Chapter Twelve Rowan

It took me a long time to fall asleep with James lying only inches away from me on the queen sized mattress. Even with the distance between us I could feel the heat of his body under the blankets. He'd left his shorts on, but stripped off his shirt. However, I went to bed practically fully dressed, terrified of what I might feel if his bare skin touched mine.

?Truthfully, I was worried I wouldn't be able to control myself if I felt him against me.

?It took quite a while to fall asleep because I was so scared of accidentally touching him. But once I did, I slipped into another dream about James. It was much like the other I'd had a few nights ago. But this time, once we started to fuck, I realized it was a dream.

Before the climactic moment, I forced myself awake, terrified that I'd shoot my load all over the bed again. That was the last thing I wanted to explain to James at seven in the morning.

?However, when I woke up in the early gray morning before sunrise, the sensations I was feeling didn't stop. All at once I realized that both of us had turned over in the night. We were not both in the center of the bed and James was cuddled up against my chest much like Mia used to do to me. My muscle memory had taken over, and I found I had an arm thrown over him, pulling him in close. His head was nuzzled against my chest and I heard his soft, steady breathing signaling he was still asleep.

?I felt a rush of sadness realizing it wasn't Mia. But that was quickly driven out of my mind when I felt movement against my cock.

?Not only was I rock hard and wound up like a nine-day clock, but James was also hard and his was grinding his cock against mine without realizing it. I stared down at him for a moment, patting his shoulder to see if he was awake. But there was no response. He was still totally asleep.

?The moral struggle began.

?Clearly, James didn't know what he was doing. He was probably having a dream like I was and his body was reacting naturally. I, on the other hand, was now fully awake and allowing him to grind against me. It felt good. Too good. But I wasn't sure that was a good enough excuse to allow it to keep happening.

And yet, I knew I didn"t want to stop. That much was certain. But he was getting me close to the edge already. If I didn"t pull away, I wouldn"t have a choice soon.

I was terrified of how he might react, but I couldn"t allow myself to do this without him knowing.

"James," I whispered urgently, shaking him awake. "James."

"Huh? What?"

"Please," I practically begged, my voice heavy with lust. "You"re touching me… a lot…"

He blinked a few times, leaning away from me. But it only took a quick glance down for both of us to see that not only was his cock head hanging out of the top of his shorts, but both of us were absolutely soaked with pre-cum.

"Oh my god…" he whispered, pushing himself. "I didn"t know! I was asleep! I"m so sorry!"

The loss of his heat made my heart fall. I was terrified of what had happened and how much I liked it, but my curiosity was definitely piqued. Drunk with lust and aching for the touch of another person after months of nothing made words flow I didn"t expect.

"Will… will you help me?"

James stared at me for a long moment. He seemed afraid, intrigued, and turned on all at the same time.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

I nodded. "I… I want to try it."

He didn't argue or pull away. In fact, he drew himself close to me once more. Now that my eyes had adjusted, it was easy to see the desperation in his gaze. I thought I'd been weaving some story for myself about him making advances in a vain attempt to make myself feel more wanted. But the way he looked at me now… well, I could no longer deny that he'd been thinking about me in that way too.

?James pressed his cock back up against mine, the heat flooding through me all at once. My nerves lit up like sparklers in the middle of a dark night, the rush of pleasure nearly too much to bear. I glanced down at him as he leaned toward me, his gaze fixed on my lips.

?"No," I said, shaking my head. "N-Not that."

?He just nodded quietly, leaving his head on the pillow a few inches from mine. For some reason, kissing him felt too intimate. That was for people you liked, not for some guy that you were hot for thanks to hormones and morning wood. And there was no room for feelings like that in my already broken heart. That wasn't going to change anytime soon either.

?"I…" I faltered for a moment. "I want you to just touch me."

?James nodded, his hand slipping down between us under the blanket. I hissed through my teeth as his fingers dove under the waistband of my shorts, pulling out my thick, throbbing cock drenched in pre-cum. He swirled his fingers around it for a moment, caressing the sweet spot on the underside of my shaft with an expert touch. A few seconds later he pushed my shorts down, letting me free of that fabric prison at last.

?At the same time I felt something else press against me as he pulled his own shorts down. The heat was familiar, but it wasn't until he wrapped his fingers around me that I realized he was stroking both of our cocks at the same time, the undersides pressed together.

?I growled with satisfaction as James stared up at me. He bit his lower lip, letting out a few soft whimpers as he stroked the pair of us together, using our combined pre-cum as lube.

?I couldn't believe what I was doing. Letting another man jerk me off was a far step from just fantasizing about a college roommate. But doing it with our dicks pressed together? That seemed pretty high on the gay shit scale. And yet, no matter how much I wanted to beat myself up about it, those thoughts were quickly overwhelmed by the sheer ecstasy of the friction created between us.

?Before I knew it, I felt my hips begin to grind forward, searching for more of that sweet sensation. I was already pretty riled up thanks to my dream and as James moaned next to me, I had a feeling he was getting there too.

?"Fuck that feels good," I grumbled, thrusting harder against him. "I don't think I'm gonna last."

?"Me either," James muttered, grinding against me himself.

?Our cocks moved in time, sliding in and out of James' fingers over and over again. Pre-cum had already soaked into the sheets at this point and I wasn't concerned about laundry. I didn't care if we came all over the bed, I just needed the release. It had been months, and I wasn't going to hold back. Not this time.

?My muscles tensed and my cock thickened as I picked up speed. James whimpered in delight as I fucked his fist. I felt that familiar tingling sensation at the base of my balls growing until I could hold it back no longer.

?"Fuck!" I cried, thrusting hard.

?I didn't stop fucking his fist as I covered him in months worth of cum. There was a rush of heat and the scent of pheromones from under the blanket as I shot my load all over him. At the same time, James tensed up, thrusting forward himself. He leaned forward, burying his head against my shoulder as he let out a whimpering moan. I felt a hot splash of liquid across my belly as he came all over me, coating not just the sheets by my t-shirt and my shorts as well.

?We both lay there, breathing heavily with James' hand still wrapped around us both. I thought I would go soft after a minute or so, but I didn't. Something about having that gorgeous man buried in my neck and his cock pressed against mine kept me throbbing. And I wasn't the only one.

?Of course, the moment the euphoria began to wear off, the doubts crept in. I was terrified of what I'd done. What I'd asked for. I'd pretty much come to terms with the fact that there were men I found attractive. That was something I couldn't deny. But I'd thoroughly convinced myself that I would probably never do anything with them even if I had the opportunity. The fantasy was fun, but that's all it was.

?Well, not anymore. It seemed my wish to get physical with James had been heard by the universe and poof, my wish was granted. However, now that the sexy part was done, I had to deal with the clean up. And I wasn't talking about the cum, that was the easy part. No, it would be the next few weeks to years of my life as I teased apart the meaning behind all of this. Not only was I attracted to men and having sexual fantasies about them, but now I'd basically had sex with one. It was weird frottage sex, but still pretty much sex.

?But Jame's hand and cock had felt so good. I found myself glancing down at him, wondering what his mouth or even his ass might feel like. My cock gave a heavy twitch, and I sighed. Clearly this wasn't going to be something that went away after the first attempt like I'd hoped.

?There was no use fretting over it now though. Right now I needed to get cleaned up.

?However, when I went to move, James didn't budge. I paused for a moment, listening to his deep regular breathing. Then I let out another sigh.

?He was asleep. Both of us were absolutely dripping in cum and his hand was still wrapped around our cocks. But he was asleep nonetheless.

?What had I gotten myself into?