Chapter 31

Iwanted to spend the week getting to know my new stepsister. Using my newfound resolution to be myself and not live in fear of what others would say about my scars, I suggested outings. To visit the menagerie, to go swimming at the stream, or for walks in the woods. I even ventured into town to visit the bookshop and was able to select several new volumes in different languages; my Latin was getting rusty from the months of disuse.

It felt like waking up after a deep sleep as I began going out again. I had always loved talking to people, visiting new places, and having fun with my sister. Comfort, delighted with my sudden surge in energy and eagerness to be out and about, accompanied me everywhere, and introduced me to friends and acquaintances. I was still very self-conscious of my scars, but other than a few surprised looks, no one said anything.

The day before Mother and Algernon were due to return, I managed to convince Cynthia to accompany me on a walk to town. Comfort was off with some friends.

We walked along the path, unsure how to break the tension between us. I was glad that Comfort was not with us, given how she had ruined my last attempt at friendship with my new stepsister.

Sometimes it is easier to talk about something other than yourself. “Tell me about your dad,” I coaxed. “I still don’t know much about him.”

Cynthia shrugged. “He is just dad. He likes reading history books. And traveling. And cooking. He is very good at chess.”

“You know a lot of history too,” I said encouragingly. “You were incredible during the history quiz when we had game night.”

“Dad used to read the history books to me when I was little,” Cynthia said. She looked at me. “Your dad told you stories too, didn’t he?” then she hurriedly said, “But you don’t have to talk about him if you don’t want to.”

“That’s okay. I like remembering him,” I told her. “He was a wonderful storyteller and always told us fairy tales and legends from all over the world from his travels. He used to tell us stories every evening.”

“You must hate Dad for taking his place.”

“No, I don’t,” I said truthfully. “He hasn’t taken Father’s place. And I am glad for Mother. She was so sad before. It is nice to see her happy again.”

“I don’t remember my mom,” Cynthia admitted.

“She died when you were a baby, didn’t she?”

Cynthia nodded. “Dad says I look just like her,” she smiled a tiny bit, then stopped walking. I imitated her.

Cynthia scuffed the toe of her tiny shoe against the dirt trail. “I am sorry for how I have been acting,” she apologized. “I know you are happy for your mom, to be with someone again. Dad and I have been together, just us, for so long. It is weird to have to share him with other people now.”

This was more honesty than I had hoped to get out of Cynthia. “It is okay. Lots of changes are difficult.”

We started walking again. It felt like the icy distance between us had melted a little. The tension between us shrunk a little. There was even an inkling of a friendship beginning.

“Didn’t you used to live at the castle?” Cynthia asked. “Comfort told me.”

“Yes, we did. Father was Chancellor of the Exchequer.”

“What is that?”

“He was in charge of taxes.”

“What was it like?”

“What, being in charge of taxes, or living at the castle?”

“Living at the castle!”

“Well, it was… wonderful.”

“Did you know the prince?” she asked eagerly.

“Well, there are two. The older one is Hubert and the younger is Curtis.”

“And you knew them? What were they like?”

For some reason, I couldn’t talk about Curtis with Cynthia. It felt too personal. We didn’t have that level of friendship yet. And any time I tried to examine my feelings for Curtis, hoping I felt more distant after more than a year, I was always disappointed to find that I missed him terribly. “Well, Hubert is the older one. He is just a year or so older than you are, and he is smart. Serious, very serious. He is a whiz at history too, but I didn’t know him well. He excelled in jousting and swordplay.”

“He sounds amazing!” said Cynthia fervently.

“I suppose,” I said. I thought of my conversation I had had just a few days previously with Comfort. “He is handsome too.”

“If we ever go there, you should introduce us.”

Committed as I was to be myself and not hide away, I still hesitated to return to my old life. It was one thing to be brave and show my face around town, where no one had known me before. But to reappear back at court, to see the people who had known me before, it still felt too intimidating. Perhaps one day. But not yet.