24. Chris

TWENTY-FOUR

CHRIS

I step out of my office and go to the bar to check on Drake. Roxy's in the main bar tonight. She had her first shot at manager last week as well as Drake, and now they're both officially everyone else's bosses too.

Since we're still training their permanent replacements at the big bar, they both are still working when the other is taking over for me. I'm glad to say the whole thing has been a success. I was doubting if it was the right thing to do after the pipes fiasco, but I realized the day after The Big Freakout, that they'd taken over arranging everything here when I didn't take their calls the next day.

Drake got in touch with an interior designer friend of his, and they ordered everything and had the bathroom as good as new in less than a week. It all made me realize that figuring out what to do next is a fantastic problem to have and has nothing to do with them. So I let them know about the promotions right away and we've been adapting ever since.

I've had a few hard talks with Jake since that night too, and he surprised me when he let me know he's been going to therapy to deal with all of it for the past year.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked quietly, not knowing what to think about the whole thing.

"Because we never talked about any of it. It didn't even occur to me to mention it." My mouth fell open in shock. "Now I know that's not a healthy way to deal with it, but we both did the best we could."

"You never did anything wrong, Jake," I told him with my throat closing. "You saved me, you did so much for me. So much that I can never repay."

"Come on, bro. There's nothing to repay. You're my little brother, my job is to save you."

And all these years, I've been sure that it was my job to save him. How can both things be true?

I still don't know, even though there's little else I've thought about.

"You've got this," I tell Drake, even though he doesn't need to hear it. He nods confidently and shakes my hand when I offer it to him.

"Have fun tonight boss," he says with a grin.

Tonight . . .

Tonight isn't something I want to give too much thought to until I absolutely have to.

I arrive at Benny's place to my favorite sight in the world—Benny cursing at his screen with a shit-eating grin.

How I ended up falling in love with a geek who's also a jock with a heart of gold, I'll never know, but I wouldn't want it any other way.

"Hey!" he exclaims when I close the door behind me. " How was work?" He shifts on his seat and brings his knee up next to him on the couch.

"It was fine," I say honestly. Nothing too noteworthy happened, and that's the truth and a good thing.

"Come sit with me," he tells me and pats the cushion next to him.

I do, but I take his cheeks in my hands and bring him in for a long kiss before he starts talking about whatever it is he wants to talk about. Which I know for sure he wants to do. I've come to know Benny's moods so well that I can tell exactly how I need to kiss him to make him feel better. Even if he was already feeling great, a certain filthy kiss always seems to lift his mood even more.

Right now, for example, he wants to talk about something serious, and all I want to tell him with this kiss is that I've got him, that there's nothing to worry about.

"So, uhm." He starts quietly when I pull back. He's looking down at his hands—now controller free—so I take them with mine and squeeze to let him know it's okay. "There's two things I want to talk to you about, and I don't know if I should start with the one I think you'll be happy about or the one I'm nervous about."

I mull it over silently for a moment. What could he want to talk to me about that could make him nervous?

The answer is too obvious for me not to realize as soon as I ask myself the question.

"Start with the easy one," I whisper almost like a plea.

"So, I've been thinking about what you told me. That you're gonna be less hours at the club, that you think it's time to move on to another project, start a new business, and I think it's awesome and you should definitely do whatever you want next."

"Okay." I smile despite the tension built up in my spine. His rambling is the cutest thing in the world.

"I just thought, maybe if you have some free time, you could maybe check out what I've been doing with the camp?"

I draw blank for a moment, but then I remember.

"That's right, you were helping out at a camp this summer, I totally forgot, baby. I didn't know it was like, your camp."

"Yeah, I guess that's another thing I forgot to mention back then. Anyway, it's a hockey camp. Just one week, but it's all paid for by me or by some small donations."

"Donations?" I ask.

"Uh-huh," he mumbles and brings his index finger up to his mouth to bite his cuticles.

"It's like a charity?" I wonder.

"Kind of. It's a camp, but it's for kids who I pick. At first I looked for them, but then word got out and we started getting a bunch of requests, kids signing up, you know? So I choose the kids and my mom and aunt help me out a lot putting everything together. But I know diddly-squat about business, and my mom's already got enough on her plate with running the resort and all that. So I'm just wondering if you could take a look at the way we've been running it and maybe you'll get an idea of how we can make it all... better?" he asks, sounding confused.

"First of all," I start. "I think it's incredible that you do this for those kids. Your camp is probably the highlight of their years. Second, of course I can take a look, no problem. I'd love to help out any way I can."

Benny lets out a huge breath. "Phew," he says and mimes swiping off the sweat off his forehead. "Now, on to the nervous bit," he says and bites his lip, once again looking down. "Jake told me he talked to you about going to therapy?"

"He did," I say, resigned.

"I'm not going to tell you to do anything, Chris, it's really not my place. There's just two things I want to tell you about. You don't even have to say anything back, okay?" He looks up at me with pleading bright blue eyes.

How can I ever be mad about him caring this much?

I can't, so I bring one of his hands up to my mouth and kiss the back of it then nod for him to go ahead.

"My grandma died a while ago, and well, it wasn't pretty, let's just say that. We all went to counseling for a while, and Big Ben still goes every two weeks, actually. It really helped us. I think my whole family would be pretty different if we hadn't gone. That's one thing, and the other thing is that I'm scared, Chris." He whispers the last words, like he's ashamed of it.

"Of what?" I ask.

"The season starts next week, and in two weeks I'm going to go away on a roadie for ten days. Ten days where I'll be traveling constantly. Planes, buses, it's all part of my job, I can't avoid it."

I have to swallow hard as my stomach drops into a pit of dread.

I knew this, of course I did, I just... hadn't registered it.

"And a lot of the time, we travel late. We've never had an accident, all the buses are driven by cool guys who're professional. At least, they always have been. I'm scared of what it's going to do to you, Chris."

"Fuck." I say the only thing I can.

Just the thought of it is fucking terrifying. Of Benny on the road late, of him being in the same position as my parents.

"I'm sorry," he whispers.

"Don't apologize, baby." I throw an arm over his shoulder and bring him in for a kiss on his forehead. "You've got nothing to apologize for," I tell him then rest my brow against his. "Thanks for telling me."

"Even though I did it twenty minutes before we have to leave for the disaster dinner re-do?" He sounds actually worried about that.

I lean back, shaking my head. "Even then, BB. I know why you said it and you were right to bring it up. You're right. I don't want you to be scared to do your job because of me."

He lets out a burst of air.

"I just needed to say it. I couldn't bottle it up."

"And you shouldn't. I know it's been stupid of me, not going to talk to someone before this, but?—"

"You're not stupid, Chris." He rises up and straddles me so quickly I almost get whiplash. He frames my face and tilts my chin up so I'll look at him. "You're awesome. You're the best. And you're obviously very, very smart. You're just hurt. And I get that you don't want to bring this up because maybe you think it will just keep hurting more and more, right?"

"Yes," I whisper in wonder. "How do you know? "

"Well." He shrugs. "That's what I felt when everyone in my family was going to therapy and I kept refusing. I know it's not the same, but I think I get it." I nod wordlessly. "So no apologies. This isn't something that's going to go away in a day, handsome. There's no way it is, and it probably won't go away in two weeks when I leave, but I just had to tell you that I don't want you to suffer."

"I don't want that either," I say it like it's obvious, but it hits me then that that's what I've been doing.

For years.

Not constantly, not every day. At least not anymore. But when Jake would leave every night to work, that was actual suffering. And when I found out Benny was driving so late, tired and alone, I suffered.

And I shouldn't. I don't have to suffer. It's not necessary.

So in order to stop, I have to get help.

"Now I know how you felt when you met Jake," I mumble as Benny takes my hand to walk us up the driveway of Jules and Sterling's huge house.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Like a lamb getting in line for slaughter."

He snorts. "Well aren't you a dramatic little drama queen?" he teases.

"I'm not," I defend myself.

"Handsome, Sterling likes you now, remember?"

"I don't know about that," I grumble.

"Please," he says exaggeratedly. "You were yapping all happy together after the pre-season game. "

"Well yeah, but this time I can't tell you I'm ready to leave five minutes in, can I?"

He steps in front of me when we reach the front door and stops me from moving any further with a hand on my chest.

"Yes. You absolutely can." He looks so earnest.

"Really?" I ask, dubiously.

"I promise, handsome. And I'll save you from anyone who tries to screw with you." He frowns menacingly, or at least he tries. I kiss his cheek.

"My hero," I whisper, then nod to the house. "Let's do this."

"Here we go." He sounds excited, the weirdo. He must have something up his sleeve.

Just like at the original disaster dinner, we're the last to arrive, though this time there are no devastating revelations, but there is a beat of awkward silence. Drew and Xander stare at me with weird grins, Sterling looks bored now, Milkman is smiling happily enough, and Benny is looking from me to Jules, to Bear, then back to me.

"It's like you fucked my dad and my uncle," Benny blurts out. I choke on nothing and start coughing as Jules squawks indignantly.

"DAD?!" Jules shouts.

"Hey, why am I automatically the uncle?" Bear grumbles.

"How fucking old do you think I am?" Jules ignores him.

"Well, your husband is literally twice my age, Papa," Benny says with a shit-eating grin.

"Don't call me Papa, you little shit," Jules complains but he does it with a grin he can't hide. "That's only for my kids. Also, I don't care what Santa says. You just earned the nickname ‘Rookie' back."

"That's fine," Benny shrugs. "If everyone around the league knows you all call me Rookie, they won't ever expect me to be the fastest one on the ice."

"I don't know if you're faster than Eagle. He's Eagle for fuck's sake," Milkman pipes up. Jules shakes his head at him, and I realize, so does Bear.

"He's absolutely faster than Eagle, and sneakier," Bear says, and all the other hockey men nod along like they can't ever question what Bear says. Okay, that's interesting.

I see Benny stand taller and puff out his chest a little. He's clearly filled with pride by his "uncle's" words.

"Eagle's way better at putting them in though. That's why he's probably going to replace me any day." Jules smiles ruefully at Benny, clearly not letting go of the dad thing.

Everyone around the table scoffs at that, even those who aren't professional hockey players, me included. After almost a month of Jake and Benny taking every chance to teach me something about hockey, I know enough to know a lot of time will have to pass for another player to reach Jules's level.

"No one will ever be able to catch up with all your records, since you have at least five more years in you," Bear tells him.

The glint in Jules's eyes looks like a challenge.

"I hope you play until you're forty so I can spend my whole career with you," Benny says.

"Kiss-ass," Milkman mutters with a smirk.

"Shut up, Milkman," is Benny's response. "Now can we please stop all this talking and get to the eating part of the evening?"

No one disagrees, and it ends up being a really fun night. One that ends on a very surprising note as Sterling pulls me aside from everyone when we all get up to leave close to midnight.

"You going to the start of the season thing tomorrow with Benny?" he asks, deceptively casual.

"Yeah," I drawl.

"Good. That's good. So, I wanted to apologize," he speaks quickly. "For being an asshole to you. You didn't deserve that, especially since I should be thanking you instead of being mad at you."

"You should?" I'm so confused.

"Yes. You told Jules about Provoke and it's thanks to that that we met when we did. So, thank you."

"You're welcome," I say but I still don't think he should be thanking me.

"Also, I liked your club. Lure. And Benny said something to Jules about you not knowing what you'll do next. I still have a couple of years left on my contract with the Winner and also have no idea what I'll do next."

"Do you want to open a club?" I wonder.

"No. Well, I don't know, really. But I checked you out." Which I'm guessing means he had a PI look into me—which is fine by me, I've got nothing to hide. "And I like your track record, so maybe we could come up with something." He shrugs as if it's no big deal, but it is.

It's an amazing show of trust, so I treat it as such.

"I think it'd be pretty cool to start something new from the ground up. I'm available when you wanna talk. "

"Great. I'm sure I can get your number from Jules so we can set up something soon."

"Yeah, I'll tell Benny to pass it over." I nod and offer him a hand to shake. He does and I see respect and... yeah, there's gratitude in his dark eyes.

"And Chris, I know you might never understand why I acted the way I did?—"

"I do understand," I interrupt him. I don't have to tell him why. I'm the one who sent Jules to Provoke, I know why he needed to go, and I know what kind of man Sterling is. He's exactly what Jules needs. "Thinking that there ever was a man who maybe gave him something that you believe only you can give him would drive anyone into a jealous rage."

He narrows his eyes at me, and I really don't know what to expect from him, but he surprises the hell out of me. "Just remember your baby Benny has a crush on me," he mutters.

I let out a bark of laughter and tell him the same thing I told Benny. "Don't we all?" I wink at him and pat his shoulder. After a long moment, the tension in his shoulders drops and he shakes his head at me.

"You youngins are so weird."

"Whatever you say, old man."

Man, this night was nothing like I thought it would be. And this life—the chance to work on something as meaningful as Benny's camp, and The Sterling telling me he thinks we could start a business together—it's all surreal.

And it's all thanks to him , I think when I turn and see Benny waiting with a smile for me at the door.

I go to him, like I always will.