47. Mira

forty-seven

Mira

As I stand in a vast field before an ominous stone yet somehow also ethereal castle, I immediately know this is a Dreamshare from the way my vision dances and blurs around the edges with swirls of Chroma.

My heart clenches, trying not to hope Tairyn might be here. That I might know he's safe somewhere. Of course, I'll be happy to see any of my mates on this lonely night, but it's been so long since I last saw his face.

In the distance, a figure approaches. He's tall, the body of a warrior from the looks of his broad shoulders and confident swagger. As he closes the distance, his face becomes clear. A stranger. Handsome, but not one of my four mates.

I glance around, frantic. Could there be five Shards? No, they would know. So who is this man and why are we here together? I take a step back as he approaches and wisely he stops in his tracks.

"So I am finally to meet you, Mira. But how?"

The man looks around, the pointed ears of the High Fae peeking over his shaggy black hair. He turns eyes so piercingly blue, they remind me of glacial ice floating in the Artic. The edges crinkle with lines of middle age and wisdom.

"Who are you?"

With a sweeping bow that I can only interpret as mocking and a mischievous grin that reminds me too much of Tairyn, he says, "Don't you know?"

The words don't feel right leaving my tongue. It's twisted and off, like this can't be real. "But… you're dead. I don't understand."

"As far as the mortals of Illuemera are concerned, yes, I'm dead. But there are worlds between worlds. Currently, I wait in the Otherworld for the Shards to merge."

My stomach twists. Merge and die so that I can be with him. His arrogance rises from his shoulders like stink lines. It reminds me of Sunder when we first met. I shake my head, warding off the dark thoughts. I can't let myself think of their end now. Not yet, when there's so much to do. A problem for a different day.

"But why are you here, in my Dreamshare?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. He's watching me as if he's studying a particularly interesting specimen. And yet there's a warmth to his gaze. Something pulsing with radiant light beneath the surface that feels like Bobble. Like home.

I barely keep the grimace from my face.

He gives a tired sigh, looking at his empty palms. "I don't know, but I have an idea about who is behind this, though. Thank you, old friend," he whispers to himself.

He raises his eyes to mine once more. There's a quiet intensity in his gaze, something that reminds me of the countless moments with Sunder and Tairyn. Even Callum. The tension, the uncertainty… but underneath it all, a connection that refuses to break.

"I dreamed about you from a young age, you know. I'd lie awake at night wondering what my mate was doing, where she was, if she was even alive."

I glance down at my plain body, still lumpy and soft despite all the training Sunder makes me do. The sarcasm is dripping off my hands as I flourish them to present myself. "Well, here I am in all my human glory."

My heart flutters at the intensity of his gaze as they hold mine. "Yes. Here you are at last."

No hint of mocking or displeasure. No disappointment. It almost sounds like awe. The way he says it makes something inside me flutter, something unnatural and natural all at once.

I swallow, glancing at the ground to break the growing intimacy between us. This is it, the man I'm meant to spend eternity with. Not the sweet purring Bobble or the sullen Callum. Calculating Tairyn or the impulsive Sunder. Tears sting my eyes, and I can't stop the shake in my voice. "I don't want to lose them."

He nods his head with a soft understanding. "Maybe in time you'd learn to love me, too."

For a moment, I almost believe I could. But that doesn't mean I would ever stop loving the others. The pieces of him, not the whole.

Closing the distance between us, he hooks his finger under my chin, pulling my face to meet his gaze. "Tell me, Mira. Why are you here? Why risk yourself for a world you don't even know? Why not take the Shards and run back home?"

Freeing my chin from his grip, the question hanging between us like a fog that refuses to lift.

"I doubt they'd go," I say somewhat dismissively. I've had the passing thought a few times, but I never really considered it an option.

"They would, if you wished it. All of them," he says with a meaningful intonation. "But that still doesn't answer my question. Why are you here?"

I let the words fall inside me, rattle around my soul, searching for truth.

"I'm here," I confess, my voice hushed, "because I choose to be. All my life, I followed someone else's path for me. I was supposed to go to college, so I did. I was supposed to find a good job and a husband, so I did. And where did that get me? I was deeply miserable and unfulfilled just going through the motions to get from one day to the next. But here, I have purpose and meaning. This work we're doing, it's important. And not just to the small bubble of people around me."

His eyes soften at my words, and he gives a slight nod of understanding.

"And the Shards?" He asks, his voice carries in the empty air.

The answer is simple. I don't even think before I say, "I love them."

It's true, I realize. I love them all deeply, even Tairyn, who I've yet to bond. Each of them is flawed and imperfect, constantly making mistakes. But so am I. I've always been someone who judges herself too harshly. But here, with them, I'm learning to see myself through their eyes. As someone strong and capable, someone deserving of love. Mistakes, flaws, hangups and all.

It's a realization that washes over me like a warm tide, filling me with a deep and all-encompassing love for these broken but beautiful souls who have become my family. I see them in reflections of myself and find comfort in their imperfections, knowing they are learning and growing alongside me. And in their company, I finally see myself as worthy, as deserving of love and acceptance, and find the courage to let go of the harsh judgments I carried for so long. A small, hot tear rolls down one cheek and with it a heavy weight leaves me forever.

"You are an extraordinary woman, Mira. The Gods have bestowed upon me a treasure unlike any other - someone who radiates boundless love and compassion. It is a blessing that our paths crossed, even if it is only for this fleeting moment."

His words are heavy, full of a sincerity that makes my heart skip a beat. I'm not sure how to process it all, but I know one thing.

I have four mates, but he's not one of them.

The following morning, I lay awake in the sunlight for a long time ruminating on my visit from Dan'thiel. I sob off and on both from relief and dread that I might truly lose them one day. Dan'thiel was fiction until last night, just a story that felt too far away to be real.

But now…

I rub at my throbbing temples in an attempt to ease away the memory of his earnest gaze. It's too much, too soon. My tears come and go with the passing clouds as I imagine a future where my Shards don't exist. I don't want to live in a world without Bobble's warmth or Tairyn's smirk. Sunder's brooding or Callum's passion.

I wish the others were here to talk to about this. They'd know what to say to make it all seem alright and for the best.

An eternity with them whole or one lifetime with the pieces. I know which I'd pick if I had the choice. But truly, the choice isn't mine, is it? Do they not get to decide their own fate, just as I've chosen mine?

I push away my thoughts and force myself out of the bed. My face is puffy and red from a morning of weeping. But I've had enough tears for a lifetime.

Rolling my tense shoulders back, I try to shake off the edge of melancholy from my heart. I'm not going to sit around wallowing in self-pity. I won't sit around wringing my fingers, waiting for them to return either. I need to make myself busy. Find something to throw myself into.

After a couple of hours of practicing with my Chroma, I'm still unable to channel the full spectrum of magic, the elusive white. However, my success rate at casting luck on myself has increased by about 5%. Frustrated, I decide to switch things up.

The side quest. I smile to myself.

As I walk into the hallway, I spot Elora standing outside my door, keeping watch. "Want to head into the city?" I ask with a grin.