Prologue

PROLOGUE

Benjamin Olsen—Benny

End Of June

I did it .

I let out a loud breath as my teammates all jump up and rush to hug me. It turns into one of those super sappy and emotional team moments we all pretend we don't love, and I enjoy every second.

I especially enjoy Bates's arms around me.

Norman , my stupid heart sighs. He's the best friend a guy could have. Sadly he's also straight, which means I'm even more of a cliché than I thought I was when I was sixteen and realized I'd probably have to stay in the closet forever if I was going to be serious about being a hockey player.

I know I have to get over this stupid infatuation, so I've taken the first step in that direction tonight.

Coming out is like a gray cloud that's been looming over me for the past decade. Yeah, I'm only twenty-two, but I figured out I'm gay pretty early on. I spent years trying to deny it to myself, then years focused on hiding it.

The only time I almost slipped after I left home was more than four years ago, when I saw Adam Darnell come out to the world at my birthday party. My captain, Jules, figured out pretty quickly something was wrong and comforted me.

I almost told him right then, but now I know why it wasn't the right time.

Tonight, two days after winning the Stanley Cup for the second time in my four years as an NHL player, was the right time.

I knew I'd be embraced fully by the men who're closest to me, even Norman.

Especially Norman.

Three of my teammates have come out as queer to us in the last year, and so I knew they would all be supportive. The fact that they all celebrated like they did a few hours ago, when Bear announced his boyfriend had agreed to marry him, is just the icing on the cake.

"Congratulations." Norman's soft whisper has chills running down my spine. He's the last one to let go of the group hug, and I have to force myself to step away from him when all I really want is to keep hugging him forever.

At twenty-eight years old, people think my quiet friend is immature for spending so much time with me. Or people think I'm overly mature for my age for wanting to hang out with him. If people knew about my crush they'd probably say I only hang out with him because of that.

But none of that is true.

I'm immature, Norman is mature, and I hang out with him because he makes me feel calm. Settled. Like I don't have to constantly be "on". It's peaceful, and he's also an amazing friend, period.

He listens when I need him to, and talks when I can't deal with the silence or with talking to myself. He's surprisingly good at Call Of Duty , doesn't mind having Lord of the Rings marathons with me, and he also loves to watch tape.

Everything about Norman is amazing. The fact that he's drop-dead, melt-your-briefs, could've-been-a-model gorgeous is just... what it is.

I know Norman likes that his nickname has nothing to do with his looks because that's the only thing people notice about him most of the time.

Of course it's the first thing I noticed when I first met him, and I can't say I've gotten over it, but once I got to know him I did realize it's like the sixteenth most impressive thing about him.

So why am I still unable to get over the fantasies? Why do I still dream of my best friend kissing me until I'm breathless?

Why am I hoping against all hope that he announces he's queer right now?

Why can't I get it through my thick skull that Norman Wenz is never going to be mine?