Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty-Two

Abby

Amber: I have a new scone recipe I’d like to try out, and I need my taste tester. Will you come to the bakery today?

Me: I can’t. sad face emoji

Amber: Can’t, or won’t? I promise if anyone says anything to you, I’ll kick their butts to the curb. strong arm emoji

Me: I know you would. But I can’t. Rafe is taking me somewhere. And no, I don’t know where.

Amber: Ooh, maybe it’s someplace romantic! smiley with hearts for eyes emoji Tell me about it as soon as you can. Maybe you two can stop by afterward for some scones. You can take them home and try them there. heart emoji

Me: Thanks, Amber. I might do that.

Amber: And since you’re venturing out into the world, does this mean we can talk to Katie and Emmy soon, too?

Me: Maybe we can meet at your apartment and I can tell them. I’ll talk to you after my surprise with Rafe.

Amber: I’ll be here. heart emoji

D uring the entire drive to Rafe’s mystery location, I couldn’t stop tapping my foot and drumming my fingers on my thigh. Part of me loved the waiting and anticipation. And yet, part of me still worried. “Are you sure no one will look at me with contempt at this place?”

“No, Abby. I promise you, it won’t happen.”

“But what if there are strangers who walk by? You can’t control every person’s movement in town.”

“I can where we’re going. It’s not in town proper.” His hand gently squeezed my knee before he removed it. “I’d rather stab my own heart than see you hurt, Abby.”

I bit my bottom lip and held my tongue. Rafe kept saying things that made me think he had feelings for me, beyond being a friend. Feelings I wanted to be true and was starting to share.

And yet, I still had trouble trusting my judgment.

Will I ever be able to throw off my past? Oh, how I wanted it. Maybe once Travis was no longer a threat and spewing lies, I could finally move on.

The car stilled, and I heard the engine turn off. “Can I take my blindfold off yet?”

“No, let me come around and I’ll guide you.”

“Okay.”

It wasn’t long before the door opened, and I felt the cool air on my skin. Rafe took my hand. “Just a little longer, Abigail. Come with me.”

After sliding out of the car, I followed his directions and walked toward something. His hands were on my shoulders, helping to guide me. Then the wind blew and a familiar scent filled my nose—manure.

Then I heard a whinny in the distance, and I stopped walking. “Where are we?”

“Let me take off your blindfold and you can see.”

It seemed to take forever as my heart pounded.

Another whinny probably meant horses. And I was torn between wanting to rush toward one and stroke its side, and running away to avoid my painful memories.

When the material finally dropped away, I blinked my eyes against the light and took in the scenery.

I stood in front of a wooden fence. Inside the field were several different horses, ranging in color from all black to a chestnut with a white blaze to even an all-white horse.

For a second, I merely watched them graze and walk around, flicking their tails or ears, and a deep sense of longing rushed forth.

At one time, I’d been horse crazy and had spent as much time as possible in the saddle. I’d even thought about training them for a living at one point.

But then my mother had died. While my dad had first stoked my love of horses, she and I had ridden together the most. And once she’d passed, it’d been too painful to follow along the same paths and trails that we’d taken together.

And so I hadn’t ridden a horse again since I was sixteen.

However, as one walked closer toward us, it wasn’t sadness that filled my heart but a flicker of joy. My eyes heated as the chestnut came to the fence. I offered my palm, and she sniffed. The flutter of her lips and breath on my skin made me smile. “Hello there, beautiful.”

When she offered her head, I rubbed and scratched and murmured nothings. Eventually, the horse walked away. It was then I noticed the stables and buildings and recognized where we were. “Why are we at the Sakamoto place?”

Rafe leaned against the fence next to me and watched the animals in the distance. “I miss having horses, like when I was a kid. So I’m looking to buy a pair. Especially since on a horse, I’d have more freedom than I do with my injured knee.” He glanced over at me. “And I thought you could help me pick them out.”

“Me? Why me?”

He looked back out at the landscape. “I remember you as a kid, riding hellbent and scaring the shit out of your brothers. You loved horses and knew everything about them. You definitely have more knowledge than me.”

“But I haven’t been around horses in a long time, Rafe. And I wouldn’t want to make a mistake.”

He shook his head. “You won’t. Emmy told me you gave Beck advice not that long ago about what to look for.” He met my gaze again. “But if you don’t want to help, I understand. Say the word and we can leave.”

Rafe was tiptoeing around me. Again.

Looking back at the chestnut who’d come up to the fence, I remembered buying my first pony with my dad. He’d taught me a lot about what to look for, how to determine the best fit. It was his encouragement that had led me to learning everything I could and training hard.

Dad. For a long time, thinking about my parents had been too painful. But maybe, just maybe, it was time to honor their memories and remember their love instead of trying to forget it and avoid any pain.

Besides, Rafe revealing how his knee held him back must’ve been difficult. He probably couldn’t run like he used to, might never be able to again.

You could help him with that. Stop being afraid.

After everything he’d done for me, I wanted to help him, to make him happy, even if it meant facing something difficult. “Okay, I’ll give you what advice I can.”

Smiling, he turned his head toward me. “Thanks, Abby.”

He reached over, took my hand, and kissed the back of it, lingering a second before releasing me.

My heart thundered so loud I didn’t hear one of the owners, Star Sakamoto, make her way toward us. So when she greeted us from behind, I jumped.

Rafe squeezed my hand in reassurance before he talked with Star about what he was looking for.

It wasn’t long before she went inside the paddock to retrieve the first animal. As she approached the black gelding, I focused on helping Rafe and said, “Watch how the horse reacts to her and also how she interacts with him. That will tell you a lot.”

“What, do some kick their owners and run away?”

“I doubt that would happen with this family since the Sakamotos are renowned in Sonoma—throughout all of California—for their animals. But yes, there are some sketchy-ass people who will drug a horse right before you visit to hide their temperament.”

“Kind of like people who will sell you puppies with Parvo or other life-threatening diseases without telling you to make a quick buck?”

“Yes, kind of like that. But don’t worry, if all goes well, my brother Beck has a vet he trusts with his horses and he can do the pre-purchase exam.” I glanced over at Rafe. “Did you not research any of this?”

“I could have and would have, if you hadn’t agreed to help me.”

Which meant he completely trusted my opinion.

That only made me more determined than ever to pair him with the right horses.

I gestured toward Star and the gelding. “Watch them.”

The woman and horse were at ease around each other, as she patted his flank, walked around his back, and came around to the other side.

She brought him over, tied him to a post not too far away from us, and came back. “Midnight’s ready whenever you are. We’ll see how you do with him first.”

I nodded. “Thank you.” I looked up at Rafe. “Now, it’s your turn to approach the horse and see how he reacts to you.”

“Can’t you do it?”

“No, these are for you, Rafe. If you’re not comfortable around him, then it won’t be a good match.”

As he went to inspect the horse, memories of going with my father flashed into my mind. How he’d shown me the steps to assessing a horse, him smiling at me as I rode her for the first time, and the many, many times he’d helped me cool down my pony and the best way to take care of her.

It was still painful, and yet, there was also happiness. My father was gone, but the memories didn’t make me as sad as they once had.

Once Rafe finished his inspection, it wasn’t long before the gelding was saddled and ready to be ridden by the owner. Rafe returned to my side as Star went through the motions. He asked, “What am I looking for now?”

“When you’re in the saddle, there are a lot of things you might miss but can easily spot while watching someone else. Look at his gait, how he moves, and interacts.”

“Then I get to try him?”

“Yes.”

We both watched in silence as Star finished her demonstration and came back in our direction. Before she reached us, Rafe asked, “Do you want to try riding him now?”

My first instinct was to say no. I wouldn’t do it. I couldn’t.

But as I watched the beautiful gelding come to a stop and the owner dismount, I longed to jump back into the saddle.

Rather than focus on how much I wanted to say yes, I asked, “Why?”

“It’s important for you to trust and like him too, since you’re living with me. I might even have to ask for your help from time to time to exercise him.” He faced me. “So? What do you say? I wouldn’t want to buy a horse who hates you.” I hesitated, and he asked, softly, “Please? I trust your judgment about whether he has the right temperament or not.”

He trusts me. And not with something as simple as picking out what to eat for dinner, but an animal he would have for years, hopefully decades.

The image of Rafe and I riding together, maybe even racing, flashed into my mind. To feel the power of the horse between my legs, the wind on my face, and to feel the pure joy at galloping through the trails close to my family’s land was tempting.

And for the first time in a long time, I wanted that. I wanted to embrace a former passion, to remember the good times with my parents, and to rediscover a little of myself.

A part of myself I’d given up for too long.

“Okay, I’ll ride him first.”

Once the owner discussed a few more things, I approached the gelding and let him sniff my hand. His lips tickled my palm, and I smiled. “Hello there, Midnight. It’s a fine day to be outside, isn’t it? A little cold, but not too bad.”

The horse huffed, and I stroked him. As he relaxed, I moved around, rubbing his flank, and finally murmured, “It’s been a while for me, so help me out, okay?”

I swore he nodded his head.

Soon I was atop the horse, trotting to the opposite side of the field, and I couldn’t stop smiling.

I’d missed this. So much. And as I looked up, Rafe waved at me. I waved back, and my heart warmed a little.

I wasn’t sure if Rafe had done all of this solely for my benefit or not. However, without his encouragement, I’m not sure how long it would’ve taken for me to get back on a horse.

It was almost as if he understood what I needed, knew when I needed a push, but also when to step aside.

It was one of a million ways Rafe was different from my ex. And I came a little bit closer to believing what we had was real and more than a one-year agreement. Or, at least, that maybe I wanted to try and see if we could last.

Because if Rafe kept being so wonderful, it would be all too easy to fall for him.