16. Benny

SIXTEEN

BENNY

It's weird to wake up exactly the same way I did only two days ago when everything is so different to how it was Tuesday morning.

I mean sure, I'm still with Chris, and I think we got over a huge hurdle, but we haven't really talked about it, and I know things about my friends I never thought I would. Things I never wanted to know.

Also, my friends have seen my boyfriend naked, which I'll have to get used to, but...

Chris and I are still... dating. I stare at his face and put both my hands under my cheek so I'm not tempted to touch him and accidentally wake him up. I don't think I can look away. I have a headache, yes, but nothing like the hangover from a month ago. So I don't mind lying here staring at the sexiest man I've ever seen sleep peacefully.

Something changed last night.

It feels like we're more now. More than dating.

Not only because I practically, unofficially told him I love him last night, but because I realized that I'd rather do the very hard work of getting over the fact he had sex with my friends than give up on him, on us.

I know it's not going to be easy, I probably won't ever forget it, but Bates helped a lot with his always-sunny perspective. Jules and Bear sharing their perspective also helped of course, but now I need to hear from Chris. I need to know what those nights meant to him.

I need to know what—if anything—he felt for my friends.

So I'm not going to be able to get out of adulting and having a real conversation it seems. I was hoping last night that we could go straight back to where we left off. I was hoping for some choking.

I snicker to myself, I'm such a dumbass.

And Chris likes this dumbass. He's proved it to me enough for me to want to find out more.

I want to find out everything.

I let out a big breath at that thought. Man, he's got me, hook, line, and sinker. And I'm fine with that. So I need to stop staring at him and get myself a glass of water. Maybe I'll make him some breakfast. Would it be completely inappropriate to take over his kitchen?

Nah, it'll be fine.

I have to stop stalling now and actually move to do that though. Fine .

I roll around slowly and see he already did half the work of the morning for me. I sit up and reach for the pills and glass of water, and almost choke on the pills because I can't stop smiling, but I make it through.

I'm not into that kind of choking .

I look back and see Chris is still blissfully asleep. He's so pretty, maybe I should just stay in bed with hi?—

My stomach grumbles and reminds me I need sustenance. Stupid hockey metabolism.

I'm just plating the omelets when Chris comes down the stairs. He's only wearing his briefs, and I maybe almost drop our breakfast on the floor because hot damn, he's hot.

I'm around hot men all damn day, and none of them hold a candle to Chris. My boyfriend is—not my boyfriend yet. Perfect reminder.

"Nope," I deny him any further access. "Go upstairs and put some real clothes on. We have a lot to talk about today, and all that"—I make circles with the hand holding the spatula in his direction—"is only going to slow the process. I want to get to the good choking faster and not slower, so cover all that up."

I might shout the last bit, but thankfully Chris looks amused.

"You got it, BB. Be right back." He spins on his heels, giving me the mouthwatering view of his ass in the tight briefs, and I have to bite my lip.

"You're making it worse!" I shout after him. I hear him laugh, and smile at the stairs like a dope until I remember the omelets.

He comes back down wearing respectable red sweatpants and a black T-shirt. I approve with a nod and present him with breakfast like a showman. He makes sure to thank me by making us lose track of time with a scorching kiss .

"Thank you, baby," he murmurs, looking into my eyes.

"Uh-huh," is all I can say since he fried my brain.

I use the time while we eat to get my libido in check and my thoughts in order but he starts the talking part of our day before I have it all sorted in my head.

"So you're a hockey player, huh?"

"Yup," I say with a nod. "I really thought you knew. Since the team just won the Stanley Cup, our faces have been splashed all over the city recently."

"I might have a slight problem of paying very little attention to the world outside my house, the club, and my brother." He winces and gets up. "I'm making us more coffee, okay?"

"Sure, thanks."

I think some more while he's doing that, and I'm honestly concerned that hockey is the first thing he brought up.

"Do you have an issue with me playing hockey?" I blurt the second he's back on his chair.

"No." He frowns. "Why do you think so?"

"It's the first thing you brought up," I explain.

"I just never thought you'd be a professional athlete. It never occurred to me, though it should've."

"Uh, maybe. I mean I am a twenty-two-year-old with a lot of money so..."

"That should've given it away." He chuckles lightly and shakes his head looking down at his cup. "I should've started by thanking you."

"For what?" I ask, confused.

"For coming to the club last night. For singing Celine to me. For... everything. "

"I'm glad I did it," I tell him honestly. "And I know I should've just talked to you about the whole thing. I'm sorry I turned you away and asked you to give me space."

"No, don't apologize, baby." He reaches for my hand over the table. "It's what you needed and I'm glad you asked for it. I always want you to feel like you can say what you need."

"It just scared me," I whisper. "But before we talk about that," I say louder and shake my head to get back on topic. "Are you sure you don't have a problem with me being a professional hockey player?"

"Not at all, baby." He frowns slightly and tilts his head thoughtfully. "You don't have any paparazzi following you all day, do you?" He worries his bottom lip and I let out a burst of laughter.

"Not at all. I'm a good player, but nothing like Jules, besides I'm not married to one of the most famous men in the world. I have been slowly making a name for myself in the League, and I've been in the first line for the past few years..." I trail off when I see I've lost him. "I guess if you don't follow hockey you have no idea what that is, huh?" He shakes his head apologetically. "No worries, I'll force you to watch some tape with me and you'll be a hockey expert in no time."

He doesn't look thrilled by my plan. "Okay." He forces a smile and I can't help but snort.

"In any case, no. The media has never really cared about me personally, and I'm hoping it stays that way forever. I've seen what Sterling and Picard have gone through—that's Jules's nickname by the way. And I don't want to go near that circus, ever. "

"That's good." He lets out a burst of air and this is the part of the conversation I'm not looking forward to.

"So you had sex with him," I start, super gentle . I mentally roll my eyes at my lack of tact but soldier on. "And with Bear. And you somehow helped them?"

"Yeah, I'm guessing you talked to them before going to the club?" I nod but stay quiet. I think I want to hear his side. "I met them years apart, and at different gay bars. I didn't know they were hockey players when I met them, but I did find out after. I think a couple of years ago, it had been maybe a year since I met Bear, and suddenly one day a huge billboard appeared on my way to work and the two of them were just there. I honestly couldn't believe it.

"A few months later is when Sterling started his residency at the Winner, and I was already working on remodeling the space for the club and setting everything up so I heard plenty about it. The few employees I had heard all about it and would tell me, just like they told me when it came out that he was dating Jules. But I just minded my business and never told anyone about it."

"Okay, but... well I want to know about the time when you slept with them. Not after. No offense, handsome, and I know this is weird, but I just—I need..." I trail off, not really knowing what I need.

"Whatever it is, baby, I'll try to give it to you."

I let out a long breath and think about it as I speak. "I want to know, why them? I want you to tell me what—Oh, God, this is so fucked up." I lean back in my chair and cover my face with both hands.

"You can tell me. Yes, this is all a bit fucked up, but I'm not going to judge you for it, baby. None of it. "

"Okay, okay." I take a deep breath then look him straight in the eyes. "Just tell me, why them?" I decide it's best to start there.

"Truth is, I was kind of a slut back then." He shrugs like that's all there is to it. "They're both good looking, both were clearly looking for a no-strings thing, which was my thing. They were just there . It was convenient." Then he straightens and leans even closer. "But the second I started planning Lure, my social life went out the window. I can't even remember the last dude I slept with before you."

I can't deny that does feel good to hear.

"Don't look so smug," he tells me with a teasing smile.

"What? My ass is so great you forgot every single one before it. Of course I'm going to be smug about it. Us athletes are very competitive, handsome. This is something you should know."

He snorts and shakes his head. "Yeah BB, your ass is magical."

"Damn right it is."

"And I already know you're competitive. You had a twerk-off with Xander last night, and you screamed so loud when we were playing your game that your voice went hoarse."

I chuckle lightly as I remember. "So you just knew a lot about kinks and that's why you knew Bear and Jules... had some? Is that how you say it? That someone has a kink?"

"I guess, and yeah, I know a little bit about kinks but not enough to like guide them through it."

"You're doing that with me, though."

"Well . . . "

"What?" I demand. "Is my kink not complicated or something?"

"Well, it's just that it's pretty easy for me to, let's say satisfy, your kink. In their case, I just wouldn't enjoy what they enjoy. I would never shame them for it, never, but it's not my thing."

"I get it," I murmur.

"You're dying to know what they are aren't you?"

"Of course I want to know, but I also very much don't want to know. It's like knowing what my sisters like in the bedroom and that's just—" I shudder and shake my head rapidly.

Chris winces. "Sadly, I do know what my brother likes."

"Yeah, they called him Daddy Jake when I talked to them. Do you call him that too?" I wonder.

"Of course I don't," he says looking horrified.

"Am I supposed to call him Daddy Jake?"

"No!" he shouts. "Definitely don't call him that. Ever."

"Why? Would it annoy you?" I tease, finally leaning back in and taking his hand again.

"It would make me want to barf," he clarifies.

"Okay then. "

"In any case, Jake is all I have, and even though I did have a few party friends back in the day, I don't anymore, so I mean it when I say my social life went out the window about two years ago. Actually, Drake?—"

"Who's that?" I interrupt.

"The bartender you met the first night we were together."

"Ah, true, he introduced himself when I left you my number." I remember and nod for him to go on .

"Well, Drake said something last night about us being friends, so maybe I do have one friend."

Something in his expression tells me he's not completely comfortable with that. "Oh so you're like a commitment-phobe?" It dawns on me.

"I wouldn't call myself that," he grumbles looking down at the table. Adorable .

"It's okay if you are, I promise, but I would like to establish the rule that we're exclusive. I don't want you to get hives so I won't call you my boyfriend."

"Ugh," he groans and lets his head hang even lower. I only laugh.

"But I mean, knowing you're only giving me your dick is enough."

"I'm not a commitment-phobe," he says, pretending to be annoyed. I know because he laughs.

"Are you sure?" I keep teasing him. "Did someone hurt you?" I pout at him.

"No," he tells me with a glare. "I've never been in a relationship before."

"You haven't?" That surprises me. "Me either!" I can't help but be excited by this revelation.

"So we're both newbies at this boyfriend thing," he concludes.

"Hey, you got over your commitment phobia so fast! I'm so proud of you, handsome."

He bursts out laughing. "You're ridiculous," he says fondly, and with that tender look I'm sure I'm becoming addicted to.

"Uhh, are you only realizing that now?"

He shakes his head with his smile firmly staying in place .

"Okay then. Last thing on the discussion list. Can we please continue the choking conversation and finally finish it?"

"You're the one who couldn't wait last time and was too horny," he points out.

" Pfft , like you didn't enjoy it."

"I'll always enjoy it when you're horny, baby."

"Damn right you will," I declare and turn up my nose at him. "We left things off at safe words and I told you the red, yellow, and green thing works for me. And for when I can't use my mouth..." I waggle my eyebrows. "I can just snap my fingers if I want you to stop. One time means stop, two times means slow down, and three times means all good."

"Damn, you really did your research. Okay then."

"Of course I did. You told me to, and I'm a responsible guy. Now, is that it or do we need to sign a contract and make a blood pact?"

"I'm not against that if you want to role play, BB." The devilish smile comes out and yup, I'm hard. Just like that.

"Actually, I would really appreciate it if you would just fuck me and choke me, please and thank you." His eyes get darker, but he doesn't move, dammit. "Now," I demand, to get things moving.

"Yup, let's go upstairs. We're taking a shower first."

"That seems smart," I say, all casual like. Then I scramble to my feet and run up the stairs. The best part? I hear Chris's stomping feet coming fast behind me.