21. Mel

Ikeep my eyes focused on the neon sign guiding me to the stairwell. I don't trust myself to wait for the elevator because leaving Gleb is far harder than I imagined possible. My muscles vibrating with tension, I brace for him to follow. To grab my wrist and refuse to let me go.

But he doesn't.

His door clicks softly closed behind me.

And I don't dare look back.

Wrenching the door open, I race down the stairs, fighting back the tears that threaten to consume me. The loss that could overwhelm me if I let it. Because I feel a powerful draw to Gleb, and I'm dangerously close to losing myself to him again.

But I can't trust him. I have a healthy distrust of men in general, and for a very good reason. So, regardless of my feelings, I need to follow my instincts. Because I don't want to find out how painful the betrayal will be when it turns out he's just as controlling and willing to use me as the rest of them.

Heart lodged thoroughly in my throat, I clutch my back to my chest as I step out into the crisp night air and turn toward home. Gabby's waiting for me there. And I desperately need to hold her.

As I stride purposefully down the street, vivid memories of my heated encounter flash through my mind. Gleb's searing green gaze, the warmth of his soft lips seeping into mine. The pain of having him fill me so completely that I might split in two. And the throbbing pleasure when he fucked me so tenderly after.

The residual of our time together slicks my inner thighs, reminding me of climactic euphoria, the mind-blowing bliss of feeling him come inside me. My spine tingles, knowing he craves me as fiercely as I do him. And at the same time, it terrifies me. Which is why I ran.

I didn't bother putting on my bra or panties before I left. I was too frantic to get out of there. Because I knew if I stayed, he would press me for why I don't want to leave Boston. And he's so impossibly perceptive, I knew I couldn't keep the truth from him for long.

But I couldn't tell him about Gabby. I have no idea how he might react to me having his child, and I don't want to risk telling him when Gleb can be so domineering. No doubt he would be furious that I've kept it from him all this time.

What if he chose to take Gabby from me because of it? Or, possibly worse, what if he stopped wanting me because of her?The thought that anyone might not want my daughter is more than I can bear. But children are a massive responsibility, and as my father proved to me, not everyone wants to be a parent.

I can't risk it.

I can't risk Gabby's happiness.

And I refuse to give up my freedom—even for love.

Shaky hands fumbling with my keys, I unlock the front door of the women's home and let myself inside as quietly as I can. Then I turn the bolt to lock the door behind me.

"I was starting to worry," Kieri says softly from behind me, making me nearly jump out of my skin.

I'm wound too tight after my encounter with Gleb. Pressing a hand to my heart, I turn around to find her standing in the dim entryway. All the lights are out already, the other girls are home, and the children are asleep.

"You're later than usual," she observes, her arms crossed over her chest. And while I know she doesn't judge the girls who choose to spend time with men outside of work, she's also not interested in being a babysitter past her designated hours.

Guilt twists my stomach because I've kept her far later than our two o'clock curfew. "I'm so sorry, Kieri. There was an incident at the club tonight. Mr. Kelly pulled me aside to speak about it." It's not a lie, but it still feels crummy because I know that's not what kept me late. Still, I can't bring myself to talk about Gleb. Not to anybody. Just thinking about him makes my chest throb horribly.

"You're one of the few girls who never needs to explain yourself. I know you wouldn't keep me waiting unnecessarily," Kieri says gently. "I was just getting worried, is all."

"I'm so sorry. It won't happen again," I promise.

"You okay?" she presses, peering up at my face with genuine concern now. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Her observation is eerily accurate, and if I couldn't feel the very real evidence of Gleb's existence in the ache between my thighs, I might not wonder if tonight were some kind of haunting dream.

"I'm fine," I promise, offering her a smile. "Was Gabby good for you?"

"An angel as always, though she woke up asking for you about ten minutes ago."

Heart breaking to think my little girl was looking for me, and I wasn't here. I head straight for the nursery, where Kieri puts the children to bed at eight o'clock every evening.

The room holds four bunk beds and three cribs. Only a few of the higher bunks are occupied now by two of the older children, who likely didn't want to wake up to move when their moms got home. Normally, the younger ones are collected and brought back to their mother's quarters when the girls get home from work.

Gabby's the youngest one left tonight, and my tiny two-and-a-half-year-old lies with her eyes open and fixed on the door. A thumb is tucked comfortingly between her lips. But as soon as I enter, she removes it to sit up.

"Mama?" she asks, her tiny voice sad. "I had a bad dream."

"My sweet girl," I murmur, shoving my bag behind my back so I can scoop her into my arms. Giving her a honi, I hold her close and inhale her sweet baby scent. Then I carry her quietly toward the nursery entrance so we don't wake the others.

Her tiny fingers curl around my hair as she tucks her head sleepily against my neck.

"Do you want to tell me about your dream, keiki?" I offer as I climb the stairs up to the second floor.

She shakes her head no, undoubtedly halfway asleep now that we're headed to bed.

Rubbing soft circles over her back, I soothe her gently. It always makes me feel bad to wake her in the middle of the night. But she's not old enough to sleep downstairs by herself yet. The few times I've tried, she's woken up crying. So, to make up for it, I try to let her sleep as late as I can in the mornings. But my little bundle of energy rarely sleeps in. I don't mind, even if it means I only sleep a few hours. Every minute I get with my daughter is precious to me.

Turning the handle to our room, I slip quietly inside and shut it behind me. Then I pad softly to Gabby's twin bed tucked into the corner of the room. Pulling down the blankets, I ease her onto the soft mattress. But she's not quite asleep. I know because her tiny fingers fist around my hair, a clear sign that she doesn't want me to leave.

"I'm right here, keiki," I promise, leaning close to brush soft kisses over her round face. She might have Gleb's striking green eyes, but she has my prominent cheeks and pointed chin that give her an adorable heart shape.

She smiles, her eyelids drooping sleepily. And as I tuck the blankets firmly around her, Gabby's breathing grows more steady and deep. I linger even after I can disentangle her fingers from my hair. Tracing her delicate features with a light touch, I peer down at her. And my heart brims with loving devotion.

This is what it should mean to give your heart to someone.

And my little girl has stolen mine completely.

I would do anything for her. Without hesitation.

She's the only thing that matters, my reason for being.

If all love could be like this, I would gladly trust my heart to a man. Being a mother is the most rewarding thing I've ever done—far more meaningful than my dream of modeling could ever have turned out to be. And though Gleb's mention of it tonight brought back some long-buried aspirations, I don't need any of that to be happy.

All I need is Gabby.

The rest of it is just what I do to protect her. To take care of her.

In the faint moonlight that glows through our single window, I study her innocent face, the way her lips form a soft O as she sleeps. God, she reminds me of Gleb in so many small ways—her ability to read my emotions so easily, the way she watches people, reading situations, and thinking before engaging. She's quiet like him, too, and so serious for a girl her age—just like Gleb, always cautious.

Tears burn the back of my throat as a lump rises there. I swallow hard, fighting down the unexpected wave of emotion. I've spent so long trying to forget about Gleb, and after seeing him tonight, it's like a dam has broken in my heart, releasing all the pent-up feelings I have for him.

Sometimes, I question whether it's the right choice to keep him from Gabby. It feels selfish to have her all to myself. I can just picture them together, serious eyes watching each other, forming a deep, silent bond that they seem to develop without effort.

But every time I reconsider my choices, I come to the same conclusion. To protect my daughter, I need to keep her far away from that world—his world. The world of men. Because, just like me, she will only become a thing to possess. And once I open that door, I hand over the control.

I have to be strong for my little girl.

Stand my ground.

Maintain my independence.

She's going to have a good life, a safe life. One in which no man will ever hurt her.

I'll make sure of it.

"I love you so much, Gabby," I murmur, brushing her silky curls back from her forehead. "Mama's never going to let anything happen to you. You'll get to grow big and strong and happy. You can dream as big as the moon and the stars, keiki, and together, we'll make it happen. Okay?"

Gabby nods softly in her sleep, nuzzling against her pillow, and my heart squeezes. Leaning in, I press one last kiss to her temple. Then, I rise slowly from her bed to wash the night's events from my body.