Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

I grab Fiona Harper by the elbow and she turns to shake me off, and in doing so stumbles into the street just as Santa's sleigh is headed this way. Next to it are eight ornery yet regal looking reindeer that hardly look street legal being led by their handlers. I'm guessing the sleigh is motorized.

"Let me go." Fiona yanks herself free. "Don't do anything you'll regret." She tries to dart to my right, but I block her path and instead, she bolts in front of Santa's sleigh and causes the crowd to give a little shriek.

"Get back here," I call out as I dart right after her and about three different reindeer lift onto their hind legs and whinny in an effort to not run me over.

"Effie?" Cooper shouts while jumping to his feet and sending Mrs. Claus into the air as he knocks her out of his lap.

"She did it." I point in the direction Fiona is headed. "She confessed!"

No sooner do I shout those words than the cutest dog in the world barrels this way. In seconds both Watson and I catch up to Fiona as the crowd parts like the Red Sea.

Watson clamps over her ankle with his adorable yet sharp as razors little puppy teeth, while I throw myself onto the woman's back, landing us both onto the cobbled sidewalk.

Fiona tries to wiggle herself free just as I pull her wrists behind her back.

"You're lucky I left my Glock at home," I riot at her.

Lottie is right. I really should have a more user-friendly moniker for my weapon.

"Everybody freeze," Cooper shouts while pointing his gun right at us, and thankfully there's nothing friendly about it.

If I thought Cooper was hot as Santa, I had no idea how much hotter he could be dressed as Santa while wielding his weapon.

Watson barks.

Kids scream.

Adults shout an entire chorus of expletives.

I can't blame the adults. Erasing the image of Santa with a gun will cost those folks an arm and a leg in therapy bills.

Noah runs up and I quickly fill him in on Fiona's confession. He has her cuffed and moves her out of the crowd and into the nearest sheriff's vehicle.

Cooper puts away his weapon before an all-out riot ensues.

"Are you okay?" He pulls me in hard and I can feel his heart thumping violently over my chest.

"I'm better now."

"You did it, Buttercup." He lands a kiss on my forehead. "You caught another killer."

"Hey? Buttercup! I like that."

"Instead of Effie?"

"Instead of Glock . I think you just named my gun."

He gives a long blink. "Regardless, you did great. Are you sure you don't moonlight as a detective?"

"I don't have to moonlight, I'm inadvertently living it." I look up at him as we share a little laugh. But soon enough the smile fades from my face. "I think we both know what I moonlight as."

He shakes his head. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Nor do I want you to extrapolate." His smile is traded for a sorrowful look. "Besides, I'd much rather do this." He plants one on me and Watson gives a sharp bark of approval.

Well, there you go. Cooper doesn't want to get into it as much as I don't want to bring it up. Then it's settled. Anytime I feel the need to bring up my dicey line of work, I'll simply land my lips on his instead.

This is much more fun anyway.

"Hey, Santa! Get back here. Are you trying to traumatize these children by two-timing on your wife with some cheesy elf?" a woman screeches, and we look over to see a red-faced Naomi Turner looking as if she were about to detonate. Now that would traumatize these children for sure.

Cooper lands another kiss on my cheek. "I'll catch up with you in a bit. Maybe head to the bakery where I know you'll be safe." He takes off with Naomi latched to his side and the crowd breaks out into cheers.

I scoop up Watson and shake my head in Santa's direction. "Safe at the bakery? It seems he's forgetting just how this story began."

"Effie," someone shouts and I turn around to see both Carlotta and Aunt Cat heading my way. Carlotta's right arm is bandaged like a mummy and hanging off her neck in a sling, and Aunt Cat's hair looks teased to high heaven, most likely from that shopping cart ride through downtown.

"We've got something for you," Aunt Cat pants while riffling through her purse. Considering it's the size of a small car, this could take a while.

"Carlotta, what happened to your arm?" I ask and Watson gives a little bark as if he wants answers, too.

"Just a bump and bruise from the Turkey Trip and Fall. But it was worth it. We came in fifth place."

I wrinkle my nose just as Aunt Cat pulls a thick white envelope out of her purse.

"Your Uncle Jimmy stopped by," she says, handing the envelope my way and I feel its heft. "He said he wanted to give this to you himself, but he's due in the kitchen. He likes to baste the turkey himself."

"What's this?" I say, opening it up, only to reveal a stack of hundred dollar bills, enough of them to buy everyone in Vermont a turkey dinner at the Honey Pot Diner.

"He said it's your bonus." Carlotta shrugs.

"It's for offing Frankie," Aunt Cat scowls my way. "The least you could have done was allow me to offer the man a proper send-off."

"Ugh," I say, blowing out a breath. "I don't deserve this. I didn't kill Frankie. And I'm glad about it, too. Believe me, I would have much rather have given the man over to the two of you."

"He was a hunk," Carlotta says as her shoulders sag.

"He was a thoroughbred in bed," Aunt Cat counters, looking equally dejected.

"More information than I wanted or needed. But I am sorry?—"

"Is that Santa?" Carlotta shouts as she cranes her neck to the right.

"And he's hot!" Aunt Cat practically screams as she takes off, yanking her bestie along with her.

"It looks like they'll recover," I say to Watson as I fan myself with the envelope full of blood money that I didn't even earn. "But I don't know if I will."

I know what I have to do.

And there's not a pie in the world that will make me feel better about it.