me for any and all reasons. I wish there was something I could do."

She sounded like she meant it. This was the second time she'd called me baby. This time was different, though. This time it was soft, like a blanket she'd put over my shoulders. It settled on me and I didn't hate it.

"I don't need my hand held," I said, feeling a little defensive.

"Everyone needs their hand held sometimes."

I heard rustling and then Buck barking and more noises.

"I can let you go, if you're busy," I said.

The sound was muffled.

"Stace?"

"Yeah, gimme a second." There were a bunch of random sounds and I wondered what the hell she was doing.

"What are you doing?" I asked and heard more shuffling and jingling and what sounded like Stace breathing heavy.

"I'm getting in my car to come see you," she said before I heard the hum of her engine turning on. "Putting you on speaker."

"Stace, you absolutely do not have to come over, what the hell." I wanted to tell her to go back upstairs to her apartment because I wasn't a baby and I didn't need her to come and wipe my tears and tuck me in. No one had ever done that for me before and I'd grown up fine. At the same time, I could see the appeal.

"I'm coming over and so is Buck." I heard panting and then a soft whoof.

"You really don't have to." My protests were getting weaker.

"Listen, there's a reason they have therapy dogs. Buck might not be a trained therapy dog, but he can pretend. Right boy?" Another quiet bark.

She did have a point about that.

I got out of bed and looked around my place, but it was clean. It was always clean. In addition to having a professional cleaner, I didn't like it when anything was out of place. Made me anxious. I enjoyed living in a place that looked beautiful all the time. Gave me peace. Made me feel like my life was together. Or maybe it was a product of the way I'd grown up. Even when I'd been younger, you couldn't tell that my parents had a child living in their home.

Going to the bathroom sink, I washed my face and made sure I didn't look like too much of a mess.

Far too soon, my phone went off and I buzzed Stace in.

Not only did she arrive with Buck, she arrived with a bunch of other things.

"Sorry. I didn't know how long I'd be here so I wanted to be prepared." She shoved a dog bed in my arms and waltzed in with a gym bag slung over her shoulder that she set on the counter.

Buck sniffed at me and wagged his tail before running around my apartment to sniff everything else.

"He's not going to do anything, is he?" I asked.

"Other than sniff everything? Nope. I brought him his bed to lay on and some toys. He'll be good, promise." I'd never had a dog in my apartment, so I sort of stood back and watched as Stace set down the bed in a corner of the living room along with some toys.

"I've always got a Buck bag in my car because I have to drop him off with my brother or my parents all the time. He's used to it." After Buck ran around and smelled everything there was to smell, he raced to the bed and lay down, letting out a sigh.

"Oh. He seems happy?"

"He is," Stace said, facing me. "Come here."

She held her arms out and I walked right into them, letting her wrap them around me, leaning into her strength and her warmth.

Stace let one hand stroke up and down my back in a soothing gesture as we swayed just a little bit and it was so…nice. It was just nice.

Being held by Stace.

"See? Everyone needs a hug."

Her voice rumbled through her chest as I fought the urge to snuggle closer to her. As if I could. If I wanted to get any closer, I'd have to crawl into her chest cavity. Gross.

Stace made a little sound like "mmmm" and I let my body go even more slack against her. She was mostly holding me up at this point. My bones were essentially liquid and everything else was warm and syrupy and I didn't know if I'd ever been this relaxed in my entire life, not even after having an edible.

One of her hands reached up to stroke my hair, which I'd taken down.

"Your hair always smells so good," she said, and I didn't think I imagined her lips brushing the top of my head.

"Thanks." My voice was muffled in her shirt. She always smelled so good. Being this close gave me a concentrated dose and I was pulling it into my lungs like a drug. It almost felt like one.

Stace eventually let go of me and I had to brace my legs so I didn't just slump right to the floor.

My head was kind of floating and fuzzy as I looked up at her and found her smiling at me.

"Isn't that better?" Her fingers fluttered across my cheek for a moment. Just a moment.

"Yes." Everything was better now.

"Good. That's what I came for. Now. Can you show me around this incredibly beautiful apartment?"

I did.

Stace whistled loudly as we walked to the floor-to-ceiling windows in my living area. She took in my plants and bookshelves and I wondered what she saw.

"This place is unbelievable," she said after minutes of silence. "Did you decorate it yourself?" She spun around to face me, her hands behind her back. Buck snoozed on his bed, apparently making himself right at home.

"I did use a company to help a little bit with the overall design, but the rest of it is me," I said, feeling pride that she appreciated what I'd done.

Stace nodded, walking in a slow circle. "You gonna show me everything else?"

She raised one eyebrow.

"I showed you my office and the bathroom." I'd avoided the primary and my own personal bathroom that was attached.

Stace nodded. "Oh, I see. I get it."

"What?"

She flopped onto my couch and leaned back on the pillows. "It's fine. You're just afraid if you see me in your bedroom, you'll be overcome with lust. It's cool."

"What the fuck?" She was always saying things like that. Just bold and out there and completely out of the blue.

Stace rested one arm on the back of the couch and tilted her head to the side, giving me one of those cocky grins that turned my knees to liquid.

"You're scared of losing control with me. But you don't have to be. I'd keep you safe, princess."

I threw my hands up in the air and made a bunch of noises that weren't words. Stace just cackled.

"It's fun riling you up. You get all cute and red and spluttery. Gets me every time."

I grabbed a pillow from the other end of the couch and whacked her with it before she could put up a defense. "Fuck you." I choked out a laugh and hit her again as she put up her arms.

"Hey, hey, I'm defenseless here! I'm a guest in your home! It's bad hospitality to beat guests with pillows!"

Her words only kept me going as I hit her again and again until we were both laughing, and I found myself straddling her lap. When had that happened?

Panting a little, I lowered the pillow and took in her reddened face and messy hair. It made me wonder what she'd look like with really messy hair. Post-sex hair.

Against my better judgment, I reached out and ran my hand through her hair.

"Your hair smells good, too," I heard myself saying.

"Does it?" she asked, looking up at me. I became aware that our bodies were touching in some crucial places and if she put her hands on my hips and nudged me just a little closer, we could almost be fucking.

Stace's eyes were on my face and it was like she could read my mind. As if I'd said that thought out loud.

"So, you don't need to get me into the bedroom to be overcome with lust."

I snorted. "Who says something like ‘overcome with lust'? Reading too many Eloise Roth books?"

As much as she was talking about it, she hadn't put her hands on me yet. They rested on the arm of the couch and next to my legs. Like she was waiting for me to make a move. Well, more of a move than crawling into her lap since I'd already done that.

Stace seemed to read my mind again.

"Ball's in your court, princess. What are you going to do with it?"

I closed my eyes. "Fuck." I didn't mean to curse, but I couldn't let this go any further. With unsteady legs, I climbed off her lap and stood up.

Stace didn't seem to be upset at all.

"That's not why I called you tonight."

She nodded. "I know. You were sad and lonely and I was your last option. I'm not offended that I wasn't your first choice. Someday I will be." She grinned again and I thought about beating her with the pillow again.

"See? It's so much fun," she said. "Come on."

I followed her as she went down the hall and opened the door to my bedroom.

"What are you doing?"

Stace turned around and faced me, our bodies so close that I forced myself to take a step back.

"I'm going to make you a cup of tea and a little snack. You're going to go into your bedroom and put on your coziest pajamas and get in bed. I'm going to deliver your tea and snack and tuck you in and read you a bedtime story. Then I'm going to kiss your head and wish you goodnight and make sure there are no monsters under the bed."

I burst out laughing because this had to be a joke.

"You can't be serious."

Stace nodded. "Yeah, I'm serious. When was the last time someone tucked you into bed and read you a story and waited until you fell asleep?"

"I think the nanny might have," I said.

Stace's face fell. "Shit, Hunter. That's kind of bleak."

"Not all of us grew up with loving parents, Stace," I snapped.

She set her hands on my shoulders and pushed me into the room. "I know that. Now go get in bed."

This was ridiculous. There was no way I was doing what she said.