10. Emmett

CHAPTER TEN

emmett

Benny:

911. Harrison’s house.

Ergh,it’s my day off. I get to sleep in on Fridays. What could be so urgent that he’s making me drag my ass out of bed and go to his boyfriend’s house.

Me:

I better not get there and find U 2 stuck together in a super glue/ lube mix up. That sounds like an ER kind of 911 call.

His reply is quick. Way too quick. And his message doesn’t make me want to rush over there any faster.

I’ll rephrase: YOU SLEPT WITH PROFESSOR BROOKS AND FUCKED US BOTH IN THE PROCESS?

If it wouldn’t make everything ten times worse, I’d avoid it. Oh, who am I kidding, I’m going to try anyway.

New fone. Who dis?

Knew it wouldn’t work. His number appears immediately, so I answer. “Calm your balls. I’m on my way.”

“I can’t believe you did this to me,” he says, and whether it’s that I’m tired, over having to pretend I’m him, frustrated that I haven’t gotten anything I want for the last six months, or maybe I’m defensive because I know what I did was wrong, I don’t hold back.

“To you? Everything I’ve ever done has been for you.”

“You slept with my professor for me?”

Okay, no. That was selfish of me, and I don’t have an answer for him for that one.

“Get here already,” Benny says and ends the call.

I’m in trouble. So much fucking trouble. But worse than that is Ben obviously ran into Jonah, and I have explaining to do all around.

Did Jonah tell Ben about my coaching job?

Did Ben tell Jonah I used to take his classes for him?

I doubt Ben would’ve done that, but I have no idea what happened, and I have no idea what to do from here.

I’m so sick of being deceitful.

I throw on some clothes and can’t be bothered climbing out the window, so I walk through the DIK house.

The guys wave to me as I walk by, but Big Wally’s gaze narrows as he sees me. “Didn’t you leave half an hour ago?”

“Probably.”

He accepts my nonsensical answer, and this is exactly why no one in this house has realized they’ve been living with two entirely different human beings for half the year and how they’ve known Ben for three years but never noticed anything off about him.

It’s so depressing thinking I’ve been part of these guys’ lives for that long, but they don’t know I exist.

For the entire walk over to Harrison’s, I let myself play the victim. I was lonely. It’s not easy being two people. He saw me as me, not as Ben.

I go through all the things I’ve been telling myself as an excuse for what I did, but at the end of the day, I did something to jeopardize Ben’s position at Franklin U. Sure, we’ve both done that by cheating our way through school, but that was a joint decision. I did this on my own.

It was reckless and selfish and … I must be still those things because I don’t regret it. I’m more upset that it can’t happen again.

I don’t even get the chance to raise my hand and knock before Benny opens Harrison’s door with a scowl on his face.

“Down, tiger. It’s not the end of the world.” I step past him and head for the living room. I’ve been here before, while Harrison’s roommates were out, but that’s not the case this time.

I walk in to see two guys staring at me. Blinking.

“Holy fuck, there’s two of them,” a dude with curlier hair than mine says. Though his curls are a lot neater than the mess on either Ben’s or my heads.

The bigger of the two leans in and says, “That’s what twin means.”

I wave awkwardly. “I’m Emmett.”

“Do you mind giving us three some privacy?” Harrison asks his roommates.

“I don’t get to watch the drama?” Curly-headed dude whines.

“Can they stay?” I ask. “You know, witnesses to my murder will be helpful in putting Benny away.”

“We’ll go.” The tall guy drags the little one out the front door.

The fact Benny hasn’t said anything is unnerving. I’d feel a lot better if he was yelling. Telling me to eat shit and die like our brother Asher would.

“You slept with your professor,” he finally says.

I throw myself on the couch, defensively crossing my arms across my chest. “Technically, I slept with yours.”

Benny paces in front of the coffee table. “What the fuck, Em?”

What the fuck, indeed.

“I don’t know what to tell you.” I throw up my hands. “He didn’t recognize me as you, didn’t know you were in his class, he’s hot, I was lonely, so⁠—”

“You were lonely?” Ben stops pacing, his face falling.

“You know I love Harrison⁠—”

“I am pretty loveable,” Harrison says.

“But with you and him spending all your time together, me not really having a life outside of being you for the last six months, not really knowing what I’m going to do with my life …”

“I’ll give you that,” Benny relents. He joins me by my side and puts his arm around my shoulders, giving me the support I haven’t felt for a while. It’s not Benny’s fault though. It’s mine for not telling him sooner, but I didn’t want to put a damper on his newfound happiness with Harrison.

“I didn’t realize it was getting to you so much,” he says.

“Most days are fine, but others, it’s like … I don’t fit anywhere here. Jonah caught me in a weak moment, and you’ve seen him. He’s hot.”

“Am I missing something?” Harrison asks. “Is Professor Brooks hot? I don’t see it.”

“It’s a whole hot, nerdy vibe,” Benny says.

“It was only a onetime thing,” I say.

“How did you even meet him?”

I wish my brother hadn’t asked that. I swallow hard and look away. “At the beach.” My voice betrays me, going up at the end like a question.

Benny knows I’m lying.

So I relent and let it all out there because I may as fucking well. “I met him at work. I have a job.”

“A job?”

I shrug. “Since a few months ago.”

“Is that where you’ve been sneaking off to?”

“I wouldn’t call it sneaking.”

“Why aren’t you telling me what it is?” Benny asks and seems genuinely hurt. He probably already suspects what I’m doing. There’s only one thing in the world I’d keep from him.

Harrison steps in and puts his arm around Benny’s shoulder. “Cool it with the twenty questions. Em will explain everything.” His eyes meet mine. “Won’t you?”

The way he’s glaring at me, the way his eyes say “You owe me” … I admire him for wanting to protect my brother and stick up for him. That’s usually my job.

“I refuse to go back to school. I hated engineering. Hated the courses I was taking. Didn’t really connect with anyone. I knew early on college wasn’t right for me, so when my roommate accidentally set that fire, I …”

“You took the fall,” Benny says for me. “Of course you did.”

“It was my way out of a situation I didn’t know how to quit. It was a solution from feeling like I didn’t belong.” I make eye contact with my brother. “There’s really only been one thing that has given me that feeling before.”

Benny stares at me, and in the most serious tone he has, he says, “Is it sex stuff? Are you a stripper? Hooker? Did Professor Brooks pay you to do nasty, nasty sex acts with him?”

I shove him.

He laughs and holds up his hands before his whole demeanor slowly fades into disappointment. “It’s hockey, isn’t it?”

“I’m coaching kids how to skate, how to shoot, you know, all the basics we already had down by three years old, thanks to Dad.”

“Emmy …” Ben’s gaze turns soft. “You could have told me.”

“Anytime I suggest we go skating or try to join a local social team, you make a face, so … I stopped asking and stopped talking about hockey altogether.”

“I thought you hated it as much as I do?”

I stare at the ground as I admit, “I never hated it. I hate the media like you do. I hate all the comparisons we got coming up in the juniors, but the sport? It has my whole heart.”

“I didn’t know,” my brother whispers.

“How could you? I never said anything.”

“Why? We tell each other everything! Or, I thought we did. Then I find out you love hockey, you’re sleeping with our professor⁠—”

“Your professor.” I need to keep making that distinction. “And it was once. Once only.”

Benny’s head snaps up. “You should go for it. It’s not too late.”

At first, I think he’s giving me permission to chase after Professor Brooks, but then I realize what he actually means.

“I’ve been out of the game for too long.”

“Bullshit. You’re twenty-one. Get West to pull some strings. Asher. Hell, Ezra Palaszczuk or any other queer dude who played in the league. You could go AHL or ECHL, and⁠—”

“And leave you?”

His face falls.

“Exactly my point. The thought of not being in the same state as you …”

“I don’t want to be responsible for holding you back,” Benny says, and I know he means it. I’d hate to be the same for him.

“You’re not. Just because I miss hockey, that doesn’t mean I have to follow in our big brothers’ footsteps and go pro. I’m perfectly happy coaching, skating, and being on the ice again. It doesn’t pay much, and I’m only working three days a week, but I’m hoping if my hours increase, I could get my own place, and then we wouldn’t have to hide who I am anymore, and we could be Ben and Em again. To everyone.”

“This might be a wild idea,” Harrison says, “but what if you tell everyone now? Will the DIKs really care all that much?”

“That our shared pool of house dues have been going toward feeding both me and my brother? That if the school found out we were housing someone who wasn’t a student, they could shut down the whole fraternity? That⁠—”

Harrison holds up his hand. “Okay, I get it. What if I ask Felix and Marshall if Emmett could take our spare room that we’re using as storage space for all our crap at the moment?”

“I can’t ask you to⁠—”

He cuts me off. “You’re not asking, I’m offering, and sure, I’d need to talk to the guys about it, but you’re earning some money now, aren’t you? You can chip in for rent, food, all of that?”

I jump at it. “I can. I just don’t earn enough to get a place of my own, which would be needed if we were keeping up the one-person charade.”

“You really hate being me that badly?” Ben asks.

“You’re emotionally draining.” I crack a smile.

“Fuck you, am not.”

“I once got asked by one of your frat brothers if I was okay because I was smiling way too much.”

Harrison laughs. “Sounds about right.”

“Fine. You can be boring, happy Em again.”

I put my hand on his forearm. “It’s not actually that bad being you, but by needing to be you all the time, I started losing myself, and outside of you and Harrison, I’ve had no one. You two have each other, and I⁠—”

Benny squishes me in a crushing hug. “Aww, Emmy.”

“Ugh.” I shove him off me. “Out of curiosity, if I’m going to always be Em and you’re always going to be Ben from now on …”

Benny glares at me. “No, you can’t fuck my professor again.”

“Damn it. He was so good in bed, you have no idea. We did this whole⁠—”

Harrison puts his hands over his ears. “I don’t need to know this. La la la la la.”

“I don’t want to tell you who you can and can’t sleep with,” Benny says, “but if he ever found out what we did⁠—”

“I know. It’s too risky. Our brothers are going to have a big enough coronary when they find out I’m no longer in school.”

“Though both of us getting kicked out does seem on brand for us.”

True. So fucking true.