Chapter 24

twenty-four

. . .

River

L eaving Cross alone in the gazebo hurt almost as much as learning my father was a monster. But I couldn't stand there and take in his words anymore, not without falling under his spell all over again and letting go of the biggest issue. My dad wasn't who I'd thought he was. He'd been my hero my whole life, but if Cross was anything to go by, Casey Adams had done terrible things.

My stomach churned as I realized those payments in his name suddenly made sense. He was being paid off for his part in Senior's criminal underground. And as close as those two were, my dad was no silent partner. His hands had to be as dirty as the rest of them.

I was going to be sick.

Had my mom known?

Was he the reason they'd been captured and tortured to death?

Was this the secret I'd been sent here to uncover? It had to be, but what was to be gained by me finding out? Or perhaps I should be asking who stood to gain by me finding out. Certainly not the Crosses. If anything, it only painted them in a negative light.

But worse than that, it raised an even bigger question. Was the Cross family the cause of my entire life falling apart?

When the answer came, it was accompanied by a wave of grief. Of course they were. They were at the center of it all. No matter which way you looked at it, it always came back to them. Their family. Their bad choices. Their enemies.

Daniel Cross Sr. and his handsome sons had ruined my life. Over. And over. And over again.

And I'd fucking let them.

I was such an idiot.

A burly arm caught me about the waist as Bear's voice rumbled in my ear. "Whoa there, cub. What's got you so wound up?"

I blinked up at him, the rickety walls I'd been erecting already crumbling under his attention. "I'm fine."

"You're not. Who hurt you?"

I badly wanted to blame Cross, but it wasn't his name I uttered.

"My dad," I whispered, voice wobbling.

Bear blinked, clearly not expecting the words. "Maybe you should back up and start at the beginning."

So I did. Leading Bear to the porch swing, I sat down and waited for him to join me. Then, for the next hour, I spilled my guts to the only man I had trusted in the last decade. I'm not ashamed to say I cried about all of it.

My burly bear wrapped me up in his arms, holding me tight. Every now and then, he'd whisper encouragement against the crown of my head, running surprisingly gentle fingers through my hair. I hadn't been held like that in years, like there was someone else in my corner ready to fight all my battles and take on the world in my honor.

"Come home, cub. You don't belong here."

Backing away, I looked at him, taking in the sincerity in his eyes. "What? I can't."

"Yeah, you sure as fuck can. You don't owe these jackholes a damn thing. Pack your shit. We can leave tonight."

Was that what I wanted? To run away and leave this mess behind?

Part of it was tempting, but a bigger part of me mourned the thought.

I didn't want to leave Sterling or Walker behind. I wasn't even sure I wanted to leave Cross behind, though it might be a while before I sought him out again.

"I... I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Trust me, cub. It's for the best. You belong at home with the people who love you."

But this was my home. It always had been.

Until it wasn't.

"It's not so simple. None of this is."

"Seems simple to me. You're miserable here. They can't give you what you need, and you deserve better."

"I'm married."

"So? Get divorced. Everyone else does."

"You're not listening to me."

"All I've done for the last hour is listen. I can't help it if you don't like that I see through the bullshit."

"I don't want to leave them."

"Who?"

Any of them.

But that didn't seem like a smart answer, considering all I'd just revealed.

"Walker is still healing. He needs me. And Bishop, he's helping me solve my parents' murder. I can't just abandon him after all the work he's put in doing this for me."

"Does it really matter who pulled the trigger? Will it change anything for you to have a name after all this time?"

"I don't know. But it might. Never knowing is worse."

Bear shook his head, clearly not agreeing with me. "Be that as it may, you don't owe these guys anything. It's not on you to nurse them back to health or give them your time so they can win you over."

"Maybe not, but I want to. At least for that first part. Walker got hurt because of me. I want to be here for him."

I think.

God, I was all twisted up inside.

"Take some time. Think about it. I'll be ready to leave the minute you say. You got me?"

Giving him a sharp nod, I leaned in and wrapped myself around him, needing one more hug.

"Gigi's gonna be pissed when she finds out how upset you are," he muttered. "You'd better do the talking. She won't want to hear it from me."

I nodded, knowing he was right. I'd been keeping her in the dark about a lot of things, but only because talking about them meant I had to examine my own feelings. "I'll call her in a bit."

Bear stiffened beside me, his head snapping to the side, his eyes narrowed. I followed his gaze, my body going tense when I saw the reason for his reaction.

Cross was walking back to the house. He looked miserable. I shouldn't care, but I did.

"Excuse me. I'm going to go have a little chat with your husband."

"Jonah, wait."

He froze in the middle of standing. I rarely used his real name, so he knew it was serious.

"Just don't kill him or anything," I eventually muttered, realizing there was nothing I could do or say to stop Bear from protecting me. I'd have better luck trying to stop a meteor from crashing into Earth.

"I'm only going to maim him a little."

"No. He's not the one I'm upset with. Not really."

"Coulda fooled me."

"He was just the messenger. A lot of the stuff he did, it was in the past and I've already forgiven him."

He pointed at my face, at the still-damp tear tracks on my cheeks. "That doesn't look like forgiveness."

"These tears aren't for him."

"He's still the one who made you cry. That means I get to bust his balls a little."

I let out a soft huff of laughter. "Fine. That's better than murder or maiming."

"Agree to disagree, cub. But we'll do it your way this once."

I jumped up and wrapped my arms around his barrel chest, squeezing hard. "What would I do without you?"

Bear pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "Good thing you'll never have to find out, huh?"

"Love you, Jonah," I said softly, letting him go. "Thank you for coming all the way down here. For listening to me and letting me snot all over your shirt for the last hour. For... for being the big brother I never asked for but desperately needed."

Bear blinked, his eyes suspiciously moist. He cleared his throat a few times before making some unintelligible noises, then managed a rough, "You too, kid."

I had to laugh at the big biker and his inability to handle his emotions. Some things were universal.

He punched me softly on the shoulder, like he'd done since we first met. "Why don't you go up to your room and rest a bit. Watch a movie or shower or something. I'll come check on you in a while."

That sounded like exactly what I needed. Quiet. No handsome cowboys to distract me from figuring out what I really wanted from my life.

"Good idea. Thanks again, Jonah. Really."

He gave me a slight grunt in response, then turned away and walked in the direction Cross had been going. I sent up a silent prayer busting balls wasn't going to be a literal expression.

I slid deeper into the tub, the tips of my toes only just peeking out from the mountain of bubbles. If I could get away with it, I would live right here. I could conduct all my business via the phone, and whenever the bath got cold, I'd just refill it with the endless supply of hot water. Sure, I might turn into a prune, but there were worse things.

The music playing on my phone faded out and started again. It had been doing that pretty regularly since the moment I started the bath. Text messages. Every time one came through, my playlist was interrupted. I'd have to look at them soon.

When two more came through in rapid succession, I realized soon was now.

I sat up with a sigh and a slosh of water as I reached for my phone.

My heart lurched at the name on the first message.

Cross:

I know you're angry. You have every right to be. I just wanted you to know that I'm doing my best to respect your wishes and give you space. Just... let me know you're okay? It's killing me not being able to hold you right now.

Not even two minutes later, he'd sent a follow-up.

Cross:

I'm sorry.

My chest hurt. It took a lot for that man to apologize for anything, but the truth was, he didn't need to offer this one.

Unable to reply to him just yet, I clicked on the next text.

Walker:

Guess who has two thumbs and just took himself to the bathroom?

Walker:

Me. I'm the guy.

Walker:

That sounded sexier in my head. I just thought you'd be interested in my solo hygiene victories. You know, in case that was the reason you hadn't come for a visit today.

Walker:

You there, darlin'?

Walker:

Damn, I wish there was a delete button.

He'd sent these in fairly rapid succession, and I could practically hear him overthinking everything since I hadn't responded.

"It's me. I'm the asshole, aren't I?" I said into the empty room before I set my phone down and sank all the way under the water.

I felt guilty for not immediately responding and easing his fears, but I didn't know how much Walker had known about my dad and his involvement in their family business. It felt like everyone had been keeping secrets from me my whole life, especially the ones I trusted most. Finding out he'd been part of the cover-up... I just didn't think I could take the betrayal right now. And until I knew, I couldn't pretend everything was normal between us.

I came up for air, gasping, heart pounding, but more focused than I had been a few minutes earlier.

My phone stared at me accusingly. I had to answer them eventually.

Next on my list of unanswered messages was Bishop. The last of which had come through not even fifteen minutes ago.

Sterling:

Missing you today, siren.

Sterling:

I know you're busy entertaining your friend, but think you might be able to slip away for a little while and come give me a kiss?

Sterling:

Or maybe I'll just come steal one when you least expect it.

Smiling, I snapped a photo of my bare legs, all the way to the tops of my thighs, in the water and sent it along with a response.

Me:

Now's your chance, secret agent man.

The text was marked as read, but there was no reply from the super spy, which left me with a sinking disappointment. Logically I knew I couldn't expect him to drop everything just to come kiss me, even if I hoped that's exactly what would happen.

Distracting myself, I washed my body with the fragrant soap Cross had supplied, then closed my eyes as I leaned my head on the sloped edge of the tub and just tried to clear my mind.

"Well, isn't this a pretty picture." Bishop's voice caressed my ear seconds later, sending me shrieking and flailing as I slid back into the water.

I came up spluttering in the least sexy way possible, meeting his amused gaze with a hard stare.

"You scared the shit out of me."

To his credit, Bishop tried to hide his smile. "Sorry, baby. I thought with that invitation you sent, you'd be expecting me."

"I would've if you'd answered me."

"Didn't I? I definitely answered you in my head."

My lips twitched because he looked just flustered enough for that to be true. "What did you say?"

"Pretty sure it was a prayer of some sort. Might have been unintelligible caveman-like grunts. You bring out the Neanderthal in me."

"That's a new line."

"Not a line when it's the truth, siren."

I tipped my chin up, offering my lips. "Well, you came here for a kiss. Aren't you going to steal one?"

"Is it stealing when you're offering it freely?"

"Sterling?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Shut up and kiss me."

The hungry groan that escaped him came a second before he lowered to his knees and cupped the back of my head. His kiss was tender but edged with an almost untamed desire for more. It was over before I was ready for it to be, and a little whine escaped when he pulled away.

"I don't have time to climb in there with you and turn all these thoughts into reality, so we're both going to have to settle for a single kiss. For now."

Sighing, I pulled my knees to my chest and gazed at him. "Fine. Go do your stupid job."

He stared into my eyes, his face close enough I felt like he could see into my soul. "What's going on with you, siren?" I shook my head, but he grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. "You're upset. What happened?"

For the briefest of moments, I thought maybe I'd brush him off. But something about Bishop made me unable to keep the truth from him. "Cross told me some stuff earlier about my dad. What kind of man he really was."

"And?"

"It's bad. No one in my life is who I thought they were. Except for you."

He raised a brow. "As much as I appreciate being on your pedestal, we both know that's not true, siren. I have as many secrets as anyone else. Namely, my real reason for being here."

"But—"

"If I hadn't been outed right in front of you, you still wouldn't know the truth, baby. And that sucks, but it is what it is. People keep secrets for all sorts of reasons, most of them selfish, but a lot of them to protect the ones who matter most. Don't be so hard on your dad. He was as human as the rest of us. He's allowed to make mistakes."

"But they're bad, Bishop. They've done terrible things."

"So have I. So has your friend Bear. So have you, for that matter."

My skin crawled. "What do you mean by that?"

"If you think I didn't run a background check on him the moment I found out about you, you'd be dead wrong. He's involved in some dark shit, and so are you. Your dad was no different, just better at hiding it. Doesn't make his love for you less. Or yours for him. Just makes him a man."

My lower lip quivered. I don't know why I hadn't thought about it that way. Maybe I would have come to the realization in time, but it seemed so obvious when Bishop laid it out like that. I was more like my dad than I ever realized. It made me feel closer to him and soothed the sting of his betrayal.

"I guess you're right."

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry you had to learn the truth."

"I'm not," I said, realizing it was true. I'd rather know the truth and live with the fallout than stay in the dark.

He tipped my head back and began washing my hair in silence. I appreciated the touches he gave me, probably more than he knew. Still, I wanted more.

"You could always blow off your responsibilities and get in here with me," I teased, but my voice was breathy.

"I've thought about our first time more than once, baby. It doesn't involve a tub."

"Oh? What does it involve?"

"You, naked, at my mercy."

"What else?"

"Lots of fucking orgasms."

"Count me in. When do we start?"

He groaned. "You're definitely a siren."

"I mean, I'm already naked and wet."

This time he dunked me before standing. When I came up, he was adjusting himself, and his eyes were blazing as I laughed.

"Leave your door unlocked tonight."

I wasn't laughing anymore. "Okay."

With a final burning look, he left me as silently as he'd come. And I realized there was no way I could leave. Not him. Not Walker. And not Cross.

For better or worse, my future was tied to theirs.