Chapter 27

Always you

"What?" My eyes widen in surprise as I sit up, peering down at Chris sprawled on the floor. "What are you saying?"

He can't possible mean… that . Right?

He looks up at me, his expression softening as he meets my eyes. A faint smile tugs at the corners of his lips. "I've never had sex with anyone else."

"Never?" I ask, my voice rising.

"No," he affirms.

"Not even when you were in London?"

His jaw ticks, and he shakes his head slowly. "No, Gabi."

"But…" I can't make sense of this. This whole time? All these years? "Why?"

He sighs, lifting himself off the ground to cup my face in his hands. "Because you're the only one I've ever wanted."

I don't even realize I'm crying until Chris wipes my tears, his brows furrowing. "Hey, don't cry," he says, pulling me into him. "Please, pretty girl. It breaks my heart."

I shake my head when he places a soft kiss on my forehead. "I love you."

A smile appears on his face, and he swipes his thumb over my cheek. "I love you too."

"I slept with other people."

A sigh escapes him. "I know, Gabi."

He's so calm, and I don't get it. Why isn't he mad? "You don't hate me for that?"

His smile returns as he shakes his head. "I could never hate you."

"I'm serious, Chris," I say, pulling back from him. His frown deepens as his hands drop from my face, but I feel unworthy of his touch now. I don't deserve comfort. "I didn't wait. I didn't even try. When I got to college…" I pause. "I was so messed up over my mom dying, and you leaving, and I thought you didn't want me, and I…" I falter, unable to say the rest.

Chris shuffles closer to me, lifting my chin so I can look at him. "You did nothing wrong. We weren't together."

"But I loved you," I tell him. "I already loved you by then."

He smiles briefly at my confession, but his expression turns serious. "You weren't a virgin in high school, Gabi. I didn't expect you to save yourself for me or whatever bullshit you're coming up with in your head right now. I understand you needed to figure yourself out, especially after your father made you feel like you had to hide who you were." His gaze holds mine firmly. "I don't blame you, and I definitely don't hate you."

God, I love him.

I shake my head, tears welling up in my eyes. "What about you?"

He raises an eyebrow. "What about me?"

His knuckles graze my jaw, and I want to lean into his touch so badly, but I resist. "What if you want to explore?" I ask, my voice trembling. "What if you reach a point where you resent me, where you hate me because you never got to be with anyone else?"

The thought of that happening is like ripping my heart out of my chest. I know I want to be with him. I know it in my bones that he's everything I've ever wanted, but what if, in a few years, Chris gets bored of me?

He lets out a scoff, an amused look crossing his features. "That will never happen."

"Be serious," I insist, frowning.

He tilts his head slightly. "You're never serious."

"I am right now." I need to know he's okay with this, that he won't regret committing to only me. Because if we get together, I can't imagine a future where that changes. He will always be a part of me.

Chris lets out a sigh, moving closer and cupping my face in both of his hands to look deeply into my eyes. "Believe me when I tell you I have never wanted anyone but you. I will never want anyone but you," he says, brushing his thumb over my lip. "I fell in love with you before I even knew the meaning of the word, and I never stopped, Gabi. I'm happy knowing you're the only person I've ever slept with." He closes his eyes briefly. "God, Gabi. I kissed one person. One fucking person, and I wanted to rip my tongue out."

My eyes widen a little. "You did?" I ask, remembering that he had mentioned, during our truth or dare game, that the last person he kissed was two years ago, in London.

He nods, his lips curving into a frown. "Yeah," he says, swallowing hard. "During my first year of Uni, there was this girl who hung out with the guys at the pub, and she made it clear quite a few times that she was interested in me." My stomach drops at the thought, though I know I have no right. I can't even imagine how hurt Chris must have felt seeing me with the guys I dated throughout high school. "I was so messed up about everything," he continues. "I've wanted you for years, Gabi. I was starting to lose hope that you'd ever feel the same, so I guess I thought I'd try to move on, and we—"

"Kissed," I finish for him.

He nods. "Yeah."

"And?" I press.

He shakes his head. "I broke it off two seconds later and apologized to her. I told her I was hung up on someone else and just left."

"Me?" I guess, feeling my heart knock against my chest.

He nods, smiling a little sadly. "Always you."

Chris is right in front of me, telling me everything I've dreamed of hearing for years, and I still can't believe it. "What if I ruin this?" I ask, sniffling into his chest. "I can't handle it if I lose you."

He wraps his arms around me, pulling me into the comfort of his arms, and he lets out a sigh. "There's nothing you can do to make me walk away, Gabi," he mumbles against my hair. "I'm not going anywhere. Ever. You've carved your name so deep in my soul I'm afraid if you leave, I'll die."

"Chris."

He pulls back, locking his gaze with mine. "You'll never lose me, Gabi."

"I did once," I point out.

He shakes his head, a gentle smile on his lips. "I was always yours. Always hoping that someday you'd love me back," he says. "And even if that day never came, I'd still be yours."

Memories of the day after prom flood my mind. I woke up with a splitting headache, expecting Chris to be there beside me. Instead, I learned from someone else that he had left the country, a revelation that has since become a sensitive issue between us. Every time I've asked, he's avoided answering, but I'm determined to know the reason he left that day and didn't come back.

"Then why did you leave that night?" I finally ask him, wondering if it was because of our kiss.

He stiffens, releasing his hold on me and rises to his knees. I watch quietly as he pulls on his pants. When he looks back at me, his jaw tightens. "It's late," he murmurs. "We should go to bed."

"Chris," I say, moving closer to him.

He shakes his head, avoiding my eyes. "Someone could walk in."

"Chris," I repeat, louder this time. He meets my eyes, a hint of pain flickering across his face. "Do you love me?"

He exhales heavily, his shirt crumpled in his fist at his side. "You know I do."

I reach out, cupping his face as he often does mine. His eyes futter closed, and I lean in, pressing my lips to his. "Then no more lies," I say. "Only honesty between us from now on."

His eyes reopen, wariness swirling within them. "Gabi—"

"Why did you leave that night?"