Chapter Ten Rowan
Surprise wasn't quite a strong enough word when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. The moment my gaze fell on the screen and saw the message, my jaw fell open.
Unknown: Hey James, it's Rowan.
I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. The cute grumpy boy from the beach was texting me? He actually used my phone number? After his rejection, I was a million percent certain I'd never hear from him again. Why would I? He wasn't into men and he definitely didn't seem to be into me. But there was his message on my screen and it filled my mind with a thousand different questions.
I forced myself to take a step back, checking myself before my thoughts ran away from me. He told me he wasn't into guys and he didn't seem very fond of my compliments, so I could forget all about that possibility right now. However, I had offered to be his friend and show him around. That part he seemed less averse to, but still a bit on the fence. If he was texting me for anything, it was just to be friends. Nothing more was ever going to come of it.
Curbing that last tiny spark of hope in my chest was difficult and as much as I tried, I could still feel it there. So I chose to ignore it. Flipping the messaging app open, I began to text back.
Me: Hey Rowan! Glad to hear from you :) How's it going?
Rowan: Fine I guess.
Me: That's good.
Rowan: Yeah.
I stared at the screen, my brows furrowed in confusion. Why had this dude texted me if he wasn't going to say anything? Maybe I needed to prod him a bit.
Me: So what's up?
Rowan: I think I want to take you up on your offer. I don't have any friends here and I don't know anything about this place. Maybe you could show me those cool spots you mentioned or something.
Me: I'd be happy to! What kind of things are you into?
Rowan: I don't know. Maybe just some place quiet.
Me: Do you like coffee?
Rowan: Yeah. It's alright.
Me: Let's start with a cafe then! We can just hang out and chat and get to know one another!
Rowan: Great.
Me: When are you free?
Rowan: Tonight okay? After five?
Me: Sounds perfect! I'll text you the address and meet you there!
Rowan: Cool
Well, he wasn't much of a conversationalist, I'll give him that. And judging by his use of punctuation, he seemed about as excited to hang out with me as a person going to get a flu shot. But I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I'd already learned by accident that he was an orphan and probably grew up in the foster system. I couldn't imagine that left people with the greatest of attitudes toward life.
Maybe he just needed someone to show him that life could be fun. I always enjoyed helping people. In fact, if I was being totally honest, I was a fixer. The moment I saw someone in trouble or in need of help, I was there. It had gotten me into trouble several times with guys I tried to date. The problem with dating someone that needed to be fixed was that sometimes they didn't want to be fixed. Then there was butting heads and fighting and it never ended well.
So it was probably a good idea not to try to fix Rowan. Instead, I decided I would take a completely different approach. This time I'd just let him be himself. Sure, I'd do my best to learn what I could about him so I could understand his point of view, but I wouldn't try to cheer him up. I'd just accept him the way he was.
That felt like a very mature decision.
◆◆◆
A couple of hours later I was pulling into the cafe parking lot after work. I spotted Rowan's SUV almost immediately and saw him sitting in the driver's seat staring at his phone. He looked totally out of it, like he was doomscrolling just to pass the time.
I tried to shut my car door loudly in the hopes of getting him to look up. But when he didn't, I walked over and knocked on his window.
I'd never seen a man jump so high in my life. His head nearly went through the roof of his car and his phone went flying. I tried not to, but the look on his face had tears streaming down my face as I doubled over, clutching my belly as I laughed.
"I'm sorry!" I said as he opened the door, still cackling to myself. "I wasn't trying not to scare you."
"It's fine," he grumbled. "I wasn't paying attention."
"You looked like you were zoning out a bit."
"Yeah. Long day."
"Well," I replied, finally straightening up. "Let's get you some coffee and you can tell me all about it."
He paused. "Do they have food here?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Not much variety, but they have sandwiches and stuff."
"That's fine." He glanced away. "I… I'm not much of a cook and I forgot to eat today."
How the hell could someone forget to eat?! That was like my favorite thing to do!
"Uh… do you want to go somewhere with more food choices?"
"No. This is okay."
"Okay. Well let's get you something to eat before you pass out on me."
I gave him a big smile, but he just nodded. It was odd, but I honestly didn't mind that he was grumpy all the time. It was sort of cute, actually. But I stomped that urge down immediately. This was a just friends thing. Besides, I didn't really want to sleep with him, anyway. The moment I did, he'd leave. So this was probably best for both of us.
Leading Rowan inside, I took him up to the counter so he could see the menu board and let him know what their best items were. When he placed his order I was surprised to see him wave me forward and tell me to add my coffee to his order. I tried to deny the kind gesture, but he insisted. Instead of making a scene, I just ordered and decided I'd get his next time we hung out.
It was a short wait to get our drinks and Rowan's sandwich, but by the time we sat down I was practically burning with questions.
"So, why the long day?" I asked, taking a sip of my iced coffee. "Work stuff?"
"Yeah," he nodded, taking a bite of his sandwich. "Boss is an idiot."
"They do that sometimes," I chuckled. "What does yours do?"
"He's a boomer."
"Ah. That explains it. Does he know how to use email?"
"It's the only thing he does know how to use and he uses it to fucking pester me all day long about stupid bullshit."
"Ooh," I grinned. "I like the passion. Keep going."
Rowan waved me off. "It's not important."
I leaned across the table. "Look, I love good work drama. So tell me about it."
"The day's over," he sighed. "I don't want to relive it."
"Totally fair." I took another sip. "My day was pretty blah. Just normal junk."
"What do you do?"
"I work reception at a veterinary clinic," I replied. "It's like being a vet except I just get to pet animals all day and I don't have to do the gross stuff. It doesn't pay much, but it's a fun job. I love seeing all those cute pups all day long."
"Dogs are alright."
"I really like it when people bring in bunnies or snakes or weird pets. That's always fun." I glanced up at him. "So what do you do?"
"Stupid corporate bullshit."
"Ah. Flavor?"
"Software."
"Oh. You must be one of those smart types."
"I'm just a middle manager who hates his life." He paused. "And actually, I'm a fucking idiot."
I furrowed my brows, caught off guard by the ferocity of that last comment. "That's a mean thing to say about yourself. I've only known you for twenty minutes and I can already tell you're not an idiot."
"If I wasn't, I wouldn't be here," he said flatly.
"I know I shouldn't," I started hesitantly. "But I want to ask…"
Rowan shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it."
"I figured from the way you said it." I desperately searched for something else to say. "Uh… so what do you like to do for fun?"
"I don't really have time for fun."
"Are you always this grumpy?"
The question seemed to catch him off guard. "I'm grumpy?"
I raised an eyebrow, but stayed silent.
He let out a long sigh. "I know. Sorry."
"It's alright. I think it's kind of cute." I froze. "Uh… I mean. It's… you know… manly or something."
I caught the faintest hint of a grin curling the edge of his lips and my heart swelled. Just that tiny movement made him so unbelievably attractive at that moment. I knew right then and there that I wanted to make him smile as much as possible.
"It doesn't bother me when you say stuff like that you know," he said. "My best friend is gay. I'm used to it."
"You have a gay best friend?"
"Yeah. Have been since the end of college."
Our night wasn't even close to over after the vet's office. The first thing we did was make a quick trip back to James' apartment so that he could grab some essentials. Well, so that I could grab them for him. After that it was picking up dinner on the way home. Ludington was a small town and if it had been any other night but Friday, everything would've been closed. Lucky for us James knew a little bar that made, according to him, the best chicken strips in town. He put in an order that I stopped and picked up on the way home.
By the time I pulled into the driveway the entire car smelled of deep fried food and I felt like I might starve to death if I didn't get to eat them soon. I carried James inside, his bag and our food cradled in his arms. We parked on the couch and dug in, both of us ravenous after a long hike and a very long detour on the way back home.
But after the first few bites, I found it hard to concentrate on the food. All I could keep doing was glancing up at James over and over again, hoping that he didn't notice how much I was gawking. Despite his accident earlier in the night, he was still a pinnacle of joy and sunshine. Nothing got that guy down. A part of me admired his tenacity, but the louder side of me found it more than a little annoying. Some asshole had left broken glass at the beach that just put him through a world of pain. How could he not be upset about that?
However, all that being said, I couldn't help feeling a little grateful about the glass. If it hadn't happened, James would be at his own place right now and I'd be in this cabin alone, probably skipping dinner again. Even though he was all bandaged up, it was nice to have someone to eat with. I'd grown so used to sharing meals with Mia that it felt odd to eat alone this past week. Having James there gave me a small sense of normalcy that I didn't know I'd been craving. And all thanks to his accident.
Did it make me a bad person that I was enjoying it?
"I can hear the cogs turning from here," James smiled, giving me a playful nudge. "Is the chicken really that good?"
I shook myself out of it. "Sorry. Spaced out." I paused. "Uh, yeah. I guess the chicken is good."
"You guess?!" He was completely flabbergasted. "These are the best chickie fingies in town!"
"What the hell did you just say?" I asked, furrowing my brows.
"Chickie fingies?"
"Chickie fingies?!" I couldn't help the smile that spread over my face. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Are you a toddler?!"
James just shrugged, enjoying my reaction. "That's what they are."
"Oh my god…" I shook my head. "I never expected to hear a grown man say that. Or anyone for that matter."
I looked up, noticing he was staring at me.
"What?" I asked, suddenly self conscious.
"You have a really beautiful smile. You should wear it more often."
"I… reserve it for special occasions," I replied, already feeling it slip away. "It doesn't come out much lately."
"That's okay. It was worth it."
Those damn butterflies in my stomach were going crazy again. Anxiety rushed through my chest and I felt the heat in my cheeks. When he looked at me like that… I couldn't explain it. Everything just went haywire and my heart began to tap dance in my chest. Something about him drove me crazy, but I didn't understand why.
"So," I said, pulling my gaze away. "How long have you worked at the vet clinic?"
"Only about a year," James replied, going back to his food. Although I could still see him keeping an eye on me, hoping I would smile again. "I plan on staying there as long as I can. At least until I go to vet school."
"Is that something you want to do?"
He shrugged. "Maybe. I'm not really sure. It's an idea though."
"And your boss has stitched you up before?"
James laughed. "Well, that was the first time he's had to sew me back together. There was the rash thing he so nicely reminded me of." He glanced in my direction. "Do yourself a favor, never get poison ivy on your junk. It's awful."
"How did you do that?"
He lifted an eyebrow, a mischievous smirk curling over his lips.
"Ah. Gotcha."
"And the puppies weren't my fault," he continued, shifting the subject. "I was driving home after work and I found a box of them on the side of the road. Someone had just abandoned them and they looked malnourished already. I couldn't just leave them there."
"Are you kidding me?" I felt the anger rise in my chest, my neck burning. "Someone just dumped them on the side of the road."
"Yep. Some of the trashy people around here… they're awful."
"That's fucking disgusting," I hissed, ripping a piece of my chicken strip free with my teeth. "Absolutely revolting!"
James laughed at my sudden show of passion. "Well, you'll be happy to know that we saved them all, and they all found great homes. One of them even went home with Doc."
"Good. No dog deserves that. Especially not a pup."
"Agreed."
"So… is Doc his real name then?"
James was perplexed for a moment, then laughed as he realized what I meant. "No. His name is Dr. Keegan."
"What's his first name?"
"Not a clue. All I know is that he's single, and he has a dog now."
"What?"
"That's why I call him Doc," James smiled, as if it were the most obvious thing in the entire world. "Now everyone at the office calls him that."
"Does anyone know his name?"
"Oh probably."
"And he knows you're gay?"
That question surprised him. "Yeah. Everyone does. Why?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. It just seems kind of personal, I guess. I wouldn't want to go around having to tell everyone my sexuality all the time. It seems uncomfortable."
"Well, you don't have to," he replied matter-of-factly.
"What do you mean?"
"You dated a woman, right?"
"Yeah."
"Tell me, how many times in your life has anyone assumed you were gay? Asked you about your boyfriend? Or even tried to set you up with another man?"
"Never," I replied. "Well, until tonight. Doc thought we were together."
"And did you ever sit any of those people down and tell them you were straight?"
"No…"
He nodded. "That's what I mean. People who look and speak like you are assumed straight. You don't have to inform people of your sexuality because they just assume you're normal." He made quotations in the air with his fingers. "People did the same to me until I came out and I have to keep coming out to all the new people I meet so I don't have to have any awkward conversations about girls I'm not interested in with them." He took another bite of his food. "It's just something straight people don't think about. When you're the default setting, you don't have to explain yourself. But when you're different, people don't know what to do unless you give them some directions."
"Oh…" I sat there for a moment, feeling kind of uncomfortable. "I… I feel like I should apologize."
"No need," he smiled. "I was just explaining. But now you know." He took another bite. "But, between you and me, the way I dress and the way I talk give me away most times now. The more I lean into who I am, the less I have to explain myself, which is nice."
I took a moment to collect my thoughts. "Thank you for explaining it to me," I said at last. "Adam and I have never talked about that sort of thing. I know he's gay, but he doesn't talk much about the experience I guess."
"If you ever have a question, just ask," James said, patting me on the thigh. "I'll answer whatever you want. No topic off limits."
I'll admit, I didn't hear much of what he said the moment his hand came to rest on my thigh. His touch was like a bolt of lightning through my system. Everything went into overdrive all at once. The butterflies in my stomach erupted, my heart raced, goosebumps broke out over my skin, and I felt a distinct twitch in my pants. And that twitch was rapidly swelling into a problem that I wouldn't be able to hide in the thin shorts I was wearing.
"Let me… uh… go make sure your room is ready," I said suddenly, dropping my food on the coffee table and getting up.
As I stood, James' fingers grazed my groin. It was completely my fault, but it made me blush about a hundred times harder.
"There's no rush," he began.
"It's fine!"
I practically ran across the room, all too aware that my chub was quickly becoming a full on rager. By the time I pushed my way through the second bedroom door and shut it behind me, my shorts were fully tented. I leaned against the wall, breathing hard. I'd never gotten that hard that fast in my entire life. It was like someone had found the secret formula after all these years of getting close enough. It was almost terrifying how fast it had happened.
But what was actually terrifying were two simultaneous realizations I had.
One, I was very obviously more attracted to men than I previously thought.
And two, there was no fucking bed in the second bedroom.
"And you said it's his cabin you're staying at? I wonder if I know him."
"He just inherited the place last year from his dead uncle. It's right on Lake Michigan!"
"Well that's lucky!"
"His uncle died, so maybe not that lucky…"
"Hey," I said, holding my hands up. "Silver lining, right?"
He glared at me for a moment. "Are you always this chipper?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, putting on my best vacant smile as I crossed my eyes. I saw that grin pull at his lips again and my heart soared. "I know. I'm a bit much sometimes."
"No," Rowan replied. "It's okay."
"Just okay?" I tried to act offended. "What a glowing review."
He looked me dead in the eye. "It's kind of… cute."
My heart skipped so hard I thought it had stopped all together. If he kept going the way he was, this man was going to kill me.