13. Chris

THIRTEEN

CHRIS

The worst-case scenario.

That's what this is. The absolute worst way for Benny to learn how much of a manwhore I was.

"I'm sorry," Xander says softly with his gaze glued to the now-closed door of the apartment. The one Benny stormed through just ten seconds ago, after staring at me with too many emotions in his eyes for me to discern. He didn't say a word, he just turned and left.

"Yeah," I say, the only thing I can think of. I don't really want him to feel bad, the guy thought all of this was hilarious, and in a sick way, it is, I guess. But Benny clearly isn't seeing it that way.

I look around and shake my head then turn to go after him. "Sorry, I need to go," I tell them over my shoulder.

"Hey," Jules calls out, stopping me.

"What?" I ask, not really happy that he's delaying me

But then I see how he and Bear are looking at me. Bear looks mean—something he never did when I met him a few years ago—with his arms crossed and standing up to his full height. I decide to dial back my annoyance. Jules looks only slightly friendlier.

"Only go after him if you're serious about him. Don't fucking hurt him, okay?"

I never imagined that the legendary player could be even more intimidating than his teammate, but the force behind his words tells me he would be able to inflict a lot more pain on me than any of them if I hurt Benny.

"I would never hurt Benny, ever," I say with as much seriousness as I'm capable of. I don't think there's anything else I can say to convince them, so I just turn back around and leave. The elevator takes ages to get here, and I curse at it all the way down.

Benny's nowhere to be seen when I walk out onto the street, and I feel like a stalker when I sprint to his building and knock on his door. But he has to know I feel nothing for his friends—nothing like what I feel for him. And Jesus fucking Christ, I think on my way over, how the hell did I miss the fact that Benny's a freaking hockey player?

"Baby," I say, out of breath for no reason, when he opens the door.

"Hey," he greets me without inviting me to come in and without meeting my eyes.

"I'm sorry, baby, I swear I didn't know they were your friends."

"How?" he demands, his baby-blues finally meeting my eyes. They break and build me back up in an instant. "How could you not know?"

I shrug helplessly. "I didn't know you played hockey."

"What?" he takes a step back from the shock. "You didn't?" he whispers .

"No." I shake my head and will him to believe me. "I'm not a huge sports guy," I start to say in a rush. "I mean, everyone knows who Jules is, so of course I knew... after," I hedge. "I didn't know when I met him, but I found out after. With Bear, well, we barely talked, but then I saw a billboard with his face and Jules on it the last time you guys won the, uhm, tournament?" I say it like a question, because I really don't know what it's called. Benny doesn't seem impressed, so I keep going. "It's not like I met them at the same time or anything, it was years apart, I think. I'm pretty sure it was years apart." I frown, trying to remember, but I'm coming up blank on the exact timing.

"So you're not like, collecting hockey players like badges?"

"What?" I explode, and now I'm the one taking a step back. "Of course not. Do people actually do that?" I demand, disgusted.

"Yeah," Benny says quietly and now he's back to looking anywhere but at me.

"Baby, I swear I didn't know they were your friends. I didn't know you were a hockey player. I didn't know it was them we were going to have dinner with tonight. I sure as fuck didn't know some of my brother's ex-employees were going to be there." I'm still working on believing that one actually. "And I just have to say it. It's pretty insane that my rock idol now hates me—" I stop myself because Benny winces and groans.

" Argh, nooooo ." Yup, that was the wrong thing to say since it only reminded him that I—whatever.

"Please tell me you believe me, BB. I never would've..." I trail off because I can't be sure that what I was going to say is the truth. I was going to say I never would've hooked up with him if I'd known he was a close friend of the two hockey players I've slept with, just like I never would've slept with Bear if I'd known he was friends with Jules. I'm not that much of an asshole, or a manwhore.

But what proof do I have?

Truth is, the pull I felt to Benny the first second I saw him is something I never thought would happen to me. I don't know if knowing who he is, what he does for a living, and who his best friends are would've stopped me.

"I'm sorry," I repeat in a helpless whisper. I don't know what else to say.

"It's okay," he says, and swallows hard then once more looks me in the eyes. "I need some time, though. I need to think, Chris. I'm sorry, but yeah, I need to think alone."

"Baby—"

"No, Chris, just—" He clamps his mouth shut and shakes his head. "I just need to think, and I need space to do it."

"But you'll talk to me, right? Please, baby, don't shut me out."

"Of course I'll talk to you!" he snaps impatiently. "I'm not going to ghost you. I. Just. Need. To. Think." He speaks each word very deliberately and I know I need to back off. I don't want to piss him off. I don't want to make things worse, I just...

"Okay," I say. What the fuck else am I supposed to say?

It feels like my arms are being ripped out, but I take a step back and shove my hands in my pockets. Being away from Benny is the last thing I want to do, but I do it just the same. He deserves to have all the time he needs to think about this. I know it has to be a mindfuck for him .

Benny nods and seemingly has no problem closing the door in my face.

Fuck, what did I do? Did I just lose him?

I stand in the hallway without a clue as to what I should do. I can't go home. There's no way I can face my sanctuary after Benny filled it with his cheer. Even after he left this morning it already felt different being there without him—without his smiles and sighs—there's just no way I can go back there now.

I could go to Lure and work, but I told Roxy and Drake exactly what I was doing tonight—because I'm fucking stupid—so they'll know something's wrong if I show up. The last thing I want right now is to have to field their questions.

So instead, I go to my brother's house. It's close to my place but far enough that he's closer to Provoke than to the city. I drive on autopilot, the scene when we got to Bear's apartment repeating over and over in my head. I park by the sidewalk and let myself in. As suspected, I find Jake in his living room, the TV on with the news channel on mute and his laptop on his lap.

He's looking at spreadsheets, more than likely working even when he's not supposed to—Mondays and Tuesdays are his off days, since Provoke is closed.

"Chris?" he asks when he hears me coming. "What are you doing here?" I can tell the moment he sees how I look without having to glance his way. "What happened?" The tone in his voice turns into overprotective brother in an instant and I can't even tease him for it. I just shake my head and sit in the armchair.

How do I even begin to explain this clusterfuck ?

My brother doesn't know I recommended Provoke to Jules and Bear, of course he doesn't. It's not like we discuss his club in detail. At least not the clients. Not even the employees. That's his wheelhouse and he knows exactly how to deal with it.

Also, I'm not in the habit of telling my brother about the men I have one-night stands with because, gross. Only man I've ever told him anything about is Benny, and now my past is going to fuck up any possible future I might have with him.

"I fucked up." My voice sounds scratchy and wrecked.

"You're freaking me out, bro. Just tell me what happened."

"Benny introduced me to his friends tonight." His face scrunches up in confusion and he opens his mouth, probably to ask me what the hell that has to do with anything, so I keep talking before he can interrupt.

"Turns out, Benny plays for the Pirates and his best friends are Jules and Bear."

My brother's eyes open so wide I would laugh if this were any other situation.

"What you don't know is I..." Fuck, am I really about to tell Jake all of this?

"You what?" he asks in a wary tone.

"I met them. Years ago. And I told them about Provoke."

"What? But I know for a fact that Bear doesn't know Jules goes there and Jules doesn't know about Be—Oh, my GOD!" He screams the last word as he realizes and covers his mouth. I see his eyes crinkle and I point a warning finger at him .

"Don't you dare fucking laugh, Jake. I swear to God I'm walking out the door right now if you laugh."

He nods and wisely keeps his hand over his mouth.

"I met Jules about five years ago, I'd say, and Bear like two... no three years ago? Fuck, I can't even remember the dates. Anyway, Xander was also at this dinner party since he's the boyfriend of another hockey player. And of course Drew was there. They took one look at me and knew I was your brother." I stare daggers at him even though he didn't do anything wrong. "Then Bear and Jules come out and they see me, and fuck, bro they went so fucking pale. After that, Xander's laughing like you are and he tells Benny what's going on." I look down at my wringing hands and shake my head.

Seriously, what the hell am I going to do?

There's a long beat of silence and I see Jake lower his hand out of the corner of my eye. "So the man you're crazy about is best friends with two dudes who you slept with and who you basically sent to a sex club so they could..." He trails off and I just fill him in.

"So they could be more comfortable with their kinks. Yes, in a stupid-ass nutshell, that's what happened."

"And Jules and Bear didn't know they had slept with my brother?" he asks, in a conversational tone, like nothing's falling apart.

"Of course they didn't know!" I snap at him.

"Well, Xander and Drew could tell immediately, so it could be that they've known the man they slept with is my brother all this time."

"Well, I don't know, and that is literally the least important part about all of this, Jake. "

"True, true," he mumbles. "And how could you not know Benny's a professional hockey player? If you give those guys half a minute to talk they won't shut up about it."

"He never mentioned it," I whisper and swallow hard. I should've fucking asked him what he did for a living.

But that wouldn't have changed anything, would it?

"Well that's certainly unusual, at least in my experience."

"That doesn't matter anymore, Jake! What the hell am I supposed to do now? Benny stormed out of there and when I got to his place he told me he needs space and time to think. How much time? How the fuck am I supposed to explain to him that his friends literally meant nothing to me then, and mean nothing to me now aside from being his friends, if he won't let me talk to him?"

"You have to give him what he asks for. Space." He confirms what I already know and I can't help but hate him a little until he goes on after a beat. "For at least a few days. If you haven't heard from him in a few days, then you pop up in his life and make it clear that you're not going away until he very explicitly tells you he never wants to see you again."

"And if he does that?" I ask in a barely audible whisper. Panic is closing my throat. Now that really is a worst-case scenario.

"Then I'll be here to help you through that disappointment, bro."

Disappointment doesn't cover it. I really don't think I'm prepared to deal with how scared I am of something hurting me so much.

Again. Something hurting me that much again, a stupid-ass voice in the back of my brain says.

Yeah, nope. I'm not dealing with this.