20. Emmett

CHAPTER TWENTY

emmett

Jonahand I reluctantly pull away from each other when he has to get to his morning class the next day.

I wander home via the beach, and even though I’m sated from an amazing night of sex and I’m happier than I’ve been since moving to California, I’m still not feeling like I could call the West Coast home. The sand, the water, all of it is pretty, but it’s a long way away from the thick summer foliage and winter snow back in Vermont.

I miss Vermont, and I miss my older siblings, but where Benny goes, I go, and that’s the way it’s always been. The way it always will be. Not out of expectation but want. No matter what, we factor in each other. We chose to come to California together, and I do like it here, but … I don’t want to live here forever. I know if I told Benny that, we’d work something out, but I’ve always been the follower. Benny would never hold me back, and he’d want me to be happy, but what if he wants to stay here and I’m not ready to leave him?

I’m not sure what Benny’s plans are after graduation other than wanting to become a sports reporter. He could get a job anywhere in the country, and if that’s the case, will I follow him there too?

Who knows?

At this point in my life, all I know is I want to do something hockey related with my future, and when this thing between Jonah and me blows up, I will want to get as far away from California as possible.

As if being homesick summoned my big brother, my phone rings with West’s name flashing across the screen.

I answer with a dry “Hey, Dad.”

“Cute. Quick question. Why hasn’t your tuition come through for this semester yet? I got the email from Franklin a few weeks ago, paid it, and then forgot about it. I only realized last night while going over the financials with Jasper that we haven’t gotten anything from San Diego.”

“Oh, really?” My voice cracks. “That’s so weird. Maybe they’re running behind schedule or something.”

“Mm, maybe. Can you go to the administration building and see if you can get to the bottom of it?”

“Or you could revel in free tuition until they realize their mistake. Go spend all that money on you and Jas and make it up when it finally catches up to you.”

“Emmy …” That’s his cut-the-shit tone.

“I’ll look into it.”

“Thank you. How is school?”

“Eh, next question.”

“How are you?”

“Good. How are you and Jas? How’s home?”

“We’re great, home is great. I’m still trying to convince Jasper to get a dog now all you kids are out of the house.”

“It’s been two and a half years since Benny and I moved out. If he hasn’t caved yet, he’s not going to. Move on. Maybe adopt a cat.”

“Cats are assholes.”

“Probably why I love them.”

“Dating troubles?”

I want to roll my eyes. “I’m not talking about my love life with you.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s weird. It really would be like telling my dad how I hooked up with a totally hot guy who’s kind of nerdy but not.”

“So there is a guy!” West sounds way too excited about that.

“Yeah, but I already know it won’t go anywhere. It’s just fun. You should talk to Benny about love and all that other crap.”

“He and Harrison still together?”

“Sickeningly together. I’d hate it if he wasn’t so damn happy.”

“You deserve happiness too. Have you told Benny about the hockey coaching yet?”

“I have, and you were right. He was supportive.” Eventually. Of course, he was more pissed off that I’d slept with Jonah, but I’m not going to get into that with West.

“I told you he would be.”

“Yeah, yeah, you were right and whatever.” I reach Harrison’s place—or my place, I should say—and just like the beach, this doesn’t feel like home either. “I’ve gotta go, but I was thinking of coming home for spring break? If you’ll have me.”

“You know we will. Send me the flights you want, and I’ll book them for you.”

“Will do.”

We end the call, and I let myself inside, where my new roommates Felix and Marshall are snuggly on the couch with their morning coffees.

“Where have you been?” Felix asks, sitting up with the biggest smile on his face.

“Out.”

“Who were you with?”

“Who are you, my mother? Oh, wait, no, she’s dead.”

Felix doesn’t even flinch. “Your brother does that, too, when he doesn’t want to answer stuff.”

“We learned that trick from our older brother Asher, but I’m guessing it doesn’t work on you?”

“Nope. I want details.”

A door opens down the hall, and my brother appears, shirtless and only in his boxers. “He’s fucking my stats professor still. Even my interrogation yesterday didn’t scare him off.”

“Don’t you have a frat house you should be sleeping at?” I ask.

“Don’t you have classes you should get to? Oh, wait, no you don’t.”

I flip him off.

“What are your plans today?” Benny asks.

“Dunno. I have the day off, but I was thinking of heading to the rink anyway for a skate.”

Benny’s lips turn down. “Can I come? I only have a morning class, but I’m free after that until this afternoon.”

“Who are you, and what have you done with my brother?”

“No, seriously. I was thinking about what you said and how my hatred for the media ruined my love for the game, but … I do miss it. Maybe I’ll find my love for it again without the pressure of being the Dalton Duo, without so much expectation breathing down my neck.”

“Hell yeah, man.” I hold out my hand for him, and then we pull each other into a hug.

He has no idea how much it means to me that he’s not only supporting my choice to be involved in the hockey world but wants to be a part of it with me, even in the smallest capacity.

He’s compromising. I love Benny to death, but he’s headstrong, so when we disagree on something, I’m usually the first to back down.

Maybe I should’ve told him sooner about coaching, but I didn’t want him to think I was betraying him or the decision we both agreed to when we moved to Cali.

Benny nudges me. “It’ll be fun to kick your ass on the ice again.”

“Oh, bring it.”

Being back on the ice with my Benny gives me an indescribable high. Because it’s in the middle of the day on a weekday, all the kids are in school, and the rink is practically empty. It’s open for people wanting to skate, but it’s not the most popular thing in California, I’ve found.

Fletcher and another coach join us for a game of pickup. They’ve volunteered to play goalies for us because they want to see us pitted against each other.

Hey, you and the rest of the NHL world, Fletch.

Both Fletcher and Scarlett seem way too excited, and I get the feeling it’s because they know who we are. The Dalton Duo. The next generation of Daltons. The biggest disappointments in the draft’s history, quitting the game before even giving it a chance. I think our decision will make sense to him after he sees how rusty we are.

We have all the practice padding from the rink’s scheduled social games, so we won’t have to worry about getting rough with each other.

Harrison, Felix, and Marshall came to watch Benny play, and I ignore the pang of jealousy that looms over me when I see the connections Benny’s made during his college years.

I haven’t even heard from anyone at San Diego other than the initial texts asking why I left. My friends were more acquaintances than anything. My best friend has always been my brother.

It irrationally makes me want to kick his ass, and here’s my chance.

“Do you even remember how to play?” I taunt.

“It’s like riding a bike.” To show off to his spectators, he skates forward and then jumps, turning backward and skating circles around the rest of us.

“Toxic display of dominance over with then?” I cock an eyebrow at him.

“Please. That was only the start.”

Figures.

“Let’s do this.”

Fletcher and Scarlett take their positions in between the goalposts while I throw the puck center ice for a face-off. We don’t have someone to drop the puck for us, but Fletcher has a whistle for us to go on.

“Which way you skating?” Benny asks. “I’m tempted to make you try to score on your boss, but considering your penchant for older dudes, you might take it the wrong way.”

“Hilarious. So funny. And just so you know, I’d totally sleep with Fletcher if he was into it, but he’s not. He has a wife.”

“Sucks to be you.”

“I can still score on him though.”

“Not worried about being fired?”

“Nope. He loves me. You ready, or you going to keep stalling?”

We take our positions, bent over, sticks out, ready for that whistle to come. When it does, we both fight for the puck until I get it loose and chase after it.

Benny checks me, and I almost trip, but there’s no point calling penalty when it’s the two of us. By the time I’ve righted myself, he’s already at the puck and flying down the ice toward Scarlett.

He’s right. He’s taken to it like riding a bike, and he’s as fast as he ever was.

I chase him down, but he’s faster than me. Back when we were playing together, him on left wing, me on right, he’d speed down the ice and set up the perfect shot for me to snipe it into the net. Now that I’m on the opposing team, his speed is going to tire me out faster than you can say What hockey career?

Turns out, coaching kids doesn’t keep you in peak physical shape. How Benny can still be so fast is disheartening because for a teeny tiny second, I’d been contemplating what West had said. That if I go home, I could recondition and maybe get back to where I was.

And just when I think there’s no hope of catching him, it seems he might still be fast, but he’s forgotten how to stop smoothly.

I almost run into him as he tries to take a slap shot. Instead of hitting him, I do pull to a quick stop, and then I easily knock the puck out of his way.

It goes sailing toward Scarlett, who stops it with her stick. “Uh, which one of you is on my team? You look identical.”

I laugh. “Me. Blue helmet. Benny has the black one.”

“No, he’s lying. I’m Emmett. Black helmet.”

Her head swivels between us.

“Scar, it’s me,” I say.

“No, it’s me,” Benny argues.

Harrison yells from the sidelines. “Benny is the one in the black helmet!”

“Traitor!” Benny calls back, but by that point, Scarlett’s already passed the puck to me, and now it’s his turn to skate after me.

We take it in turns stripping the puck off each other, skating up and down the ice. I get one shot on Fletcher, but I really am rusty, and it goes wide. He dives for the puck and misses, and if I had a teammate right now, it would be an empty net with a free shot.

Unfortunately for me, this is one-on-one, and Benny gets possession again. Then we’re on our way back up the ice to my defensive zone.

When we were growing up, our coaches and older brothers were divided on what position we should play. As the Dalton Duo, the coaches wanted us to be a defensemen pair because we make such a great team, but our brothers wanted us to be on that first line, trying to score as many points as possible and being on top of that point leaderboard. The same as they were and where Dad pushed them to be.

We’ve been trained in both defense and offense, so we’ve got skills in both areas.

Benny starts to tire, or I pick up my pace. One or the other. Either way, I’m able to catch up to him easier now. He tries a quick wrist shot, but Scarlett is on her game, and she knocks it right back. He tries for the rebound and, like me, is way off aim, so I’m able to intercept it.

I get on the breakaway from him, and then it’s me versus Fletcher. This time, as I skate toward the blue line, I concentrate on my game plan.

The way Fletcher moves in front of the net, side to side, waiting to see where I’m going to shoot, there’s really only one safe place to go. I slow enough to get control of my stick and the puck and send a shot right into the five-hole.

Boom. Score.

I fist pump the air and revel in the high before reality comes crashing down.

Chasing my dream of hockey means I’d have to sacrifice a lot. I’d have to move. Benny’s place is here. He has the DIKs, Harrison, his degree, his whole future that he’s working toward. He wouldn’t follow me the way I followed him here, and I wouldn’t expect him to.

I’d have to live without my twin for the first time ever, and it’s impossible to know if I’m ready to do that, but I can’t keep denying the draw to this game that has my whole heart.

This is where I belong, but I also belong with Benny.

It’s going to be impossible to choose between them, but there’s going to be a time where I’ll have to, and in my gut, I know this game is it for me.

This is my home.

On the ice.