Chapter 12
That soft, melty feeling of inner tranquility
"Let me get this straight, you want me to ditch work for the day, which includes working on your bike?"
"I do."
"Gonna tell me why."
"Wind therapy."
"Ummm…. how are we supposed to manage that with your bike in pieces?"
"I rented one."
"Wow, won't Baby be jealous?"
" You're not funny, and I'm not planning on telling her."
"What makes you think I won't tell her?" Haven asked. "I do talk to her and all the other machines while I'm working on them. How do you know I won't let it slip that you've been cheating on her with another girl?"
"You think you're funny, don't you?"
"Sometimes, but I doubt Baby will think it's funny that the moment she's laid up you're out straddling another sleek bit of chrome, looking to get your hands all over someone else's chassis."
Haven giggled at the snorting sound that came through the phone and the way Maddox sputtered, never coming up with a descent comeback.
"I bet she'd be heartbroken," Haven went on, deliberately picking on the man now and loving every minute of it. "Well, more so than she is now. Here she is, all twisted and mangled and instead of coming to see her, you're out testing her replacement. That's some serious betrayal right there. Kinda cold of you too man, I thought you loved Baby?"
"Keep it up and I will start working out ways to keep that mouth of yours in check."
"Always with the threats, but where's the action?"
"You want action, have your ass in the alley in fifteen minutes and be ready to ride."
The call disconnected then, leaving Haven to decide if he was going to head down to the shop, or head to his closet to find something appropriate for a day spent tearing around on the back of a motorcycle. Okay, so there really wasn't a lot of thought involved, he'd made his decision before he threw back the covers and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, leaving his new lemur aromatherapy critter behind on his pillow, but only after giving him a gentle pat on the head. According to the hours on the outside of the building, the auto shop wasn't open on Saturdays. That didn't mean he wasn't in there on a Saturday working, it just meant people couldn't drop anything off for repairs.
Picking up was a different story. Customers were called the moment their vehicles were finished, even on a weekend, which was just a testament to how little interest he had in getting out and exploring all the ways the town had changed in the six years since he'd been gone. Haven had diligently put in hours daily since he'd been home, including the last four Sundays, which meant he felt no shame at all about pulling on boots and spending the day pressed up against Maddox.
His cock gave a little twitch at the thought, as Haven tossed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt across his bed and hurried to get a shower. Twelve minutes later he was leaning against the roll-up door, staring up the alley as loud rumbling grew nearer with every passing moment.
The Harely Maddox pulled up on wasn't as iconic as the Electra Glide and it lacked her classic look, but she wasn't a bad machine. At first glance, he was certain it was a Heritage Classic, though a guy had come in for a tune up on a Revival Hydra-Glide the other day, and that bike looked an awful lot like this one in terms of style and model.
"Put this on," Maddox said, handing him a helmet that he fumbled with for a moment, until Maddox stilled his hands and did it himself, securing it snugly, then pausing for a moment to glide his fingertip over Haven's lip.
He licked it, but when he went to suck, Maddox withdrew it and shot him a smirk.
"Get on."
Stepping one foot on a peg, he swung his leg over the back of the bike and parked his ass on the black, stud lined seat behind Maddox before his mind could fully register the command. Obeying was hot and easy, taking all the guess work out of everything when Maddox got growly with him. That deep voice, those intense eyes; you couldn't have slipped a piece of paper between them by the time Haven got situated. With both arms around Maddox, and his head on the back of the older man's shoulder, he did his best to imitate a baby koala, clinging like a human backpack. He didn't know if it was from the rumble of the machine beneath them or the press of Maddox's ass against the front of his jeans, but they were instantly tight and his cock hard the moment they started heading for the highway.
The music pouring from the radio couldn't have been more appropriate as houses wiped past to the tune of Metallica's Wherever I May Roam. Sighing, Haven allowed himself to relax completely and was rewarded by the feel of Maddox's hand over one of his where they rested on Maddox's six-pack. It was different from being on the back of a dirt bike, mainly because he didn't have to pay attention to anything but the scenery and the man he was clinging to. Maddox was right, there was something soothing and almost otherworldly about the feel of the wind whipping past, distorting sound and making it feel like they were the only ones in motion. The rumble of the engine blotted out everything, creating a bubble of sound that drowned out the world. Easy to get lost in, especially when Maddox caressed his leg or stroked his arm.
They rode without direction, old school metal mixed with new as the hours faded away. Thought grew hazy, but his senses ramped up, the scent of leather mingling with ceder and wisteria as they wound their way up into the mountains. There was something freeing about not having a timetable or a destination. The sleek movement and loud, all-encompassing purr began orchestrating a whirlwind of words in his mind, the beginnings of a poem or maybe even a song this time. He'd gotten better with those on the inside, but then he'd had plenty of time to tweak the cadence and patterns of his words into something with rhythm and melody.
He'd known not to hum too loudly though. He'd learned early on that showing joy always seemed to make people a target. Prison was an ugly enough place as it was, especially with pea green walls, that he'd never understood the urge to stamp out something beautiful. Yet he'd seen the evidence of that behavior almost every day. Which was why Grayson had helped him devise the perfect hiding place for his notebooks. So good that they were never discovered in any of the numerous cell tosses their bunks were subjected to.
If only there was a way to bottle this moment, take it out and sip from it anytime he needed a moment of calm or a chance to settle his nerves. He'd wear it around his neck like a talisman and hold it in his hands anytime he needed a reminder that not everything was awful in the world. Feeling the shifting motion of the man in front of him, he had to admit that some things were simply awesome.
Then the rumble stopped, and Haven sat blinking at the sudden stillness and the lack of sound. When Maddox rubbed his leg, Haven looked down to see Maddox's hand against his jeans and gave a little squeeze, still content to remain fully melted into the moment. It was easy when Maddox didn't rush him to move. It wasn't until a trio of crows began cawing at them that Maddox moved his hand away. Reluctantly, Haven sat up and removed the helmet, grateful that it wasn't a full one with a face shield. He'd always hated those and the stifling feeling that left him feeling like he was being suffocated. It would have sucked to miss all the scents of the mountains too, or the feel of the wind where it caught the ragged edges of his hair and blew them back from his face.
Stepping onto solid ground was different too. Getting off a dirt bike had aways been an equal mix of exhaustion and exhilaration, while up here he just felt stoned. When Maddox's arms wrapped around him, he leaned against the man and didn't even twitch when Maddox slipped his hand in Haven's back pocket and gave his ass a little squeeze.
"Now I feel sane again."
Haven nodded at that. "Yeah, I think I get it now, the whole wind therapy thing. I can't remember the last time I felt like I could breathe without being afraid or wondering if I was gonna fuck up and disappoint someone."
"That's the problem right there," Maddox said. "You'll never be free to be who you were meant to be until you stop trying to give everyone what you think they want from you."
"Maybe."
"There's no maybe about it. You only get one life. You need to live it for you. If you can't do that then you're cheating yourself and I can tell you from firsthand experience it isn't an easy thing to come back from."
"Who were you trying to live for?" Haven murmured.
"My club brothers, and the man who treated me more like a son than my old man ever did," Maddox admitted. "When he married my mother, he wound up with a bitter, sullen asshole for a stepson that he could have written off or ignored. Instead, he chose to teach me the things my old man should have, gave me a love for motorcycles and something to belong to after my mom passed away. I wasn't as lucky as you. I didn't have any siblings. I didn't have anyone except for her, and she died three days after my fifteenth birthday. He'd have been well within his rights to try and find another relative or turn me over to the state, considering they'd only been married a couple of years. Instead, he finished raising me and I patched into his club the moment I was old enough for them to take me seriously as a prospect. It wasn't easy and he never gave me any special treatment when it came to club matters, but he was fair, and he never stopped treating me like a son. That's what mattered most to me."
"But you left it behind."
"I did, but he and I are on good terms," Maddox admitted. "I devoted years to becoming one of the club's elite enforcers. There was no task I was assigned that I didn't fulfill with brutal precision, but that's all I had. He saw that, and the way I was always coming up with ideas and creating things in the kitchen of my trailer. In the end he cared more about me having the opportunity to see what I could accomplish than what patch I wore on my back. That's what a real man does. He takes care of those who can't look out for themselves, and he gives them the wings to fly when others might try to clip them. You lining up to be sheered just tells me that you don't have someone in your life who is looking out for you that way. I can fix that for you, if you'll let me."
"I'm not a kid," Haven replied. "I've had a father, and he was an awesome one. He always encouraged me to do the things that I loved."
"Then why can't you hear his voice in your ear saying that you need to focus on those things, and not other people's expectations?"
"'Cause I feel like I fucked it all up!" Haven said. "And now all I can think about is how I don't want to let my siblings down the way I failed my folks. Every time they came to see me, they looked like they'd aged a couple of years. The sadness in their eyes, the way mom cried every single time, it fuckin' broke me. I wasn't there when we lost them, and I never got to say a proper goodbye. Meadow and River had to deal with that on their own, and then Meadow lost her husband Donny, and I wasn't here for that either. Now that I'm home, I need them to know that they can count on me. I need to know that they don't see me as the same fuckup as the rest of the town does."
"And again, what I hear from you is that you care more about what others think than what you want," Maddox pointed out. "So, tell me, do you have a plan for what you'll do when no amount of effort changes their option of you? How long before you give up trying? How long before it makes you bitter and hateful and you start looking for a way to get back at them for rejecting you? How long before you hurt someone else because you're hurting and don't know what to do with all that pain? How long do you think it will be before it lands you back behind bars with a longer stint to serve, since you'll be a repeat offender? How long before you risk running afoul of the three strikes law and waste what's left of your life. Look at you. How young you still are right now. Do you really want to waste that?"
Haven shook his head and sighed. "No."
"Then figure out what you want and where you see yourself in the future. Work towards that goal and send anyone who tries to deter you to me. I'll set them straight if you don't want to."
"When you say shit like that, it almost sounds too good to be true."
"If I say something, I mean it," Maddox said. "But it's good that you're cautious. That's an important trait to keep. We barely know one another, and I don't expect you to trust me yet. That's what I want today to be about and every other day that comes after it. Just us learning about one another without being focused on what we're trying to make, or fix."
"I just don't get why you'd even want to bother with someone like me," Haven admitted. "I haven't even fixed your bike yet."
"And? Everyone I've spoken to says that you will, once you have all the pieces you need. I have faith in that, and in you."
"Why?"
"Because there's something about you that both pisses me off and won't allow me to walk away."
"Sure didn't feel like that a few nights ago."
"I know, and I'm sorry," Maddox said. "For a moment there, I forgot all the lessons I'd learned and started thinking about what it might mean to my business relationship with your brother if I forged ahead with a personal relationship with you."
Another sigh, but it felt good to be held against a powerful body that easily supported his weight when Haven leaned against him. "What changed your mind?"
"Realizing I didn't give a shit and was more interested in getting to know you than in how he might feel about any of it," Maddox said. "I built this company. Letting him buy in made him a partner in that, not any other aspect of my life. I might mentor him in how to be successful as an entrepreneur, but that's not all I am. I'm a man first, and it's been a long time since I've had a boy to call my own."
Haven shivered at the word, the offer right there for him to jump all over and gods did he want a taste, even if he wasn't ready to cash in the whole raincheck yet.
"That mean you like being called Daddy?" Haven muttered.
"Love it. There's nothing better in the world than hearing that word when I'm balls deep inside someone, except maybe hearing it when I'm holding them in my arms and listening to them tell me all their desires."
Haven shivered at that and snuggled tighter to Maddox, enjoying the sensation of being held without worrying about being caught. "And you want me to be that someone?"
Maddox ran a hand down his back and held him more firmly. "I do."
"For how long?"
"That's completely up to you."