31. Winter

The morning endedup busier than I'd expected. I'd had a call from Alan, the PI, early on and promised to go and see him after I'd spoken to my dad. With a heavy heart, I drove through the ornate gates of my childhood home.

He was waiting for me in his study, his gaze glued to several computer screens. He gave me a distracted smile when I went in and sat across from him. My heart was all but in my mouth, and I had no idea how to start the conversation I needed. He was on the phone and held up a finger to signal that he needed a minute. I stood and walked the perimeter of his office as I waited.

I'd been in this room countless times, but today, I saw the awards and framed pictures with a new eye.

I stopped at a formal-looking collage of my parents' wedding. There was a series of pictures, starting with the nuptials and going along to the reception.

There was a picture I'd never studied that well before. A woman stood beside my dad and grandmother. My father had come up behind me and followed my gaze.

"Your aunt, God rest her soul. Ruth, my younger sister."

Right. I'd always known that my dad had had a sister, but I'd never met her. She'd died before I was born.

"How did she pass?" I wondered.

Dad was quiet for a long time. "She was very…troubled. She struggled with things, life, the choices she had to make, or couldn't."

"So, she took her own life?"

He nodded. "It was the worst day of my life."

"I'm so sorry."

He took my hand and squeezed it. How could this man who had only ever been warm and kind to me be involved with people like the Fitzgeralds? It didn't add up.

My gaze slid down the photo to my late Aunt Ruth's arm, and I peered at a familiar shape there.

"Is that my bracelet?" I held up my wrist to compare.

Dad nodded. "A family heirloom passed down the female line."

"What does it mean?" I asked, turning my hand so that the creepy Latin inscription caught the light. In Tenebris Prosperamus.

"Nothing important. Archaic nonsense. No one lives by those old rules anymore. It's a relic from a different time."

"Why did Duncan give it to me? Why did he even have it? Mom didn't like that," I said, recalling the fuss my mom had made about the bracelet when I'd gotten it as a gift.

"She doesn't like what it stands for, even if that's antiquated and retired now. It's the principle of it. My parents and Ruth, they had a difficult relationship. Ruthie never fit into the mold that they wanted for her. Your grandparents could never accept that. When Ruth died, they hadn't spoken in over a year. I'm guessing Ruth gave Duncan the bracelet sometime before she passed. They were close."

I was quiet for a long moment, gathering my nerve. "I want to talk to you about Duncan."

"What about him?" Dad asked as we sat down at his desk.

"Have you ever been to the Fitzgeralds' club near Bar Harbor? The Cove?"

Dad shook his head. "Duncan rarely talks about it. I think he can tell it wasn't my thing. I believe you can gamble there, but I've never been a gambling man. Workaholic, sure, guilty as charged, but that's about my worst vice."

I stared at him, disappointed not to get more out of him.

"Did you and Duncan ever talk about an arranged marriage between me and Trent?"

My dad laughed. "Arranged marriage is a little formal. We talked about how great it would be if our kids hit it off. We didn't arrange your marriage, honey."

"Trent seems to think there's something that should happen between us," I said quietly.

My dad frowned. "Well, you have a boyfriend, and a good one at that. I'm sure he's just taking that hard. I admit that I promised to test the waters for him and ask…which I did. But you and Asher are a great couple, anyone can see it. I told Duncan that Trent had missed the boat with you, and he took it gracefully."

"Did he?" I wondered. I squeezed my hands together. Should I just tell my dad right now how weird Trent was being, chasing after me and attacking Selena? But Selena's story wasn't mine to tell and besides, I didn't have all the information. I needed to speak to her properly. Then I could decide what to do.

"If there's something wrong, sweetheart, I hope you know you can always come to me. You can tell me anything." My dad's voice was so warm, I could have basked in it all day.

My phone rang. Alan. I was late. I got up and Dad followed suit.

"I have to go now. I'm late for something."

"I'll be home in a few days. These long-haul trips are getting harder and harder as I get older," he said, alarming me.

"Then you should slow down. Stay home more," I pleaded with him.

He followed me to the door. "I'm working on it. I promise."

Sure. It was a phrase I'd heard a hundred times.

It never turned out to be true.

"Are you working on it, or is that just something you say? Do those words have any real meaning to them?" I heard myself ask.

My dad jerked like I'd slapped him. I might as well have. I never spoke back to my dad. I never called out the broken promises. Today my emotions were spilling over too much to keep inside.

"Winter, darling. You know I want to be here more," he started.

"So be here more. If you get sick or drop dead on some long-haul flight to close another last minute deal, then the answer will be clear," I snapped.

"What answer?"

"To the question I never wanted to ask. What did you really love more? The work, or me."

We stared at each other for a long time. Years of resentments, hopes and disappointments filled the space between us.

"Darling, stay, let's talk inside," my dad started.

"No. I have to go." I couldn't say anything else today. I'd hurt his feelings, which was the last thing I ever wanted.

I met Alan at his office. When I sank into the chair in front of his desk, I realized I had no memory of the drive over. I felt disconnected from reality. I always came here with Asher, but I hadn't told him about the appointment today. There had been too much going on lately; I couldn't keep everything straight. I'd tell him later.

Alan was talking about a horse boarding stable just outside of town and how they employed extra people from time to time, ones that they actually put on the payroll and registered with the government.

"So, what does it mean?" My voice felt like it was coming from far away.

Alan smiled. "It means I've found him. I've found Asher's father."

I stared. "Is he alive?" This had been my biggest worry in starting this quest. What if I helped hunt down Asher's father just to send him to a graveyard?

Alan nodded. "Not only is he alive, but he lives less than five hundred miles from here."

"You have a current address?"

"Yes, and this." Alan dug into a pile of papers on his desk, then slid a shiny photo across the surface to me.

It was a candid shot, a tall, dark-haired man standing beside a horse.

Asher's father. Momentary elation faded quickly when another realization set in.

This was it. The end of the road for me and Asher. He won't need me anymore.

"I left Asher a message to call me," Alan said, "but he hasn't gotten around to it yet."

"I'll do it. Let me tell him," I heard myself say.

Alan raised an eyebrow at me.

"I mean, when he calls, just make something up. I want to be the one to tell him…it's big news," I murmured, my heart racing.

Alan nodded slowly. "Fine, whatever you say, boss."

"Thanks." I got up and took the photo of Asher's father and the slip of paper with the man's address on it, carefully placing them in my bag to keep safe.

I had to tell Asher. He'd be so happy. His lifelong search had come to an end.

And me? I was going to be left behind again.

Just like always.

I'll tell him, but not yet, the small voice in my head rationalized. A few days wouldn't make any difference. Right? Right. What he didn't know couldn't hurt him. I just needed a few days before I was alone again. Just a few days.