Chapter 14

Girls' night, plus James

I saw Chris's dick.

The image is burned into my mind. I keep replaying the moment I opened the bathroom door and found him standing there, head bowed, water dripping from his hair, his hand pressed against the shower tile, and his fist wrapped around his cock.

I can't stop thinking about the soft moan he let out as he jacked off. Or the way his eyes were screwed closed from pleasure.

I just can't stop thinking about it.

Which is why I need a drink now more than ever.

"I can't stay long," Madi says, tugging on my arm as we walk into the party.

"Me neither," Leila adds. "I have a photoshoot tomorrow and need to wake up early."

"Booo," I say, blowing a raspberry. "Come on, it's been so long since we had a girls' night." James clears his throat, making me chuckle. "Girls' night, plus James," I amend, and he shoots me a grin. "It's the first time in forever that you guys don't have your bodyguards with you."

"I'm with her," James says, nudging his shoulder against mine. "You guys need to learn how to live without your boyfriends," he adds with a scoff.

"And isn't that your boyfriend right over there?" Leila points out with a smirk, gesturing towards Carter Ruthers, a few feet away.

James rolls his eyes. "I live far away. Sue me for wanting to see my boyfriend every once in a while."

I let out a gasp, feigning hurt. "You're ditching me for a piece of ass?"

He nods unapologetically. "The hottest," he says with a wink. "I love you, but I gotta go." He blows me a kiss before turning around and heading off to his boyfriend.

"Traitor," I call out, watching him wrap his arms around Carter before they share a kiss. My lips lift in a smile seeing them so in love.

It's all I do these days. Watch people be in love, happy, and in relationships, while I hide the way I feel.

And drink.

Speaking of…

"We're getting drunk tonight," I announce to the girls, handing Madi and Rosie each a beer. Rosie wrinkles her nose at it but cracks it open anyway. I glance at Leila. "You want one?"

"Did you forget I stopped drinking?"

No, I haven't. Leila used to be my drinking buddy since the other two could never keep up with me, but she stopped when she started dating Aiden.

"You don't miss it?"

She shakes her head. "As long as I get to kiss Aiden without reminding him of every bad memory he's ever had with alcohol, then I'm good."

I smile at one of my best friends, seeing how in love she is and what she's willing to do for him. "Wow. That's so… sweet," I say, my brows rising. "Could never be me," I add before tipping back the can and gulping it down.

She chuckles. "You say that now, but I've seen how you are with Chris."

I blink, feeling my heart quicken at her words. "I don't know what you mean," I say, though I know she's fully aware of my feelings for Chris.

"Speaking of… Where's your bodyguard tonight?" Madeline asks.

I shrug, taking another sip. "He's at home." They exchange knowing smiles, and I narrow my eyes. "And he's not my bodyguard or anything else," I'm quick to clarify. "He's just my best friend."

"That's not all he is," Rosalie says. "We've all seen how you two are together."

My throat tightens as I shake my head. "There's nothing else going on," I insist, though the image of Chris in the shower yesterday flashes back into my mind. "He's my best friend. Has been since we were twelve, and I just so happened to see his dick yesterday. Vodka?"

"What?" Madeline asks, widening her eyes.

"Do you guys want vodka?" I repeat. "I feel like beer isn't doing the job."

"No," she says, giving me a dry look. "Say that again."

I let out a sigh. "I might have...caught a glimpse of his dick yesterday."

"Might have?" Leila asks, arching a brow. "What exactly happened?"

"I got back home," I start, my fingers fidgeting with the cap of the vodka bottle. "Went to take a shower, and there he was, standing under the water. And..." I pause, swallowing at the reminder. "He was jerking off."

"Oh my god."

"Yeah." I tip back the bottle and take a swig.

"What happened?" Leila asks, her curiosity piqued.

"I freaked out."

"You freaked out?" Madeline asks, furrowing.

"At first, yeah," I admit. "I just... We've never seen each other like that before, and it shocked the hell out of me."

"And then?" Madi asks.

I shrug. "I closed the door, and waited for him to come out, apologized for barging in, and made some jokes about it."

"Of course you did," Leila says, an amused smile playing on her lips. "And nothing else happened?"

"No," I confirm. "We're good. Best friends like always."

Madeline shoots me a skeptical look. "You guys have been best friends forever, and you saw him naked for the first time yesterday, and that's just it? You guys are back to normal?"

"I don't know what to tell you," I say, feeling my heart racing.

"Gabi, we're not idiots," Rosie says. "We can see you're into him."

I glance at Leila, seeing her smile back at me knowingly. She knows just how true that statement is. Last year, Aiden and I got close seeing as he's the only one who loves playing video games just as much as I do, and during that time, I confided in him about Chris. About everything that happened between us, and how I felt about him. He told Leila—obviously—and eventually I turned to her for advice and support.

"She's not just into him," she says, lifting a brow at me.

Madi furrows her brows, turning her attention to Leila. "What? What do you mean?"

Their gazes all settle on me, and I let out a deep exhale. "I'm kind of in love with him?"

"Wait, love?" Madi asks, her eyes widening with surprise.

"For how long?" Rosalie chimes in, her eyes brimming with curiosity.

"Sometimes it feels like I've been in love with him forever," I admit, slumping back against the wall. "But I think I realized it senior year of high school."

"That long?" Madi asks, her eyebrows raised.

I nod, a frown forming on my lips. "He left, and I felt so lonely, and so sad," I say, squeezing my eyes shut. "I tried to convince myself I just needed to move on, and be with other people. But…" I pause, opening my eyes and looking down at the drink in my hand. "There's just no moving on. Not from him."

It's always going to be Chris.

"How do you know he doesn't feel the same?" Madi asks. "If you just talked to him—"

"No," I interrupt, shaking my head. "I'm not doing that. I'm not ruining everything between us for a stupid crush."

"Gabi." Her eyes soften, and she reaches out, tugging on my hand. "It's not just a crush."

"Doesn't matter," I tell her, ripping my hand away. "I'm not ruining our friendship. Chris means everything to me, and if this is the only way I can have him, then so be it."

Madi sighs, nodding, but then she tilts her head. "And you're okay with that?"

Am I okay with pretending like my heart doesn't beat every second of the day for him? Am I okay with eventually watching him date someone, make a life with them while I silently harbor these feelings? No . "There's nothing more I can do," I say instead. "Besides, he's leaving again soon. There's no point."

"What about what happened yesterday?" Leila asks. "There's no way you guys can just go back to normal after that."

I feel a knot form in my stomach. I sure can't. Every second of what happened yesterday still lingers in my mind, and I don't think I'll forget it anytime soon. But this morning, when Chris woke me up, he acted like it never even happened. We talked, we joked, we played games like we always do.

I pour back the contents of my cup, and hold out the bottle. "Drink."

"Gabi."

"Please," I gulp. "I need to forget for a bit."

Rosie snatches the bottle from my hand, pouring its contents into a cup before downing it in one gulp. Her face contorts with disgust at the taste, but she manages a smile. "I haven't been drunk in a long time," she says, chuckling.

I return her smile, and before I know it, Madi grabs the bottle and follows suit. "I'm only having this one drink," she insists with narrowed eyes.