16. Hannah

16

HANNAH

W hat a stroke of bad luck.

I rocked from heel to toe and tried to hide my discomfort. Ryland read me easily enough, but I hoped Liddy’s distraction worked to keep him from inspecting me too closely. I’d not started to show yet, and my coat covered my belly enough to keep the surprise hidden a while longer.

So much for the good I thought Liddy and I would gain from the fresh air and sunshine. I’d come here to think, not cause myself more anxiety. Did I dare tell them about the baby? My ex’s face flashed before my eyes, the way he recoiled when finding out about Liddy. I wasn’t sure I could handle that kind of rejection again. Telling them was the right thing to do, but not the easy thing.

“How have you been?” The simple words coming from Ryland’s mouth almost caused a maniacal laugh to burst out.

I smothered it with a roll of my lips and shrugged. “It’s life. I’m fairly sure it’s not always meant to be easy.” Now why the hell did I say it like that?

Ryland gave me a deep, searching look, the exact one I’d been trying to avoid. Damn, it was nice to see him. I’d almost lost my mind when Liddy bolted from the swing, but as soon as I saw who she ran to, my heart melted. I’d have run straight into his embrace too if I felt I had the right to do so. After how I left them, I waited for the recrimination from Ryland, the demand to know what I was doing here in their part of town and why I’d taken off like I did. It never came. He kept staring, a slight hitch to one side of his mouth like he knew a secret about me. I tugged my coat tighter over my stomach.

“What about you?” I hated the wispy breath that barely pushed the words into existence. All my efforts to get over him, Scott, and Arthur had failed miserably. One minute spent with him and I wanted to take it all back. His presence filled the empty cavern I’d become. How did one look from him make it all better?

He stepped in close and hugged me to his chest. The thought to resist fell the instant his arms went around me. God, how I’d craved this.

“What brings you to the park?” His voice was warm and sweet in my ear, his arms secure but not binding.

I stiffened, my defense mechanism taking over. “Am I not allowed to be here?” If I didn’t have the power to push him away physically, maybe my attitude could do it for me.

“Of course you’re allowed to be here. It’s a public park, Hannah,” he whispered my name and my knees turned to jelly. I’d heard him say my name a hundred different ways, but this was my favorite, the low breath of desire that dropped his voice and sent shivers down my spine.

“I like this park.” Liddy bounced around us, her ponytail bobbing up and down. I pulled away from Ryland and concentrated on her.

“It’s her favorite place to play.”

“Mine too.” Ryland tapped his camera, a twinkle in his eyes. “I come here to think. Must be my lucky day, running into you two.”

Lucky? Perhaps, but not the kind of luck I preferred.

“How’s school?” Ryland returned to the bench seat and patted the empty space. Liddy crawled up and dropped next to him, fisting her hands in his jacket.

“I love it. Mama lets me play with all the books and I’ve made lots friends.”

Ryland eyed me while Liddy talked. Once she’d finished telling him all about her new classroom, she bounded off again to play on the swings. I interjected with the question burning me up inside. “How are Scott and Arthur?”

He winced and rubbed the back of his neck. “Not great. In fact, we’re all devastated.” He stood and approached me while keeping Liddy in sight. “We miss you.”

No, you don’t . The automatic denial burned all the way up my throat and almost made its way out of my mouth. They missed having someone to warm their beds; they didn’t necessarily miss me. I never should’ve asked, better to not know. Knowing made it that much harder, but I’d always had an impulsive streak, even when it led to my own detriment.

Ryland gave me that look again, and I caved. It tore my heart out to admit it, but he deserved to know. I sighed heavily. “I miss you too. All of you.” The threat of tears burned hot and fast.

I’d never felt more alone than I did in that moment. I thought I had my life figured out, but I wasn’t even close. This pregnancy changed everything.

Childish laughter floated on the breeze, and I turned toward the sound. Two little girls played on the swings near Liddy, their matching overalls and bows telling me they were sisters, maybe even twins. They turned and laughed, showing remarkably similar faces. Fraternal twins.

Liddy ran back to us and grabbed my hand, pulling me. “Look, they match.” Her eyes were wide, a big toothy grin on her face.

I smiled at her. “Yes. That’s because they’re twins.” I didn’t bother continuing the explanation that not all twins were identical. Another time.

A man and a woman approached the twins, pushing them high on the swings. Ryland turned to watch, and a yearning I’d never seen before flashed in his eyes. Did he want to be a father? Should I tell him about the pregnancy?

The question of whether or not one of them was my biological dad hounded me every second of every day. It was bad enough I’d slept with them. Now, one of them is the father of my baby. What does a person do with that kind of information? It sickened me enough to drive me away from them and the wonderful home they’d given us.

Ryland’s thumb brushed over my cheekbone, startling me back to the present. “You looked deep in thought. Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Not even close. I shrugged and managed a tight smile. “I was just thinking about how wild it must be to raise twin girls.”

“Twice as many tea parties,” he said with a wink. He held out a hand to Liddy, and she slapped him a high-five. “I miss our tea parties.”

Liddy nodded. “Me too. It was fun at your house.”

“Liddy, honey, it’s time to–”

“Hannah, I’m trying to respect your space. You asked us for that, and I’m trying my best,” he cut me off as he swiped a hand over his face. “I’ll understand if you want to keep your distance. I won’t pretend to understand why, but I will respect your wishes.”

“Thank you.” What else was I supposed to say?

He swung his camera around to his hip and secured it. “Scott and Arthur would love to see you. Both of you.”

“Ryland.” I tried to shake the thought away, but it lodged in my heart and took root. I wanted to see them. I’d wanted to since the second I walked away.

“Whatever your reasons for leaving, we’ll respect them, but please consider seeing them. It can be simply as friends, if that’s what you want.” He stayed close enough for me to see the anguish in his eyes, to hear the desperation creeping into his voice.

Maybe they did miss more than my presence in their beds. I strangled the hope blooming hot and fast. “It’s not a good idea.”

“The house is a tomb without you. It’s lonely there.” Ryland blurted the words, then continued at a more mellow pace. “We enjoyed having you around. You’re smart and funny. You made Arthur laugh—not an easy feat—and now he’s more sour than ever.”

Pain so potent it stole my breath as it tore through my body and brought my head up. “Just for a visit?”

“No, let’s go back forever.” Liddy yanked on my hand again. “I like their house.”

This was one of the problems with a child listening to an adult conversation. Yes, her opinion mattered, but she did not have the context and understanding to know why we had to leave again. I knelt to her level. “We have a house, sweetheart. We can go see them, but we will go home afterward.” Liddy pouted but finally nodded her acceptance.

Grateful that I’d diverted a possible meltdown later, I stood and took her hand. I had no idea whether I’d tell them about the pregnancy, but a visit might help me come to a decision. “We’ll stop by for a little while.”

“Today? Right now?” Ryland’s smile and excitement was a thing of beauty. He kissed my cheek in a completely platonic way. “Did you drive? You can ride with me.” He reminded me of a puppy as the light shone on his blond hair falling from his topknot. He tore the band loose, letting his hair fall in waves around his shoulders.

I had driven to today’s adventure. I fixed Ryland with a steady look. “I’ll drive.” I needed some measure of power in this situation, and having my own way home gave me the slightest edge.

Liddy and I followed him to the parking lot, where his shiny red car sparkled in the sunlight. He glanced at me, then at Liddy, a flush crawling up his cheeks. “You sure you don’t want to ride with me?”

Liddy stretched out a single finger and touched the cherry red paint. “Wow. It’s so pretty.”

Pretty, yes, but also fast and dangerous. All the things I’d stopped looking for but found myself wrapped up in when I took on Arthur, Scott, and Ryland. They were a danger to my heart, not my body. Though the child growing in my belly might prove otherwise. “I’m sure.”

A new, vicious thought sucked the air from my lungs. Would they try to take the baby from me? The yearning I’d seen in Ryland earlier came back in a burst. What if they found out and cut me from the baby’s life? I couldn’t stand the thought, which reminded me of how hypocritical it was in the first place. Wasn’t that exactly what I was doing by keeping the truth from them?