Chapter Nine

"This truck is so cool," Noah said, for what had to be the third time since they'd left the FBI office.

"Thanks." Marlie took the turn for her apartment complex. She glanced in the sideview mirror. It was nearly five o'clock. The sun still shined brightly, glinting on the chrome bumper of the Expedition directly behind them.

Agent McGarry's— Evan's —Expedition.

Something was up with him. Based on what she'd overhead in the hallway, the FBI had been considering taking him off the case. Odd, since he'd been the one who'd found Noah in that basement. Why had the other man—his supervisor?—thought Evan wouldn't be "focused" or "impartial?" And who was that woman in the photo he showed Noah?

His reaction had been brief, but it had been there. The man was hiding something, and that unleashed a gaggle of suspicions in her mind.

She parked in the closest spot she could find near the door to her building. Evan pulled in beside her. "Don't forget your bag." She pointed to the hospital toiletry bag on the floor by Noah's feet.

Evan had insisted on following them home. Home . The apartment she'd been renting for nearly two years had never felt like home. She hadn't had a real home since she and Chris had sold the house. Since… Aiden .

"Can I drive your truck someday?" Noah asked.

Marlie laughed. "Maybe in about five years. When you have a driver's license." The second she'd said the words, she regretted them.

Long before Noah turned sixteen, he'd be with another family. He still didn't comprehend her guardianship was only temporary, and she didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise. Not now, certainly not so soon after what he'd been through. He needed time to adjust.

Evan and Blue met them at the hood of her truck. He ran his big hand over the chrome headlight bezel like he was stroking a woman's body. What was it about men and trucks?

"After you." He held out his arm.

"After me, what?" He wasn't really going to—

"We're escorting you and Noah to your apartment."

"No. You're not." It wasn't that hot out, but sweat began beading on her forehead. She hadn't had anyone in her apartment. Ever. Letting Noah inside was one thing. Even though Evan was an FBI agent, allowing a man into her sad little sanctuary was unfathomable.

"I want to check the place out before you go in. As a precaution."

"That's completely unnecessary." There was absolutely no way she was letting him into her home. She parked her hands on her hips. "No one knows he's staying with me. I didn't even know for sure until this morning."

"We still don't know who was looking for Noah at the hospital. We could have been followed to the FBI office or here." He pointed behind her. "Your truck is kick-ass, but it stands out like the Jolly Green Giant. You may not like it, but I won't take no for an answer."

"You say that a lot." Because he was a man who got what he wanted, she was coming to realize.

He stepped closer, partially invading her personal space. "That's because I mean it a lot." He let the words hang there.

A breeze whipped up, bringing with it his spicy, woodsy aftershave or cologne. She backed up until her butt hit the bumper of her truck. Maybe it was because he smelled so good, or because in the last three years, she hadn't been close enough to a man to actually smell his scent that made her brain cloud with confusion. If she wasn't already backed up to her truck, she would have retreated an additional five feet.

"Can Blue come?" Noah asked hopefully.

"Yes."

"No!" Marlie shouted.

Noah's expression clouded. "Why not? He's a cop, too."

What am I doing? She took a breath. A deep calming one. Outbursts were so uncharacteristic of her. So what was this really about?

Evan said nothing. Blue sat at the man's side, also watching her. Was it her imagination, or did man and dog always have the same expressions on their faces? Ones of disapproval.

Facing the realities of having Noah and Evan in her apartment stirred up all kinds of anxieties. She was about to embark on that change she acknowledged was needed in her life, but it didn't come without a hefty emotional price tag.

Anxiety. Shame. Most of all…fear. Stowing those emotions was essential, and Noah deserved better from her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"It's okay." Noah hung his head, staring at his sneakers.

"No, it's not. I really am sorry." Gently, she grasped his chin, forcing him to look at her. "Let's go home." There. She'd said the word. Home . For as long as Noah was with her, she'd do her best to make one for him.

They went inside and up the short stairs to the second floor. The air in the hallway seemed thicker than usual, suffocating. Carpeting muffled their footsteps, but she felt Evan's presence behind her like a giant tower of doom. She pulled out her keys, desperate to get inside and get away from him.

Being a psychologist, it wasn't difficult to psychoanalyze herself. She swallowed the lump of shame rising in her throat.

There was virtually nothing in her apartment. Only the basics necessary to live. There were no pictures or prints on the wall, no colorful throw pillows or rugs, and the furniture was stark and boring. There wasn't even a plant. Frankly, her apartment was devoid of any sign of life, because that's what she was. Lifeless. Her life no longer had meaning, and she didn't want that part of her soft emotional underbelly exposed. Especially not to Evan. Why him, she didn't know, and it didn't matter. Like Noah, his time in her life would be fleeting.

She inserted the key into the lock. I can do this. Evan rested his hand on hers, stopping her from turning the knob. As it had in the FBI office, when they'd raced to keep Noah's fingers from getting bitten by the white dog, a shivery, pleasant warmth shot from his touch, zooming up her arm.

He stared at their hands a moment longer before clearing his throat. "Let me and Blue go in first." He pushed open the door, looked inside, then unhooked the leash from Blue's collar and motioned with his arm. The dog went in. Evan followed, again motioning with his arm that she and Noah should go in.

Evan and Blue disappeared down the short hallway that led to the two tiny bedrooms and the small bathroom. She flipped on the living room light, exposing all that wasn't here and all that was.

The emptiness in her soul. The only parts of her heart that remained were in the solitary framed photograph on the oak coffee table by the sofa and the photo album tucked away on the shelf in her closet. All the photos were of Aiden. The framed one was her favorite. It had been taken a week before Aiden went missing. Every time she came home from work, she looked at the photo, and every time she did, a little more of her died inside.

Noah dropped his bag on the sofa and looked around the room. "Wow, this is big."

Marlie nearly laughed. Maybe from his perspective it was big.

Evan and Blue came back into the room. "All clear," he said as he looked at her.

Her face suddenly felt hot. He'd been in her sparsely furnished bedroom with nothing more than a bed and bureau for the few clothes she owned. No longer caring what she looked like or how she dressed, she'd given all her pretty things away to charity. Even her closet held only a few remaining essentials of a wardrobe that used to be filled with beautiful dresses, blouses, and shoes.

"Good to know." While she kind of appreciated Evan's protectiveness, it was for Noah's sake, not hers. Besides, what were the chances someone had actually broken into her apartment anyway? That only happened on TV.

Evan glanced at the photo of Aiden on the coffee table. "You ready to hit the farmers markets tomorrow?" he asked Noah.

"Yeah. Then can we look for Caleb?" He knelt in front of Blue, who promptly licked his chin.

"We'll definitely look for Caleb," Evan reassured him.

"Is Blue coming with us?" Noah asked.

"Yes, he's coming." Evan chuckled, a deep, rich sound that reminded her of the way her favorite college psych professor laughed. She'd always harbored a secret crush on the man.

"Can Crystal come, too?" Noah looked up at Evan, a hopeful look on his face.

Evan smiled, revealing even white teeth set in his handsome face. "Not this time."

"Aww." Noah frowned. "Blue wants Crystal to come. Don't you, boy?"

At the sound of the other dog's name, Blue snorted and lifted his head high. His tail went erect as he swiveled his head left and right, like he was searching for Crystal. Marlie had been kidding when she'd told Noah even dogs fell in love. Maybe Blue really was smitten.

Noah laughed, a sound Marlie never expected to hear in her apartment. Unexpectedly, she found herself smiling.

"We'll pick you and Noah up tomorrow morning at eight." Evan motioned to Blue as he strode to the door. "Keep the door locked at all times, and don't let anyone in unless you know them."

When the door clicked shut, she blew out a breath. Something about this guy made her nervous and flustered. She couldn't recall being flustered since high school prom.

"Is this your son?" Noah had sat on the sofa, holding the framed photo.

"Yes." She sat next to him, taking the photo and setting it back on the table.

"Where is he?"

"At the cemetery." She swallowed. "He died."

"Oh." Noah looked at her with eyes so innocent her heart tumbled over. "I didn't know."

"That's because I didn't tell you." Forcing a smile, she smoothed hair from his face.

"Does that make you sad?"

So choked up, Marlie could only nod.

"Maybe we can get a dog." His face brightened. "Maybe that would make you happy."

She smiled at his enthusiasm and how, again, he'd managed to lift her spirits. "You're probably right, but I can't have pets here."

His forehead wrinkled. "Blue came here."

The kid was quick, she'd give him that. "Blue isn't just any dog. He's Evan's partner. Like you said, he's a cop."

"Then can we move somewhere we can have a dog?"

This kid knew how to pull all her heartstrings. He kept using the word "we," as if he fully expected to live with her forever.

"For now, why don't we get you settled? I'll show you where your room is." She tugged him from the sofa. His fingers were small, the skin still smooth, uncalloused. The urge to cry hit her like a brick. To protect her heart, she'd intentionally distanced herself from children. Having Noah here had thrown her back in time, but Noah wasn't Aiden and never could be.

She led him down the hall. "Here's the bathroom. We'll have to share it."

He shrugged. "That's okay."

"This will be your bedroom." She flipped on the light and let him go in first. "I know the futon's not much of a bed, but—"

"You have a computer! Cool!" He sat at the small folding table and flipped open her laptop. The password login box popped up. "Can I use it?"

"Sure." Unable to resist his excitement, she grabbed a pad and pen and started scribbling down her password. "Here's the passwo—" Her jaw dropped. He'd already logged in. Before he'd seen the name she'd written down. Aiden .

"Um. That's okay. I got it." He shrugged. "I kinda figured it out."

"Yeah." She huffed out a laugh. "I'd say so."

Given how easily he'd found the password to the hospital computer, she shouldn't be surprised. Part of her was astounded at how instinctive he was with computers. The other part was proud of his natural abilities. If Aiden had lived to—

Don't go there . Would she ever stop wondering what her little boy would have been like if he'd lived?

"Do you like spaghetti?" It was about the only thing she had available to cook up on such short notice. Along with hitting the mall for clothes and school supplies, they'd have to stop at the supermarket tomorrow.

"Mm-hmm," he mumbled, more intent on scrolling through the Rockies' website than eating.

"I'll call you when dinner's ready." She headed for the kitchen, throwing over her shoulder, "Don't forget to wash your hands before you come to the table."

In the tiny kitchen, she filled a pot with water and set it on the stove to boil. All the extra plates, of which there were few, sat on the top cupboard shelf because she'd never needed them. She grabbed a chair and stood on it. If Evan had stayed for dinner, he could easily have grabbed the plates for her.

Her hand froze in mid reach. The tingly warmth she'd felt earlier dove straight to her breasts, and she could no longer deny what her body was saying.

FBI Special Agent Evan McGarry made her feel things— physical things—she hadn't in a very long time.