Chapter Five Rowan

Another ding from my computer.

A message flashed across the screen, telling me I had yet another email from my boss. I sighed as I clicked to open it. I started to skim it but wasn't really reading it at all.

All day long, it had been nothing but email after email from him. First, he wanted an update on that report that I'd already sent to him. When I told him that, he wanted revisions. After those, it was new images and then new formatting, and it just kept going on and on like that all fucking day.

I was on the edge of rage quitting my entire fucking job.

But I forced myself to sit back in my chair and take a deep breath. I couldn't quit. My entire life had already fallen apart and the last thing I needed was to throw my job onto the tire fire that was my existence. Sure, I had a fair bit of money saved up that I'd no longer need for a down payment on a house for Mia and myself. However, that didn't mean I should just quit my hard-won job and start the countdown toward my inevitable doom. Jobs like mine weren't exactly easy to come by anymore.

No. It was best to just do whatever inane fucking thing my boss wanted, and get on with my day. Besides, he was a boomer, and it wasn't like he was going to learn how to use our software anytime soon. If he were going to, he would've done it years ago. So I should stop wishing he would and focus on my work.

However, that wasn't the only thing that was bothering me. Work would've been a lot easier to deal with if I hadn't dreamed about that guy at the beach all night. I woke up that morning stressed out and questioning everything I'd ever known. Not to mention I had to do laundry because of it.

The dream started off simple enough. I was at the beach again, sprawled out on a folding pool chair that seemed far too nice to have dragged out to a public beach. An oversized umbrella was stuck in the sand beside me, throwing a deep shade over the upper half of my body. However, as I looked around, I found I was the only one there. The entire beach was completely abandoned, and I had all the sun, waves, and breeze to myself.

At least it was until I saw him. It was that same guy, James, that had given me his number. I recognized those blue eyes immediately. He was wearing those same little skimpy trunks that hugged every curve and bulge of his body. I could clearly see his cock shifting side to side as he walked toward me, the thick shaft pushing against the fabric. It wasn't until he got closer that I realized he was already hard, his cock snaked over his hip in a vain effort to stay under the thin fabric.

When he got to me, he said nothing. But I watched as his eyes licked down my body and widen as his gaze landed on my crotch. When he wouldn't stop staring, I glanced down and found that I was already completely naked. Not only that, but my cock was rock hard and leaking pre-cum.

He made some comment about being impressed by my size, then asked if he could get more comfortable. Dream me said yes immediately and James pulled down his trunks, sliding them off his lithe form so that his cock could finally hang free.

I drooled in awe as I watched him. And when he caught my stares, he offered himself up, pressing his cockhead to my lips. Well, dream me didn't even hesitate. His cock was in my mouth before I could even think about it. I loved the feel of it and the taste of him. The dream was so lucid I thought it was actually happening.

But it got a lot better when he pulled away and asked if he could show me something even better. I eagerly agreed and before I knew it, he was straddling my hips, my cock buried to the hilt inside his sweet tight ass.

Everything after that was a rush of dopamine, moans, and incredible sensations. I loved the way my hands fit around his hips, the way his muscles flexed under my fingers, and the way his tight hole hugged my cock, milking me until I could hold it back no longer. I came inside him, both of us orgasming at the same time.

And then I woke up.

In my sleep-drunk state, I looked around for him, wondering where he went. When reality finally settled back in I noticed that not only was I rock hard still, but the sheets were completely soaked with cum.

Now, I hadn't ejaculated in my sleep since I was a teenager. Even then, I was like fifteen. However, it wasn't the mess that concerned me. It was the fact that my dream had been about a man.

At first, I tried to blame it on the fact that I hadn't had sex in months. I'd been too busy to care for Mia's needs, so she found someone else. But I never got that chance. And considering I'd only broken up with her two days ago, I hadn't really found a moment to hunt down a hook-up. But the more I thought about it, the less I could deny that I found James attractive. Obviously, since I'd just creamed the sheets the first time I ever dreamed about him.

All those memories from college came flooding back to me. I'd spent so much time and effort pushing them down, confident that I only liked women and that it was nothing more than a weird college blip.

However, with the bad taste toward women left in my mouth from Mia, those feelings suddenly seemed stronger. I couldn't deny that James was beautiful. He was a bit shorter than me, thin, wiry, and had an impressive bulge. Not to mention those bright blue eyes coupled with dark hair just did something to me that I couldn't deny. But he also smiled a lot and seemed to have such a cheery disposition and that was a bit annoying.

As I got up and stripped the bed to clean the sheets, I found myself asking a lot of questions. What were relationships with men like? I'd heard from Adam that it was easy to hook-up with guys, but harder to find something meaningful. Then again, after Mia, I wasn't sure I wanted anything meaningful again with a man or woman. Could James and I have a purely physical relationship? Friends with benefits, right?

Having known Adam for several years, I knew he wasn't the easiest dude to get along with. He was sassy and a bit rude sometimes. But he was the only gay guy I knew, and it seemed like he was nursing a broken heart every few months. Not that it ever stopped him from getting back out there again, but I didn't want to deal with that. I didn't want to get close enough to anyone to be hurt ever again.

But there was a piece of me that I wanted to explore. Back in college I'd wondered if I might be bisexual and now that these feelings were threatening to overwhelm me again, those same wonderings came back. The thought of doing something with another man scared the balls off me. Doing it in my dream was one thing, but doing it in real life was another thing entirely. However, that didn't mean I wasn't curious.

So, for the rest of the morning up until the current moment, I'd been waffling back and forth about what I should do. Should I act on this dream and give it a shot? Obviously, James was interested. He wouldn't have given me his phone number if he wasn't. And he called me cute, which was weirdly nice and patronizing at the same time.

My other choice was to be smart and avoid getting involved with anyone. As far as my broken heart was concerned, love equaled eventual betrayal and heartache. I was already in the pits of despair about the entire situation with Mia, and I felt grumpy, angry, and like fucking shit all the time because of it. It probably wasn't even fair to ask James to be around me in my current state. Hell, I didn't even want to be around me!

Then again, this might be my only chance to explore this side of me. Mia was gone, I was a single, albeit sad, pringle, and I didn't know anyone in this town. Even if someone were to see us together, none of it would ever get back to work, my friends or whoever the fuck else might care about such things. But I especially didn't want Mia to know. She"d take it personally if she found out I ran off to be with a man. I could already see how that looked like I'd ignored her for months because I was secretly gay and couldn't tell her.

I glanced down at the small slip of paper on my desk, James' loopy handwriting scrawled over the surface. Was it worth the risk? Probably not. Was I going to text him anyway under the guise of being just friends? That seemed like a safe enough place to start. Then, if I decided he really was too cheerful to stand being around, I could just leave and never have to see him again. After all, it wasn't like I was going to stay here forever.

Best-case scenario, I got to explore this secret side of me I'd kept hidden for all these years. Worst case, I left and never told another soul what had taken place.

It seemed like a win-win situation because, no matter what, I wasn't going to get attached. I was done with that nonsense.

Picking up my phone, I started to type.

Me: Hey James, it's Rowan.