41. Winter

"Stop fucking sniffling,I don't want to hear it," Trent snapped at me. I was sitting in the passenger seat of his car, and I couldn't hold back my tears one more second. I could still feel Asher's touch. Could still smell the skin of his neck. I felt like I was being split right down the middle and bleeding out right there on the leather.

"Fucking hell!" Trent lashed out and his hand connected with my face, cracking hard against my nose.

I clamped a hand over my nose, gasping with pain.

"I told you to shut up. You think you can sneak off during a function and fuck around with your ex? I'll make you pay for it, Winter. I never fucking forget anything."

When I failed to respond, he reached out and grabbed my hair, yanking me to his side. He pulled so hard, I felt a good amount rip right out.

"Did you hear me?"

"I heard you," I gasped through the pain. I should fight more. I should try to protect myself, but what was the point?

I deserved it.

I deserved every slap and hit, every strand of bloodied hair that fell from my scalp. I couldn't get Asher's tortured dark eyes out my head. I was damned to hell and would burn for breaking his heart. I'd never know peace for making him think he wasn't good enough for me. For taking his insecurities and using them to drive him away.

I didn't care what Trent did.

I deserved every single second.

Trent pulled up in front of the Zeta Pi Nu house.

"I've got plans, so tonight won't be the night I break you in," he said, turning my stomach. He jerked his head toward the door. "Get out and fix your face. You look like a mess."

I hesitated, anger rising up in a wave and threatening to overpower my fear.

Trent chuckled, reading my mind. "Just try it. You lift a hand to me, or say no to me, and Martino's toast. Just give me a reason to put the upstart in his place. I'll enjoy crippling him."

I stared at him so long he started to chuckle. "If only looks could kill — but they can't, so get the fuck out of here."

I stumbled into the house and upstairs to my room, keeping my head forward to hide my bloodied nose. Thankfully it had stopped bleeding for now. I got into my room and sagged against the wood.

Selena jumped up from her bed.

"Are you okay? What happened?"

I shook my head. "I'm not. I'm not okay." I sank down the door to the floor.

"Did Trent hurt you?" Selena crouched beside me.

I shrugged, tears falling again. My nose chose that moment to start bleeding again, too.

"I hurt him. I hurt Asher," I choked out in sobs.

Selena stroked my arm. "You didn't want to," she said lamely.

I couldn't stem the flow of tears. It didn't matter if I wanted to or not, I still had. I could endure whatever Trent threw at me, but the look of hurt in Asher's eyes would follow me to my grave.

"What can I do?" Selena asked, biting her lip. "I want to help. Just tell me what to do."

She was stroking my hair. It reminded me of Asher, and how he'd twist it around his fist, and how it would thrill me every time. A good memory. Then earlier in the car flashed through my mind, and Trent's hand sinking into the thick fall of hair and using it to hurt me. A nightmare.

I stared at the pale ends. I hated it at that moment. My crowning glory. My dad had always loved my hair and praised it. I wore it long because I'd always thought it looked pretty and who didn't want to look pretty?

I was so fucking tired of looking pretty.

I looked up at Selena. "Do you have scissors?"

"Are you okay?" Selena asked me, watching my face carefully.

No. I'm pretty far from okay.The other night and clashing with Asher in the bathroom weighed heavily on my mind. The whole night had started badly, with Trent insisting that I arrive at the Gala with him.

Then Asher had kissed me and fucked me and in that brief moment, I'd felt more than I had in days, but then it was over, and reality had slammed back in. I'd pushed him away, hurt him so he'd be safe. I'd never forget the look on his face when I'd told him that he couldn't give me the kind of life I wanted.

He'd really be done with me now. Why wouldn't he?

We were sitting in the library studying. Well, I was pretending to study, when really, I was thinking about Asher and the terrible things I'd said to him. They were the opposite of how I felt. Fuck money. I'd rather live in that cabin in the woods with him and be penniless but happy than have all the designer clothes and mansions in the world. But I had to make him believe I was breaking up with him, and there weren't that many ways to achieve that.

Like I'd summoned him with my desperate thoughts, right at that moment, he walked into the library with Marcus at his side. His eyes immediately found mine. I flushed and looked away, trying to focus on the open book in front of me. I ran my fingers self-consciously over my beanie.

A pair of boots came into sight on the floor beside my bag.

"I could swear I saw a sign downstairs prohibiting dogs in here," Marcus drawled.

"What are you talking about, Bailey?" Selena snapped at him.

"Your friend is a bitch — that's all," he responded. "Stay the fuck away from Asher from now on, you psycho." With that, he turned and walked away.

I glanced up, seeing that they'd only sat a few tables away. Far too close.

"I can't stay in here," I whispered to Selena.

She raised an eyebrow at me. "Should we move?'

"I just want to go home. I have to grab a few books, and then let's go."

She nodded as I stood and headed for the stacks.

I had a list of call numbers I was supposed to be looking for, but my mind was jumping back and forth between the dusty old books and Asher. I sank to a crouch and wrapped my arms around my knees, trying to breathe deeply to fight off the tears.

"Man, what a piece of work," a voice said, muffled by the stacks around us. It was Marcus.

"I don't want to talk about her." Asher's voice.

They were standing on the other side of the stacks.

"Yeah, I know, but take it from me, you're better off without her. I heard that Trent Fitzgerald is going around and telling everyone that he was banging her behind your back."

"What?"

No! He couldn't think that was true, could he?

"Trent is telling people that her dating you was some kind of game…to see if she could get an Ice God to fall for her and then break his heart."

I stood. I couldn't listen to those poisonous lies. But what are you going to do? I couldn't do anything. It was better he believed I was the worst person in the world. Then he'd stay away.

"Well? Are you just going to let them get away with that?" Marcus demanded.

Their voices were moving away.

"Whatever, man. Honestly, she's not worth the effort. Who cares? They deserve each other. She's nothing special. I'm done with her."

Those final words in Asher's deep tone, sounding so bored and over it, broke whatever was left of my heart.

I made it to the bathroom before breaking down. I was sobbing so loudly in a cubicle that whispers came from outside and someone knocked.

"Um, are you okay in there?" a tentative voice called.

I shook my head wildly, hitting my chest with my hand, like I might be able to force my heart to beat again. It had stopped in that moment when Asher had spoken in a final tone. "I'm done with her."

The door slammed and Selena's voice filled the room. "I've got her from here, girls, thanks for your concern."

She rattled the door. "Bitch, let me in. People are going to call student welfare services or something if you keep it up."

I unlocked the door and let her lead me out to the sink. She bossily directed me around and splashed water on my face.

"There. You're getting all puffy," she muttered.

"I don't care. I want to be puffy," I looked in the mirror and pulled my hat off. I'd hidden my new chin-length haircut under a beanie, since it was cold today.

The shorn locks stuck out at odd angles. Why should I hide that it hurts? "It should show," I mumbled.

"Unless you want Asher to realize what's up, you'll find that old poker face of yours, and dust it off. He'd not dumb. You don't think he can figure out what you're doing? And when he does…who is he going to go after?"

I swallowed hard. "Trent," I guessed, knowing I was right.

Selena nodded. "Of course he is. The knight in shining armor of the female population of Hade Harbor won't be able to hold himself back. He's overprotective as fuck and this time, there's a reason to be."

I stifled another sob. "I can't do this, though. I can't keep lying to him. It feels like I'm dying inside!" I cried.

Selena sighed and pulled me into her arms. "Yeah, I know, but it doesn't have to be forever. We need to figure out a way to get rid of Trent. He's a fucking monster…and he deserves comeuppance. We have to do it in a way that doesn't risk anyone else we care about."

"I don't want you getting involved either — you've paid your dues."

Selena shook her head. "I can't relax until something happens to Trent. I need something to happen to him. Fuck moving on and turning the other cheek. I want an eye for an eye. Bloody. Wicked. Vengeance."

Her strong words stoppered my tears. I nodded, a new sense of resolve filling me. She was right. I didn't have to take Trent's evil commands lying down. I just had to make sure Asher wasn't involved.

Selena tapped her lip. "What we need is someone who we don't care gets hurt…someone who might have it out for Trent. Surely a guy like him has a lot of enemies."

A soft Irish accent slid through my mind. The guy outside the hospital. I'd forgotten about him in the stress of those few days.

"You're the competitive one. You're going to let Trent win like this?" Selena pushed me.

"I might know someone, but I don't think he's trustworthy, or a good person," I murmured.

Selena shrugged. "Maybe it takes a monster to punish another monster. It's worth a shot."

Yes, it was.

We left the bathroom, and for the first time in a few days, the darkness was a little less heavy. If I could send someone scary after Trent, maybe one day soon, he'd be out the picture. I could go to Asher and confess everything, throw myself at his mercy, let him punish me all he wanted, if he'd just give me another chance.

I looked at his table. It was empty. I turned to look down the corridor. He was walking away, his broad back tense. Since he couldn't see me, I allowed myself to look my fill.

I miss you.

When my eyes dried up, I began to scheme. I'd never lost a game yet, and I wasn't about to start now.