45. Mira

forty-five

Mira

It doesn't take long for me to tire of pacing my bedroom. The fiery rage inside me reduces to a simmer as I exude the air of ‘approach me if you dare'. I know their meeting with Cor'than ended an hour ago because I felt them each go off in different directions. And yet, none have come to this room.

Instead, I spend my energy practicing. Only half of my attempts to pull out threads of good fortune from my magic are successful and less than half of those to wrap them around myself. Less than 25% success rate isn't great, but I need to move on. If Tairyn was right, I'm our best chance against Yurghen. I need to channel white Chroma. Not for the first time I wish a could sense Tairyn in my mind. Make sure he's ok. Alive at least.

I release a long, pouty sigh as I curl my feet onto the small couch in the sitting room. I hug my knees to my chest, staring into the fire. I can't believe they want to leave me here. I understand the risk is too high for me to join them. But… did they have to decide this behind my back? I'm so sick of being treated like a child, unable to make her own choices.

My forehead touches my knees as someone finally enters the antechamber. I sense my connection to Sunder and Bobble, but it's not either of them. To my surprise, it's Callum, the person who seemed so determined to avoid this room, that cautiously approaches me.

He scans his surroundings with a watchful gaze, searching for any telltale signs of behavior he would rather turn a blind eye to. The way his eyes dart from one corner to the next reveals his unease and discomfort with what he may find in the room I share with Sunder and Bobble.

"Here to tell me you've decided what I'll eat for dinner?"

He stops in his tracks, his shoulders slumping as he lets out a heavy sigh. The weight of my words is heavy before they even leave my mouth, but I can't help the petulant tone that seeps into them. Right now, I'm filled with pettiness and frustration, and it's all spilling out.

"It's completely understandable if you're angry with us. We should have included you in the discussion, and I apologize for not doing so. It was never our intention to leave you out."

His genuine, apologetic tone makes it hard for me to hold on to my anger, no matter how hard I try. My words lose their bite, but the hurt remains. "You guys just accidentally made a very important decision for me?"

He winces, like my words are a physical blow. "That's not how I meant it."

The room falls into silence, the tension between thick as honey. The only sound is the crackling of the fire, hollow echoes bouncing around the corners of the room. "It's not just dangerous for you, Mira. It's dangerous for everyone. If we fail and he needs you for his ritual, there's no reason to make that easier for him."

I let out a heavy sigh. "I know. It's not that I disagree with you. It just hurts my feelings that you guys didn't even ask for my input. I'm scared. I can't help protect you all if I'm locked up here behind these walls. What if something happens? I'll never forgive myself."

The plain truth. It tumbles from my lips as my voice begins to crack. Callum kneels on the ground in front of me, grabbing my hand in his and presses my palm to his scarred cheek. "I will do everything in my power to bring us all back safely to you. I'll even channel my Chroma."

His mouth twists on that word with disgust. "You still haven't channeled yet?"

"It's the root of all injustice and inequality in this realm. It's vile that way the Gods bless some and scorn others. I won't do it lightly."

Of course, Callum takes a moral opposition to the one thing that will save us all, but at least he's willing to do it when he must. I take a shuddering breath, uncurling myself to lean into him. His arm wraps around me as I bury my nose into his neck, blinking away the sting in my eyes. His lips press gently against my cheek. "Please come back."

His hand smooths my long hair against my head, his caress melting me into a puddle. I've missed his touch. It feels like ages since we've held each other like this. Without a second thought, I ask, "Where are Sunder and Bobble?"

The question is innocent, but I feel him stiffen around me as I try not to wince. Such a delicate dance between us. "Sorry, I just—" I add quickly as I pull back, but he cuts me off.

"No, it's okay. They are preparing for tomorrow. Cor'than's given us each a legion of men to command."

"Why aren't you with them, then?"

He shrugs, climbing to his feet and pulling me with him. "We could all sense you up here seething. I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate until we resolved this. I don't want to leave you still angry with me."

All the anger suddenly curdles in my stomach, replaced with guilt. "No, I don't want that either."

Callum lets out a heavy sigh, nodding his head. "You'll want to go talk to them then."

It's not a question. Instead, it's more like resignation. A heavy weight settles in my chest, and my heart aches for him. The pain of feeling inadequate, of always being second best. The swirling mix of emotions inside him - jealousy, uncertainty, longing - is all too familiar to me. I know what it's like feeling like you're never enough.

With Tairyn, it was almost like a game, taunting him with my many loves. He seemed to relish the challenge and his unwavering self-assurance made it clear that he knew he was superior. In his eyes, there was no competition.

But Callum…

"I'm new to this too, you know? I've never been in love with multiple people before. The last thing I want is to cause you pain. I'm sorry if I've done things to make this more difficult on you."

He shakes his head at last. "No, you haven't done anything wrong. I'm the one who needs to learn to share you. I am… I will try."

In his eyes, his pain and determination are clear, and I have no choice but to believe him. I pop up on my tiptoes and press a chaste kiss to his cheek. "Thank you."

He holds my gaze for a moment, so intense that my insides flutter deep in my belly. "Thank you for being patient with me, Mira."