Chapter 16

A nightmare coming to life

Age Seventeen

Peeking over the edge of the bushes, I see him open the door and call out my name. My heart hammers in my chest as I hold my breath, praying he doesn't find me. My lip throbs, and I swipe my thumb over it, flinching at the sight of blood smeared on my skin.

I lift my head when I hear the door close, sucking in a breath before stepping out of the bushes, but I stay hidden, ready to dive back in if he comes out again.

My bones are shaking, and I blow out a deep breath, desperately trying to calm down. My heart is racing, pounding against my chest.

Fuck.

I slap a hand on my chest, feeling like I can't breathe. My throat's tight, pulse is going nuts. My eyes burn as tears threaten to spill, and my stomach's doing somersaults. I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping it'll all just stop .

I'm so fucking sick of feeling like this.

I just want it to stop.

I lift my head, looking up at the window I sneak into way too often. The soft light of her lamp is on. She's still awake.

I take a deep breath, feeling my pulse start to calm itself down.

I shouldn't go there. I shouldn't bother her with all my problems. Even if she makes them all go away.

She just lost her mom for fucks sake.

A little over a week ago, her mom passed, and Gabi's been off since then. Quiet, sad, like the light went out in her eyes. Her dad's been worse than ever before. Considering the asshole abused his wife until the day she died, you would have thought he'd be happy she's no longer around. But he's not. I'm terrified one day he'll start taking his anger out on Gabi instead. She promised me he hasn't laid a hand on her, but the fear still lives in my mind.

Since Gabi's sister is away at college, she's all alone in that house, and even though going up there won't help her, I feel a need in my bones to just be with her.

I reach for the flask tucked in my pocket, taking a swig, craving the familiar burn that scorches my throat. My head's a jumble, voices shouting like a crowded room, and there's no way out . I screw my eyes shut, wishing it'd just shut up.

My hand throbs where the cut stings, and I wince as I pour some alcohol over it, feeling the pain intensify. "Fuck," I groan, biting down on my bottom lip as the fiery sting shoots through my body. I focus on the burn, wanting the pain, needing it, and I shake off the excess liquid pouring onto the cut as all the noise just leaves my brain.

I make my way to Gabi's front lawn, hands tucked tight in my pockets, eyes fixed on her window above. I run a hand through my hair, then close my eyes briefly.

I should probably go.

She doesn't need me.

But I need her. And my heart pounds against my chest at the thought of leaving. I don't want to. I want to be with her. Being near her makes everything else fade away, all the noise in my head just stops.

I glance to the side, spotting her dad's car parked nearby. He's probably inside. If he catches me here, he'll be pissed. He can't stand the sight of me, and the feeling's definitely mutual. He doesn't want me hanging out with Gabi, thinks I'm some kind of bad influence or whatever.

I almost laugh.

More like the other way around.

I take another sip, my gaze fixed on her window.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

The seconds pass by, each one dragging on like an eternity. I blow out a breath, slipping the flask back into my pocket.

Fuck it.

I can't stay away from her, no matter how much I probably should.

I grab onto the drain pipe, jumping up, trying not to make too much noise. If her dad ever catches me sneaking into his house...I don't even want to imagine it.

Pulling myself up, I wince as my hand grazes the pipe, biting down on my lip to stifle any sounds of pain. I manage to haul myself up and grab onto her window latch with one hand.

With a quiet creak, I lift the window, and slip inside. My hand reaches out to open her curtains, before I hop down to the ground, relieved to be inside her room.

I quickly scan the room, my eyes darting around, searching for any sign of Gabi. Shadows flicker across the walls in the dim light.

"Gabi," I whisper, trying to keep my voice low. "You in here?"

I take a hesitant step forward, the floorboards creaking beneath me. I spot her bed unmade, pillows scattered on the floor, and her record player left open, silent.

"Hey, you here?" I call out.

I hear sniffles, and my eyes widen. "Gabi?" I whisper, my heart clenching in my chest.

I round her bed, spotting Gabi sitting on the floor, her back hunched over. Her shoulders shake with quiet sobs, and my stomach twists with worry.

"Gabi? What's—"

And that's when I see it.

The blood.

My eyes widen as I take in the sight of thick, red liquid dripping down her arm. My gaze flicks to the razor blade lying beside her, and my stomach drops like a stone.

"What the fuck?"

I drop to the ground, grasping her face in my hands. Her glassy eyes meet mine, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her lips tremble, red and blotchy, as she shakes her head, repeating the same words over and over.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"What the fuck, Gabi?" My voice cracks as I speak, my eyes blurry with tears. I glance down at her arm, covered in blood, and my heart lurches in my chest, nausea crawling up my throat.

"Chris," she cries out, tugging at my sweatshirt.

Fuck.

I cradle her face, pulling her close as she cries out, and I join her, tears streaming down my own cheeks. My heart feels like it's been ripped apart at the sight. What the hell did she fucking do?

I was so worried about some cuts and bruises when she was here, almost...

I blink away the tears, gripping Gabi's face in my hands, my biggest nightmare coming to life. "Why?" I choke out, my voice breaking. "Why the hell would you do this?" I ask her, feeling my heart lodged in my throat.

"I can't take it anymore," she cries out, her voice trembling with pain. "Living in this house with him , having to live without my mom, hating myself for being someone he despises, the thoughts in my head. They're so damn loud. I can't, Chris. I can't . I need it to stop. I need it all to just stop ."

My lips part on a shaky breath as I look down at her repeating the same words running through my mind. I curse under my breath, pulling her onto my lap, her blood staining my clothes, and I just hold her tight.

She cries out into my chest, and I squeeze my arms around her, just holding her close, trying to drown out her pain with my presence.

I feel so helpless, holding onto my lifeline while she's drowning, not even wanting to fight anymore.

"Why…" She shakes her head, her sobs breaking my heart as she pulls back to look at me. "Why are you still here, Chris?" she asks, her words coming out choked, trembling. "I'm a fucking mess," she spits out. "Why do you bother?"

"Because I'm not giving up on you," I grit out, holding her face firmly in my hands. "You're worth fighting for, even in your darkest moments." I brush her hair back, and wipe away her tears. "You're not alone in this, Gabi. I'm here. I'll always be here for you."

Her lips part, shock written all over her face as she cries into my chest. I hold her tighter, lifting her off the ground and gently setting her on her bed.

I glance at her arm, the blood dried on her wrist, and swallow hard, fighting back the anger boiling inside me. I want to storm out there and kick his teeth for making Gabi feel like this. I want to kick myself for hesitating before I came up here. I should've been here sooner, before she...

I take a deep breath, grabbing some wipes and slowly clean her up. Each wince she makes feels like a punch to my gut, and my heart fucking aches .

When she's clean enough, I swallow hard, my hand trembling as I hover over her wrist. With a shaky breath, I lean down, pressing my lips against the cuts.

Her soft sobs and sniffles make my stomach drop, and I lift myself up, laying her back down against her pillow. I reach for her messy sheets, trying to straighten them out as best I can.

Gabi scoots over, and I focus on cleaning up the blood on the floor, clutching the razor blade tightly in my hand. I can't believe she...

I swallow down my anger, my jaw clenched tight, and quickly dispose of everything, making sure her dad doesn't find out. From the corner of my eye, I spot her earphones, and her phone lying on the ground, tossed aside like she threw them across the room. My expression tightens as I bend down to pick them up.

Turning back around, I catch Gabi's gaze on me, and her brows knit with worry. "It didn't work," she says, her eyes fixed on the earphones in my hand, her throat bobbing as she swallows. "It doesn't work when you're not here."

Air escapes my nose as my heart clenches in my chest, every part of me hurting for her. "I'm here now," I tell her, sliding into bed beside her.

I place one earbud in her ear, moving her hair out of the way, and then insert the other into my own ear. Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I plug it in, the music playing quietly in our ears.

Gabi's eyes meet mine, and a jumble of emotions knots up in my chest. Her lips drop into a frown, and it feels like a punch to the gut. "I don't want you to look at me differently," she says, her breath trembling.

I furrow my own brows in confusion. "What do you mean?"

She presses her lips together, closing her eyes briefly before meeting my gaze again. "I love the way you look at me," she says. "Like you see something I don't." Her eyebrows knit together, a hint of sadness in her expression. "Like you see something in me that's beautiful."

My heart races, and my stomach twists into knots. I wish she could see herself like I do. She'd never doubt how amazing she is to me, how much she matters, how I need her more than anything.

"Are you disgusted by me now?"

My expression tightens, her question catching me off guard. She's everything I've ever wanted. She's the reason I wake up in the morning when everything in my brain tells me not to. And here she is, asking me if she disgusts me.

"You could never disgust me," I tell her, feeling my heart lodged in my throat. "This changes nothing, Gabi." I wrap my arm around her, pulling her into me until I press my lips to her forehead. "You're still the strong, badass best friend I've always known."

She chokes out a laugh, and my heart flutters at the sound. She tilts her head back, tugging at her bottom lip. "I'm not feeling very strong right now," she admits, her gaze dropping. "I just...I thought it would make me feel better. I thought it would help, or go away, but it's still there." A heavy breath escapes her lips as she lifts her hand to press two fingers to the side of her head. "It's still here . I can't escape it. No matter how hard I try."

My stomach churns because...I know exactly how she feels. I know the thoughts swirling in my head, the feelings coursing through my veins, the pain and weight so heavy it makes me want to just...give up.

But the idea of Gabi ever feeling like that breaks me.

"You can't do that again, Gabi," I choke out, my voice strained. "The thought of you hurting fucking kills me." She lifts her gaze to meet mine, her lip quivering. "If you leave this earth..." I pause, my throat tightening as I swallow hard. The thought alone makes me sick to my stomach. I can't even entertain the idea of that ever happening. "I promise I won't be in it much longer."

"Chris," Gabi's voice trembles, tears brimming in her eyes as she shakes her head. "Please...don't say that."

"It's the truth," I grit out, my grip on her waist tightening. My heart feels like it's about to burst out of my chest, and I'm sure she can hear it. I gaze into her blue eyes, missing their usual sparkle. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe I need you?" I ask, watching her eyes widen in surprise. "I need you, Gabi. More than you can ever imagine."

Her lips part, and I'm locked into her eyes, feeling her pain deep in my chest. Footsteps echo outside, and I freeze, my eyes widening. I don't wanna leave her, but... "What if your dad—"

"Please don't leave me," she pleads, burying her head against my chest, letting out a heavy sigh. "I need you here."

I need her too. So fucking much. More than is healthy. "I won't," I promise, my voice firm. "I won't go." I'm not leaving this bed unless the bastard drags me out himself. "I'll stay for however long you want me to."

She snuggles closer, her breath warm against my chest. "It's quiet."

I stroke her back, the soft music playing in the earbud we share. "What is?"

"The noise in my head," she explains. "It quiets down when you're here."

I blow out a breath, closing my eyes as I feel her hand clutching my sweatshirt.

They completely fucking disappear whenever I'm with you .