28. Hannah

28

HANNAH

S cott was definitely not joking when he said Megan’s appearances came with an incredible amount of drama and angst. I ran my thumb back and forth over the edge of the napkin and tried to keep my facial expressions under control.

“So what does this mean for my inheritance?” Megan shot a look around the table. “Since you’re sleeping with your friends and,” she waved a hand in my direction “the hired help.”

“That’s enough.” Scott pointed a finger at Megan. “Arthur might let you talk that way to him, but you’ll have some damned respect for Hannah or you can leave this table.”

“Scott, it’s fine.” I had every intention of fighting my own battles, even when they put me up against Arthur’s firstborn. I’d managed to corner him in his office a few hours after Megan’s initial arrival and discovered that he’d convinced her to stay. She’d made no promises about how long, but I hoped for his sake that she made it through the holidays. “Your inheritance is not at risk, Megan.”

“She’s right.” Arthur’s face held enough calmness to float a submarine. And it was all fake. He hid his feelings well, but I saw through his facade.

“What then?” Megan crossed her arms and sat back. “This new baby isn’t going to replace me? You’ve clearly found a new family.”

Hurt blazed across his expression, his eyes going dim. The hand holding his napkin fisted tight enough that the skin on his knuckles turned white. I looked to Scott and Ryland for help. I’d said what I could but it wasn’t my place to interfere more than I already had. My words were not going to reassure Megan. Her father’s unconditional love was the only thing that might salvage their relationship. I opened my mouth but snapped it shut again without a word. The last thing I wanted to do was cross a boundary that I shouldn’t.

He’d not looked at me, not even once since Megan arrived. Even when I spoke to him in his office earlier, he’d looked through me in that same dispassionate way that broke my heart. I could almost understand why his ex-wife thought him emotionless and uncaring. She’d refused to look deep enough to see the hurt.

“You are part of my family, Megan. You always have been. It does not matter how you feel about me, what angry barbs you throw my way, you will always be my daughter.” Slow and quiet, Arthur slammed his words into the shield Megan threw around herself. She had a lot of her father in her in the way she held herself, the standoffish demeanor being particularly cruel.

Megan scoffed but the sound lost its potency when the tip of her nose reddened and she gave a sudden sniff like she was trying to force back tears.

Arthur set his fork down. “You’re as much my daughter now as the day you were born, which was one of the best days of my life. I would not consider you less than that simply because your mother and I parted ways.”

“Sure. Whatever you say.” Megan stood and threw her napkin down on the table. “I’m not hungry anymore.” Her heels clacked, cold and distant, as she retreated.

I kept my hands in my lap even though I ached to comfort Arthur. The silence around the table turned deafening.

“Enough of this shit.”

“Arthur.”

He held his head to the side, eyes locked on the doorway where Megan slipped away. “I’m not going after her again. I’ve tried that countless times. We both need to cool down.”

“What can I do to help?” I almost asked if he was okay, but I knew better. The man’s own daughter shredded him with her words. No one was okay. “How can I make this better?”

“I’ll be fine, Hannah.” His lips quirked around my name. Hair fell across his forehead when he lowered his chin and pushed his plate away. “I wish there was some way to mend this rift. Her mother…” He set his palms on his thighs and leaned back hard in the chair.

Scott combed a curl over my ear. “She’s like this every year. She’ll say she’s not coming, then pop up out of the blue. Megan is angry, so she arrives ready for war.”

“Her mother holds a lot of resentment toward me,” Arthur adds.

Ryland’s typical smile had disappeared hours ago. He rubbed his forehead with the heels of both hands. “Which is stupid as fuck since she’s the one who ended the marriage.”

“I’m certain she fills Megan’s ears with her bitterness. Megan has no outlet for her rage, which is why she spews it at me. I am the reason she holds such anger.” The heaviness of defeat clearly weighed on Arthur. “I fought for custody, but the judge ruled against me.”

Shock caused my body to jerk. He’d gone against Megan’s mother in a custody battle and lost? I wasn’t worried about custody since we’d talked it out, but what judge would rule against Arthur?

“How did that happen?” I had to know or it would eat me up inside.

“The judge was prejudiced against men. He thought that Arthur could have done more, or some shit like that.” Scott stabbed a forkful of steak and held it in the air. “Arthur never stood a chance.”

“That’s awful.” I ached to comfort him. One wrong move and he’d leave the room. Arthur had enough trauma in his history that he thought he deserved this pain. He’d pull away from comfort. So what the hell was I supposed to do?

He pushed back from the table. “I’m sorry for ruining the meal. I’ll be in my study.”

Ryland rested a hand on my shoulder, stopping me before I jumped up and followed him. “It’s okay, Hannah. You’re not responsible for Arthur’s emotional well-being. He can handle this. Let him throw some shit around and scream for a few minutes.”

“Does he really do that?”

Scott snorted a laugh. “No. He’ll sit still as a damned statue and blame himself for every bad thing that’s ever happened.”

“We’ve tried to get him to react.” Ryland’s fingertips danced along my spine. “Took him to a boxing gym to punch the heavy bag.”

“Even bought out one of those rooms where you can break everything with sledgehammers,” Scott’s sigh indicated that had been a disaster. “Man wouldn’t even walk through the door.”

Arthur was too buttoned up and controlled to unleash like that. They knew it, but they’d tried to help. My way was no better. Arthur was infuriatingly polite, and no amount of poking, prodding, or hugging was going to break him.

Deena walked in leading Liddy, and the conversation shifted to happier topics. We spent the next several hours planning Christmas gifts, wrapping the few things I’d found for my school kids, and listening to Christmas music through the house’s surround sound.

By the time I put Liddy to bed that night and made my way to the kitchen for a late snack, I’d almost convinced myself that the problems Megan brought with her were all solvable. I pushed open the door, a Christmas tune on my lips, and froze at the sight of Megan sitting on a stool at the island.

She turned at the sound of the door opening on creaky hinges, her red hair framing her face and spilling down her shoulders. She’d been all businesslike at dinner in a black dress and heels, her hair pulled back into a tight bun. This version of Megan wore pink pajama bottoms and an old band t-shirt with a hole near the hem. In other words, my kind of girl. I gripped the door, my hesitation obvious. “Sorry. Do you want me to leave?” The gnawing hunger prompted a niggle of worry. I had to grab food, even if it was just the peanut butter crackers I’d stowed away in the pantry.

“It’s fine.” Megan turned, giving me her back.

Relief made my steps quick and light as I padded closer. “Want some tea?” I filled the kettle and grabbed the tin from the pantry, along with two packs of crackers. I waved both at Megan.

She watched me with the kind of cautiousness I’d seen in wild animals on TV.

“Sure. Why not.”

Well, that was easy. I fixed us both a cup and sat down across from her, tearing open a package of crackers and biting one in half while the tea cooled. I didn’t typically enjoy silence, but a quiet Megan trumped angry Megan. She stacked her fisted hands one on top of the other and rested her chin on top.

Did I dare risk talking to her? I took in the slumped posture and defeated look. Without the makeup and pretty dress, she looked like any other kid, one that I could relate to. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

Megan’s head shifted a fraction toward me. “I don’t hold anything against you .” Calm. Quiet. It seemed the anger she’d thrown at Arthur died when not in his presence. “It’s Dad I can’t stand.”

“Why?” I sipped my tea and let the question dangle.

“Because.” She spat the word while sitting up, her eyes flashing against the warm glow coming from the light over the stove. Just when it seemed like she’d refuse to continue, she dragged her cup closer and spoke. “Every time I give him a chance, he does some shit like this and proves how little I really mean to him.” One hand left the cup to point over her shoulder. “Like staying in bed all day with his lovers when he knew I’d be here.”

“To be fair, he wasn’t expecting you. It was my understanding you had made it clear in an email that you weren’t coming.” I held up a hand to stop her protest. “And I kind of dropped the baby news on him this morning out of the blue. I had no idea you were on your way or I’d have waited.” We all assumed Megan wasn’t coming based on the venomous email she had sent.

Megan hugged her cup to her chest. I wouldn’t swear to it, but I was pretty sure I saw hope come to life in her eyes. “My original flight got canceled. I found an earlier one and booked it.” Her voice faded to a whisper. “I thought it might be a nice surprise to arrive a few hours early so we’d have more time together.” A sarcastic chuckle twisted her lips to one side. “Big mistake.”

“I’m going to be a bitch here and say that it was kind of rude to barge into your father’s bedroom. Kind of like you were hoping to find him doing something you could be pissed about.” I ate another cracker.

Megan jumped up from the stool. “You’re way off base.”

“Am I?” I met her anger the same way I did Liddy’s whenever she pitched a tantrum. “All I know is that Arthur loves you. He talks about you all the time, and he’s been so excited to see you.”

“Could have fooled me.” Her words were muttered into the depths of her cup, but I was making progress. She returned to her seat with a dramatic sigh. “Dad never talks about his feelings. He says he loves me, but how am I supposed to believe that when he never tried to see me?”

“Do you know that for a fact? Do you know or have you been told that Arthur hasn’t made any effort to see you?” My goal to challenge her mother’s teachings might backfire, but I had to try. “He might not have won custody of you, but that has not stopped him from loving you as well as he can. He cares about being your father, and you’re old enough to make your own decisions about things.” I stopped before I called out her mother for being a heinous bitch. That would push Megan further away and invalidate all my potential progress.

Her thumb ran back and forth over the rim of the cup. “He’s asked me to spend summers with him. I wanted to, but what would we do?”

“Why don’t you ask him?” I carried my empty cup to the sink and washed it after throwing away the tea bag and empty cracker wrapper. Megan’s silence carried the weight of deep thought. Late night talks had always been my favorite. I hoped that when Liddy reached this age, we were still able to talk about anything and everything.

When I turned, I saw that Megan had joined me at the sink and I stepped aside. She washed her cup with the same kind of methodical precision I’d seen in Arthur. “You’re a lot like him, you know. You don’t see it, but I do. You’re careful with your heart. Afraid you’re going to be hurt. He’s scared too, Megan. He loves you so much that losing you almost ruined him.” I took a chance and rested a hand on her shoulder.

She allowed it longer than I expected, only moving away after she’d put her cup on the counter. “Thanks, Hannah.” One step back took her out of reach.

I stayed put several minutes after her steps faded into oblivion and prayed to every possible deity that I’d made a good choice.