18. Nadia

Nadia

" A re you ready for today?" Goat asked me as she came to join me as I watched one of the Russians warm up on the mat.

"Yeah, how about you?"

"I'll be almost thirty-one by the time the next summer Games come around, too old to compete again," she said with her characteristic seriousness. "Plus my husband and I are thinking about starting a family. I came to win, and I plan to go out with a bang today."

The word ‘bang' made my mind go off in a direction it shouldn't. Unbidden, I turned my head to find Anna. She was on the side of the competition area talking to a guy from the men's team. They didn't compete today, but a couple of the guys had come out to cheer us on. From here it looked like the guy was trying to flirt with her, obviously not knowing that she was a lesbian.

And taken.

I'd almost passed out in shock yesterday when Anna told me that she was falling in love with me. I was hopelessly in love with her, but as soon as the words had slipped out of her mouth she'd clamped a hand over my mouth and demanded that I not say anything.

I wasn't sure if she was afraid I wasn't in love with her too, or afraid that I was.

We'd had a good talk after that, about how being in this forced proximity situation and the pressure of competing on the international stage could be heightening our emotions, making us feel things that weren't real.

Except I knew it was real, and I was pretty sure she did too.

After some discussion, we decided to finish the Games, have sex a bunch more times, then go to our respective homes and think about what we wanted. We needed to know if we worked as a couple in the real world, where it wasn't all free clothing and applause and medals.

One thing I knew for sure that I wanted was to move the hell out of my parents' pool house. I looked up, finding them in the stands talking animatedly, no doubt about themselves. They weren't here to watch me compete, not really. They were here to be seen here watching me. When I turned on my phone this morning, there were several chiding messages from my mother, not one of them offering me good luck for today's competition.

Meanwhile Anna's mother had called us bright and early and given us a super sweet pep talk. It was a sad realization that a woman I'd never even met in real life was more supportive than my own parents.

By the end of the call she'd also invited me to come to Texas and visit them, saying I was welcome to stay at her apartment even though Anna didn't live with her anymore. My roommate told me afterward that her mother had already figured out that there was something going on with us and was thrilled about it.

"What's up with you and Anna?" Goat asked, drawing my attention back to her. "Y'all have got the lovey dovey eyes lately, which is a nice change from your usual angry eyes."

I looked at her in surprise. I thought we'd hidden our feelings from our teammates, but maybe we hadn't been as stealthy as we thought we were.

"Believe me, I know how y'all are feeling," Goat continued. "When I met my man, well, I knew right away that he was the guy I'd been looking for my whole life. We couldn't be more opposite, but somehow we fit, you know?"

"I know exactly what you mean," I agreed, looking back towards Anna. "And to answer your question, I don't know what's going on exactly. We're going to try to figure it out though, after the Games."

"Well, we're all rooting for you."

***

Three weeks later…

"I don't understand, Nadia. Is this because you did so poorly in the Games? Because with more practice and focus, you can be better before next year's nationals at least."

I looked up from packing a box to give my mother an incredulous look.

"What are you talking about, Mom? I got gold with the team and placed fourth overall. That means I'm going out as the fourth best gymnast in the world."

She opened her mouth, and I held up a hand to forestall what I knew she was thinking.

"I swear to God if you tell me placing fourth means I was a loser, I'm going to scream."

I'd heard both my parents say that many times over the years. It didn't matter how close you came to getting on the podium, if you didn't get a medal, you were a loser.

My father strode into the pool house like he owned the place, which of course he did, but I paid rent here, so technically it was my place. At least until tomorrow.

"Did you talk some sense into her yet?" he asked my mother, totally ignoring me.

Mom threw up her hands. "She's impossible."

It grated the way my parents always spoke about me like I was a naughty toddler instead of a grown adult.

"Nadia, I forbid you from leaving," my father said firmly.

"I'm going to be twenty-five years old next month, Dad. I've been an adult for a long time now. Moving out is something I should have done a long time ago."

"If you insist on moving off the property, you can get a nice house in town, close enough to come here for practice every day," my father said, as if he was offering me a sweetheart deal.

"Actually, I'm heading to Texas in a few hours."

They hadn't asked where I was going, so I hadn't mentioned it yet. I was pretty sure my parents didn't believe that I was really moving out until the moving boxes arrived. They both seemed kind of shocked.

"But why on Earth would you go to Texas?" Mom said with disgust, as if I was going to some third world country.

"There are lots of great gymnastics programs in Texas, as you well know. Now that I'm retiring from competition, I can get a coaching job there, or even go to college like I always wanted to."

I'd planned to get my degree after I finished high school, but I'd allowed my parents to convince me that I needed to devote myself to gymnastics full time. They were probably right. I never would have made it to the Games if I'd split my attention between school and sports, but I was still disappointed to not have continued my education.

My parents looked at me like they didn't even know who I was, which was completely accurate.

"You're retiring without consulting us?" my father asked in disbelief.

"Yep." I didn't even look up at him, just continued packing.

"Did you say college?" my mother asked, as if I'd said I wanted to join the circus.

"Yes, college," I confirmed. "The place where you get an education about something besides tumbling and jumping. I want to get my degree. Besides, the woman I love is in Texas and I want to live close to her."

My father looked confused. My mother turned pale.

"You're a lesbian?" she asked incredulously. "Since when?"

"Since I was fifteen and I came out to you. Remember? Your response was, and I quote, that I should stop being so ridiculous."

My parents exchanged another look.

"We assumed that was just a phase," Mom said. "You never mentioned it again."

Hmm, I wonder why, I thought.

"Look, I need to finish packing," I told them. "The movers will be here any minute. I'll text you when I get to Texas."

"If you leave here, don't come back crying about how you can't make it in the real world," my father said.

"Don't worry, you two are the last people I'd come crying to."