Chapter 4

four

. . .

River

W alker and Bishop were silent sentinels in the kitchen as I stared blankly out the window. Now that Cross had made his grand exit, neither seemed to have a reason to leave, and I could feel both men taking up space in the room. I knew I had to talk to them each on their own, try to make them understand how I felt about this situation, but the truth was, I hadn't even processed it myself yet.

Ten years ago, I would've married the hell out of Cross. I would've fallen into his arms and ridden off into the sunset with him, no questions asked. Now? The reality of us was so different. He was nothing like the man I'd thought he was.

But you're not that same girl either.

There was no way we could stay married. Right?

I mean hell, I'd just fucked his brother. Was it fucking when it was that slow and drawn out? And then there was what happened with Sterling against the wall of the club. Jesus, I was still getting flutters thinking about it.

So much for my dry spell. When it rains, it fucking pours. I went from single with no prospects to married with two mistresses. Could a man be a mistress? A Mister-ess?

I blew out a frustrated breath, my thoughts not helping matters at all.

Bishop's large frame pressed against my back, his fingers slipping across my nape as he leaned close. "I'll give you time with him if you need it. But you and I are having our own discussion about what this means later, siren. And I'm not going far. Call me if you need me."

His touch sent shivers down my spine. That was the third time this morning he'd touched me. I'd cataloged each and every press of his fingers against my skin. Something had changed between us last night, and he now felt comfortable enough to initiate touch regularly. I mean, his fingers had been inside me, so perhaps that was an obvious statement. But knowing what I did of his past, I couldn't dismiss the significance. Nor did I want to. It mattered to me that he felt safe enough to let his guard down this much. I didn't want to lose that because of a stupid piece of paper I knew nothing about.

I glanced over my shoulder at Walker, who was leaning against the counter, arms crossed, expression wounded. He'd stopped looking at me and was intently inspecting the tile floor instead.

"I'm okay. I'll come find you later, and I promise, if I need you, I'll call."

His silver eyes bore into mine for several heartbeats before he nodded. Part of me thought he might kiss me, ached for it even, but he just gave my neck a gentle squeeze before he left Walker and me alone.

Walker made a disgusted sound. "You really think you're going to need to call him? Because of me?"

"There's more than one way to hurt someone, Walker. Not all scars are visible."

He flinched, knowing exactly what I was alluding to. His gifts last night had been sweet and terribly thoughtful, but it didn't automatically undo the hurt he and Cross had caused.

"I'm trying to prove to you I'm worth your attention, ladybug. I'd lay down my life for you if you asked me to. Knowing you had reason not to trust me, not to love me back, was painful, but I had a plan. I was confident I could win you back and earn your trust again. But then this? You're married to Cross. I..." He shook his head, hands fisting. "Where does that even leave me? Say you two get divorced. There's still no way I can slide in after that. I'd always be second choice."

"Walker, marrying him was never a choice. Not one I made, anyway."

His eyes burned as they met mine. "But you never chose me either. Not really."

"I'm choosing myself right now. It's the only option that keeps me safe."

He pushed off the counter and took a couple steps toward me. "I can keep you safe, darlin'. I want to."

God, I wished I could give in and just let him do that for me. But there was too much at stake. I was caught in Cross's web, and the only way to get out was to cut myself free.

"Isn't the saying the road to hell is paved with good intentions?"

"I guess that's the difference between you and me. I'd go to hell every single time if it's where you were. Beside you is the only place I want to be."

Damn him and his sweet words. I could feel my resolve slipping with every step closer. I'd cave if he touched me. Did I want to cave? Was I just being stubborn?

"Walker, you can't say things like that to me."

"Why not? It's true. Saying anything less than that would be a bald-faced lie, and I promised you we'd only have truth between us."

I bit down on my lip, shaking my head at him, because I had no idea what to say. What could I say?

"I kissed Bishop," I blurted.

Well, that's one option, you freaking idiot.

"You already told me about that."

"Again, I mean. Last night."

He prowled closer, this time close enough to reach over and tip my chin up. "Just a kiss?"

I shook my head, heart racing. "No."

"Did you let him touch you?"

"Yes."

"Where?"

Did he mean where on my body, or...? I went with option B. "Outside at the gala."

His lips twitched. "Did he make you come?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice.

"Sneaky bastard."

I was surprised he seemed to be taking this so well after the way he'd come in hot under the collar this morning.

"I already know I'm not the only man in your heart. It's never just been me. But now I know I'll have to make sure I keep you thinking of me even when you've got him in your bed."

"K-keep me? B-both of you?" I stuttered, thoughts of Walker and Sterling sandwiching me between them suddenly taking over my mind and rendering me stupid. This conversation was not going in the direction I thought it would.

His brows rose, and a mischievous glint shone in his eyes. "Is that something you'd want? You riding me while he's got his hands on you? Or me fucking you from behind while his dick is in your hot little mouth?"

I think I had a stroke. My mind emptied, and I was utterly speechless. "Jesus, Walker," I finally breathed, my panties absolutely destroyed by those mental images. I was going to need a long shower after this.

He leaned in and feathered his lips over my pulse point, his scruff tickling my neck. "You wouldn't have to choose between us. We could both make you feel so good, darlin'. If my cock made you cry, the two of us together would make you weep."

A little gasp was all I was capable of as I rolled the thought around in my mind. The more I thought about it, the more attractive it was. But how would that work? Surely one or both of them would want me to choose eventually. And who's to say Sterling would ever be okay with something like this? It would never work. It was a fool's dream. A fucking hot one, but a dream.

And then there was the little matter of my secret husband.

"What would Cross have to say about that?"

Walker stiffened. Only a little, but I noticed. "You asked for a divorce, so what does it matter? Besides, we're already having an illicit affair. You were married to him when I made love to you in the cabin. Remember how good we were together? White hot, passionate, perfect."

"You say that like I knew, but I didn't. I never would have..." I loosed a heavy sigh. This was a pointless conversation. "I'm not a cheater, Walker."

"I know. And what you're doing with Bishop and me ain't cheating either. We know about each other. Cross knows about us. I'm just suggesting we make this a team sport if that would make you feel better about it."

"Cross won't share."

"Cross doesn't deserve you, and a piece of paper you were tricked into signing means nothing."

He made an excellent point. Still, my brows furrowed. "You're sure singing a different tune than when you stormed in here. You were hellbent on crucifying the both of us."

"That's when I thought you'd been keeping me in the dark. Now that I know there's still hope..." He shrugged, as if it were obvious.

The way he said that made my heart ache. If things were different, we might have a shot at a future, but everything had changed with my marriage to his brother. I could never resign myself to a life where I was constantly lying to the man I was married to. Marriage, to me, meant partnership. Trust. Fidelity. I wanted what my parents had. I wanted love. Anything less would be settling, and I refused to do that. Not even for Walker.

Not that I'm staying married to Cross.

No way.

"I love you, River. I'll take you whatever way I can have you. Just tell me it's not too late. Just a glimmer of hope. That's all I need."

He closed the distance between us, brushing his lips over mine, but I backed away. I couldn't be with him. "There isn't any. We can't do this. As soon as my divorce is final, I'm leaving. It's over."

Walker's hurt washed over me, his words cold and biting. "Looks like you're making a choice after all."

I had to get out of here, away from the man whose heart I had to break because it was killing me to see him like this. Shoving out of his hold, I made a beeline for the back door, desperate to trade the anguish of this moment for the suffocating heat of a Texas afternoon.

"You're right, I am. Like I already told you, I'm choosing me."