Chapter 12

Adam could still taste her on his tongue. He would never get tired of that, but at the moment, his control was hanging on by a thread. Heat coursed through him. His heart was beating out an insane beat that would surely kill him. Everything in him urged him to take, to conquer.

He couldn't do that. Instead, he bit back the need to tell her to hurry. Jin needed to control the pace of their lovemaking. Everything in this act was about her, showing her how much he loved her. He cherished her. She needed to understand that he would always be there, no matter what. And this was like the first time. They were both different from who they were years ago.

Worse, this was going to be the first time he took a woman bare. His cock jerked. On top of that, it had been a very long time since he'd had sex. Just thinking about her wet heat surrounding his shaft had him almost coming.

Jin leaned down, her nipples brushing against his chest. Taking his earlobe between her teeth, she bit down.

He groaned, and she hummed against his flesh. The vibrations filtered through his body, rushing through his nerve endings, setting them on fire.

She scooted down his legs, kissing a path down his throat, chest, and stomach, nipping at his flesh every few kisses. When he thought she would ignore his warning and take his cock in her mouth, she bypassed it so she could wrap her fingers around the shaft. She stroked him, long, leisurely…and he barely kept it together. Jesus, her hands were weapons he would gladly die to have on him. With each measured stroke, she slipped her finger over the head.

He groaned and did everything he could to keep from coming all over her hand. He had no problem with that…later, but he wanted to fill her up the first time together again.

"Jin, I want in you," he said, his voice deeper than before.

She hesitated for a long moment, causing him to have doubts. He needed to know that she was okay with this. Worry had his brows lowering. He knew this might leave him unsatisfied, but he needed her to be alright. He didn't need her to prove herself to him.

"You don't have to do this, Jin. We don't have to do this."

Defiance glittered in her gaze as she looked up at him.

"You think I can't." There was enough hurt in her voice that told him she was equally committed to finishing and fearful of her reaction.

He shook his head. "I think you can, but I only want you to do what you feel comfortable doing."

Her lips curved, power flowing off her in waves. This woman…she was amazing. Just that one look of triumph almost had him coming. He watched as she bent her head to lick down one side of his cock, then up the other, swirling her tongue around the head before taking him in her wet, warm mouth.

He closed his eyes and clawed at the sheets. Otherwise, he would slip his fingers through her hair and take control. This had to be her decision and at her pace. He understood that, but it was hard to control himself.

As she continued to take him in and out of her mouth, she slid her fingers down to his sac, teasing him to the point where he almost lost it.

"Jin."

She kept sucking him as she looked up at him. Fuck, it was one of the most erotic things he had ever seen in his life.

"I want to be inside of you this first time I come tonight."

She released his cock with a pop. "You'll let me take that all the way some other time?"

She sounded like she didn't believe him.

"If you think I'm going to say no, you have lost your damned mind. Just this time…our first…I want to be inside of you."

"Adam, we've had sex before."

"This is our first time this time around." And she would be his last if he had anything to say about it.

She still looked confused.

"This time…this is love for sure."

He could almost feel her pulling back from him, but he didn't want that. He would fall to pieces if she did that. Maybe not the most masculine thing to admit, but it is what it is. He could wait for her to be ready no matter how long it took. She was his life.

"You don't have to say it to me." Yet. "But I do love you, Jin. I never thought I would get you back, even before everything that happened. I waited, didn't know if it would happen, but now that I have you back, I will do everything I can to prove to you that we were meant to be. So, this time…this first time…I want to be connected to you."

Her gaze softened as he went on about his feelings.

"Now, take pity on me and climb up here."

She smiled, full-on seduction. His heart jerked at her confidence. She was so damned beautiful all the time, but he loved her like this. This power was his kryptonite. He pitied men who didn't understand how sexy a woman could be when a woman was confident in the bedroom.

"There's nothing pitiful about you, Adam Lee," she said, her voice curling around him as she rose over him. Taking his cock in her hand, she centered herself over it, then slowly sank onto him.

Her tight heat surrounded him. Jin didn't hurry. Instead, she took her time, slowly sliding all the way down onto his cock. When he was finally seated in her completely, she pivoted her hips, causing them both to groan.

Adam slipped his hands around to take hold of her ass. Then, she started to ride him. The rhythm was slow and steady to start. And she knew she was pushing him closer to the edge. The triumph in her expression almost made him laugh. He couldn't because he was in too much pain. She was keeping him on the edge, teasing him with a release. And damn, she knew it.

Well, two could play this game. He skimmed one hand around to her clit. He held her gaze as he pressed against it before pinching it. She jerked, then moaned. Adam continued to press her clit as he leaned up and took one nipple into his mouth.

Just that little move had her movements increasing. Her tits were bouncing with her movements as she lost all control. He was so fucking close. He would surely lose it if he couldn't get her to come again.

He pinched the tiny bundle of nerves once more, and that was all it took. She exploded, slamming down onto his cock.

"Adam."

"That's it. Fuck, you are so beautiful when you come."

Her muscles squeezed him, pulling him deeper into her tight core. He did take over then, holding her hips so he could thrust up into her once…twice…and he came on the third thrust.

It was so powerful his eyes rolled back in his head at the pleasure that coursed through him.

She collapsed on top of him, and they fell back onto the bed. Their harsh breathing was the only sound filling the air. Fuck, how did it get so much better than the last time they were together. But it was. Every second would be seared on his brain until the end of time.

"I'll get up in a minute," she said, her words slurred.

He chuckled. "No rush, ku'u lei."

Soon, her breathing evened out, and he wrapped his arms around her and followed her into sleep.

* * *

Several hours later, Jin roused herself and found the bed beside her empty. Reaching out, she slid her hand against the sheets. It was still warm. She heard water in the bathroom, and she slipped out of bed. The moment she stood, she winced. Her muscles were exhausted, but she hadn't felt this alive in years. Probably since the last time she and Adam were together. Grabbing his t-shirt, she slipped it on over her head. It smelled of Adam—all woodsy and manly and Adam. His scent always reminded her of the air at night in Hawai'i. Just a little sweet but filled with earthy goodness.

With careful steps—she was damned sore!—she walked to the bathroom. Adam was standing in all of his naked glory, filling the tub. She smelled lilacs, and she smiled. They were one of her favorite scents. She wasn't sure if he remembered her telling him that, but knowing Adam, she had. It had been when they first started dating. She must have moved because he looked up at her. His gaze zeroed in on the shirt she was wearing.

"Hope you don't mind." She didn't know what else to say because the look he was giving her was… weird. In fact, she wasn't sure if he was mad or not.

"No…I just…" he swallowed. "I like seeing you wear my shirt."

The possessive tone had her entire body reacting. While heat spiraled through her, her nipples tightened. She smiled.

"I thought you would like a bath."

"I would as long as you will join me."

His toothy grin had her heart dancing. "Of course. I was going to insist."

She pulled his shirt up and off her, tossing it on the floor behind her. He stepped into the tub and sat down before helping her in so she could sit in front of him.

"Lean back," he said, urging her to rest against him.

Then, she remembered the marks on the back, the scars she refused to have removed.

"Relax, ku'u lei."

My beloved. She blinked, suddenly feeling like she might cry. Why had she been reacting that way to everything for the last week? Not only with Adam but also with all the support the TFH continued to show her. She swallowed those questions for the one that she needed to know right now.

"You aren't going to ask?"

"About your scars?"

She nodded jerkily.

"If you want to tell me, you will. If you don't want to, that's fine too."

She closed her eyes, willing the tears not to fall, but they did, coursing down her cheeks. It wasn't from sadness or terror. It was acceptance. From the moment she'd met him years ago, Adam had always accepted her. He never pried into what she was investigating like a lot of other cops did. It was probably why she went so far with him. It was as if she was all he cared about, not the information she could give him.

"Ku'u lei, what's wrong?"

She sniffed and brushed away the tears. Of course, her hands were damp, so she left her cheeks even wetter.

"You're scaring me."

With a shuddering sigh, she screwed up the courage. "You've always just liked me for me."

"Like?"

He sounded skeptical, but he didn't give her a chance to ask about that.

"There's a lot to like about you, Jin."

"Name one thing that has nothing to do with my appearance because I know that's what men think of first."

He tsked. "That is not when I was first attracted to you."

"It's not?"

He urged her forward as he soaped up a washcloth. With gentle strokes, he washed her back. The mesmerizing movement of his hands had her relaxing even more. The man really was good with his hands.

"No. I met you several days after I heard you."

She frowned. "Heard me?"

His chuckle sent need spiraling through her again. Apparently, her dormant sexual appetite was ravenous.

"Yeah. You had been in HPD bugging Josh Miller."

Ah, yes. Josh Miller, who had conversations with her breasts. "What a douche."

His snort was so loud that she laughed. "Yeah. He is. Well, I heard you laugh. At first, it wasn't real. It's that one you use when you're trying to get information from a stupid man."

"Hey!"

"I'm just being honest." She could hear the smile in his voice. "And I'm not judging you. It was your job."

He started to rinse off her back, but she said nothing. Right then, she wasn't sure she could.

"But then, Mary Stephens and you were talking." One of the most powerful admins who worked in HPD Headquarters. "And you laughed. Like a real laugh. I wasn't facing you, hadn't seen your face, just the back of your head at first. I didn't know your name. I just heard that laugh. I was a goner."

Heat that had only a little to do with lust swirled in her belly.

"I don't want to pretty up my past." She sensed that he stilled behind her. "My entire adult life has been marred with people who took me at face value. And at first, I was okay with that. I was always the ‘exotic one' in a high school of mainly white people. And not in a good way, in a ‘you don't fit in with us' way. When I got to college, it changed. You know what that's like, right? Well, not really, since you went here and probably knew half your class."

He chuckled, then urged her back against him. "Yeah, mostly."

"But in college, being different was good. Standing out as special and smart was finally attractive to others. It went to my head, but I learned to use it to my advantage."

Jin waited, her entire body tense. Most people would be judgmental of her actions. When he said nothing, she filed that away to deal with later.

"When I started out as a beat reporter, I knew I was smart, but I also knew that being on the crime beat would have me in contact with mostly men. Even in this day and age, police work is dominated by men. So, I would smile and giggle to get information from the guys. But then, I met you."

He had been trailing his hand up and down her arm, but his hand momentarily paused, then started back up.

"You didn't talk to my boobs. You smiled at me, looked me in the eye, and then asked me on a date."

"I remember." He was still smiling, and it made her heart light.

"We went to dinner, and you made me laugh while talking about your family of women. It was obvious you loved and respected them." That was the straightforward story. Now came the dark part. "In those moments after…when I was recovering, all through the months." Years really. "When I thought I would lose it when the darkness started to close in on me, I thought about that date. The way you would smile at me, the way you held the door for me and put your hand on the small of my back. All those little things helped me out of the dark hole."

"Jin."

He was trying to urge her up and around, and if she had to see him face to face, she would never get everything out, and she knew it was important to tell him. To say it out loud to someone other than her therapist.

"I'm not all light and sunshine. I never have been, not with my upbringing. And I wanted to remember that. I also wanted anyone who could get this close to know I had gone through something that was so damned dark that it's hard to think about it, even now. I wanted to end it all more than once, but then…that memory. The way you would laugh, the smile…and all the times you would contact me. It was like you knew exactly what I needed."

Finally ready to look at him, she turned and climbed on his lap, ignoring how the water sloshed over the side of the tub. She tried to ignore his cock pulsing against her core, but it was definitely difficult. Cupping his face in both of her hands, she said, "I don't know where we are going, and I don't want any kind of declaration from you. What I want is exactly what you are, Adam. You are what I want. What I need."

She kissed him then, pressing her mouth against his, keeping her gaze locked on his. Part of her wanted him to demand a declaration from her. She knew he wanted to give her one, but he held it back for her sake. Instead, he urged her out of the tub and then joined her. With a fluffy towel, he dried her off with smooth, slow strokes. By the time he carried her to bed, she was shivering with need and something else she wasn't ready to face.

He set her on the mattress, then covered her body with his. This time, he took his time as if trying to convey his feelings through his actions. Slowly, methodically…he undid her with his hands, his mouth. Her worries dissolved under his careful lovemaking. He entered her in one hard thrust while she was still shivering from the orgasm he had given her. As they crested together, she screamed his name, giving herself over to pleasure. At that moment, she knew she would never love another man like Adam Lee.