30. Mel

On the brink of hyperventilating, I walk home after my shift. Feet aching, my flower-print dress feeling entirely too revealing despite the tan trench coat I wear over it. Every dark shadow, any slight bit of movement, and I expect Gleb to reach out and grab me, to pull me into the safety of his arms.

But he doesn't.

And that almost terrifies me more than the dark silence of the abandoned Boston streets.

When I reach the front steps of Kieri's boarding house, the reality of my situation truly starts to set in.

Gleb's absence tears me to shreds.

He's gone. Really gone.

And I hate the way I left things with him.

I could see the look of betrayal on his face, the curl of defeat in his shoulders, and I know he won't forgive me. Not after everything I've put him through.

How many times did I push him away? How many times did I tell him I didn't need him?

But the truth is so far from that.

I've never been more terrified in my life.

Now, I'm trapped in an engagement that turns my blood to ice. I know my life will become nothing more than a gilded cage if I actually marry Vincent Kelly. The man who's broken through the shallow veneer of safety in my Boston life. The false belief that I could be happy and live my life without a man is gone.

But I couldn't watch Gleb die. It would have broken me. Destroyed me completely.

Because as much as I would like to think I'm strong enough to live alone, the truth is I have one man I can't seem to move beyond. To live without. No matter how far I run, I can't escape my feelings for him.

I would have given just about anything to save Gleb's life at that moment.

And I'll thank my lucky stars until the day I die that Vinny believed me.

It's the least I could do for all the times Gleb has come to my rescue.

I only wish it hadn't come at such a high price.

I was so close to touching the stars, so close to believing I could actually chase my dreams, fall in love, and provide for my daughter at the same time. But it wasn't meant to be. Girls like me don't get that kind of happy ending. We suffer and struggle, claw our way through life. And after all our penance is paid, we hope that our daughters can find a happier fate.

Taking a deep, fortifying breath, I steady my nerves before I insert my key into the front door. Then I slip inside as quietly as I can.

"I took Gabby upstairs tonight."

"Oh!" Palm pressed to my heart, I grip the handle of the front door as my body completely overreacts to Kieri's voice behind me. And I turn slowly to face her.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you," she says, her face shifting from calm to concerned in the dimly lit entry. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry. It's been a…" I swallow hard. "Rough night. You carried Gabby upstairs?"

"Yeah." Kieri shrugs. "She was pretty anxious and kept waking up with bad dreams, startling the other kiddos. I gave her a glass of warm milk and carried her upstairs around ten. Been checking on her every twenty minutes or so since then, but she seems to have calmed down."

The hair raises on the back of my neck as I wonder when exactly everything went sideways at Pearl's tonight. Before midnight. That's all I know for sure. "Thank you for doing that. I'm sorry she gave you extra trouble."

Kieri waves off my apology and steps closer to take my hand. "Are you sure you're alright? You look like someone could knock you over with a feather."

I nod, forcing a smile, but the tears clog my throat, making it too hard to speak.

"Oh, honey." Kieri wraps an arm around my waist, steering me toward the kitchen. "I'll make you a warm cup of tea. And you're going to tell me what the hell is going on."

Depositing me into a chair, Kieri puts the kettle on the stove and settles down beside me. "Does this have something to do with the rather dangerous-looking young man who stopped by earlier today?"

"What?" I ask, confusion furrowing my brows. "Someone stopped by the house today?"

"Well, yes. Gleb, I think he said his name was. He said he was a friend of yours and asked if you were around. But I told him you'd already left for work."

A gasp of breath rushes from my lungs, and my heart tightens painfully to know Gleb came looking for me—that he found me here, and that I was so close to having an entirely different encounter with him tonight.

"D-Did he say what he came by for?" I ask, unable to keep my voice steady as my emotions wreak havoc on my vocal cords.

"Just that he was an old friend and hoped to catch you before work. He said he would try another time, but…"

Suddenly, Kieri's expression turns troubled, and as the teapot releases a shrill whistle, we both jump.

"Sheesh," she gasps, pushing off the table to collect two mugs from the cabinet and prepare our peppermint tea. She returns a moment later, setting a mug before me as she settles back into her chair.

"But what, kūpuna?" I ask, scarcely daring to breathe.

Kieri shakes her head, her lips curling at the Hawaiian title I would only dole out to my most respected elders. "I'm sorry, Melody, but Gabby slipped past me while I was trying to turn him away, and she did something I've never seen her do with anybody but you."

My breath catches as I wait for her to explain.

"You know how you touch foreheads and noses?" Kieri gestures with her hands.

"Honi," I say, my heart beating faster by the second.

"Yeah. She did that. Without prompting. I was trying to catch her and bring her back inside. But she kind of… held her arms out, asking him to pick her up. And when he did, she gave him a honi." Kieri shook her head.

"Then what happened?" I ask, my heart breaking at the thought of my baby meeting her father and somehow just… knowing.

Kieri shrugs. "He handed her back to me and thanked me for my time. I was so terrified that he might kidnap her at first and then so baffled by her behavior… I don't think I handled the situation appropriately at all. I'm sorry if it caused you trouble at Pearl's."

"No—" I choke on unshed tears and swallow painfully at the story. "No, not at all. It's just…" I shake my head, unable to manage the well of emotion rising inside of me. "I agreed to marry Mr. Kelly's cousin tonight. Vincent Kelly."

"You… what?" Kieri frowns, her hands wrapping around her tea mug as I take a sip of the scalding liquid.

I should tell her about Gleb. I should talk about everything he said to me. How desperately I wanted to say yes and follow him back to New York.

Especially after hearing what happened between him and Gabby, it tears me apart to know that they share some inexplicable bond, something like the intangible one that draws me to him so undeniably.

But I can't.

Because tonight I broke it. That same bond that brought him back to me years after I ran away. I could feel it snap like an overstrained piano wire.

He's going back to New York. And I'll never see him again.

"I don't love him," I state, choking on the words. "Vinny. But I know it was the right choice to make."

"You're marrying Vincent Kelly, but you don't love him?" Kieri asks, her eyes widening. "Why?"

Tipping my chin up defiantly, I push aside all the doubt and anxiety that churn inside me. "It was the right decision for me. He offered me comfort and luxury—anything I need. Besides, it's not a big deal. He'll probably tire of me eventually and toss me aside once he's done with me. Then, I can regain my freedom and have all the money I need to support Gabby."

"Melody," Kieri chastises, her grave gaze motherly. "The Kellys are serious Catholics. They take marriage as a binding contract made before the eyes of God. It's no small thing if you've agreed to marry Vinny. You'll be bound for life."

My lungs seize, trapping the air inside as she hits me with a truth I was not at all prepared for. Does that mean there's no way out? I've promised myself to a madman who can promise me misery for the rest of my agonizing days on this earth.

Kieri grips my hand affectionately, her face riddled with concern. "Vincent Kelly might tire of you eventually, but that won't let you out of your contract. Death is the only thing that might."

My heart pounds at her confession, the words slowly sinking in. So if Vinny gets tired of me, he'll just kill me? What would happen to sweet little Gabby? Fear strangles my chest, and I try to swallow. Lifting my mug of tea, I gulp down scaling peppermint tea. And I set the mug down with a gasp.

I'm still glad if I managed to save Gleb's life—after all, I owe my life to him many times over.

But for the first time, I'm starting to wonder if I made a terrible mistake by not agreeing to leave with Gleb when he asked me in the first place.

My doubt made me hesitate.

My fear made me push him away.

And now I fear I've not only lost the love of my life, but I've fallen into a trap with a man far more overbearing and possessive than Gleb ever could have been.