8. Emmett

CHAPTER EIGHT

emmett

Jonah stays for the practice again, watching from the stands, but I don’t think he got the memo that he should be watching his nephew and not me.

Not that I mind. The heat of his stare is somehow empowering. When I was in his class, I was in a sea full of two hundred people, and as much as I couldn’t have his focus on me, I wanted it. Now, it’s all on me. Only me.

Though, again, he really should be paying attention to Cullen. Cullen’s taken to skating like a duck to water, and as much as his uncle hates the idea of hockey, I think he’s going to have to get used to it.

Cullen is a natural. He’s at a good age where kids pick up everything easily, and if he keeps with it, there’s no telling where he’ll be when he’s a teenager.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. It’s exciting, sharing my love of hockey with others, encouraging the kids to chase that high from being on the ice, from scoring a goal, and taking home a win.

I understand not everyone will feel the way about hockey as I do, but I see the fire in Cullen’s eyes. The excitement. He loves gliding on the ice. Just like I always have.

Jonah says he’ll be supportive no matter what, but my bet is he’s still hoping Cullen tires of hockey and quits before some older kid flattens him. I understand it from a protective standpoint, especially with the injuries and even deaths that have occurred in pro hockey, but there’s a long way to go before that stage.

I hope Jonah changes his mind about the sport and encourages Cullen to chase it. Or figure skating.

There’s something about the kid that screams potential to me. I know hockey. I’ve grown up with it, and maybe West was onto something that coaching is in my blood. Or it could be that I’m trying to think of any excuse to need to talk to Jonah. It really could be either.

I shouldn’t need an excuse, considering I had the man’s tongue in my mouth last night and his cock in my ass, but I’m hesitating to go say hey and have small talk?

I think my logic behind it is if I have a reason to talk to him, I’m not crossing lines I shouldn’t cross.

Having sex with Ben’s professor would be bad in itself. Having sex with the professor where we cheated in his class? Recipe for disaster.

Wanting to find excuses to see him and keep talking to him? I’m a hazard to myself. And Benny.

This isn’t like me. If anything, Ben is the risk-taker. The one who does shit in the hopes he gets caught. Any attention is still attention. But he’s never dragged me into any of that. Sure, I’ve volunteered and been right alongside him while he did it, but if it were to get out that one of us was kicked out of school for setting a fire, all five of our other siblings would assume it was Ben.

Which is why I’m surprising even myself by going after Jonah. By sleeping with him. By wanting to talk to him.

Yet, I can’t stop myself from doing it.

After practice and back in my regular shoes, I personally hand deliver Cullen to his uncle, who’s sitting in the small food area where most of the parents wait if they don’t drop the kids and flee.

There’s coffee and stale cakes for sale, fried food, and even a game arcade that has a whopping three whole video games to play.

“Why don’t you go play with the other kids for a bit?” I say to Cullen. “I want to have a word with your uncle.”

He doesn’t question anything and runs off.

“Now who’s bringing up last night?” Jonah taunts.

I sit across from him at the small table. “You. I’m here to talk about Cullen.” Yup. Still sticking to that story.

A frown line appears in Jonah’s brow line. “What happened? Is he okay?”

“Yes, pappa bear, calm down.”

He does. Marginally.

“I don’t know if you were watching him out there⁠—”

“I was. Until he fell that first time. I jumped up to see if he was okay, but he literally got back to his feet and skated off. I couldn’t watch after that. I was worried he might start to think he’s supposed to act concerned like me whenever he falls.”

“Kids are resilient, and he’s really advanced for his age.”

“As in, he’s smart?” He cocks his head. “Really?”

I snort. “As in hockey. I can’t speak to his academics.”

“I asked him what he learned at school today, and he said nothing, so I can’t speak to it either.”

“I know you want to support Cullen in whatever he does, and I bet you’re hoping I tell you he has no hope of ever taking up hockey seriously, but he’s amazing on the ice. Like some kind of skating prodigy. He’s already skating circles around kids who have been doing this a lot longer than he has.”

Jonah hangs his head. “Damn it.”

“I know you’re worried because he’s smallish, but all their helmets have cages, the padding is thick, and they have every shin guard, neck guard, every guard out there.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“You said you’d be willing to be supportive, but there’s a big difference between being supportive and being encouraging. Supportive is when your kid comes out and you say, ‘I don’t agree with it, but I’m behind you.’ Encouraging is embracing every aspect of him. Even the aspect that loves hockey.”

Jonah’s eyes narrow. “Are we still talking about hockey or being queer?”

I wave him off. “I might have mixed analogies there, but it’s the same result either way.”

“Encourage him. Got it.”

I stand. “Who knows, after a few more lessons, Cullen might get over it anyway, and all your hopes and dreams will be fulfilled.”

Jonah smirks. “That wouldn’t be all my hopes and dreams fulfilled. There’s another one I desperately want, but apparently, it can’t happen again.”

I try to hide my smile. I swear I do. “It was good to see you, Jonah.”

He licks his lips. “You too, Coach Dalton.”

Damn, if it isn’t the sexiest thing hearing him call me that.

Jonah Brooks has the potential to ruin me. Not only me but also my brother. This professor might be my downfall, but instead of running away, all I want to do is chase after him.

I text Benny on my way home to make sure I’m not going to be walking in on him and Harrison having sex. I don’t get why they can’t go to his house and let me take over frat boy Ben’s persona all the time. My own room, my own bed, and not having to sleep on a mattress on the floor? Sign me up.

But then I think about having to be Ben whenever I’m home, and it would be full-time, so no. I’ll stick to my current plan of trying to save enough money to get my own place.

I’m not hopeful though. I can’t get any of the discounted student housing because I’m not a student, and I can’t apply for it as Ben without Ben getting kicked out of the DIK house. Benny and I had talked about getting an apartment together once upon a time but realized our cover would be harder to keep if we couldn’t bring hookups back to the house.

Enough time has passed between Ben dropping statistics for him to introduce his twin brother to everyone, but maybe he’s still keeping me a secret in case he needs to call on me again.

What if he can’t complete that subject at another school? He can’t tell Franklin that he has dyscalculia when I was acing his math classes for him.

The other thing is me not technically being allowed to stay at DIK house. I’m not a DIK. I’m not even enrolled here.

Maybe I’m wrong and we can’t let everyone know I exist.

Which means I’m back at square one: crawling inside Benny’s window. He texted saying he won’t be home until later, so I have the room to myself for once.

The annoying thing is if we were to ask one of our brothers for the money to get our own place, they’d probably give it to us. They’d want to know why now and what’s changed, and even though I’m hating the secrets, hating lying to them, I’m still not ready to face them. Not without a long-term plan.

I want to be in the hockey world, but unless I move home and get into a strict training regime, pro hockey is out. Even at an ECHL or AHL level. I’m loving coaching so far, but at three days a week, I’m not even earning enough for rent in a share house in California.

I could enroll at Franklin for a coaching degree, if those are even a thing, but I doubt I’d be able to fake my way through my classes where I’d need to know how to spell basic words.

I don’t want to leave Benny, but I’m not sure my future is here.

Benny eventually comes home, but it’s after I’ve crashed for the night. Overthinking is tiring. Do not recommend.

I lie awake on my small mattress on the floor, not wanting to disturb Benny so early in the morning, but my overtired, overthinky brain wakes him anyway.

“Ugh. Why are you thinking so hard over there? It’s so loud.” He puts his pillow over his head like that will fix the issue when we both know it won’t.

We have one of those twin hyper senses situations going on. We know when one of us is sick, upset, even hungover.

“Sorry. Can’t help it.”

“I thought you’d be all sex happy still.”

Apparently, we can also tell when each other is … happy. “I think you’re mistaking me with you. You’re the one with the steady boyfriend.”

“Don’t lie. You had sex two nights go. Who was he? She? They?”

“A random guy.”

“Get his number?”

“Nope.”

“Socials? Any way of contacting him?”

The small hesitation is enough to send Benny into a frenzy. “You should stalk him. Like, in the ‘I want to see you again’ way. Not problematic stalking.”

“Any stalking is problematic. It’s why it’s called stalking.”

“You know what I mean.”

“What do you care if I’m getting any or not? Boundaries, Benny. Learn them.”

“We’ve never had boundaries, and … well …”

I already know what’s coming.

“You’ve been mopey ever since getting kicked out of State, and I finally saw a sliver of my Emmy back.”

“I’m still here. I’m just …”

“Lost,” he finishes for me.

“Exactly. It’s difficult because I have to pretend to be you the majority of the time now. I swear you’re more popular than you were before. Are you—” I pretend to gag “—nice to people now you’re in a happy relationship? You’re gross.”

“Your face is gross.”

Suddenly, Harrison lifts his head from the other side of Benny. I didn’t even know he was there.

“You’re both immature and loud.”

Benny and I smile at each other. “We love you, Harrison,” we say in unison.

“Still not used to that,” Harrison grumbles and tries to go back to sleep.

“Is there a reason you two are here and not at Harrison’s?”

“Marshall and Felix decided to pay us back for having loud sex the other night,” Benny says. “I don’t even think they were fucking. They were probably jumping on the bed and moaning.”

“They were having sex,” Harrison says. “I’ve heard it enough times to know.”

Any hope I had of Benny possibly moving in with Harrison and giving me my own room is dashed now.

“You should go for it with whoever you had sex with though,” Harrison says. “Take a chance.”

He wouldn’t be saying that if he knew who it was.

“It was just sex,” I say.

And it was. I can’t have more.

It’s too complicated, and I’ve decided I’m no longer going to be chaotic because if shit keeps happening to me, at some point, I have to realize that I’m the common factor in it all.

Is it me? Am … I the drama?