Chapter Twenty-Three Rowan

Despite how tired I was from not sleeping the night before, I could barely sleep again with James in my arms. My heart was still racing, although it wasn't from the sex. It was racing because I'd found something I didn't know I needed. Something I never thought I'd find again.

?A place to belong and someone to belong too.

?Now, I wasn't quite ready to call up a wedding planner and book a venue, but I knew I definitely felt a strong something toward James. Everything I'd told him was true. He felt safe, like the special place that was made just for me. In the world of heartache and hurt like I'd become used to, he was a bright ball of sunshine that drove the darkness away. Already I found myself smiling completely by accident. Colors were brighter, and the world didn't seem so dark. Even my situation and the fact that I had almost nothing couldn't bring me down.

?I felt happy for the first time in months. Up until that moment, I wasn't sure I could ever feel that way again. On top of that, I hadn't realized how long I'd been miserable until James came into my life. I felt stupid for trying to push him away at first. Things that worried me before seemed like silly trifles to be upset about. Who cared if I liked guys too? Being bisexual wasn't a crime, and I wasn't going to look at it like it was the end of the world anymore. In fact, it barely changed anything. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I'd always been this way, I just wouldn't allow myself to accept it.

?All that was over now. Heading into the future I would be true to myself, I would do my damnedest to look on the bright side, and I'd do everything I could to not only make my life better, but James' as well. Starting today I would have a brand new life.

?And as much as I wanted to wake James and celebrate that fact, I knew I should let him sleep. So, when the early gray of morning eventually rolled around, and I was far too restless to stay in bed anymore, I kissed him gently on the neck and slid out of bed without being noticed.

?I took myself to the kitchen, turned on the coffee pot, and went over to the sliding glass door to stare out at Lake Michigan. Despite the early hour, the lake was still a gorgeous sight to behold. The early morning blues and pinks along the horizon reflected off the water, giving the world a strange ethereal glow. A part of me wanted to run down to the beach and go for a swim, but I didn't want James to wake up and find me gone. The last thing I wanted was for him to think I'd run off on him like all those other guys. No. For now I'd stay in the cabin. We could go swimming when he woke up.

?A flash of light behind me caught my attention. I turned to see a car pull into the cabin's driveway. It was a dark sedan with those bright blue LED lights that could peel your cornea right off your eye. I held up a hand to block the light and moved to the side so I wasn't being blinded.

?From what I could make out, it wasn't Adam's car. And he wouldn't be up this early, anyway. There wasn't much traffic on the road this time of morning either. And, when it didn't pull out again, I started to get a little nervous. What was the driver doing? Why had they chosen this driveway out of all the others?

?I seemed to recall some odd fact about robbers hitting houses in the early morning when everyone was sure to be asleep. With that thought in mind, I ran back to the bedroom, grabbed my phone, and went back to the edge of the window. I'd just started to pull up my keypad in case I needed to call the police when the car finally started backing out of the driveway once more.

?I let out a long sigh of relief. Despite my good mood, I'd let my anxiety get the better of me. The driver wasn't trying to break into my house or be a creep. They were probably just trying to figure out where they were going and needed a place to turn around. After all, there were lots of beaches around the cabin and a few of them public. It was also the height of the tourist season and it wouldn't surprise me if there were several wannabe photographers looking for a good place to set up and get morning shots of the lake.

?Chucking to myself, I wrote it off as a case of early morning jitters and tucked my phone back in my pocket. Just as I did the coffee pot in the kitchen chimed to let me know the brew was ready. Grabbing a cup and filling it nearly to the brim, I threw on a hoodie and went out on the back porch to watch the darkness of night slowly transform into day.

?Pinks and blues gave way to reds and golds as the sun rose opposite of the lake. The moment sunlight spilled over the trees, the water seemed to suddenly burst into flame. Oranges speckled with bright whites danced off the distant waves all the way to the horizon. I couldn't help but smile as the beautiful display unfolded in front of me.

?When the sun was fully up, I finally pulled out my phone again and flipped over to my messages. Adam would probably be awake by now and I'd been dying to ask him something all night.

Me: You awake?

?There was no return message for a few minutes. But just when I started to think I'd need to try again later, a message finally came through.

Adam: Barely. Why?

Me: I have a favor to ask you.

Adam: Can't it wait until a decent hour?

Me: I'll just ask and you can answer when you're ready. You might want to think about it first, anyway.

Adam: Sounds complicated. Go for it I guess.

Me: Can I rent your cabin for a while?

Adam: I told you to stay as long as you needed.

Me: Yeah, but that means like a month or two. I want to stay here for a year or more.

Adam: Oh… that's surprising. Something happen? GASP!!!! IS IT THAT BOY????!!!!!!

?I'd started to formulate a response but then my phone rang. It was Adam of course.

?"Hi," I said, pulling it up to my ear. "Couldn't wait?"

?"No!" he practically shouted into my ear. "What the hell is going on over there?!"

?"A few things…"

?"I guess so! I let you borrow my cabin after a bad breakup and suddenly you're a brand new person with all these secrets!"

?"I wasn't keeping secrets," I replied. "I just didn't know."

?"You didn't know?" He didn't sound convinced. "How is that even remotely possible? Did you just see the lake and suddenly think huh, I like dick now?"

?"Alright, alright. So I might've thought a roommate was hot back in college."

?"AHA!"

?"But I thought it was just a phase."

?"Oh Booboo," he sighed. "It's never just a phase. Once you get the hunger, it never goes away."

?I lifted an eyebrow. "That what happened to you?"

?"I've had the hunger since the eighth grade. There was no hope for me." He sighed. "And I'm a slut, so high school and college were quite the experience for me."

?"How come that doesn't surprise me?"

?"I thought I'd turn you," he replied. I could hear the smile in his voice. "But I learned pretty fast you weren't into me."

?"You can be a lot sometimes," I said without thinking.

?"Wow," he replied flatly. "You sound just like the guy that broke up with me two days ago."

?"Didn't he just move in or something?"

?"Yep," he sighed. "Turns out I'm too hard to live with."

?"I… I'm sorry, Adam."

?"Eh, it's fine." I could almost hear him shrug. "Boys come and go. Sometimes literally. That's just the way it is sometimes." He paused for a moment. "Maybe when you're done with the cabin, I should come out there for a while. Sounds like the place is good luck."

?"There are definitely cute boys here."

?"So who is this cute boy, Booboo?"

?I blushed even though I was by myself. "His name is James. He's a bit younger than me, but really nice and he puts up with my shit."

?"Uh-huh."

?"And he… well… he makes me feel really good."

?"Home field advantage has that affect."

?"I mean, that part is great too. He's got an amazing ass–"

?"I knew you were a top."

?"But he's really sweet and I feel like… I don't know… like he sees me."

?"Oh boy. That sounds serious."

?I nodded. "It's kinda scary how well it's going."

?"Well, let me tell you something, Booboo. If this boy means that much to you and he makes you feel that good, you hold on with both hands and you don't let go. You haven't dated any guys before, so you don't know how rare that sort of thing really is. I've been sifting through the garbage for years trying to find a good one and I haven't yet."

?"Maybe you should stop looking in the garbage then," I replied. "And find some place nicer to search."

?"Don't you worry, Booboo. As soon as you're out of that cabin, I'll come right on down to Boner Beach and find myself a good man."

?"If I find another one, I'll send him your way." I paused. "So… you don't mind if I stay? I'll pay you rent and everything."

?"Tell you what," he replied. "You give me enough to cover the bills down there and we'll call it square. I wasn't planning to use the cabin this summer, anyway. The job has me too busy for that."

?"Well, don't be a stranger, okay? Come down some weekend and I'll let you meet James. You'll like him."

?"He better be great," Adam replied, a tone of warning in his voice. "Because you deserve something wonderful after all the bullshit you've been through."

?"Thanks buddy."

?"Anytime, Booboo." He sighed. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go back to sleep… or jerk off alone. Whatever comes first I guess."

?"Well… you have fun with that," I laughed. "I'm gonna go crawl into bed with James.

?"Sure, sure. Rub it in why don't you."

?"Oh, don't worry. I intend to."

?"Christ, Booboo. That was terrible."

?"Thanks." I couldn't help a smile. "Talk to you later, Adam. And thank you for accepting me without question."

?"That's what friends are for. Take care."

?I pulled the phone away from my ear, clicking the red button. There was still a wide smile on my face as I went back into the cabin and headed for the bedroom. For the first time in months, a thought crossed my mind that I wasn't sure I would ever hear again.

?Everything was going to be okay.