Chapter 12

twelve

. . .

Walker

Three days later

" S onofabitch," I hissed, eyes narrowed into slits. Even breathing fucking hurt. Scratch that; breathing especially fucking hurt. It felt like tiny knives stabbed my lungs with each inhale.

"Careful. Don't try and sit up."

River's warning voice was almost as jarring as the light. But it wasn't pain I felt at hearing it; it was relief.

"Ladybug?"

"Do you need anything? More meds?"

I wanted to pretend I was fine and that she was making a mountain out of a molehill, but I couldn't. This was bad. I hadn't hurt like this since that time I stole my dad's motorcycle and took it for a joyride but ended up losing control and crashing in a ditch.

"How long have I been out?" I rasped.

"On and off for the better part of three days. The doctor said you might be a little woozy and have some trouble remembering what happened." She said the last bit almost like it was a question. Like she wanted to ask, but also didn't.

I remembered all too well. My gut clenched at the phantom sound of a blowtorch igniting, but I pushed it away, not ready to relive any of it.

"I'm so glad you're alive. We almost lost you, Walker. I can't keep doing this."

"I thought you weren't. You chose you, right? You aren't obligated to be at my bedside."

Even though the light was dim, it was agony, but I forced my eyes wide open so I could really look at her. I knew I must look rough, given how I was feeling, but she seemed as if she was in as much pain as I was.

"I said a lot of things."

With all the strength I could muster, I reached out for her, the pain in my ribs almost unbearable. "So did I. I'm sorry for being so angry about Cross, River. I know this is an impossible situation and not something you did to hurt me. But I can't help falling in love with you, and I won't apologize for that. Even if you end up leaving us all, I won't stop loving you."

Pain had a surprising way of offering clarity, and my brush with death had made a few things abundantly clear. None of us knew how much time we had on this earth. It could be a lifetime; it could be a handful of days. Either way, I wanted to spend the time I had left with her. Whatever that looked like, I wanted in. She was it for me, even if I couldn't be it for her.

"Walker..." She sat on the side of the bed, so carefully I wondered if she thought she'd break me all over again. "I don't need you to apologize. You're allowed to be upset by this. But we don't have to talk about our situation right now. You need to recover first."

I took her hand, and just that small touch eased something inside me. She soothed my weary soul even without knowing it. God, I wanted her to love me back. I wanted it with everything in me, but I couldn't rush her. Thinking I'd up and marry her so soon after she came back to us had been cocky and overconfident, to say the least.

"I don't want to lose you, darlin'. Not to my brother, or to my own stubbornness. I'll wait as long as I have to for you to let me back in."

She stared down at me with nothing but affection in her eyes as she brushed the hair back from my forehead. "You're not gonna lose me."

"So you're telling me all I had to do was nearly die to get back in your good graces? As far as grand gestures go, that seems?—"

A knock at the door interrupted the moment.

"Siren?"

"Come in," she called softly, pulling away from me and angling her body toward our visitor. I missed her touch instantly.

"I brought you something to eat, baby," Bishop cracked the door and peered in, catching a glimpse of me and stopping. "Oh, you're awake." He hovered as if second-guessing whether or not to step inside.

"S'all right," I said, proud of myself for being so damn magnanimous. Also, pretty sure those pain meds were kicking in.

"Just wanted to see how you two were doing and bring up some lunch." His eyes raked over her, and there was no masking the feelings there. He was as gone for her as I was. Clearing his throat, he glanced at me, explaining, "The only way we can get her to eat anything is to force the issue. She hasn't left your side. Not even to sleep or shower."

"That explains the smell."

"Walker!"

I chuckled and then winced. "Kidding."

"If anyone stinks, it's you," she said with a huff.

"What, you haven't been giving me sponge baths? What kind of nurse are you?"

"The kind who has been out of her mind with worry."

I stretched my arm out, palm up, and wriggled my fingers. She recognized the request for what it was and linked her fingers with mine. "Don't worry, darlin', you're still the prettiest woman I've ever seen. Terrible bedside manner or not."

Her eyes misted with tears, but she blinked them away. "You are so lucky you're hurt, or I'd smack you with a pillow, Walker Wayne."

"Shhh, we don't say that name out loud."

Bishop let out a rare laugh. "I see he's been given his latest dose of meds. Has he started reciting limericks yet? That was my favorite."

"No poems," River said.

"There once was a lady named Sally . . ."

Her eyes brightened, amusement sparkling in their depths, so I continued.

"Who lived at the end of an alley..."

"Okay, funny guy, that's enough. You need to go back to sleep. You're so beat up it hurts me to see you moving at all."

To be fair, it was a herculean task just keeping my eyes open, but I was afraid of what would be waiting for me if I closed them. Worse, I was afraid I'd wake up and find out this was all a dream. That my ladybug wasn't sitting at my bedside, worried about me, caring for me. Maybe even loving me...

Fuck.

"You never did say what the damage was. I'm guessing some broken ribs, and I can't move my legs. I know I'm not paralyzed, blood flow is working just fine, so..."

River blushed when I caught her eyes darting to my lap. I wriggled my eyebrows. "Don't believe me? I can prove it."

"I'm sure you can."

I yawned despite myself, and even that wasn't too comfortable.

"You've got four broken ribs, your jaw was dislocated, and your tibia was broken so badly you needed surgery to fix it," River said, her tone serious. Her gaze flicked to Bishop, then returned to me. "And you have some burns."

"My feet," I said, trying to keep my voice even. It's sort of hard to forget a blowtorch anywhere on the body. Thank the Lord they stopped there.

She bit her lip and nodded. "You're going to be in a wheelchair for a little bit until the skin heals. Then you can swap to crutches until your cast is ready to come off."

Jesus.

"A wheelchair?"

"Unless you want me to carry you everywhere, and something tells me you don't." Bishop crossed his arms over his chest. "Your brother is already working on setting up the main floor guest room for you so you can get around."

I groaned. "How am I supposed to win you back when I'm trapped in a chair?"

River made a soft sound and then cleared her throat. "Oh, I dunno, Walker. Pretty sure you'll find all kinds of reasons to take me for a ride."

My lips twitched up. I knew what she was doing. Flirting to try and make me feel better. It might even be working. "That was a pretty good line."

"I'm a little disappointed you missed it."

"Me too. I'm glad one of us is on our game."

"I'm heading out to check fence for a few hours, siren. Call me if you need me for any reason, okay?" Bishop came over and dropped a kiss to her forehead before leaving the two of us alone, but even if he hadn't made it as obvious as a sledgehammer to the face, I recognized the look in his eyes.

"He's in love with you."

She shook her head. "No. But there is something between us."

"Yeah, that's clear. And my brother? What about him?"

"It's complicated."

"He's your husband."

"Legally."

My eyes swept across her face, reading all the clues I'd spent my childhood learning. "If that's all it was, you wouldn't be blushing. You've loved him for as long as you knew what love was. That's not something you can just turn off. Trust me, I know."

"I don't want to choose between any of you."

"So don't."

"Are you serious?"

Blame the meds, blame the injuries, but I was feeling brave and a little desperate to hold on to her. "As long as I'm part of this puzzle, I'm fine with sharing you. I've had to my whole life anyway. What's one more heart in the mix? Just say you're mine too. That's all I need."

"I..." She blew out a breath. "We'll talk about this when you aren't medicated. I'm not fit to be making any promises right now. And you aren't either."

Another yawn took hold, and my blinks became longer and longer as exhaustion won out.

Her lips whispered across my forehead. "Get some sleep."

I couldn't get my eyes back open, but I could feel the air shifting around me as she pulled away. "Don't leave. Please."

"I'm not going anywhere, Walk. I'll be right here when you wake up, promise."

"I love you, ladybug. Always."

Her fingers trailed over my forehead and through my hair, probably the only part of me not injured at this point.

"I love you too, Walker Cross. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it."

I was already drifting off and couldn't be sure her whispered confession was real or just a pain-induced fantasy.

But I clung to it anyway. Just like I was going to cling to her.