33. Hannah

33

HANNAH

W hat the hell? Chad tasted like hot chocolate and regret. I shoved his chest, pushing him away from me, and scrubbed the back of my hand over my lips. “What are you doing?” Shock made me slow to react or I’d have ducked out of the way. The last thing I expected was his lips on mine. It felt wrong. Foul. I scrubbed again and took a gulp of hot chocolate. Ugh. He’d ruined the flavor forever.

What made him think it was okay to kiss me? I couldn’t believe he’d be that presumptuous. And in front of Liddy! The kiss I’d given Scott this morning was one of the rare and brief displays of public affection I’d allowed Liddy to see so we didn’t confuse her.

“It’s okay.” Chad shifted and tried to move in on me again.

“No.” I planted a hand on his chest and pushed. “It’s not okay. Why would you do that?”

“Come on, Hannah. It’s me.” He gave me that golden boy smile, one hand on his heart. “You remember how good things were with us.”

“I remember you walking out on me. And her.” I tried to keep my voice even, but the hurt and anger roared to life. Liddy looked up at me briefly, the joy of Santa, the sleigh, and reindeer occupying most of her attention. She turned her head back to the man in red. Muffled sounds roared in my ears. The kids’ laughter. Santa’s speech about the joy of Christmas. It all sounded like a muted drumming beat taking up a refrain in the background.

Chad huffed and chucked his hot chocolate cup into a nearby trash can. “Why are you being like this? You were never resistant before.”

“I’m not the same woman you knew back then.” Unlike him, I’d been forced to grow up. I had a daughter to raise and protect. “And besides, this was never about me.” I made a subtle nod toward Liddy. “I thought it was about you getting to know Liddy, not pursuing me.” The thought of going back to Chad soured my stomach. Never. Not even if he was the last man on the planet.

“It was. It is.” He grabbed my hand. I yanked it back.

“So act like it. We’re not a couple. We never will be again. I’m not looking for a relationship.” Not with him anyway. I had all I needed, all I could ever wish for.

“Aw, come on. We can do this.” With a swift glance at Liddy, he kept his smile in place. “Look how happy she is. I’m her father.”

“I’m pregnant.” I hadn’t intended to use that as a weapon or a challenge, but every word out of his mouth drove me insane. I said it low enough so Liddy couldn’t hear, hoping that she was too enthralled with Santa and the display.

He reeled back from me like I had a disease. “Wait.” He stopped and looked me over from head to toe. “Did you just say you’re pregnant?”

“Yes.” I held my chin high. Liddy might be his biologically, but he’d never been her father. Even now, with her right in front of him, he was more concerned about getting laid than learning about his daughter.

His jaw worked side to side. “Whose is it?”

“That’s none of your business.” Liddy and I took a step closer to the reindeer and further away from him. “You wanted to get to know Liddy. This is your chance.” She tucked her head against my leg. I hated that he put her in this position. I’d have to make sure no lasting effects lingered.

I knew he was feeling rejected and despite what I thought of him, no one should ever feel unloved. But he was also rejecting us—again. He moved backward, almost staggering into another family. Our drama offered fodder for listening ears, but most were too distracted to pay much attention. “I have to go. I made a mistake. I can’t do this.” Without a word of goodbye, he cut across the line and almost ran for the far side of the street.

Disappointment landed in my gut with a deep heaviness. Liddy wrapped her arms around my leg and said, “I don’t like him.”

Me either, but he was her father and I refused to be like Megan’s mother. “I surprised him, that’s all. He might come back.”

Might. Most likely not. He’d left us. Again. However this time, we were in a much better place.

Thankfully, we were within walking distance of the car. And we had three men waiting for us at home. Scott was right. I never should’ve given Chad a second chance. I’d gone in blind hoping for the best. Look where it got me.

Sleigh bells jangled, and the line scooted forward. Liddy released my leg and spun in a circle. “It’s still a good day. We’re going to see Santa.”

“Yes, we are. Are you going to tell him what you want for Christmas?” I concentrated on the moment, trying to ignore the sting of rejection threatening to curl me into the fetal position. I had to protect Liddy. I didn’t have the time or the space necessary to fall apart.

Liddy bit her lip in deep thought. Her hair fell around her face, and she shoved it back with an impatient hand. “Maybe. Can it be a secret?”

“A secret?” She’d never asked me that before. “You’re not supposed to keep secrets.”

“I know. But this is a special kind of good secret. A Christmas present secret. Like when you buy presents for kids at school and don’t tell them. That’s a good secret.” Guileless hazel eyes pleaded with me. “Can I tell Santa my secret wish?”

How was I supposed to resist that? “Okay. You can tell Santa.” I might regret it when her secret wish failed to appear on Christmas morning, but for now I let her enjoy the moment.

“Yay.” Liddy twirled but she moved too fast, bumping into the boy waiting in front of her. “Sorry.” She hugged him before moving to stand beside me again.

The boy’s mother turned and offered a smile. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.” I returned the greeting with a matching smile of my own and worked on Liddy’s hair. “Let’s get this out of the way for your picture.” She stood still for me, her excitement bubbling up and threatening to spill over.

By the time we reached the front of the line, her hair was tamed and her bouncing had reached epic proportions. For the first Christmas since she was born, I didn’t have to stop and think about whether I had the money to pay for the pictures. I’d saved everything I could from my months working for Arthur, Scott, and Ryland. They’d offered to continue helping me out, especially since I stayed with them almost as often as in my own home.

I’d jokingly mentioned the term sugar daddies once at dinner and ended up offending all three of them. They meant more to me than I cared to admit. Unlike spending time with Chad and anticipating when it would be over, I eagerly awaited when we would head back to the mansion so I could see them.

“Next.” A woman in a green and red elf costume ushered Liddy forward. Her smile looked worn, but she remained cheerful. “Are you ready?”

“Yes.” Liddy waved at me and ran past the woman. Another elf offered to help her into the sleigh, but my Liddy had enough gumption to clamber up without assistance. She plopped herself on Santa’s knee and cupped her hand around her mouth while whispering in his ear.

The white beard shifted with the force of his joyous facial expressions, and he patted Liddy’s head while nodding, then pointed straight ahead toward the camera.

Liddy’s smile was the best thing in the whole world. It burned away at the edges of the rejection Chad left behind. I raised my phone and clicked a few pictures of my own before Liddy jumped down and ran back to me.

“I did it.” She skidded to a stop. “He said it was a great present and he’d try his best.”

“Good.” I held out my hand. “Let’s go see your pictures.” The booth developed the photos right then and there. My pictures were fine, but this moment deserved examining the proofs the woman slid across the counter and ordering a few of Liddy’s favorites.

We found a bench close by and waited for the pictures to print. Liddy turned around backward, sticking her legs between the seat and the back. Her arms rested on top of the metal, and she examined the shops across from us. “Look, Mama.”

I turned to follow her pointing finger. “Don’t point, Liddy. It’s rude.”

“Oh.” She dropped her hand. “But do you see him?”

It took all of ten seconds to discover the him in question. Chad stood in front of the ice cream shop. I recognized the back of his head and the plaid jacket with its distinct silver and green pattern. “I see him.”

“Who’s that with him?” Liddy’s question daggered my heart. Chad leaned his shoulder against the glass and laughed. His body moved in that casual way I remembered, the flirtation evident even from a distance. A blonde woman stood in front of him. She put a hand on his arm and leaned in. And damn him if he didn’t kiss her right on the lips and guide her toward his car sitting at the curb. Fucking asshole. While Liddy and I stood shivering in line, he’d backtracked to pick up his car just to drive over here and hook up with a perfect stranger. Or maybe they knew each other and this was more than a hookup. I wrapped both arms around my waist and leaned over with a groan.

“Mama?” Panic laced Liddy’s voice. “What’s wrong?”

I knew better than to feel ashamed but seeing Chad with another woman immediately after he rejected Liddy twisted the pain deeper. Worthless. That was the only word to describe what I was feeling. He ran the minute he found out about my pregnancy and here he was rejecting my daughter yet again, thinking with his dick first.

I fought my way through the haze and dug my phone from my coat pocket. I’d been an idiot to reject Scott’s offer to join us. Tears blurred my vision, but I managed to tap his name in my contacts and bring my shaking hand up to my ear.

“Hannah?” Scott’s deep voice shredded my control.

Tears fell in great drops that splattered onto my lap. Liddy hunkered in close to my side, her arms going tight around my middle. “Scott.” My teary voice warbled on his name.

“What happened?” Anger seeped through the phone. “Are you hurt?” His voice cut away as he spoke to Ryland in the background. “Hannah’s crying. Get the car and tell Arthur.”

“No, I’m okay.”

“The hell you are. Where are you? Is Chad still there? Tell me what happened.”

I told him through my tears, leaving nothing out. Liddy tightened her hold. “I love you, Mama.”

“I love you too, baby.”

It was enough to calm the flood of tears, but they continued to fall in steady drips. “It’s okay, Scott. We’ll be home soon.”

“You’re not driving like this.” He rarely ordered me around, but I heard the iron will and felt my first true breath of relief rush in. “Stay put. We’re coming to get you.”

I almost told him it wasn’t necessary, but I bit my lip instead, deciding to let them take care of me. It felt nice to be wanted, to be protected. They might not love me, but they never failed me.