Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

" W ould you keep it down?" I practically hiss at my Aunt Cat and Carlotta as I sneak a quick glance at the other patrons here in the Cutie Pie Bakery and Cakery. A few roving eyes linger in our direction, but for the most part, everyone gets back to noshing on their sweet treats.

No sooner did I open the envelope and read the name of my new mark than these two began to crow like a rooster at dawn.

"I can't believe it." Aunt Cat clutches her chest. "Frankie ‘The Bull'? That man's a walking danger sign. You'd better be careful with that one."

Carlotta fans herself with her hand. "Remember when he used to come around? Those biceps, that jawline... He's a beefcake I wouldn't mind taking another bite out of."

"You're telling me." Aunt Cat swoons on cue. "Those eyes of his were so intense it was like he could see right through you. He always had that bad-boy charm about him, too. I'd give anything for one more ride on that Italian Stallion."

"And just like that, I have too much information," I say, mostly to myself.

There's no use in stopping these two once they get going.

"Hands off, Canelli," Carlotta is quick to growl at her bestie. "If that steed is on his final lap, it should be me who gives him a proper sendoff. He once told me he could die a happy man if I just did that to him one more time." She holds a finger up my way. "And I'm not telling either one of you what that was."

"That's a relief," I mutter.

" Please ." Aunt Cat is quick to wave her off. "That man once got on his knees and begged for my lasagna. I could get him to do just about anything for it." She glances out the window and gets a far-off look in her eyes. "Boy, how I miss those sheetrock abs of his. You could grate cheese on them back in the day. If anyone's giving him the big send-off, it's gonna be me."

Carlotta squares her shoulders as if she's ready for battle. "Not if I get to him first. I've got more charm in my little finger than you've got in that entire vat of marinara sauce you call a lasagna."

Aunt Cat slams a hand down onto the table and both women begin to rise out of their seats as if they were ready to rumble.

"Ladies, focus ," I cut in, trying to regain control. "This isn't a contest. It's an assignment. One that I'd prefer to survive." Frankie's survival is another matter.

Lottie shows up and sets down a plate full of her pumpkin spice muffins with cheesecake in the center and both women land flat on their keesters once again.

Who says food can't solve just about anything?

"What's going on?" she asks as she gives Carlotta the stink eye.

Carlotta is Lottie's biological mother. She left Lottie at the fire station when she was just a newborn and Lottie's life has been better because of it.

"None of your beeswax," Carlotta says as both she and Aunt Cat dive into the muffins. " Mmm ," she moans. "These are great, Lot Lot. I'll be picking up a dozen of them before I leave. I bet good ol' Frankie will love them."

"You stay away from Frankie," I say a little sharper than I meant to.

"Thank you," Lottie says with a nod. "I don't know who this Frankie character is, but I trust your judgment. Speaking of characters," she grimaces slightly, "I saw Naomi dripping all over Cooper. What's going on between the two of you? It's the first time he's been in here in weeks. Please tell me there's no trouble in paradise."

I make a face, and that about tells her everything she needs to know.

"Oh shoot," she says. "I'm so sorry to hear it. But regardless, I think you and Coop can get back on track. In the meantime, whatever you do, don't give Naomi Turner an inch or she'll take a stiletto-strewn mile—and it will be a dirty one." She leans in. "Her twin might be my best friend in the whole world, but I don't trust Naomi as far as I can throw her. You better watch your back."

"I carry a Glock." I shrug. "Naomi should probably watch hers."

"Duly noted." Lottie belts out a laugh. "And I carry the same piece, only I call her Ethel. Hey, you should name yours something fun."

"A Naomi Stopper?" I tease.

"Something far more friendlier." She laughs again. "I wouldn't give her the honor. Or threaten to kill her around these parts. Death never seems to be very far away." She sighs at the thought. "I can't believe that poor man died just outside these doors last night."

"Sure, you can, Lot," Carlotta tells her. "You practically have a corpse show up at your doorstep once a month." She leans back. "Hey? You're not part of the Corpse of the Month Club, are you?"

"Would you keep it down?" Lottie says, giving a quick look around. "And no, I am not a part of any ridiculous corpse club. Only you would think of that."

"And only you would stumble upon the dead as if it were your job," Carlotta counters.

"What about Effie?" Aunt Cat grunts as if she took umbrage to Carlotta's claims. "She's not exactly a slacker in that department, you know. Sure, she's got some catching up to do." She turns my way and toasts me with a pumpkin spice muffin. "But I've got faith in you, honey. You're doing great with the dead yourself. You better watch out, Lottie. You've got some stiff competition on hand. Get it, stiff? "

"We get it," I say, lackluster. "And as much as I appreciate your cheerleading, I'd be thrilled if I never stumbled upon a dead body again."

At least I'm not the one responsible for turning him into a corpse to begin with. Not that I aim to evict anyone off the planet anytime soon. My shoot-'em-where-it-doesn't-hurt schtick is still producing the results my lunatic of an uncle wants.

"Anyway"—Lottie says, eyeing a crowd that just moved in—"Noah says that the case belongs to Cooper, and I'm sure he's plenty capable of solving this one. Besides, I've got my hands full with Thanksgiving coming up in a few days."

Another crowd moves in and Lottie motions for me to stay back while she heads to the registers.

I snap up a pumpkin spice muffin, but before I can bring it to my lips, another hand moves in and snatches it from me.

"Hey." I look up just as Niki drops into the seat next to me and takes a bite out of my muffin. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Trying to set a record," she grunts through a bite. "I just ate six of these."

"You mean you could eat six of them," I correct as I grab another for myself and nearly shove the entire thing into my mouth before fate can intervene once again.

With the way my life has been going lately, it's safe to say fate isn't exactly on my side. Although the Grim Reaper might be. Just my luck. Considering the line of work I'm in, his presence might just benefit me.

"No, I mean I just ate six of them," Niki mumbles through a mouthful. "We're serving them at the Honey Pot, too. So who's your next assignment?" Niki's eyes widen as she swipes the envelope from me and reads the name. "Frankie ‘The Bull' Santoro? Effie, how do you always get the high-profile targets?"

"She's lucky," Carlotta snips as if the thought enraged her.

"You know me"—I tip my head at the thought—"I'm a regular horseshoe."

"Frankie is a dream." Aunt Cat sighs. "He's got those eyes that could melt ice. Sure, they're dangerous, but oh-so-tempting. How I wouldn't mind if they were looking at my naked body once again."

"And there goes my appetite," I say.

Who am I kidding? Nothing can stop me from gobbling down six of these cheesecake muffins myself.

"And those muscles…" Carlotta sighs twice as hard. "I'd let him sweep me off my feet and tear my clothes off any day. This day would be nice."

"So what's new with the dead guy?" Niki asks, promptly ignoring the swoon-fest taking place in honor of my new target. "I saw Coop stop in. And by the way, I wouldn't let Naomi hang all over him like that. You're sending him the wrong message."

"It's not her face on his murder board," I grunt. "Clearly, I've sent him the wrong message far before this morning. Besides, she was just asking him to play the part of Santa for the Thanksgiving Day parade."

"I love it when Santa shows up at the end of the parade," Carlotta says. "It officially kicks off the Christmas season. That's when I know it's time to borrow Lot's credit card and buy myself all the pricey things I want. She spends so much during the holidays, she doesn't even notice."

"Lovely," I say.

"I love it when Santa shows up, too." Aunt Cat nods her way. "Especially when he's a hot Santa." She looks my way. "Say, you should play the part of Mrs. Claus. I bet that could make Cooper forget all about the fact you're a mob assassin."

"Too late." I glower at my muffin. "Naomi snagged the sacred spot. She said I could be an elf."

Niki scoffs. "Don't worry, Eff. We'll make sure you're the hottest homewrecking elf around. Santa won't know what hit him. Speaking of hits, did Coop say what happened to Peter Peter the Pumpkin Pie Eater?"

"He was murdered," I say with a smidge of annoyance.

" Knew it." Aunt Cart slaps the table once again. "You did a good job, Effie." She's quick to pat me on the back. "And an even better job of trying to hide the hit from us."

"I'm hiding it so well, I'm even hiding it from myself," I say. "That's because I didn't do it. But Coop's still not convinced."

"You know what that means." Carlotta leans in with a mean look in her eyes. "We gotta track down the killer ourselves."

" I have to track down the killer," I correct. "As in me, alone."

"Sorry, Toots, but we're a team." Aunt Cat scoops up another muffin and toasts me with that one, too.

"So who's first up?" Niki asks while snatching up another muffin herself.

"I'm starting at the top with the person who most likely hated Peter Honeycutt the most—his ex."

Niki nods approvingly. "Harmony Honeycutt, here we come."

And if Harmony is as smart as she is savvy, she'll be manifesting an alibi.

Something tells me, she's going to need it.