Chapter 22

twenty-two

. . .

River

I giggled as Bear walked away, his usual smooth gait stilted. He had, as they say, a hitch in his giddy up.

"I hear you laughing, cub. I'm gonna make you pay for that later." He didn't turn around, but his voice was loud enough it carried on the wind. I only laughed harder.

God, I hadn't felt this light in a long time. Part of it was Bear being here, but another big reason was what happened last night with Cross. We seemed to have unlocked the gate separating us, and a sort of wobbly bridge had been constructed.

Butterflies fluttered in my belly every time I thought about our night together. It was almost like I was getting a re-do of our morning after. I didn't think we'd ever go back to who we'd been ten years ago, but this felt like a start in that direction.

I could still feel the soft feathering of his lips across my forehead as the sun came up and he started his day. Tender. Almost reverent. But it was his whispered words that did me in.

"I could get used to waking up beside you, baby."

It was the quiet yearning laced through them that made me think it was the start of something real. Maybe even forever.

A shiver ran down my spine at the memory. I inhaled deeply, bringing the collar of the T-shirt I'd stolen from him up to my nose as I did. It smelled like Cross, made me wish I was still between his sheets, tangled up with him.

Hell, I needed to get a fucking grip. One night of passion in a cowboy's bed did not a forever make. Especially not this cowboy. He'd probably already shut down and gone back to the ice-cold facade he wore so well. Sex was great and all, but I'd be a fool to think it was magical.

Not ready to return to the house and face the rejection I was now convinced I'd receive, I roamed the grounds, heading for my favorite place on this ranch. The gazebo.

Imagine my surprise to find the cowboy in question already there, shoulders tense, hands gripping the railing as he stared out over the pond.

My steps faltered, and I debated leaving him in peace, but he must have heard me coming because he called out to me without ever turning his head.

"I never took you for a coward, sparrow."

I bristled in response, but there was so much warmth in his voice that the reaction was almost instantly washed away. Bolstering my own confidence, I joined him in the shade. "I'm not a coward. You just looked like you were doing some serious thinking. I didn't want to interrupt in case you were solving world hunger or something."

"Erectile dysfunction," he corrected.

His joke was so unexpected I had to swallow a laugh before offering a deadpan response. "Ah yes, the bane of every old man's existence."

He snorted, finally turning to face me. "I don't have a problem there. As you witnessed twice last night. And again this morning."

I blushed. "You're the one who brought it up. Figured you might be preparing for the future or something. You're turning fifty soon, right? I thought I spotted some salt in your pepper while you were taking a mid-morning nap."

"Ha ha. Very funny. Anyone ever tell you it's not nice to disrespect your elders?"

"I'll be sure to make a note. Although, I doubt you could read it without your glasses. Do you need me to make sure?—"

He snagged my wrist and tugged me hard against his solid frame. "Shut up and come here."

Fingers threaded through the hair at the base of my skull as he pulled until my lips were on offer just for him.

"I've been dying to kiss you all damn day," he growled.

"Then what are you waiting for?"

His lips were on mine before I finished speaking. I melted into him, all my earlier fears evaporating beneath his talented tongue. My heart, which had been already protected by the thin walls I'd preemptively erected this morning, swelled and almost hurt from the relief his kiss gave me. Healthy? Nope. But I couldn't help it. Daniel Cross Jr. had me wrapped around his little finger and always would. That was the thing about addiction. Even when you know it's going to kill you, staying away is the hardest possible option.

I would always crave my next fix.

"Mmm, better," he rumbled, his eyes still closed when he pulled away and rested his forehead against mine. "Any chance I could convince you to let me lock you up in my room for the foreseeable future so we could do that on repeat?"

"Tempting, but I have a guest, remember? Pretty sure he'd break the door down to get to me. Not to mention your brother, who I'm helping nurse back to health."

"Don't forget your ranch hand. Something tells me Bishop wouldn't be okay with you disappearing on him either."

Heat blossomed in my chest. "Something tells me you're right."

"You're collecting us like studs to add to your stable, sparrow. What are you gonna do with us all?"

That sent a wave of lust through me in a way I wasn't prepared for. Well, except for Bear. He wasn't part of this equation, and Cross knew it.

"I don't know. I haven't really thought about it."

"Little liar," he teased, his voice a sexy whisper. "I bet you've thought about it a lot. Especially when you're taking those extra long showers."

"Does it bother you?" I asked, suddenly nervous again. Things were finally going so well between us; I didn't want to lose that just because my heart was a greedy bitch.

And by heart, do you mean pussy?

"That you want all of us?"

I nodded, biting down on my cheek to avoid blurting out an apology he didn't ask for.

He took my hand and pressed it against his already hard dick. "Does it feel like I mind?"

Swallowing through the lump in my throat, I murmured, "Not even a little."

"There ain't nothing little about what you do to me. And if you're as willing and wet as you were the other day with Bishop, I can't wait to do it again. But this time, when you're drinking him down, it'll be my cock inside you, not my fingers."

An unintelligible moan left me at the mental image. It was a miracle I was still standing with as weak as my knees felt.

"Maybe Walker will join us if he's feeling up for it. He told me once he really likes to watch."

The suggestion nearly had me coming on the spot. "You'd really be okay with that?"

"If it means I get to keep you, there's not much I wouldn't be okay with, sparrow." He took my chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting my face so I was staring into his blue eyes. "I'm in, baby. All fucking in."

"Me too," I breathed, pinching my thigh to double-check that this was really happening and I wasn't in some lusty fantasy.

"I told you I'd get you the moon. I meant it. You're my wife, River. You can have it all."

I threaded my fingers behind his neck, asking him to hold me without words. He obliged, his arms going to my waist before his large palms settled on my ass. In the space between one kiss and the next, he lifted me until I was seated on the rail behind me and we were right back in the position we'd been in when we shared our first kiss.

"Tell me what you'll give me, Cross."

"Everything. All the things you wanted to have when you fantasized about your future."

"A family?"

His grin was all man. "I think I made that clear last night. But in case there was any doubt, fuck yes."

"Happiness?"

"Absolutely."

"Love?"

"More than you'll know what to do with."

Joy burst through me, only to be immediately chased away. Here I was, where I'd always wanted to be, and I couldn't allow myself to believe it was real. Confusion swirled inside my head, the events of ten years ago cracking the veneer of possibility he'd painted.

His eyes scanned my face, his smile slipping. "What is it? Where'd you go just now?"

"It's just . . ."

He nodded, urging me to finish my thought.

"I guess I just don't understand the change of heart after all this time. You could have had me ten years ago, but you chased me away. And then I came back, and you weren't exactly happy to see me. But now..."

The light left his eyes as he put a little space between us. "You left without a fight. You hated me for ten years. Why did you change your mind?"

It was a fair question, even if it was evasive. But if I expected him to give me the truth, I had to offer him the same. "Because I never really hated you. Even though I wanted to. Anger was my only defense."

Frustration burned through me. We'd already done this dance. We should be beyond it, but something niggled at the back of my mind, a little worm of doubt that I had the whole story. Because the man in front of me, the one who'd looked at me like he'd found his reason for breathing when he'd been inside me, could not have been the same asshole who so carelessly threw me away. Those feelings couldn't be faked, nor did they happen overnight, which meant there was more going on here. Pieces of the puzzle I didn't have.

"You could have come to find me. If you really wanted me, you would've stopped at nothing to get what you were after." My stupid voice wobbled. "You were, and still are, tenacious. Like a dog with a bone. Did I really not matter enough to you?"

He was shaking his head before I finished talking, eyes flashing with emotion. "You've got it backward, sparrow. You were the only thing that mattered."

"If that's how you treat someone important to you, no wonder you're still single."

"Except I'm not." He tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "I don't know if you heard, but I'm a married man. And my wife is the most important thing in my world. Always has been."

I snorted, trying to hide the tears burning in my eyes. "Oh yeah? What about the note? You don't leave something like that for a woman if that's the case."

"You do when you're trying to protect her."

Sighing, I rested my palm against his chest, letting myself feel his heartbeat and the way his muscles tightened at my touch. "I need you to explain everything. If we're going to do this, you owe me the truth. I can't keep feeling so in the dark with you. I need for there to be no more secrets between us."

He glanced away from me, blowing out a breath. And for a second, I didn't think he was going to answer. I braced myself for the rejection, told my stupid heart we knew this was never going to last, but then he shocked me.

"You're right."

I backed away from him as much as my position would allow. "Go on."

"It's complicated. And a lot of it is ugly."

It was my turn to make him look at me. "I watched you shoot a guy, Cross. I don't exactly have illusions about the kind of life you lead. I'm not a delicate flower. I can take it."

Sadness flickered in his gaze before he replaced it with determination. "That's the thing. I wish you didn't have to. In my own fucked up way, I was trying to spare you from this."

"It's too late. Our fathers intertwined our fates a long time ago. I've been involved without even knowing it. And you can see how well that's gone. I have enemies I never even knew about. I can't live like this, Cross. I deserve to know."

Panic radiated from him as he sucked in a sharp breath. "You'll never look at me the same once you do."

"Let me be the judge of that. Tell me everything."