30. Marco

Chapter 30

Marco

T he Lilypad is a smoke-filled rat's nest in a rundown neighborhood on the edge of Adam's territory. It's the perfect place for a meeting: secluded, private, and surrounded by soldiers. I'm also pretty sure sitting in this booth is going to give me tetanus. Which means it's my kind of bar.

I'm jammed in next to Ronan and Julien, while Adam and Dusan are on the opposite side. Everyone's got a glass of the place's best liquor, which is some form of whiskey that tastes like gasoline. The room is empty aside from the bartender, an older man who seems to be either deaf or partially deaf, since Adam had to yell our order at him before the guy finally responded.

"I appreciate you all coming out here," Adam says, looking at the assembled faces. Ronan's aloof and bored like always; Julien sips at his drink and shows nothing; Dusan seems like he'd rather be anywhere else. I'm caught in some strange in-between point, wondering what Laura's doing back at her place, while also planning how I'm going to destroy her family.

It doesn't feel good. I hate being torn in half like this. For so long, breaking the Biancos' stranglehold on Chicago's underworld has been my dream and my only real goal, and right now I'm closer to achieving that than I've ever been. Adam's passionately on board, which means Dusan and Julien can easily be convinced with a little pushing. And yet I feel myself drifting away, like I've been split right down the middle and my two halves are trying to get as far away from each other as possible.

"Next time, we're meeting in one of my restaurants," Julien says with a distasteful frown at the surroundings: chipped wood, peeling wallpaper, yellowing drop ceiling. "That way we can have a decent meal instead of—" He gestures around. "Whatever this is."

"Noted," Adam says, clearly not interested in whatever Julien's trying to do. "At this point, you all know how I feel and what I want to do."

"You won't shut up about it, and that's saying something." Dusan eyes Adam with a deep frown before looking over at me. "Seriously, Marco, he keeps calling me up and ranting about how the Bianco must be destroyed. He sounds like you."

I raise my glass to him. "I guess Adam's got more sense than I gave him credit for."

Adam grunts in response. "They killed one of my men. They tried to kill me. They'll try again eventually. This is simple self-preservation."

"They tried to kill you ," Dusan says and leans back to study the big Polish mobster. "But meanwhile, they have left me and my family alone. Why would I want to get drawn into this?"

Ronan makes an exasperated noise. "Are we really going to go over all this again? I swear, it's fucking Groundhog Day with you people." He sits up straighter and starts talking with a comical Italian accent, which I'm pretty sure is meant to mimic me. I'm not happy about the caricature. " The Biancos, they-a gonna kill us all, they-a gonna take over the city and shoot us in the stinking faces, if-a we don't get together and fight-a them, eh? Or something like that, I don't know, I tune all this shit out most of the time."

I elbow Ronan in the ribs. "I don't talk like that."

"Sure you do." He grins, rubbing his side. "You just don't realize it."

"Enough." Adam's tone is not amused. Not even a little bit. He slams his hands down on the table and all our glasses jump. Julien says something in French, and it doesn't sound happy. "Marco has been right all this time. The Biancos must be dealt with, and we cannot do it alone. You may sit there, Dusan, and think you are exempt, but you are not. They came for me first, but once I'm gone, they'll come for you next, because you'll be an easier target without my help."

"I've handled worse than a drive-by." Dusan doesn't seem like he's going to give an inch.

And Adam doesn't seem to care. "We have to strike first. The only thing the Biancos understand is force. Luciano Santoro understood that once."

"Santoro's dead," Dusan says and glances at me. "No offense."

"I'm aware that he's dead." I grind my jaw and throw back the shitty alcohol. It burns all the way down. "But Adam's wrong. We can't just start killing Bianco soldiers, not without a plan. We need caution."

Or do we? Or am I only saying that because I don't want to get into a conflict anymore, and I don't know how to back away without seeming like a traitor?

"The time for caution is over. We need strength." Adam glares at me before turning his passion over toward Dusan. "You know as well as I do how to handle a bully. You punch first, and you punch hard. You make yourself bigger, in order to make them think twice about targeting you. The Biancos are simply playground bullies with more capital and more weapons, and we need to punch them in the nose."

Dusan grunts in response and I can tell he's starting to come around. The whole situation seems like it's spiraling out of my control, if I ever had control to begin with. Nominally, in theory at least, I should be the leader of this group, but now it's Adam pushing for aggression while I'm trying to make them slow down and think twice.

It's maddening. I don't even recognize myself anymore.

And yet I try again. "The Biancos aren't some average gang. They're a sophisticated network. The moment we start shooting is the moment they turn around and crush us. We have to be smart."

"Smart was for before. Now we must be strong." Adam stares at me with an expression that suggests he no longer thinks I'm fit to run these meetings.

The rest of the evening is spent arguing. Julien seems interested in a fight, while Dusan refuses to commit to anything. Ronan, as always, makes jokes and sideways comments, and seems to be willing to back whatever I suggest, including caution this time around.

After we finish arguing with each other, the group leaves in stages. I find myself walking out with Adam after the others have all gone, and the big Polish man doesn't say anything until we're out on the sidewalk.

"I'm not going to wait for your approval," he says, staring at me. His face is determined, and his lips are set in a hard frown. "I don't know what changed, but a month ago you would've been salivating at the idea of taking the fight to the Biancos. Now, you're practically begging us to back down."

"I think you're being rash. That's all." I glare at him, meeting his gaze and holding it. I refuse to back down, even if he's partially right. I don't like the way he's characterizing my behavior, but I definitely am trying to get them all to see sense and take things slow.

If he knew about my relationship with Laura, he'd understand why.

"I'll say it again. I'm going on the offensive. I'm already planning an attack, and Julien and Dusan will both help when the time comes. I suspect Ronan will too, even though he's your friend, because he's smarter than he lets on and he knows I'm right." Adam steps closer, glaring into my eyes. "I don't know what changed for you, Marco, but I will not hesitate to leave you behind."

"This alliance was my idea," I say, snarling in his face. The argument is weak but it's the best I have.

"And it was a good idea. Now follow through." Adam stares me down before brushing past and walking over to a waiting car. He gets in and the driver takes off, leaving me behind to stew.

That did not go fucking well. Not well at all. Except it did, and Adam's right—a month ago, this meeting seemed basically impossible, and I would've killed to have it. Now though, all I want to do is slow them down, because I don't know where I'm going to end up once the guns are drawn.

Laura's not involved in the fighting, but it's still her family we plan on killing. I know which side she'll choose, and I can't even blame her for it.

Which is why I don't want to force her hand.

Because I need her. Fuck, I need her, and I don't want to lose her. When I'm with Laura, for the first time in my life, it's like I'm at peace. I don't have to think about Luciano, or about revenge, or about my parents. I can simply be with her, and that's enough.

It's a rare and special feeling, and I don't think I'll ever find it again.

Not with anyone else.

But the situation is beginning to slip out of my control, and I don't know how to stop it.