Epilogue

EPILOGUE

Chris

December 23rd

"So you're telling me I came all the way to Canada for three days, and we don't even get to go skiing?" Jake whines from the seat next to me at the Arena.

Yes, we're in Canada. Toronto to be more specific. The Pirates are playing against Toronto two days before Christmas, so we all thought it'd be the best idea to introduce everyone to everyone right here. I'm having second thoughts now.

The past few months have been full of change. So. Much. Change.

It's been a struggle, but it's also been the best time of my life. Even though I still suffer whenever Benny has to travel at night, I'm happier than I ever thought possible. Jake knows this, he's been there for me every step of the way—letting me crash at his place on those nights where I couldn't control the panic and it controlled me, talking about his grief with me, and most importantly, welcoming Benny into our tiny family like it was nothing.

He's been there for every tiny milestone I've achieved when it comes to my issue with Benny traveling at night. He saw me at my worst that first time and finally witnessed what used to happen to me when he went out to work at night more than a decade ago. He's seen the way I've evolved and has congratulated me on every step including the last one, when I managed to not cry, not hyperventilate, and not call him frantically at all on a traveling night.

My brother has been my rock as much as Benny has, so why is it that he's being such a fucking pain in the ass?

"Shut up, " I snap at him when I see Benny's whole family walking down the row toward us.

"Hey, Mrs. Olsen." I stand and offer her my hand to shake. I've never been more nervous in my life. I thought this would be a good idea— I wanted to meet Benny's family after all —but meeting all of them without Benny present and with my brother present to run his mouth as much as he wants to...

Well, now that it's actually happening, I'm about two seconds from shitting my pants.

Benny's mom doesn't seem to notice though.

"Chris, it's so nice to finally meet you!" she exclaims in a way that reminds me of Benny. I relax fractionally at that. "And please, call me Regina. And who's this?" she asks looking past me to my brother who shows some manners and stands.

"This is my older brother, Jake."

"Benny told us you were both coming." Regina goes for a hug with Jake too, and I turn to say hello to his father .

"Mr. Olsen," I greet him.

"Nice to meet you, Chris. This right here is Big Ben, he's gonna demand to sit by you and I wouldn't fight it if I were you. The man could give classes in stubborn. Also, call me Ben."

I shake his hand with a smile and wave lamely at Benny's sisters, who I've also met over FaceTime very briefly, then I help Big Ben walk around his son and daughter-in-law, so he can... sit by me .

God, please let me impress this man.

He is, by far, Benny's favorite human on the planet.

"So glad you could come up here to spend Christmas with us, son," he tells me as soon as he's safely standing next to me. Like they all are, he's wearing some kind of Pirates gear with Olsen on it, and I can't help but smile at how much they support Benny. "And you can just call me Big Ben. No formalities, please. I fear I will shudder if you call me Mr. Olsen, and it's already nice and chilly here."

"All right then." I nod and we all take a seat. Jake stretches his hand in front of me to Big Ben.

"Nice to meet you, sir." Good Jakey , I think to myself. He's behaving.

"You too. I have to tell you, I know we just met, but I'm very sorry for your loss, boys, and from what Benny's told me you're two very impressive young men to have achieved all you have. We're all happy to have you here even if it's only for a few days."

My throat closes up, but thankfully—and I should've expected it since he's been doing it all my life—Jake comes through for me.

"Thanks for saying all that," he tells Big Ben quietly. " We haven't really celebrated Christmas in a long time, but I'm excited to do it with the Olsens. I think Benny's an incredible man." And now there's just no way I'll be able to talk in the next half hour. How can I go from being seriously annoyed with my brother to being full of love for him in the next minute?

Doesn't matter, and it seems my participation isn't needed either.

I hear Jake ask about the damn slopes and about the resort. Big Ben's loving the talk with him so much that he asks to switch places with me, so I end up between Big Ben and Regina.

We get to talking about the camp, which is what we've talked about the few times we've FaceTimed, and before we can change the subject, the players come out for their warm ups. Cheering for Benny as loud as I possibly can has become a new normal for me, but it feels different doing it with his parents.

He wanted me to meet them months ago, but they couldn't take the time to go to Las Vegas for a weekend, and Benny didn't have enough free days either. Christmas may be an intense time for the whole "get to know the family" thing, but it's the earliest we could come.

And I want to get to know all of them, I do , but there are just too many emotions hitting me hard all at once.

During the game Benny gets two assists and one goal, and during commercial breaks or in the intermissions I get to know his father. We talk about hockey, his older sister Lucky, we talk about food, his middle sister, we talk about business.

It's a lot more fun than I thought it'd be, especially considering I couldn't speak normally for a good five minutes at the start of all of this.

We're all wearing big smiles when Benny walks through the doors to the family room for the visiting team. He and his teammates are all happy as can be too—well, all except for Santa who hasn't smiled since the season started. They won and they have two days free to spend Christmas however they want, of course they're happy.

Benny's sisters and grandfather attack him with hugs as soon as he's within reach. His parents have more restraint, but not by much.

When it's finally my turn, after Jake congratulates him on his amazing game, I don't think about it twice, I lean right in for a long—respectable—kiss. No tongues here, but I do stay still for a long moment.

Like most kisses he gives me, he makes the world around us seem quieter and further away. We're the only thing that matters in those moments, and even when we lean back and the world comes back into focus, his blue eyes still make me feel like we're all alone, high in the sky, flying together.