Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Present

Effie

" I 'm going to be rich ," Lily Swanson announces as she holds a tray of freshly iced cinnamon rolls in her hands.

We hit a little lull with the customers right here in the Cutie Pie Bakery and Cakery, and apparently Lily felt the need to fill the void with her financial fantasies.

"I'm going to be richer ," Suze counters, as she steals a cream puff from one of the refrigerated shelves and shoves it in her face.

And I'm about to do the same—the shoving a cream puff in my face part, not the getting rich. Although riches wouldn't be so bad either, but with my luck, the money would come with a pox—and most likely a prison sentence.

Lily Swanson is a cheeky brunette about my age, late twenties, who has been working at the bakery a heck of a lot longer than I have. She's sassy, sarcastic, and can only tolerate so much of our boss, Lottie Lemon.

Evidently, Lily was Lottie's high school bully way back when. I'm shocked Lottie hired her at all.

And Suze is Lottie's mother-in-law, or ex-mother-in-law, or mother-in-law-to-be again. Honestly, I can't keep track of Lottie's prolific love life. All I know is she's got two hot men after her twenty-four seven. One is a red-hot homicide detective and one is a scorching hot judge. Whatever that woman is cooking up in the bedroom, it must be a really sweet treat. Now that's one recipe I wouldn't mind swiping from her.

Anyway, Suze is pushing sixty or seventy. She's tall, stocky, and has a mean bite. She wears her blonde locks shorn around the ears and has bangs that she's constantly blowing out of her eyes. And if you turn your back on her, she's been known to give you the finger. Or at least that's what she does to Lottie—and I'm assuming me.

I, on the other hand, love Lottie.

Lottie Lemon is the reason I actually have a cover for the fact I'm really a mob assassin. Working at the bakery part-time has not only met my voracious need for carbs, but it gives me something to talk about in polite company when they ask what I do for a living. Sure, Lottie doesn't know my secret. No one does except for my sneaky sister Niki, and my Aunt Cat, and her bestie Carlotta, and well, my Uncle Jimmy, of course.

And as of Halloween night, you can add Cooper to that equation, too.

We're smack in the middle of fall, just one week away from the most delicious day of the year—Stuff-Your-Pie-Hole-Till-You-Drop Day, aka Thanksgiving, and the bakery has been nonstop busy from the minute we open until the minute we shove them out the door with the threat of a taser. Kidding, mostly. We use a broom.

The bakery is decorated to the nines with fall-themed garlands, faux fall leaves, and tiny pumpkins lining the shelves. The centerpiece is a cornucopia overflowing with seasonal fruits and pastries, drawing the eye of every customer who steps inside.

The atmosphere in the bakery is a blend of holiday cheer and the sweet promise of overindulgence with Lottie's delicious desserts. I should know. I overindulge at least twice a week.

Okay, fine. It's twice a day. But who could blame me? With all these pies, cakes, and cookies, I'm destined to turn into a stick of butter before the new year rolls around—or more likely a big round ball of butter.

My name is Eufrasia Margarita Canelli, but people just call me Effie. I'm five feet five inches of fun, have dark medium-length hair, dark eyes, and a knack for landing myself in the deadliest and some might say dumbest of situations. Like with Cooper, yet once again.

Homicide Detective Cooper Knox, aka Cupertino Lazzari, was almost my plus-one. That is, until he caught me quasi-red-handed working as a hitwoman for my Uncle Jimmy, one of the top dogs when it comes to mob bosses here in Vermont.

Not that Cooper has said anything to me outright about his recent discovery—mostly because once I saw that murder board with my face sitting in the middle of it in Cooper's office, I ran past him and have been evading him like a con on the run for the last two weeks.

And ironically, I'm using the words con on the run in the most literal sense.

Suffice it to say, this little kink has put our relationship on ice, most likely indefinitely with the exception that we just so happen to share custody of the cutest golden shepherd puppy you ever did see.

And have I mentioned that cute pooch has an IQ that rivals Einstein's?

Said cute pooch is with Cooper right now, probably helping the good detective solve a case—the one that involves me.

Just my luck, instead of Doogie Howser, I've got a Doggie Bowser , and he's using his intellect against me. Everyone knows he'd do just about anything for a slice of bacon, including sending his own mother up the river for twenty to life.

Traitor.

Anyway, my boss Lottie, my sister Niki, and just about anyone else I can rope into the effort have been helping me with the puppy exchange whenever Cooper comes around to give back or receive the little cutie.

I'm not ready to face Cooper just yet. Most likely because I'm not ready to face the music just yet either—otherwise known as prison .

And even though I'm a bona fide assassin, I haven't really knocked anyone off the planet just yet. Mostly I just scatter a few bullets here and there, willy-nilly, while my target does a little tap dance, and they quickly come to the conclusion that life would be a whole lot easier—and a whole lot longer—if they just paid my Uncle Jimmy the money they owe him.

"So? What's it gonna be?" Niki bops my way with her dark hair pulled back into a messy bun and her apron from the Honey Pot Diner in one hand.

"She can't hear you," Lily says, helping herself to a chocolate cupcake frosted to look like a turkey. "Effie's been drifting off and daydreaming all week. She's probably having steamy thoughts about that hot detective she's knocking boots with."

" Ooh ." Suze perks up. "Are you knocking boots already?" She hikes a brow my way and looks as if she's holding her breath until I pump out a few dirty details her way.

"Nope," I sag as I say it. "And believe me, I wouldn't mind. We're sort of…not on speaking terms at the moment."

Niki chuckles under her breath. She happens to be in the know when it comes to the fact Cooper has me pegged for the one causing all the near misses around here.

When an entire slew of mob-related injuries started to take place, and most of those men refused to speak to the sheriff's department or file a complaint, Cooper's suspicions were aroused.

How he surmised the rest of it, I have no idea. And I don't want to know. Mostly because I know the end of the story, the part where Cooper gifts me a set of silver bracelets just in time for the holidays.

" What? " Lily squawks as she stomps this way. "What do you mean you're not on speaking terms?"

Suze waves it off. "Oh, I bet it's just some silly argument. They'll get over it. My ex and I used to have them all the time over silly things like the fact fifty thousand dollars evaporated from our savings account and found its way onto a blackjack table somewhere, or which new floozy he was sleeping with, or the fact that man never took out the trash." She harumphs over that last point as if that were the major contention, and oddly, it seems to be just that.

"It's nothing that serious," I say. "I don't mind taking out the trash. Mostly because Cooper and I don't live together. Anyway, what's with the fact everyone is about to come upon some spare cash around here? How are the two of you striking it rich? Did you find a buried treasure map in a cookie jar?"

Lily grins. "Even better. We're going to see Harmony Honeycutt at the bookshop tonight. Her new book, Dream It, Believe It, Achieve It , is all about manifesting your destiny. We're going to manifest ourselves a fortune." She says it so matter-of-fact, I'm almost worried for her.

"That's right." Suze nods. "Apparently, she has some magical way of making all your dreams come true and all you need is your noggin. I'm hoping she can help me manifest my way to a winning lottery ticket."

"Wow, that sounds interesting," Lottie says, coming out of the kitchen with a tray laden with her new creation, pumpkin spice muffins with cheesecake centers.

Lottie is adorable, somewhere in her late twenties or early thirties, with caramel waves, hazel eyes, and a smile that never stops—unless she's stumbling over a body. Let's just say she seems to attract the dead like bears to honey—especially bears in Honey Hollow.

Lucky for me, Lottie lets her staff load up on all the sweet treats we can stomach while we're working a shift.

Unlucky for Lottie, I can put away a heck of a lot of sweet treats. And even though Lily is pretty petite, she can put the desserts away right there with me. We're mostly addicted to the crullers, but there's nothing we consider off the table.

Lottie shrugs over at Lily and Suze. "A little positive thinking never hurt anyone, right? If I wasn't so busy with the pumpkin pie-eating contest tonight, I'd head down to the bookshop myself. How about you, Effie? You heading over?"

"And that's what I was asking you." Niki swats me on the arm with her apron. "Are you manifesting with us tonight or not? I've got a few six-foot-three, dark-haired, muscles-for-days, bank-accounts-loaded-to-the-hilt men that I'd like to see materialize."

Lily laughs. "Come on, Effie, join the club. Suze and I can't wait to get our hands on Harmony's new book. Plus, she's going to give a little dissertation before the signing. If anyone needs to learn how to manifest their destiny, it's probably you. And that destiny should definitely include knocking boots with Cooper Knox."

Suze smirks. "Or how about knocking boots with Cooper Knox in the Bahamas? You've got to dream big ."

I roll my eyes, unable to hide my amusement. "You guys really believe in all that stuff? Sounds like a bunch of hocus-pocus to me."

Niki starts in on a spontaneous applause. "That means she's in. Effie always disguises her interest in things with negativity. It's the Canelli way."

"Perfect." Lottie joins in and claps her hands as well. "And while you're on your way to the bookshop, I want you all to enjoy the Gobble and Grab Turkey Trot on the way. All of Main Street is handing out samples and having sales right up until Thanksgiving. A bunch of us business owners got together and thought it might be a fun way to drum up a little pre-holiday buzz. Be sure to sample all the goodies you want, but make sure you're back in time for the pumpkin pie-eating contest at seven, right here in front of the bakery. That's my contribution to the night's festivities, and it's going to be epic."

" Woo-hoo! " Niki does an odd little jig. "We're going to see Harmony Honeycutt, and she's going to make all our wishes come true! And then there's pie. What more could a girl ask for? Sounds like a dream."

Why do I have a feeling this night is quickly going to devolve into a nightmare?

Lottie assures us that the kitchen staff can help her with the registers while we're away and all but shoos the four of us out the door.

We don't get three steps onto Main Street when I see a couple of all too familiar faces heading my way.

And so the nightmare begins.