12. Emmett

CHAPTER TWELVE

emmett

I so don’t wantto do this.

But Jonah is obviously avoiding me—I can’t say I blame him—and I don’t want our situationship to affect Cullen. The ice cream sabotage was an obvious attempt at dodging me, as well as staying in the car for Cullen’s skating lesson, which he hasn’t done before.

It’s impossible to tell if he’s pissed at me or embarrassed about the scene he made in front of half the student population. Which is already going down as one of the school’s juiciest scandals this year, other than that whole baseball mess that we don’t talk about. Gossip, good. Felonies, bad.

I knock on his door and hold my breath while I wait an eternity for him to open up.

There’s shuffling around inside and then silence, and even though I can’t see him, I imagine him on the other side of the door, doing the exact same thing as me.

When he does finally open it up, he has his head slightly angled down and a sheepish smile on his face. “Come on in.”

He steps aside, and as I pass by him, the urge to touch him, reassure him, do something is overwhelming. But I don’t give in. Touching him is a right I don’t have. Not when there’s mistrust between us.

And I know for sure that it’s mistrust. Regret.

If only he knew the full truth.

It’s something that can never get out. I could never throw my own brother, my twin, my other half under the bus for a one-night stand. A crush.

I’m here to set the record straight, and that’s it.

“Want a drink?” he asks in a tone that really hopes I say no.

“I’m good. This won’t take long.”

“Sit.” Jonah gestures to the couch. The couch where we sat two weeks ago and I decided to fuck everything up.

Reluctantly, I sit back where I did that night, almost like a punishment. A reminder of what I did to my brother. I risked his schooling all because I wanted Professor Brooks’s dick.

Jonah sits next to me, and at the same time, we both say, “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” he asks. “I’m the one who attacked your brother and his boyfriend.”

I huff. “I wouldn’t call it an attack … per se.”

“He told you about it, then?”

“Him and half of campus.”

He runs his hand through his hair.

“It’s okay. You didn’t know. And that’s why I’m sorry.”

His lips quirk on one side. “Yeah, it might have been helpful to know your brother Ben is your identical twin. When you said you looked alike ‘a little,’ I didn’t pick up on the sarcasm.”

“It’s a bad habit we have, and it’s reflexive to be vague about it, but I should’ve made the effort with you. I …” I’m done lying, but I can’t tell him the whole truth either. “I knew you were my brother’s professor.”

His brow scrunches. “Y-you did? You didn’t say anything. At all. When I asked at the rink if we’d met⁠—”

“There’s something you have to understand.” I turn so I’m facing him completely. “You know that I got kicked out of San Diego, but what you don’t know is none of my family knows other than Ben. I don’t have enough money to rent somewhere on my own, so I’ve been staying with Ben in his frat house … where no one knows because⁠—”

“You can’t stay in official student housing if you’re not a student. So this whole time, you’ve … your frat house all think that you’re …”

I nod. “They think Ben and I are the same person. And you, when you came into my job at the rink, I couldn’t pretend to be Ben because Fletcher knows me as Em, and I couldn’t tell you I knew who you were because⁠—”

“Because I’m faculty, and I’d have to report you.”

“And now you know the truth⁠—”

“It’s my duty to. This is why you could only have one night. This is why …” He runs his hands through his warm brown hair again, this time gripping at the roots. “Why did you come home with me and risk all of that?”

“Another reason why I’m sorry. I did it because for the last six months, everyone on campus has known me as Ben. I was losing myself in being him, and you … You were the only one other than Ben’s boyfriend to know me as me. As Emmett. So even though it was risky, I took something I selfishly wanted because you were the first person in months to bring me back to myself.”

“Technically, I thought your first name was Dalton.”

I laugh. “I know. And I didn’t correct you because, well, like I said, it’s become a habit. Being vague about who I am. Needing to act like Ben around other people. It was tiring, and you … you breathed life back into me.”

Jonah’s warm brown eyes meet mine, and I have to blink away the blurriness of tears trying to form.

“Aww, Emmett. I …”

The sound of my name breaks me.

Consumes me.

And even though this wasn’t the plan, I’ve only told him half the truth, and I promised Ben I wouldn’t repeat the same mistake, here I am. Falling into Jonah.

Taking what I want.

Again.

I lean in, wanting to bring my lips to his, but he tenses when I get close. “Kiss me,” I whisper.

“This is already so messy. We shouldn’t.”

He’s right, but in this moment, I don’t care.

“I know, but I want to feel it again. Feel you. I want you to want me as me. As I am.”

His second hand cups the other side of my cheek. “I do want you. Much more than I should or thought I would.”

I think he’s about to give in when his hands drop completely. I immediately feel the loss and want to lower my head and rub against him like a cat, wanting that connection again. Luckily, I have some sort of restraint. Granted, it’s close to snapping, but I still have a hold on it. For now.

“When I saw your brother with his boyfriend,” he says, “I became filled with rage. Rage I had no right having. I tried to convince myself it was because I was appalled over being the other person, someone he cheated with, but when I found out he wasn’t you? You have no idea how much I was thankful for it. I understand why you said only one night, but if we do this again, where do we go from there? You can’t be seen with me, and even if I’m willing to keep your secret so you can still live with your brother, if anyone found out I knew, then I could be fired.”

“It’s okay now,” I say. “Ben’s boyfriend offered me a room at his place at a price I can afford from working at the rink. I don’t need the DIK house anymore. There’s really only one dick I want.”

I still shouldn’t take it, but it’s so difficult to resist him. I move, hesitantly, leaning up on my knee, and then slowly throw my other leg over his lap so I’m straddling him. “You can say no, and I’ll walk out of here right now.” Please don’t say no. “Or we can ignore the outside world for a minute and give in to what we both obviously want.” I rotate my hips, loving the feel of his hard cock under my ass.

His hands find my hips, and he throws his head back. “Fuck, I want to say something about needing more than only a minute, but you’ve barely touched me, and I already want to come so bad.”

“So we’ll ignore the outside world for … ten minutes? Twenty?” I rub against his cock again.

“All night?”

I still on top of him, staring down into his eyes as I say, “I seem to recall we made that promise before.”

“But this time, I know why. I know your situation. We could have the night we wanted, but there was too much in our way. You could stay the night instead of slinking out of here right after. We could talk. We could⁠—”

“You can stop trying to convince—me. You had me the second you said ‘but.’”

He snickers. “Butt.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be the mature one? You’re a professor.”

His face falls. “Yeah, we’re not going to play that game this time. No more professor-student fantasies after realizing your identical twin was my student.”

I wince. “Deal. Definitely okay with that.”

“Good.” Jonah leans in and kisses the tip of my nose. “Tonight, it’s going to be you and me. Coach Emmett and Uncle Jonah.” His lips move to my cheek. “Two guys who met at hockey practice and have no other ties.”

I shudder on top of him.

He pulls back to look at me. “Are you in?”

“So in. Now, hurry up and get me naked.”

Jonah’s smile is wicked, and I can’t wait any longer. I slam my mouth down on his and drink him in, swallow his moan, and embrace the mistake we’re about to make.

Uh, again.